Yes, Toyota, It's The Floor Mats That Cause Your Pruises To Accelerate Wildly
Yesterday Hair Balls wrote about a Toyota recall of 3.8 million vehicles, including all Priuses made since 2005, because the cars' floor mats are being blamed for unintended acceleration after a crash killed four people last month, including the driver, an off-duty California highway patrolman.
Not everyone, including loyal Prius owners, buys the floor-mat excuse. From our friends at priuschat.com:
I read this with disbelief. My 2006 Prius had the unintended acceleration problem. Even the dealer agreed that the mat could not be blamed. Toyota has consistently refused to admit there may be an ECU issue...I traded my 2006 in July for a 2010. I feel much safer.
But at least one Prius owner doesn't think Toyota should be blamed at all:
If he couldn't figure out what was causing his trouble, shift to Neutral, or otherwise disable his vehicle, then yes, the officer [who died in the crash] was from the shallow end of the gene pool.
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Personally, we believe that Toyota's explanation that floor mats can come loose and hold down the accelerator is absolutely, utterly unquestionable. So to honor the company, here are six other excuses that are equally believable.
1. Hurricane Ike caused the Texans to suck last year. Richard Justice wrote in August that the hurricane "might be why the Texans started 0-4 in 2008." While we understand the argument, the Texans suck every non-hurricane year as well.
2. "Goddamn bitch set me up!" That's what Marion Barry, the former mayor of Washington, D.C., said on camera after he was busted smoking crack in a hotel room. What?
3. The old water-not-the-wind excuse. After the federal government disappeared in the days following Hurricane Katrina, people wanted answers. What they got from Homeland Security director Micheal Chertoff was brilliant:
"It wasn't just a hurricane, it was a hurricane followed by a flood," he analyzed. Of course, President Bush one-upped him when he said, "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."
4. Obviously, he had better things to do. Dick Cheney told a reporter from the Washington Post that he skipped out on serving in Vietnam because he had "other priorities in the `60s."
5. Ohhh, that guy. But meth and gay sex? What?!! Ted Haggard, the former president of the National Evangelical Association, originally said he didn't even know the male prostitute that accused Haggard of having drug-fueled sex with him. He later explained that he simply got a massage from the prostitute and bought some drugs but never used them. Because that's how most people who purchase drugs roll.
6. He just "misremembered." That's how Roger Clemens explained why a former teammate said Clemens took steroids. "Misremembering," we're bettng, is the "floor mats" of the steroid scandal.