Top 9 Reasons to Stay Home for 2009
Can't decide on your plans for New Year's? Or whether you want to have plans? Hair Balls has come up with nine reasons to ring in the New Year in your own humble abode. Cheers.
1. The booze is free. Well, at least it is after you buy it from the store and bring it home, but you know what we mean. And if you already had some stashed away - bonus! - you don't have to go to the crowded liquor store. Also, it's never crowded in front of the bar at your place (read: kitchen). You don't have to muscle your way to the fridge through a bunch of d-bags trying to hit on the blonde who looks like she arrived alone tonight.
2. You don't have to worry about hitting on the blonde who looks like she arrived alone tonight. Dateless this New Year's? Nobody notices at The Your House Bar. Save yourself from memorable awkward moments like "I think my date just went to the bathroom" or "My date had to cancel at the last minute" or "My date is out of town to visit family" or the always fun "I don't have a date."
Heck, you can make a face puppet and kiss your hand when the clock strikes 2009 without fearing judgment. Just remember to wipe it off before tomorrow, because the excuse "Uh, it's how they marked 21-and-ups at the bar I went to last night" will likely be met with "I thought you stayed home last night?"
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3. Not dateless? Then you've got everything you need. A bottle of booze and the girl/boy you're planning on kissing and, if you're lucky, working off all that booze with later that night - Hey-O! Just think, you can snuggle on the couch, watch your favorite movie, watch the ball drop for each time-zone's midnight or start kissing before 12 a.m. - if you know what we mean and we think you do. (We mean getting it on.)
4. 2009: eh ... It's just 09. Seriously, it's not a decade. 2009 is like turning 20- or 22-years-old. It doesn't matter. No big deal, you're either one year short of drinking or you already can drink. Really the only thing you'd be celebrating is remembering to start writing an 8 instead of a 9. Do you celebrate Daylight Savings? No. Sorry, 2009, it's going to be more fun to celebrate your end.
5. House Party. There might be some friends who also don't like the bar scene. They might be down to come over. Last year, Hair Balls threw a last minute New Year's house party and was rollin' 20 deep by New Year's o'clock. (Read: 20 people showed up.) You don't have to drive, everyone feels obligated to bring extra booze and food for you. You'll have to clean up, yes, but depending on your invite list, it might not be that bad.
6. Bullets kill. This is Texas and although stereotypes are annoying, there are probably a few cowboys out there who can't wait to ring in 2009 with a handgun. Hair Balls recently watched a MythBusters episode where the idea that bullets fired into the air can kill a person was not busted. Thanks, 2009, but we think we'll be celebrating your coming with a bullet-proof roof over our heads.
7. Parking is free and easy to find in front of your place. (Especially if you have assigned parking.) Our city has never been the greatest at finding a spot to wedge your motor vehicle into. Who wants to start out 2009 with the stress of looking for a spot or getting hit or worse, getting towed?
8. The perfect excuse. If the only thing stopping you is a reason, try one of ours:
"I can't count backwards from 10 in public."
"My date died."
"New Year's Claustrophobia"
"I'm really going to miss 2008. I think I need to be alone."
"I'm pretty convinced that Y2K will happen in 2009."
"I was born on January 31 and I'm really tired of competing for the spotlight."
"There's a marathon of (insert favorite show here) on (insert channel)."
"You didn't get me a Christmas present, why should I hang with you?"
"I'm Chinese. We have a different New Year - thanks for honoring your friend's diversity."
"I'm considering becoming a Jehovah's Witness - think I'm going to give it a trial run tonight.
"My World of Warcraft guild is going to launch a midnight attack on an opposing guild ... I've already told you too much."
9. Two words: Po. Po. Lights and sirens are no way to ring in the New Year. If you stay home, you drink at home and you don't have to drive home. On that note, Hair Balls would like remind all to have a safe and responsible evening. If you're going out, take a cab or bring a designated driver. Yeah, yeah, we know we're not your mom (cause if we were we'd be so stupid / fat / ugly), but we do care.
-- Dusti Rhodes