It's here again, that time of year when the kids are let out of school and immediately begin whining that there's nothing to do. Oh, sure, you try and try to make them happy. You can invent a brand-new game with balls and paper sacks and even clean up the damn mess they make when they nearly kill the goldfish and knock over glasses half full with strange-colored liquid, but do they appreciate it? No. Then, one day they leave you alone and miserable. While they are off with their friends having fun, you sit at home, drink bottles of chardonnay and clean that same damn shelf over and over again. Was that the phone ringing? No, that was just the sound your heart makes when it is shattering into pieces!
Sorry, I got distracted because the Lifetime channel was playing in the background. So, yeah, there's not a lot going on out there, not even enough for a top five. I want to tell you that you have a lot of options when it comes to sports this weekend, but your biggest excitement might be squirting the dog with the water hose or standing in a kiddie pool while barbecuing. It worked for Cedric the Entertainer.
4. Houston Heights Fun Run Saturday, 7:30 a.m. Marmion Park on Heights Boulevard
"Fun" and "run" are not words I like to put together in a sentence, primarily because I don't tend to see the fun in running. But, hey, some of you crazy running types might be in the market for a muggy, early-morning run along Heights Boulevard, and if so, you're in luck because the annual Heights Fun Run is Saturday. The money benefits the continued beautification of one of Houston's most noble promenades, so get out there and run until your sweat starts sweating.
3. Sugar Land Skeeters vs. Somerset Patriots Friday, 7:05 p.m.; Saturday, 6:05 p.m.; Sunday, 6:05 p.m. Constellation Field
When Somerset comes to town, you can throw out the record books. Wait, where the hell is Somerset (searches Google)? Oh, Kentucky. Fun fact: Somerset is home to former major league outfielder Josh Anderson, who was drafted by...wait for it...the Astros in 2007. He played for the major league club for two months before being traded to the Atlanta Braves for Oscar Villarreal. The more you know...
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2. Legal Street Racing Friday, 6 p.m. Royal Purple Raceway, Baytown
Those three magic words all bros and gearheads long to hear. My fiancée, who hates virtually every action movie that exists, has a weird, long-standing love affair with the Fast and the Furious. I almost want to take her to this event so she can see what real drag racing looks like. No $300,000 cars driven by Vin Diesel in this installment, but I bet they will blow your balls off, if you are into that sort of thing.
1. Nigeria vs. Mexico Friday, 8 p.m. Reliant Stadium
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! If you need any additional proof that soccer is substantially more popular in other countries than it is in the U.S., look no further than Friday night at Reliant Stadium. We have a beautiful, soccer-only facility at BBVA Compass Stadium, but it only holds about 28,000 people and no WAY would that be enough seating for a game between the Nigerian and Mexican national soccer teams. For that, they need Reliant and its 70,000-plus. Should be a rowdy time in the old soccer town tonight.