World's Worst Counterfeiter Nabbed, (No Doubt) Laughed At
The mind of a teen-aged boy: It is a wondrous, mysterious thing.
The brain of a 17-year-old male can conduct an analysis that determines that it's entirely possible to scan two sides of a five-dollar bill, glue them together and then go get something at the local fast-food restaurant.
We're assuming -- and we concede that it may be entirely much to assume -- that at least a color printer was used in this fiendish scheme.
College Station police arrested the criminal genius and charged him with misdemeanor forgery.
He no doubt would have gotten away with his grand plans, but like Lex Luthor always seems to do, he made one mistake that doomed him.
As the report on the arrest put it -- with a straight face -- "The front of the bill was longer than the back."
So, to summarize:
1) Two sheets of copier-quality paper. Because it feels just like American currency.
2) You can't even cut the two sides so they match. Were drugs used in the furtherance of this plot? Possibly.
3) You hand over this comically inept piece of paper, confident that you've outwitted the part-timer taking your order, and then you apparently wait around long enough for the cops to get there. Now, we're sure they got there pretty fast -- a fake five-dollar bill being, no doubt, a high-priority call -- but maybe, at some point, your Spidey Sense should have kicked in.
As we say, the minds of teen-aged boys are a wonder to behold.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.