American League (MLB)

Top Five-ish Things to Do in Houston Sports This Weekend: Memorial Day Edition

As a general rule, unless your team is in the NBA playoffs (I'd say NHL, but most of you wouldn't even know what I was talking about), this time of year can be pretty boring for sports fans. Baseball is still early in the year. There isn't the hint of football save OTAs and college sports are nearly ... More >>

Musicians, Music Offer Sweet Relief After a Terrible Week

Life can get pretty dreary at points, and last week was, without a doubt, the dreariest week in a long time. From the massive fertilizer-plant explosion that devastated West, Texas to the Boston Marathon bombing and everything in between, our nation faced some pretty horrific tragedies in which many ... More >>

Boston Bombing: Former New England Patriot Joe Andruzzi Was Rescuing People Yesterday

As is tradition on the third Monday every April, thousands of Bostonians and Boston visitors took the day off to celebrate Patriot's Day. On paper, Patriot's Day serves as a tribute to the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the first two battles of the Revolutionary War, but above and beyond that t ... More >>

One Man's (Idiotic?) 2013 Baseball Predictions

The major league baseball season opened up on Sunday night with the Rangers traveling to Rangers Ballpark in Arlington South to face the Astros. Most of the teams started up yesterday, and the rest of the league will get underway today. With the season getting underway, it's time once again to make ... More >>

The Screwball Economics of Major League Baseball

As another season begins, MLB faces an unsustainable future - and you're picking up the tab.

The Astros Will Suck, But They Do Have A Good Plan

The Houston Astros are a subject of much derision. They're a bad team with very few, if any, names on the roster recognizable to the average fan. They'll probably struggle to win 60 games. And there are national writers who think that the Astros are an embarrassment to baseball. I'm often critical ... More >>

Jim Crane and Charlie Finley: The Future Through The Past

A man buys a baseball team. He alienates the fans. He trades away all of the veterans with big contracts and attempts to build a team through the farm system. There's the threat of a forced move to another league. The other owners not wanting him in their club. And the commissioner treats him like a ... More >>

Complaints and the Media

The Astros Appear to Actually Have a Plan

It was quite the busy weekend for Astros GM Jeff Luhnow. He unloaded pitchers J.A. Happ, Brandon Lyon and David Carpenter on the Toronto Blue Jays on Friday, and he sent closer/clubhouse cancer Brett Myers to the Chicago White Sox on Saturday. Frankly, I'm shocked that any team in the American Lea ... More >>

Suggested Baseball Fan Behavior: An Ode to Detroit's Comerica Park

Last week, the Press' Margaret Downing, in Detroit for the Association of Alternative Newsmedia convention, took in a Tigers game at Comerica Park. She brought a souvenir back to the office: A full-color, 60-page "A-Z Guest Guide," which basically breaks down how to be a fan in verbose and silly l ... More >>

Yankee Fan Mule-Kicks Drunk Red Sox Fan (w/ VIDEO)

The Red Sox-Yankee rivalry is one of the fiercest in all of team sports, a true "throw out the won-loss record" hatred, if not between the teams then certainly between the respective fan bases. That acrimony was on full display this weekend. Strangely enough, the backdrop for what you're about to s ... More >>

In Which John Royal Predicts the Winner of the 2012 World Series

The major league baseball season officially started last week when the Oakland A's and Seattle Mariners played two games in Tokyo. Most of the other teams open on Thursday, and the Astros get started on Friday when they host the Colorado Rockies. Thus, here are my predictions for this season. NATI ... More >>

Texas Rangers Unveil Two-Foot Long Hot Dog Covered In Everything (w/ "Making Of" VIDEO)

Whether it's the television show Man vs Food or our fascination with the competitive eating circuit, never has the American public been more hell bent on trying to eat its collective self into a collective coma. As new and exciting food challenges at bars and restaurants drive cholesterol and heart ... More >>

Comment of the Day: The Day The Astros Died

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Worst Sports Night Ever? Texans Lose, Cards & Rangers to the Series

