I know many of you will be shocked that I feel this way, but one of the most beautiful things about life in 2013 is that you can bet on almost anything.
Know a little something about movies, and care to wager on the Oscars? No problem.
Have a hunch on whether or not Walter White dies at the end of Breaking Bad this weekend? Sure, books will take your action.
Dollar amounts of movie opening weekends, high school football games, professional wrestling? Yes. Yes. Yes.
So why then can I not find a prop bet anywhere on FOX sideline reporter (and KHOU alum) Pam Oliver surviving the 2013 football season?
First, there was this little football-to-the-face incident in the a preseason Indianapolis Colts game, a beaning that left Oliver with a concussion:
Then there was this little episode during pregame of the Bengals-Packers game this past Sunday, where the Ohio State marching band almost decapitated Oliver with the handles of their trombones:
Somewhere along the way, it appears the football gods decided to make Pam Oliver the "Kenny from South Park" of the 2013 NFL season, where each week she gets killed, only to come back inexplicably the following week doing her job on the sidelines.
So if one of you offshore books wants to take some of my action on Pam Oliver's luck around dangerous projectiles for the next thirteen weeks, you know where to find me.
(And if you thought that the whole "Pam Oliver" thing was a way for me to avoid discussing how I went 2-4 again last week, well...) Ok, quickly, my picks for the week:
Texas A&M -14 1/2 over ARKANSAS Last weekend, I was in Chicago visiting my kids, and we spent a pleasant father-son-son-daughter afternoon watching the Texans get slaughtered. (The game itself was not pleasant, but my kids are awesome.) My younger son Sammy spent the entire second half surfing the web, trying to figure out how much a customized "2 MANZIEL" Texans jersey would cost. Dare to dream, kid. Dare to dream. (By the way, the Aggies have covered their last five SEC games dating back to last season.)
RICE -13 1/2 over Florida Atlantic Rice is one of the finest institutions in the country, with a student body and football team at the extreme positive end of the intelligence scale. Florida Atlantic has a head coach (a Pelini, no less!) who did this in Week 1:
I'll take the Owls.
Oklahoma/NOTRE DAME UNDER 50 Let's see, Oklahoma has a running offense with a running quarterback going up against a defense whose strength is in its defensive line, which has two future first round picks. Notre Dame is an offensive disaster right now, with Tommy Rees coming off of a game where he completed 14 of 34. This total is about ten points too high.
Colts -7 1/2 over JAGUARS This line is muted because of the Jags playing at home, but unless the empty seats grow mouths and voice boxes, this should have the frenetic buzz of a controlled scrimmage.
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Eagles/BRONCOS OVER 57 1/2 A Broncos offense that might score 50 by itself against a Chip Kelly offense that will not slow the pace, meaning more plays and more possessions. Don't be scared. Anything under 60 was a gift.
Patriots +2 over FALCONS The Falcons are the NFC's Texans with a slightly more energetic looking "Matt" at quarterback -- good enough to win 12 games feasting on the teams they can out-talent, but unable to be trusted in big games against good teams.
Last week: 2-4 Season record: 6-18
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 Yahoo! Sports Radio from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays and nationally on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network Saturdays from 10 a.m. to noon CST. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.