The Tattler

Highlights from Hair Balls


Ex-hand surgeon Michael "More Cocaine, Please" Brown once told his bodyguard to "suck my dick," and chased his wife Rachel around the grounds of his Memorial Drive mansion with a gun, according to a former employee scheduled to testify in Brown's upcoming trial for interfering with a flight crew.

That "former household employee's" expected testimony of incidents that allegedly occurred in 2009 or 2010 is included in a notice filed by prosecutors in a Miami federal court, along with expected testimony from a former bodyguard who claims that Brown peed all over a first-class lavatory on a 2009 flight to Argentina.

The testimony is meant to rebut Brown's claims that an accidental mixture of the prescription sedative Restoril and alcohol caused him to attack female flight attendants on a January flight from London to Miami.

The former bodyguard is expected to testify that the Great Airborne Pissing Incident of 2009 occurred while he accompanied Brown and a friend on a hunting trip to Argentina.

"During the flight, [the bodyguard] learned that the captain was planning to divert the flight to Panama because the defendant had urinated on the walls and floor of the first-class lavatory for the remainder of the flight. [The bodyguard] went to the lavatory and observed the defendant inside it, with urine on the walls and floor."

The former bodyguard was allegedly able to calm Brown down, and the flight landed in Buenos Aires as scheduled. Brown was "greeted by the head of security for the Buenos Aires Airport, where the defendant apologized and explained that he had taken too much of a new medication."

Other expected testimony includes allegations by the aforementioned former household worker, who claims he witnessed Brown strike Rachel "on at least five or six occasions...including punching her in the face with a closed fist."

In another motion filed this week, prosecutors refer to one of the flight attendants' claims that Brown told her and another attendant that "he would take all his clothes off in the cabin and have us both together in his flat bed," and that he wanted "to fuck us both."

Prosecutors are asking the judge to prohibit Brown from raising his Restoril-and-alcohol defense, stating, "The defendant took both the Restoril and the alcohol voluntarily. According to the victims and other witnesses, he was awake — though visibly intoxicated and at some point slurring his speech — during the incidents at issue in this case. In other words, the defendant was not asleep nor otherwise unable to control his bodily movements."

The trial, which we assume will be freaking awesome, is scheduled for June 17.

Spaced City

People Mover
Greenlink Marks One-Year Anniversary Driving Grumpy Downtown Workers to Lunch.

Jeff Balke

If you don't work or spend much time in downtown Houston, you probably have no idea what Greenlink is. But if you do work downtown or spend time here, particularly in the summer, Greenlink might be your knight in shining green armor. In simplest terms, it's a free shuttle bus that runs a two-and-a-half-mile 18-stop route downtown between 6:30 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. It gets people to and from the light rail, parking locations, the convention center and lunch...always lunch.

The service, run by the Downtown Management District, has been in operation since last June 11 and has carried more than 225,000 riders thus far — that's nearly 900 every day.

And yes, we joke about how it transports many people to lunch — that and the tunnels — but the truth is that Greenlink has been invaluable for moving people to and from George R. Brown Convention center, particularly during busy events like this year's NBA All Star Weekend.

In fact, according to the management district, the George R. Brown stop, along with the stops on Main Street at Walker and City Hall, has the highest boardings. When you consider the number of people getting on the light rail on Main, it makes sense those three stops generate the most traffic.

But for non-workers and convention-goers, the Greenlink is being expanded, at least temporarily. During the Association for Clinical Chemistry conference in July and the American Legion national conference in August, the service will run nights and weekends, connecting the convention center to Minute Maid Park, the Theater District, Main Street Square and other downtown attractions. Additional routes and regular operating times are being considered.

The best part — besides the whole free thing — is that the service is fueled by compressed natural gas, meaning no additional emissions for our car-laden city.

Next time you're walking around downtown in the summer heat and you see a giant green minibus, hop on. You'll stop sweating temporarily and get to lunch in a much better mood.


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