You Know It's Bad When Losing To The Texans Isn't As Bad As It Gets
So you're Tom Cable and you're the coach of the moribund 1-3 Oakland Raiders.You've just a lost a football game to the Houston Texans, the team which started the legend of Mark Sanchez. And not only did your team lose 29-6 to the Texans, but you were outcoached by Gary Kubiak, a guy who, in his time as a head coach, has made Dom Capers look like a genius.
But as bad as that seems, it gets worse.
Not only did you lose to the Texans, 29-6, but you lost to a team that had three rookies playing in the secondary. You lost to a team that had three players out with flu-like symptoms -- one with the swine flu. You lost to a team that was only able to generate 26 yards of offense in the second half.
Your team's quarterback was so bad that Matt Schaub looked like the second coming of Peyton Manning, yet Schaub was only 11 for 22 with one touchdown.
So you're Tom Cable and you can't think that it could possibly get any worse than being humiliated by the Houston Texans. But the Napa, California police would like to dispel of you that notion.
Way back on August 5, Cable and former assistant coach Randy Hanson apparently had a bit of a disagreement. A disagreement which sent Hanson to the hospital with a broken facial bone.
And Hanson has decided to press charges. So now the police have forwarded the case to the Napa DA. So Tom Cable, while losing to the Houston Texans is a humiliating experience, just think of how bad it's going to be when you're dragged out of the Oakland Raiders training facilities in handcuffs.
The thing is, it appears that Hanson might have deserved it. Hanson was, after all, the guy responsible for his former boss being fired. That former boss being Cable's predecessor as Raiders coach, Lane Kiffin.
For it was just last year, after the Raiders lost their opening game to the Denver Broncos, that assistant coach Hanson trashed the rest of the coaching staff, including Kiffin. Kiffin's response was to suspend Hanson. The Raiders response was to fire Kiffin.
Cable was the poor sucker chosen to replace Kiffin, and for some reason, Cable let Hanson remain on his staff. Not even Kubiak would do something that stupid, and he's done some pretty stupid things, like giving jobs to Richard Smith and Mike Sherman.
So it appears that Hanson tried to do the same thing to Cable that he did to Kiffin, and Cable, instead of going the suspension route, went the punch-in-the-face route. And Hanson then went crying to the cops, and Cable might now be going to jail.
So being outsmarted by Gary Kubiak might be rather embarrassing. And losing to the Texans might be kind of humiliating.
But going to jail because you were stupid enough to hire the same guy who stabbed your former boss in the back, why that actually seems kind of appropriate for the head coach of the Oakland Raiders.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Texans-Cowboys: Four Things To Watch For
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 2:30pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 6:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 7:00pm
- How Ken Paxton Became the New Supervillain of Texas Politics
- Texas A&M Finds Radioactive Thingy it Lost The Other Week