The holidays are a special time for family and friends to come together in a show of magical unity and optimism. The whole human race becomes as one with a sense of childlike wonderment and admiration for all fellow men. But for a few musician dirt bags, it's a time to whore out their wares for holiday compilations. Their putrid and banal renditions of traditional Yule-time hits clog up our aural egg nog, not ceasing till the last bit of puke hits the toilet bowl on January 1st. Fortunately for me, I celebrate Festivus, so I don't have to deal with any of this.
We went to YouTube.com, to find these wierd holiday musical odes. If you've found any other odd, strange, or crazy Christmas videos on YouTube.com, feel free to post the link in the comment section below.
Wham's "Last Christmas" --- "Dear Santa, its Georgie Boy. I have been a fine lad this year. I want you to bring me a sparkling public restroom stall and Justin Timberlake." Click here to see Wham's "Last Christmas"
Elton John's "Step into Christmas"---Here's Sir Elton in his early seventies milieu, with his piano decorated with a red feather boas and enough cocaine to send the reindeer around the world nonstop for eighty years. Click here to watch Sir Elton John's "Step into Christmas."
Rice University Owls Football vs. Prairie View A&M University Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 22, 2:30pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. UCF Knights Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 29, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. Florida Atlantic University Owls Football
TicketsSat., Nov. 5, 2:30pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulane University Football
TicketsSat., Nov. 12, 11:00am
Crazy Frog "Jingle Bells"----The holidays are taxing on the nerves, what with the shopping headaches and the typical suicides. But to punish people with this goes beyond the pale. Click here to watch Crazy Frog's "Jingle Bells."
Charlie Brown's Heavy Metal Christmas. Need I say more? Click here to see the Peanuts gang head bang to the holiday spirt.
The 1986 Dallas Cowboys "Christmas in Dallas"---The entire team takes turns extolling the virtues of Dallas during the holidays. They drone like automatons, vacantly belting out this peppy tune. When a 350-pound perspiring jock informs you that his city is the greatest during the holidays and that anywhere else might as well be Satan's butt crack, people have an inclination to listen and cower.
Why can't our Texans do this sort of thing? Maybe we could get David Carr performing "Auld Lang Syne" while he is being ruthlessly pummeled to the ground. Click here to watch the 1986 Dallas Cowboys embarrass themselves.
Elvis singing an acoustic "Blue Christmas." It's almost as touching as when he did "In the Ghetto." Click here to see The King sing "Blue Christmas."
The California Raisins' "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"---- It was 1988, and a young lad (aka: me) in Pearland sat on his mulleted fat ass transfixed on these six dried out Claymation grapes all Christmas season long. Now I see it 17 years later and it seems odd and disturbing. The video, not my lush young mullet of yore.
Click here to see the California Raisins rock out "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." - Craig Hlavaty
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.