"That's as good a win as I've ever been around," Gary Kubiaksaid
Sunday after the Texans 24-21 win over the Green Bay Packers. This probably explains why the Texans are a crappy team.
Gary Kubiak was John Elway's backup on the day of The Drive, one of the greatest games in NFL playoff history. He coached Steve Young as the San Francisco 49ers won a Super Bowl. He was coaching John Elway when the Denver Broncos won their two Super Bowls, including that game against Green Bay when John Elway made one of the best known plays in Super Bowl history. But somehow, a mediocre team beating a crappy team is "as good a win as" he's ever been around.
Would Bill Parcells have called that as a good a win as he's ever been around? No way. Parcells would have been bitching, once again, about the turnovers and the inability to score in the red zone. Bill Parcels would not have needed to waste a timeout to decide whether to go for two points. He would have made that decision before the drive started. Bill Parcells wouldn't be calling a victory over a mediocre team the best win that he's ever been around. He would say that it was something to be expected, not something to be celebrated. A Super Bowl victory would be a game to celebrate.
I think that same thing can be said about great coaches like Bill Walsh and Don Shula and Tom Landry and Chuck Noll and Bill Cowher. I don't think they would have been talking about this win being "as good a win as" they've ever been around. But then again, all of those coaches were known as winners who didn't constantly waste time outs or mismanage the clock game after game, season after season.
So am I happy the Texans beat the Packers? Hell yes. But if Gary Kubiak seriously thinks that this is "as good a win as" he's ever been around, then I don't see much more hope for this franchise under Gary Kubiak, especially since he seems to not remember some of the truly great games in which he's actually been involved.
NOTES FROM THE NFL:
Well, we had Nipplegate at the Super Bowl back in Houston several years ago. Are we now going to have a Dickgate?
For those who don't know what I'm talking about, it seems that Fox Sports, for some reason, went live to the Minnesota Vikings locker room after their victory against the Detroit Lions - which Gary Kubiak would probably classify as "as good a win as" he's ever been around were he to have been there. And while panning the locker room, the camera guy passed the torso of one Visanthe Shiancoe, one of the Vikings tight ends. And Visanthe's body was only partially observed by a towel. Unfortunately, his penis was hanging out for the world to see (screen grab courtesy of Deadspin).
I'm eagerly awaiting the start of Congressional hearings.
Speaking of the Vikings, they defeated the Detroit Lions 20-16 on Sunday. That loss means the Lions are 0-13 for the season - only the fourth team in NFL history to lose their first 13 games of the season. And with games remaining against the Colts, in Green Bay, and at New Orleans, the odds are good that the Lions might become the NFL's first team to ever go 0-16 for a season.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
Three teams have now clinched playoff spots. The Tennessee Titans moved to 12-1 on the season with their 28-9 win over the Cleveland Browns - another game which I'm sure Gary Kubiak would classify as "as a good a win as" he's ever been around. That was the Titans 15th win their last 16 game. And it was their first AFC South title since 2002.
I hope that Kubiak watches the tapes of this game as the Titans are the next opponent for the Texans. I'm sure he'll try to put eight men in the box to stop the Titans running game - hah, like the Texans can actually stop a good running game - but the Titans are also able to throw the football, as Kerry Collins threw for two TDs. Of course, rookie running back Chris Johnson ran for 136 yards and a TD, and former Reggie Bush backup LenDale White rumbled his way to a TD as well.
Also clinching a playoff spot were the Arizona Cardinals who, in defeating the St. Louis Rams Sunday, clinched their first division title since 1975, when they were the St. Louis Cardinals. The New York Giants lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, but when the Dallas Cowboys lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers - another of the greatest games that Gary Kubiak has ever seen - the Giants clinched a playoff spot.
-- John Royal