We are egregiously late in getting you this news, mostly because it involves Maxim magazine, and we get around to checking Maxim right after we Chinese Agricultural Monthly (we read it for the articles, not the pictures, dammit).
Anyway, it appears that in yet another one of their highly scientific examinations of modern society and the subtle interplay of gender realpolitik, they have named a Houston Texans employee as the "NFL's Hottest Cheerleader."
She is Randi, pictured to the right, a 20-year-old Deer Park resident who is, according to the magazine, "complex."
She is complex because -- and get ready to try to wrap your head around this -- she somehow likes both the movie 300 and My Best Friend's Wedding.
People just don't come more complex than that.
The team's story on this announcement, features the kind of music you normally hear only on Cinemax late at night.
They also interview her, and when she says she learned of the award when the team's cheerleader manager e-mailed her and "I had to keep reading it over and over again; it said, 'Congratulations, you're the winner,'" you can be excused for thinking it might have been a reader-comprehension issue.
But we're sure she's a real brainiac, seeing as she's a licensed cosmetologist and all. (Favorite CDs, according to her profile: "All of Rascal Flatts' albums. They really know how to make good music!")
Anyway, here's one more picture of her, sticker butt out on the left as the squad demonstrates the painstakingly matched choreography for which they're famous.
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SHOW ME HOW
-- Richard Connelly