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Um, Thanks? FBI Releases Exceedingly Unhelpful Pictures of Most-Wanted Houston Bank Robbers

Know her? Or at least her wig?
Know her? Or at least her wig?
Photo by FBI

For all you gumshoes out there, the FBI just made your job exactly no easier than it was before. Yesterday, the agency released photographs of the top ten most wanted bank thieves, most of their faces hooded, masked or behind sunglasses. The hunt is on for, it seems, people who wear hooded sweatshirts and keep their faces behind masks. Be vigilant on your lookout.

But actually, said local FBI spokesperson Shauna Dunlap, what at first appears as an opaque facade can yield a lot of calls. Girlfriends, family members, friends can say -- hey, wait a second, roomie. I know that surgical mask. OMG!! YOU'RE THE ROBBER!!

Indeed, it works like that. Has your roommate, boyfriend or girlfriend been clandestinely robbing banks lately? Do they own a blond wig, and or have access to extermination gear? Is this extremely ordinary gray sweatshirt your boyfriend's extremely ordinary gray sweatshirt?

Look closely. There's a $5,000 reward for the capture of any of these robbers, and these people belong to a growing number of burglars, Dunlap said. There have been 119 bank heists this year, one-third more than in 2011 when 78 bank robberies occurred. This year could be a record year for such crimes, she said.

Exterminators need hobbies, too.
Exterminators need hobbies, too.

5. Mystery robbers number one: "You grab the money. I'll check the bathroom for roaches. Don't tell them the spray gun isn't loaded."

Snow blowing and bank robbing.
Snow blowing and bank robbing.

4. Mystery robber number two Yes, this is what we're working with. With your help, kind public, we can bring all those who own red sweatshirts to justice. And just who's this phantom white boy in the corner? Have the robbers taken the Gerber child hostage??

 

3. Mystery robber number three Strutting with the authority and confidence of anonymity. Now this is how you rob a bank. Cool. Suave. Wearing a mask gotten at Target off the discount rack. All that's missing is a blond wig...

Worst bank-robbing outfit ever.
Worst bank-robbing outfit ever.

2. Mystery robber number four Bam! There it is. But was this the best disguise this robber could come up with? Um, Lady Gaga?

Just me and my six-shooter is all.
Just me and my six-shooter is all.

1. Mystery robber number five We're pretty sure we see this guy in every pickup truck on every highway every day.

But if you think you've got wilier eyes than ours, feel free to call Crime Stoppers at: 713-222-TIPS.

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