Will Rap 4 Weed

Michael McCormick

Highlights from Hair Balls


Though Houston has enjoyed a rather robust economy even during the recession, money is still tight, which means the many joys in life often get placed on the back burner for necessities like food and rent. One creative, perhaps innovative, woman spotted on lower Westheimer by photographer Michael McCormick decided to lay it all out there with her sign that said "Will Rap 4 Weed."

I've long been an admirer of the hustle exhibited by the average rapper wannabe. I've been approached in malls by people who shove headphones onto my head so I can listen to a few seconds of their beats. It can be a tad annoying and I doubt its effectiveness, but, damn, if hipsters took that kind of aggressive approach in marketing their music, maybe they'd have more success.

Our photographer picked up a CD from the aspiring artist — no word on what was exchanged, if anything, to acquire the merchandise — so, for at least one person, it worked. And, hey, she got her picture in Hair Balls, so that's something. Don Draper would probably be proud...or ­something.


HISD Sugar Babies

Some HISD teachers are looking for extra money from Sugar Daddies.

By Craig Malisow

If there's anything we love, it's press releases from online dating services for gold diggers and the douches who love them. And if there's anything we love more than that, it's the weird contortions they go through to hawk their sad, toxic wares — which is why we freaking love that a Web site called SeekingArrangement.com claims that 258 Houston Independent School District teachers have joined the site to augment "their extracurricular activities with a little sugar."

Yes, according to what we're sure is a highly scientific poll, "258 teachers are moonlighting as Sugar Babies to offset wage cuts and job losses. In fact, the average registered public school teacher on the site is between the ages of 28 and 33 years old, and asks for approximately $3,000 a month in financial assistance." (According to an HISD student who crunched the numbers for us, that's nearly $250,000 a year!)

Brandon Wade, teacher advocate and SeekingArrangement.com's chief executive pimp­officer, stated in the release, "It's unfortunate what is happening in the American public school systems. Teachers are placed under enormous pressures to mold the young minds of tomorrow, but are expected to do so with less wages than their peers, and by working longer hours. Then those same teachers are forced to work in underfunded schools and marginally supplied classrooms."

He added, "You can't expect a teacher to accept less pay for more work than their peers and then reach into their pockets to fund your child's classroom. But that's what's happening. If those are the expectations and pressures we are putting on our teachers in America, [then] they can't possibly be judged for whatever extracurricular activities they choose to pursue to stay afloat."

Why isn't this man's visage on a stamp ­already?!

In case you were wondering, the alleged 258 HISD teachers did not put Houston in the top five for "sex ed" (HEY-OH!). Those would be: Philadelphia, Miami, L.A., Clark County (Las ­Vegas) and the "New York Public School System."

We wish those 258 the best of luck.


Wheelchair Races
A little-known part of George Mitchell's life comes to light.

Dianna Wray

Because of both his passion for science and support of scientific research, Galveston benefactor and Woodlands creater George P. Mitchell also got to meet and hang out with none other than famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking, author of A Brief History of Time and just an all-around bad­ass, who's hailed by some as one of the greatest scientific minds of our age.

They were close enough that Hawking delivered a video eulogy of Mitchell, acknowledged as the father of fracking, at a memorial service held on August 8.

"George P. Mitchell was a remarkable individual who combined vision with wisdom and persistence. Through sheer hard work and dedication, he leaves behind an extraordinary legacy. It can be said of very few people that they changed the world — but George Mitchell is among those few," Hawking said.

He also mentioned that he and Mitchell used to have wheelchair races. Yeah, just stop and think about that for a moment: the pioneer wildcatter who caused a sea change that has altered the face of the energy world in ways thought impossible and the famed scientist zooming along in their wheelchairs (Hawking has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and is almost entirely paralyzed) like a couple of kids.

"While none of us can match George's ingenuity in geophysical discovery, I am happy to say that I still managed to beat him in wheelchair racing, even if it was only by a narrow margin," Hawking said.

Best. Wheelchair. Race. Ever.

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