You'll have to put up with Tony LaRussa's mug for awhile.​Our Houston Texans analysis will be coming later, due to some unforeseen circumstances, but in its place let us ponder how the sporting gods have toyed with us. Sure, beating the Ravens in Baltimore would have been a big upset. But the ... More >>

Astros to AL with Jim Crane As Owner, Peter Gammons Says

Hello, AL West.​Peter Gammons probably has the best sources in Major League Baseball, and he's got news: The Astros sale to Jim Crane will be approved in mid-November, and the team will switch to the American League. Gammons tweets the sale "is expected to go through," so there's some wriggle ... More >>

Wednesday Was the Best Night of Baseball Ever, and We Have Dan Shaughnessy to Thank (w/ VIDEO)

Well, they say that if you're playing in a game that matters on the final game of the season, that's all you can hope for. The Astros were playing in a game that mattered last night; unfortunately, it mattered only for the opposition. For the Astros, last night's two-hit shutout was the final kick ... More >>

Moneyball

Field of Statistically Knowable Dreams

Red Sox Fan Gets to Second Base (The Good Kind -- w/ VIDEO!)

Fun at the old ballpark.​Last weekend, the Boston Red Sox came into Minute Maid Park and pretty much did everything to the Astros they possibly could short of making sweet love to all of their wives and girlfriends. If you're an Astros fan, it was just another lost weekend in a litany of lost ... More >>

Since When Is It Okay For Minute Maid Park To Be Fenway Park South?

Back in the day, even celebrities like Janine Turner couldn't be shown at Astros games if they were pulling for the opposing team​I started working with the Astrodome DiamondVision crew on opening day of the 1988 season. And I worked on that video crew, either at the Dome or at Enron Field, t ... More >>

Just Stop with the Astros to AL Talk Already

Just say no to douchebag Red Sox fans.​My twitter feed over the weekend was full up of tweets from people talking about how electric Minute Maid Park was, and about how packed it was with people just dying to see the Boston Red Sox play the Astros. And most of these people were using their tw ... More >>

For Vancouver: The Top 10 Sports Riots

twitpic/Chris WaltsNot bad, Vancouver, but you got some work to do​Oh, behave, Vancouver. Last night, a number of poor sports, distraught by the Canucks' loss to the Boston Bruins in game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals, went all kung fu on the British Columbia city. By past standards, Van ... More >>

MLB Realignment -- I Want The Astros In The American League (And I'm Bright!)

"I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb!"​Your Houston Astros lost 4-1 to the Atlanta Braves on Sunday afternoon to drop their record on the 2011 season to 24-42, the worst record in all of Major League Baseball. The Astros are a bad baseball team that is thoroughly uninteresting. As ... More >>

The Beauty of Short Hops: Or, Come Back Ken Tremendous, A Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You

​Author Michael Lewis wrote this book around the turn of the century that has dominated baseball discussion, for good and bad, ever since. This book, Moneyball, dealt with the efforts of Oakland A's general manager Billy Beane to field a competitive team despite not having the payroll to comp ... More >>

One Man's Predictions for This Baseball Season

​Believe it or not, it's time, yet again, for the Major League Baseball season to get underway. That's good news for those of us who enjoy watching the best players in baseball play the best sport ever created. That's bad news, however, for us Astros fans because, well, the Astros suck. But ... More >>

Texas Rangers vs Yankees: Who The Hell Can You Root For?

