This Steve Spurrier Picture Says, "Have a Great Weekend!"
Much like a quarterback going back and looking at game film, I like to end the week by going back and reading what I wrote, seeing what I did wrong and where I might be able to improve.
It's the blogger's version of Gary Kubiak's "I gotta go back and look at the film...get that corrected...and we just gotta get better, Mark."
In going back and reading everything I wrote about Johnny Manziel's episode at the Manning Passing Academy, certain people's overreaction to it and the degree of coverage it got relative to far more egregious transgressions like Jeremy Hill's sucker punch, I realized that my tone was decidedly negative for much of the week.
Insightful, I hope, but negative.
So given that it's Friday afternoon, I want to send all of you into the weekend feeling good, feeling like all is right in the world, and what better way to do that than with a candid picture of the Ol' Ball Coach?
I love this picture in so many ways:
1. First and foremost, I think sometimes we assume that these millionaire head coaches eat all of their meals a) in country clubs where they are boondoggling their state-subsidized memberships, b) in upscale steakhouses where they can drop hundreds on the finest Kobe beef, sip the most expensive wines and smoke Cuban cigars, or c) at their desks or in a film room because " all coaches grind on 20 hour days year round," or something like that. Spurrier is none of those things. I mean, sure, he probably eats the occasional country club filet after a round of 36 holes of golf, but he looks right at home reaching into the straw bin above the ketchup dispenser. RIGHT at home.
2. Steve Spurrier is not a "tie" guy, that much we kind of already knew. But we do learn here that when it comes time to unwind on a "tie necessary" day, in a mild upset, he opts for the "completely untied, but stays around the neck" look. My big board for Steve Spurrier post-tie options looked like this:
* Tie removed completely, suit w/ no tie "drunk guy at sales convention" look: -140 * Tie loosened slightly but remaining on, "stressed-out accountant" look: +160 * Tie around neck all the way untied, "passed out in back seat at 3 a.m." look: +200 * Tie around forehead like a bandanna, "Michael Scott in 'Survivor Man' Office episode" look: +900 * Tie redone into an ascot, "Connecticut blue blood" look: +2000
+200 is your winner!
3. Spurrier is giving the thumbs up, as if to say, "Finally, FINALLY, Jadeveon, we get to eat! I've been dreaming of this place for three hours now. I couldn't wait for Joe Tessitore to shut the fuck up!" 4. Exactly which fast food establishment is this? Well, let's look at the clues:
a. It has the "condiment jukebox" (as I like to call the multi-selection row of sauce faucets to Spurrier's right), which means this place likely prominently features sandwiches and burgers, and probably some exotic ones at that since their condiment choices go beyond your standard "KMM" (Sean-speak for "Ketchup/Mustard/Mayo." You can use that, if you want.)
b. It is a chain that features Pepsi products, as we see on the side of the soda dispenser, which eliminates McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's (all Coca-Cola shops) among the "safe" guesses. (For the record, I am defining a "safe" guess as a national chain, so regional outlets like Whataburger, Steak N Shake, and the like are out, at least if I'm giving myself the best chance to be correct.) So this gives us KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, and Arby's as the most prominent "safe" guesses I can think of. We can easily eliminate Taco Bell and Pizza Hut (Ketchup and mustard there? Um, no.), so if I have to guess between KFC and Arby's, it's clearly Arby's. (WAY more likely to have mustard and mayo there than at KFC.)
5. So if it is indeed Arby's, then what did Spurrier order? I am going to guess that at age 68, Steve Spurrier is at the stage in life where he shies away from fast food offerings that are dripping in grease and covered in bacon and cheese. Plus, he's thin. Steve Spurrier definitely keeps it somewhat healthy.
At the same time, he appears to be in a very festive mood on this occasion, maybe even feeling a little dangerous, and he also doesn't want to come across as a total "food square" to his All American defensive end and photog, Clowney. So something that's healthy, but also shows a little "devil may care" attitude. Also, they are probably eating on the run so it will need to be something that doesn't fall apart in the car or plane and end up in his lap, and stain his fine SEC Media Days suit.
So the choice is simple -- if it's Arby's, Spurrier went with the turkey ranch and bacon wrap, and gently whispered to the cashier to hold the bacon, so Clowney couldn't hear him.
6. Spurrier is wearing shades inside, almost as if he just got done watching the ESPYs and realized "Hey, it's what the kids are all doin' these days!"
7. Finally, the guy in the background (who opts for "shades dangling around his neck" as opposed to "wearing shades inside") is fantastic. I'm not sure what's better, the fact that the dad looks like he's holding his kid back from Spurrier like he is a chupacabra or something (or more likely he's holding his kid back for fear that Clowney might eat him or pop his head like a zit), or the fact that the kid is standing there reading a book.
Honestly, I've probably buried the lead in this picture. The "feel good" narrative here isn't in the Ol' Ball Coach fishing around for a large beverage lid with shades on while giving Jadeveon Clowney a reassuring "thumbs up."
The "feel good" narrative is in that little kid!
As Americans, we should maintain hope that there actually is one kid in existence between the ages of 3 and 18, who has been spotted reading a book (like with pages and everything!) as he ignores his parents, as opposed to every other kid who chooses to play Candy Crunch, Angry Birds, or sext their girlfriend as a means of ignoring his or her parents.
Hope comes in many forms. Does it come in a rumpled, hungry, unusually giddy Steve Spurrier? Sure. But more than that, it comes in a young lad who is actually reading words off of a piece of paper, and not a miniature computer screen.
I believe that child is our future! Teach him well and let him lead the way!
Have a great weekend, everybody!
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 Yahoo! Sports Radio from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays and nationally on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network Saturdays from 10 a.m. to noon CST. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Texans-Saints: Four Things To Watch For
- 5 New Laws That Go Into Effect Next Week
- Finally — Documented Proof of the Homosexual Agenda!