The Five Most Cringe-Worthy Social Media Status Updates
We all know that certain people just overshare. These are people for whom the acronym "TMI" was invented. They walk into a party and immediately begin telling anyone who will listen about their violent ex or their bowel issues. The good thing about these people is that you can walk away from them and avoid them when they enter your quadrant.
In social media, it takes a little more effort to completely remove these people from your path, especially if they are friends or people you consider important enough not to block, like family members. But the status updates on Facebook and posts on Twitter that cause us to recoil in fear are a little different than crazy Uncle Ned talking about black people. In social media, it's a more subtle version, but no less annoying.
We discussed this at length and came up with the five that irked us the most.
5. Inspiring and/or Motivational Messages There is a Simpsons episode where Marge decides to open a small business. At one of her more frustrating moments, she looks at a classic motivational poster of a kitty hanging from a clothesline with the words "Hang in there" and she sighs, "You said it."
In truth, these messages can be appropriate at certain moments -- holidays, after the death of a loved one, during a tough time -- and even sweet. But, when we get up in the morning and the first thing we see is ten friends sharing the same quote from Anthony Robbins, our eyes want to roll out of the back of our heads. Next time, write it on a sticky note and tape it to your bathroom mirror. The rest of us are fine.
4. Religion We are incredibly respectful of your religious beliefs. We even sort of admire your faith. It's comforting. But Bible verses and messages of wisdom from the Dharma seem oddly out of place on Twitter next to Kim Kardashian's update about her new line of hoodies. We know that in Christianity you are told to "go ye therefore," and maybe social media qualifies, but we bet Jesus would be okay if you kept that stuff separate from your Farmville updates.
3. Cryptic Passive Aggressiveness "Wow...I sure wasn't expecting THAT from YOU. Sigh."
Please, please, PLEASE stop this. If you want to say something to someone, that is why God (and Mark Zuckerberg) created the "wall." Sure, it's kinda shitty and maybe better handled in private, but you think they can't figure it out from your status? And if the person isn't online at all, grow a pair and tell him/her in person. It's better for everyone.
2. Curmudgeonly Behavior God knows we can suffer from this one. Hell, this entire post is probably a damn fine example, but this is a blog, not one random 140-character tweet. We get that you think anything involving Twilight is beneath EVERYONE, but we are also fairly certain that if we dug into your movie or music collection, we'd find some pretty embarrassing shit.
1. Anything about your "hubby" or "wifey" In fact, the word "hubby" should be banned from social media entirely. We can almost guarantee it makes him uncomfortable. And if you are using "wifey" online, dude, your guy friends are NOT doing their job. We are really happy that you have a good marriage that is built on cutesy phrases, but just as Jerry Seinfeld's friends told him "Schmoopy" was not okay in public, we're telling you this isn't either.
We are certain you have your own. Share a few in the comments.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.