First it was the "Fashionable Felon." Now the FBI's making fat jokes.
Is this a crime-fighting agency or Project Runway? What Not to Wear (When Robbing a Bank)?
Meet the "XXXL Bandit," who eats because he's sad and is sad because he eats, if Austin Powers can be trusted. He knocked over the bank branch at a Randall's on Clear Lake City Boulevard yesterday.
The FBI, which gave him the nickname, says he "has a unique large stature." Unique? He fits right in in Houston.
The guy came in, gave a threatening note (no gun was observed), got some cash and left.
Amazingly, no getaway car was seen. You're saying this guy took off and got away? Paul Blart, Mall Cop could have dragged him down.
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Says the FBI:
The "XXXL Bandit" is described as a white male, late 20s to early 30s, approximately 5'07"-5'8" tall, 275 pounds, with a heavy build, a pear-shaped frame, and a medium complexion. He wore a black baseball-type cap with an unknown logo, a tan tight-fitting tee-shirt and blue jeans. He appeared to be dirty and sweated heavily during the robbery. He possibly had long dark curly brown hair which appeared to be pulled up in the back. He also had an unkempt brown beard and mustache.
Ah, the glamour of bank-robbing. Sweaty, dirty and fat.
Pretty Boy Floyd, you've got nothing to worry about