W vs. Rudy? That's no help​The American League Championship Series, also known as the Reminder That Some Texas MLB Teams Are Still Playing, continues on.We've tried, but we can't figure out who to root for in this thing. We know who to root against -- the Rangers, and the Yankees -- but that seems ... More >>

Texas Rangers: Five Things To Know About Them As They Begin The ALCS

Thanks for the Iraq War, Rangers​If you're an Astros fan, you might be surprised to learn that the baseball season did not end back in July -- that was just when the Astros season was deemed over. Baseball has continued to be played and, for the first time ever, the Texas Rangers are within a step ... More >>

Dear Drayton: Be Like Nolan Ryan And Lower Some Prices

This could be you, Drayton​Dear Drayton,I know that you probably don't pay any attention to anything that I say. If you did, Ed Wade would be on the unemployment line, Carlos Lee would be playing rancher fulltime, and Pedro Feliz would be playing baseball in some independent league where he belong ... More >>

Mark Cuban: With Nolan Ryan Out, It's Now Up To You To Save The Astros

Mark Cuban: Houston needs you, desperately​My dream for the Houston Astros was destroyed very, very early on Thursday morning when Nolan Ryan and his business partner, Chuck Greenberg, won the bankruptcy bidding for the Texas Rangers. I've written before that I was hoping Ryan's bid would lose, an ... More >>

Game Time: Roy Oswalt and Lance Berkman -- Five Thoughts

Photo by groovehouseActually enjoying a game at Minute Maid?​I know it's only three games. I know they were playing the Brewers. I know my judgment may be clouded by the fact that they actually won all three games, getting great pitching in the process. But I actually enjoyed going to an Ast ... More >>

Please, Let Mark Cuban Buy The Rangers, For The Astros' Sake

Help us, Obi-Wan KenNolan, you're our only hope​Don't despair, Houston Astros fans. I know you're tired of bad baseball. I know you're a tired of good ol' boy Drayton and his bumbling sidekick Ed. I know you're tired of laggards like Carlos Lee and contracts wasted on the likes of Pedro Feliz. I k ... More >>

Man U Fans Hate Houston (Or Maybe Just Us)

Take you stupidly shaped football and go home, Americans!​The MLS All-Star Game is only a day away, where the league's best will take on Manchester United, who are the New York Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, the Notre Dame of soccer: You either love them or hate them.We decided to hate them, just be ... More >>

Game Time: George Steinbrenner's Death Raises Anxiety of Billionaires

You may be rich, but your heirs may be dangerous come December​If you're one of those people that has tried a thousand different ways to take off weight, somewhere along the way you've probably tried Bill Phillips "Body For Life" program. It's a pretty popular one because (a) it works and (b) it ... More >>

George Steinbrenner: One More Eulogy

Raise a calzone and pour out a 40 for The (Other) Boss​I hate the New York Yankees. I hate that they win all of the time. And I hate that everything that happens in baseball seems to revolve around the Yankees. I hate that the team has its own network. And that the Yankees have a seemingly endless ... More >>

Game Time: George Steinbrenner, 1930-2010

Jay Buhner for Ken Phelps?​I hated the Yankees growing up. No...I mean it, I HATED them. I hate them still now, but it's sort of a numb, latent, "I'm hating them because I'm just supposed to" kind of hate.When I was a teenager growing up in Connecticut worshiping Jim Rice, Dwight Evans, and Yaz, ... More >>

25 Ways You Know The Astros' Season Has Become Really, Really Bad

The new t-shirt at Minute Maid​You know the Houston Astros are a bad team when...1.  ...the only thing the team is first at is having the first pitcher in the majors to lose 10 games. Congratulations, Wandy.2.  ...Geoff Blum not only gets consistent playing time at third base, but also s ... More >>

Longhorn Network: Death Knell Of The Big 12?

There was a rumor about a tumor...​Back in the 1950s, with the Dodgers relocated to Los Angeles and the Giants to San Francisco, New York City found itself with only one baseball team, the Yankees.And despite the so-called popularity of the sport, there were still only 16 major league teams. ... More >>

Rice's Anthony Rendon: Start Sucking Even Worse, Astros, In Order To Get This Guy

Photo courtesy RiceSoon to be a rich man​The Rice Owls were coasting to a pretty easy win Sunday afternoon, leading Louisiana-Lafayette 8-1 in the bottom of the eighth inning. But the Cajuns had two men on and two out when Matt Goulas sent a rocket down the third base line. Rice third baseman Anth ... More >>

Game Time: Ken Griffey, Jr.: Baseball's Tracy McGrady?

