Zapruder Analysis of Portly Chevy Exec Butchering World Series MVP Presentation (VIDEO)
...y'know, technology and stuff
If you're wondering where baseball ranks on the compelling, blog-worthy content scale for me (as a writer) right now, here is all you need to know:
As I type this, we are less than an hour removed from the first Game 7 road win in a World Series since 1979 (the "We Are Family" Pittsburgh Pirates!). The 2014 World Series' Game 7 came down to the final out, with the suddenly dynastic San Francisco Giants (three titles in five years) beating the small-market Kansas City Royals 3-2, with the Royals leaving the tying run on third base to end the game.
Series MVP Madison Bumgarner closed out the win with five innings of relief to run his series record to 3-0 with a microscopic ERA of 0.43. (All the other Giants starters had a combined ERA of 9.92.) It was truly an historic individual performance, and a dramatic ending to a World Series.
And still, I was cobbling together a post about the first College Football Playoff rankings instead, because baseball just doesn't do it for me these days (and gets less traffic than football year round in Houston).
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-6PM
TicketsSun., Apr. 2, 10:00am
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-3PM
TicketsMon., Apr. 3, 10:00am
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 3PM-8PM
TicketsMon., Apr. 3, 3:00pm
Rice Owls Men's Baseball vs. Louisiana Tech Bulldogs Men's Baseball
TicketsFri., Apr. 7, 6:30pm
Thankfully, though, there is a prize for the World Series MVP. It's a Chevy truck, and fortunately someone has to present the truck to Bumgarner. And lucky for all of us, Chevy chose Rikk Wilde to handle the honors.
Who? Rikk Wilde, that's who...
Okay, that was maybe the most inexplicable, yet amazing, post-game presentation of any tangible object from one human being to another in the history of tangible objects and human beings. Let's see if we can mini-Zapruder this thing...
0:02 -- Let's start with the fact that the guy's name is Rikk Wilde, with two k's. The official list of occupations for guys named "Rikk Wilde" goes like this:
1. 1980s WWF jobber 2. Underground rapper 3. Greg Brady's alter ego persona in the next Brady Bunch movie (replacing "Johnny Bravo") . . . 4,517,899. Portly, nervous, stammering automobile executive
0:03 -- I say that he's an executive, but the fact of the matter is that they don't list his title in the graphic, instead just saying he is with "Chevrolet Sales & Marketing." I am going to make two gigantic assumptions here and surmise that a) Rikk has never actually sold a car in his life, and b) there's a decent chance that he's not an executive but instead a regular employee who won a lottery to present the World Series MVP. Why do I say that? Well, stand by...
0:12 -- Eight seconds. That's all Rikk was able to get through before he had to look down at his notes to remind himself that he worked for Chevrolet and this was the World Series. (Seriously, after Rikk Wilde's lambasting on Twitter after this performance, I'd easily pay 50 bucks for that note card on eBay just to see what it says on there. Its "train wreck moment" historical significance is underrated.)
0:15 -- Bud Selig is clutching the trophy in a way that makes you think that without the trophy there, he might fall down.
0:30 -- Wilde Man is dying on the vine (and right now, coincidentally, probably dying on several Vines on social media) and Bumgarner is staring at him like he is either a) crazy interested in smelling what the Rikk is cookin' or b) going to lay the smacketh down on Rikk Wilde's rooty poo, candy ass. No in-between.
0:34 -- Selig burps. Fact.
0:36 -- Dude had to check his notes to see what the new signature truck in their lineup was called. Apparently, model names aren't super-important in sales and marketing these days.
0:41 -- "It combines class, winning and leading, y'know, technology and stuff..." Seriously, if I go to a Chevy dealership to browse some trucks this weekend and I don't get a brochure touting the Chevy Colorado's "technology and stuff," I'll be so pissed.
0:54 -- Wilde reaches into his pocket to grab the keys to the truck to give to Bumgarner, and he does actually hand him some keys. HUGE WIN. (I say that because it was -150 that he would reach into his pocket and pull out a ham sandwich or a Three Musketeers.)
I think this tweet sums up the "handing over the keys" exchange...
— Sveiks (@Cincyirishfan) October 30, 2014
So I guess maybe I was wrong about baseball. That trophy presentation was legendary. Maybe if they had Rikk Wilde present something after every game, I'd write about baseball more.
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