The Most Valuable Player At Minute Maid Is....Astro Mascot Orbit?
Someone at Minute Maid has won something this year!
Photo by Jeff Myers
We all know things have been pretty grim at Minute Maid Park this year. (Well, actually the past six or so seasons, to be honest.)
Winning, of any sort, has been thin on the ground. Until now.
Today we learned that one member of the Astros organization is willing to put in the time to make himself the best in the business.
That's the good news. The bad news is that the "perspn" in question is Orbit, the green, antennaed, no-one-knows-what-the-hell-it-is mascot.
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Somewhere -- likely a cheap fleabag, over a dive bar, where he shares the bathroom with all other disgraced mascots on the floor, Junction Jack weeps.
Make no mistake -- this was no walk in the park for Orbit. You will know him b the trail of his dead, and that trail included Billy the Marlin from Miami; the Swinging Friar from the San Diego Padres, a team that apparently has never heard of the Catholic church's sex scandal; the Pirate Parrot from Pittsburgh; The Famous Klement's Racing Sausages from Milwaukee ("The Racing Sausages face their toughest challenge yet in upset specialist Orbit.," wrote whoever it was at Big League Stew who got stuck with the Mascot Contest beat); and, in the finale, the Phillie Phanatic.
That final match-up -- featuring two green, fuzzy....ummmm.....things, must have been a thriller. Alas, BLS is stingy with the news, but we at least know Orbit won "Mascot Madness."
Said the blog: "The lowly #7 seed worked his way right up through the ranks, finally defeating the mighty Phanatic for mascot supremacy! Way to get out the vote, Houston!"
So there, Astro fans. You finally have something to feel good about this season.