Not as good as Tom Gordon. Who?​I'm not sure if the back-burnering of Ken Griffey, Jr.'s sudden retirement yesterday speaks more to the magnitude of the Jim Joyce/Armando Galarraga aborted perfect game fiasco or just how far the perception of Griffey as a sure-fire lock of a future Hall of Famer h ... More >>

Game Time: Jim Joyce Cheats History And Disgarces Fu Manchu Wearers Worldwide

The freeze-frame is blurry but decisive: One blown call​"It was the biggest call of my career, and I kicked the [bleep] out of it....I just cost that kid a perfect game." -- MLB Umpire Jim JoyceI'll admit, this is new territory for me. I mean, in my nearly nine months of writing here on Hous ... More >>

Chris Johnson: Time To Move Him Up From Round Rock

A mistke...admit it. ADMIT IT​Before I go further, I first want to congratulate Houston Astros GM Ed Wade for ignoring Pat Burrell.Burrell was recently released by the Tampa Bay Rays, and over the weekend he signed a minor league contract with the San Francisco Giants. I want to congratulate Wade ... More >>

Game Time: Celtics, Feel Better -- Five Officiating Decisions That Were WAY Worse Than Kendrick Perkins' Second Technical

Sorry about that fifth down.....​It's funny, because I'm from New England, people automatically assume that I am a fan of all the Boston teams. To wit, last night as the Celtics were imploding in Orlando, my iPhone was blowing up with text messages asking if I was starting to get worried about th ... More >>

Game Time: Jose Lima, 1972-2010

"I was born for this, I love baseball, and remember guys, it's still Lima Time, and it's always Lima Time. You gotta believe that." -- Jose Lima, 2009 as a member of the Long Beach Armada in the independent Golden Baseball League Much like the man behind the movement, "Lima Time" is simultaneousl ... More >>

Kaz Is Gone, But The Astros Pain Endures

Photo by Aaron M. SprecherWhen the world is upside down, Kaz won't still be around​Kazuo Matsui is gone. He is no longer a Houston Astros. Things are well with the world. All of the Astros problems are solved. World Series, here they come.Okay, not really. The Astros still suck. They're goin ... More >>

Game Time: Houston Astros 2010 Silver Linings, Volume 1: Their Players Stay Awake All Nine Innings!

Nap time for Mr. Griffey​Having spent about fifteen years in the corporate world prior to getting into radio three years ago, I always promised myself that I would never be the radio guy who complains about actually having to go cover games. There are fans who would gnaw off their right arm to ha ... More >>

The Top 5 Musical Eco-Fails

uscgd8 via Flick​The bad news about the Deepwater Horizon oil spill is that BP's magic undersea dome didn't work, and the slick is now the size of Connecticut. And unless the latest half-assed stopgap measure (a "junk shot" of debris fired down the well in an attempt to plug it) works, it could be ... More >>

How The Hell Can The Astros Be Outdrawing The Rays?

Good baseball, no trains in the ballpark​I saw the most amazing thing the other day. The Houston Astros, one of the worst teams in baseball, are outdrawing the Tampa Bay Rays, one of the best teams in baseball. And I just can't figure out why.I thought the purpose of baseball was winning baseball ... More >>

Game Time: Cinco De Mayo...Frenchies, Bye Bye-Oh!!

Mexico joins the not-so-exclusive "We kicked French ass" club​Go to any Cinco de Mayo celebration today and ask ten of the patrons what exactly they are celebrating and you're likely to get a range of answers that looks like this: -- Six drunks slurring that it's Mexico's Independence day -- Two ... More >>

Nolan Ryan: Abandon The Rangers And Run The Astros, Please

We'll take sloppy seconds if that Rangers deal falls through​The news is that Drayton McLane is still attempting to sell the Houston Astros. After the laughingstock that he turned this franchise into, I can't say that I blame him for wanting to dump the club on anybody who will meet his financial ... More >>