The Ten Quickest Ways to Get Un-Followed or De-Friended on Twitter and Facebook
Anyone who spends an extended period of time on social networks like Facebook and Twitter understands that there are certain offenses that are nearly unforgivable. Just as in real life, there are lines that don't need to be crossed. You might be slightly more tolerant of them online simply because they aren't in your face, but annoy any of us one time too many and that's it, you're done.
While these offenses may or may not rise to the level of being fully blocked, they certainly meet the criteria for un-following and/or de-friending. I'll admit I've likely been guilty of at least one of these, but there's a difference between a one-time transgression and a full-blown disorder. Here are the ten quickest ways to get un-followed or de-friended.
10. Incessant Moping
Whenever I would mope around the house as a kid, my mom would mockingly say, "Oh, poor baby, your life is so hard." It might have been a little shitty, but she was essentially correct. If you are on Twitter and Facebook, your life already has to be pretty damn good because you have a phone or computer with a connection to the Internet and time to waste on it.
Exception: You are funny, intentionally or otherwise.
9. yOu TYPE LikE Thi$
This also includes writing in text-speak. Occasionally, on Twitter you might need to abbreviate for space, but turning "What a great show last night" into "wht a gr8 sho last nt" is just lazy.
Exception: You are under the age of 12 and a relative or child of a friend.
8. Overt Snobbishness
"Oh, my GOD, this place has ZERO craft beer options. FAIL!" Anyone with an obsessive interest in anything -- music, food, movies, superheroes, etc. -- often shares this obsession with online followers in the form of really annoying complaints for those of us not enlightened enough to understand "the truth." Talk about fail.
Exception: You are nearly always right. It's rare, but it happens.
7. Constant Complaining
Much like the incessant moper, the constant complainer thinks everything sucks and, often, that the rest of us are idiots for not recognizing it. No one needs that kind of negativity in their lives, online or off.
Exception: Your bitterness amuses me.
6. One Track Updates
I had a musician friend years ago. Everyone who knew him understood that he was only capable of talking about two things: girls and drums. That's it. Now, it could often be entertaining and, if you were a young male musician, these weren't the worst things to be stuck discussing. Now, I prefer my conversations slightly more diverse, though music is still fair game.
Exception: I care about what track you are on.
5. Assuming I Read Your Feed
If I ask how you are doing and you are offended because you think I should have already seen based on your Facebook status updates, you have just assured I won't ever read them again.
Exception: I do read your updates regularly, but only a couple of you qualify.
4. Picking Fights
Bullies are a pain in the ass in the real world, so there is no point to having to deal with them online as well. If all you do is pick fights with people about religion, politics or any other issues, you might want to re-evaluate your life path and make some different choices.
Exception: You stand up to people who deserve it.
3. Too Much Information
If you don't know what TMI includes, you can assume that these items would be on the list: discussion of your bathroom habits, oversharing your sexual exploits, photos of you in overly revealing outfits when you have no business in them, too many inspirational messages, conversations about your baby's poop or private parts. This is a partial list, mind you.
Exception: Varies depending on the sharer -- if you follow a porn star, you should probably expect her to talk about her vagina, for example.
2. Social Media Spam
Honestly, I find the more egregious examples of this to be perhaps the most annoying chatter on the web. If you call yourself a "guru," you will be un-followed. If you live-tweet every web 2.0 conference that exists, you will be un-followed. If all you talk about is leveraging things and increasing ROI, you'll probably be un-followed. Save it for your PowerPoint presentation.
Exception: Can't think of one.
1. Using Racial Slurs
I always ascribe a certain deficiency in education level to people who regularly use racial slurs in a derogatory way (not rap lyrics or repeating someone else's nonsense) not so much because I think they are inherently dumb, but because they don't appear smart enough to realize no one thinks it is okay. But to take the time to write something like that, click submit and leave it for anyone to read demonstrates a special kind of ignorant.
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