Top 5 Worst C-USA Football Games of 2011 (With Suggested Alternatives)
Pillow Fight! Uh, we mean, Conference USA football!
We suppose that everything has its less-than-stellar companion. However, Conference USA's ugly twin is really freaking gross.
The best games involving C-USA programs in 2011 are something to look forward to.
The worst games? Never.
Seriously, why do these sucky things exist?
5. UTEP at New Mexico State, September 17 Las Cruces' Aggie Memorial Stadium will host this non-conference game that will look more like tiddlywinks than a clash between C-USA and the Western Athletic Conference. Not sure which team will use its "squidger" to pop a "wink" with more ferocity. Frankly, we don't really care.
Suggested alternative: Expand your Hatch green chile consciousness.
4. Every Tulane home game, September 3 through November 10 The Louisiana Superdome is a top-notch venue when full. But when it's empty, which is what happens each time the Green Wave run out of the tunnel, it feels like an ill-placed mausoleum with exciting rebranding potential. For an extra-special experience, the October 22 home match-up against the lowly Memphis Tigers promises to be a real wing-dinger.
Suggested alternative: Spend four hours gorging yourself on Big Easy-esque beignets
3. Memphis vs. Austin Peay, September 17 This is the only time Memphis will do something in 2011. Namely, win a game, thanks to a visit from its in-state "rival" from Clarksville. Little things are expected from the tiny tots of Austin Peay, a team whose mascot is the Governors. Dating back to September 25 of last year, the Govs have dropped seven straight. Suggested alternative: Pray for a different type of governor
2. UTEP vs. Stony Brook, September 3 Yet another appearance from repeat offenders UTEP, which will post up at the Sun Bowl Stadium during this wet-noodle pool fight against the Seawolves from the Big South.
Suggested alternative: Partake in a real wet-noodle tussle, or something else to stay cool
1. Tulane at Duke, September 24 Tulane football. Sigh. Duke football. Super sigh. Nothing good can come out of this game between the two fruit pastries. Oh, except that it will soon be over and forgotten. Suggested alternative: As we suggested at the end of our "Top 5 Worst Big 12 Games of 2011" list, you should probably stop watching football altogether.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.