Thrill! Chill!! Walk the DANGER BRIDGE at the George W. Bush Library!! (If You DARE!!)
You thought the George W. Bush presidency was a thrill a minute, what with the pointless Iraq war, the tax gifts that nearly shattered the economy and Dick Cheney waving around his shotgun?
Kid stuff. Get ready to head to Dallas and experience the thrill of a lifetime when you walk over the W Danger Bridge at his official library at the SMU campus.
New artist's renderings of the library, which will be dedicated with great ceremony this month, give the impression that the thing will dominate the Rice-sized campus in the toity Highland Park/University Park enclave.
Behind the building, which will house all the presidential papers Bush wants you to see, is a seemingly massive bluebonnet field with a manicured, delicately designed walk through it. The immaculate creation of a totally fake piece of Texas ranchland is absolutely NOT supposed to represent anything about W clearing brush in Crawford, because he was a real, actual goshdarn rancher (as soon as he decided to run for president).
Battle of the Piney Woods: SFA vs. SHSU
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 3:00pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. UTSA Roadrunners Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 6:00pm
Rice University Owls Football vs. Prairie View A&M University Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 22, 2:30pm
But it's the Danger Bridge that draws the eye. Just look at it, its elegant simplicity daring the elderly to take it at full speed as they barrel down that hill on their walker.
No guard rails? You're in W Land, brother! You can keep your "guard rails" with all the rest of your OSHA gummint regulations!!
Turning a blind eye to regulations is nothing new for the Bush administration, of course: New York Times, 10/10/08: "[T]he Interior Department agency that collects oil and gas royalties has been caught up in a wide-ranging ethics scandal -- including allegations of financial self-dealing, accepting gifts from energy companies, cocaine use and sexual misconduct."
So as you image two pairs of powered wheelchairs rolling towards each other in a deadly game of chicken, with at least one of them headed off the bridge and into the oh-so-carefully placed rocks, feel free to imagine W in an upstairs lair of his library, taking time off from computer golf to peer down a telescope at his bridge, chuckling maniacally.
Meanwhile, a couple of bloodied senior citizens look for help, wondering why a fake gully was installed on the SMU campus, wishing they had invested in more than a four-volt.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.