Yankee Fan Mule-Kicks Drunk Red Sox Fan (w/ VIDEO & Zapruder-Like Analysis)
No love lost here.
The Red Sox-Yankee rivalry is one of the fiercest in all of team sports, a true "throw out the won-loss record" hatred, if not between the teams then certainly between the respective fan bases. That acrimony was on full display this weekend.
Strangely enough, the backdrop for what you're about to see wasn't even a Red Sox-Yankee game. The Yankees actually played the Tigers this weekend. However, that didn't stop a group of girls in Red Sox lids from setting up shop in the upper deck of Yankee Stadium.
Having been to Yankee Stadium as the enemy before, I can tell you that you just don't show up in the upper deck at Yankee Stadium wearing Red Sox gear. Not at night, and not at a game that doesn't even involve the Red Sox. If this were the Nature Channel, this would be like the snake slithering into the honey badger's lair and telling the honey badger to go fuck himself.
If you're wondering how exactly this whole thing went, it went about how you'd think it would go. Here's the video with Zapruder-style details (and still shots!) afterwards:
0:02 -- The video is shot from a "below the action" vantage point, and as the camera operator aims upward into the section, notice the woman (if we can call her that) in the hot pink scarf and the XXXL Yankee pullover. She is gesturing across the aisle at her soon-to-be opponents. I don't want to spoil things, but Hot Pink Scarf becomes a pretty crucial part of the storyline here. (One thing I will say about the section this melee took place in: If bleacher brawls had weight classes, this is the wrong group of women to pick a fight with. Between Hot Pink Scarf and Teixeira Jersey, it's a beefy section.)
0:12 -- We get our first decent look across the aisle at Section 328's opponents, a group of young ladies in Red Sox hats who are in the process of absorbing an endless stream of what I'm guessing are repeated counts of how many titles the Yankees own and how many titles the Red Sox own. (The Yankee-fan insult playbook is not very thick. They have only two or three plays, but they run them effectively.) In particular, notice the Red Sox fan in the white coat energetically pointing up at Hot Pink Scarf. This will be the last few seconds that the chick in the white coat feels good about how her night is going.
0:21 -- Some dude chants "Let them fight! Let them fight!" Seriously, like Yankee fans are going to actually stop a fight? Um, dude you're going to get your wish. Relax. 0:32 -- White jacket comes off and now the girl in the Red Sox hat is gesturing as if to say, "You want some? You GOT some." Now is probably a good time to fully introduce this Red Sox fan to the reading and viewing audience. Her name is Nicole Marquez. She is from Tucson, Arizona, and is a softball player at New York Institute of Technology, Class of 2013. Yes, she is on Facebook.
0:38 -- And here she goes up the steps. If she were a WWE diva, this would be where her theme music starts.
0:48 -- Lots of pointing and yelling, and I'm fairly certain the words "You look soooo awesome in that Teixeira jersey, sweetheart!" are not part of this conversation. Once she's done telling Teixeira Jersey what a fat pig she is, Marquez turns her attention to Hot Pink Scarf, because as Ric Flair says, to be the woman you gotta beat the woman, and Hot Pink Scarf...well, this is her house, bitch!
1:15 -- Shots fired! First punch thrown by Marquez, which in enemy territory is about the dumbest thing you can do because by throwing the first punch, what you've just done is give every Jeter-loving, jersey-wearing idiot in that section carte blanche to claim self-defense when they pulverize you. This will matter in about 12 seconds.
1:22 -- Hot Pink Scarf gets in her first salvo, a "reach around her boyfriend" beer dump onto Marquez, who has been joined at that point by one of her friends (we will call her White Shirt), also in a Red Sox hat. The Sox hats on both girls get tossed down into the 100 section, never to be seen again, and White Shirt now wants a piece of Hot Pink Scarf. Badly. The only problem is that White Shirt, while athletic, is unfortunately a girl, and therefore Hot Pink Scarf's boyfriend holds her back with a one-arm chin lock that is so casual that he was probably eating a hot dog with his other hand. The key thing to notice here is that Marquez is hopping down one row so she can make an uncontested run at Hot Pink Scarf. This will prove to be a big mistake.
1:27 -- BAM! SWEET CHIN MUSIC FROM HOT PINK SCARF ON MARQUEZ!! (Yes, one girl just MULE-KICKED another girl in the face! Only in Yankee Stadium!)
1:29 -- The kick staggers Marquez momentarily...
1:32 -- "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!! THEY KILLED HER!!!"
1:41 -- Marquez somehow manages to pop back up after a tumble which probably should have killed her or at least knocked her out. (It was at this point that I couldn't decide if being Marquez's boyfriend would be the best experience or the worst experience ever; it's one or the other, there's no in-between.) Notice the Yankee fan to Marquez's immediate right; I'd like to think he's asking if she's okay, but my guess is he's giving her a standing eight count to see if she can continue the fight. The coup de grace of this picture is Hot Pink Scarf and her boyfriend both standing in their row in the same "arms extended, don't fuck with us" pose. Priceless.
1:48 -- Marquez is badly dazed, soaked in beer and has the muffin-top thing going with her waist and her tight jeans. And every male Yankee fan in that section is thinking one thing -- "I'd totally hit that right now." (The shot of fans in the section above this one looking down on the proceedings is frightening, like some sort of WWE lumberjack match come to life.)
2:00 -- Couple of the Year...
I'd like to think that was the end of it for our young heroine, Ms. Marquez, but alas, more video surfaced, and she decided to come back for more (or perhaps to recover her discarded Red Sox hat). This time, having already succumbed to Hot Pink Scarf, Marquez decided to go after Teixeira Jersey. It didn't end well, for her or her hair....
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. UCF Knights Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 29, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. Florida Atlantic University Owls Football
TicketsSat., Nov. 5, 2:30pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulane University Football
TicketsSat., Nov. 12, 11:00am
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Louisville Cardinals College Football
TicketsThu., Nov. 17, 7:00pm
Mmm mmm...there's something about a 5-foot-1, 275-pound beast in a Teixeira jersey on top of her windbreaker (which means that jersey was like XXXXL) that makes my loins tingle.
Who knows if this story is over or not. You'd think getting kicked down two rows of bleachers would be enough to press charges, but Marquez kind of started the physicality by walking up there and throwing the first punch at Hot Pink Scarf. All I know is that a chick from Tucson started a brawl at a Tigers-Yankees game because she was wearing a Red Sox hat.
And thus, Yankee Fan got to brag about beating the Red Sox one more time.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.