Beaumont

Keep the Chain

The Grim Sweepers

Cover Story: Heads You Lose, Tails You Lose

People Are Talking About Coins. And Beaumont. And Us.

Flooded-Prison Lawsuit Moved Back to Texas

Prisoners In Beaumont Federal Pen Sue Over Work Conditions

Earlier this year, we brought you the story of the hundreds of inmates at the maximum-security federal penitentiary in Beaumont who sued the U.S. government claiming officials did not evacuate them during Hurricane Rita and thereby forced them to endure inhumane, medieval conditions. While that lega ... More >>

Lonesome Onry and Mean: The Gourds, Part 2

Andy Goodwin [Note: Part 1 of this interview is here.] Lonesome Onry and Mean: You guys have been on several labels, have probably heard all the too-good-to-be-true come-ons, been to the meetings with label radio gurus and all. How do you look at the label system and the way things are done in th ... More >>

They Don't Make Cop Concerts Like They Used To In Beaumont

Via Bayou, the Beaumont Enterprise's lively blog, we got directed to an old posting on the Octane Radio Network.And let's just say -- they don't make police concerts like they used to. In 1957 -- when Rock and Roll was still the Devil's Music -- the Beaumont cops bring in Johnny Cash and Jerry Lee ... More >>

Monster Trucks on Ice

What would Brian Boitano think?

Vainglorious

What would Brian Boitano think?

Art of Beer

The Art Museum of Southeast Texas hosts its own Oktoberfest

The Smoking Ban

Has it been good for Houston? A dozen local music figures sound off

Calvin Owens Orchestra, Barbara Lynn, Evelyn Rubio, Pete Mayes, Rue Davis, Tweed Smith

The Calvin Owens Orchestra and special guests perform 9 p.m. Saturday, August 4, at the Howling Coyote, 6536 FM 1960 West, 281-444-3401.

Heads You Lose, Tails You Lose: Lie, Puke and Say No

Coin brokers are taught that customers aren't trustworthy

Texas coin companies target elderly investors

Heads you lose, tails you lose

SARTIN'S

Despite natural disasters and failed marriages, this seafood joint lives on

$50K Between Friends

A donation stirs things up at LULAC

Crab Man

Meet Doug Sartin, onetime heir apparent to a Texas barbecued crab dynasty

Holy Sh--!

The most-hyped hurricane season ever is upon us

Crab Invasion

Sartin's

A Spirited Defense

Dragon boat races breathe fire into Buffalo Bayou

Best Bathroom for Bowser

Fire Museum of Texas

The Kingfisher

A rejuvenated Tracy Byrd decides to keep angling for hits

This Just In: A Wiffle-Ball Bat Is Not A Deadly Weapon

Partying in Beaumont -- does it get any better? The smoky industrial fumes, the Golden Triangle aura, the knowledge that at any moment you could up and visit the Babe Didrikson Zaharias Museum if you wanted to: It's what makes life in Beaumont so good.As long as you keep the Wiffle-Ball Bats safely ... More >>

Aftermath: We Were Wolves and Satin Hooks, Born to Be Wild at the Mink

Photos by Chris Gray​ It's been false-starting for a couple of years, but that grunge revival may be right around the corner - if it ever went anywhere in the first place. Beaumont's We Were Wolves plugged into the Mudhoney machine at the Mink Tuesday night, crafting sludgy sheets of guitar noise ... More >>

It's A Joyful Gun-Shop Christmas In Beaumont

The ultimate Texas Christmas song comes to us from JJ's Pawn in Beaumont (hat tip to the Bayou blog).It's not the sterling production values that make this a winner, it's the True Spirit of Christmas that shines through as the sales staff, standing in front of what seems like a militia armory, offer ... More >>

Today's Forecast: Cloudy With A Chance Of God-Awful Rap

We have seen some white rappers in our time. But they don't come much whiter than Nick Kosir, morning weatherman on Beaumont's Fox station. This apparently is Kosir's third rap weathercast (Follow his tweets where he pimps himself heavily here.) It's about on the level of some slightly tipsy Junior ... More >>

In Other News, There's A Job Opening

​ Once again, the Bayou blog -- a must-read for all your Golden Triangle weirdness -- comes through.This is a screen capture of Beaumont's Fox 4 web page, which features news headlines and a "Job of the Day."We can only say that they move quickly in Beaumont.

In Ongoing Bat Invasion Of Texas, Terrifying New Theaters Of War Opened

​Two weeks ago today, in an nearly all-but-exclusive report, Hair Balls broke the story of the ongoing bat invasion of Texas schools and courthouses.At the time, the winged mammals had seized control of two schools in Clear Lake and one each in Chambers and Matagorda counties. They had also staked ... More >>

A Playoff Victory For The Ages, Or For The Want Of A Good Travel Agent A Championship Was Lost

​As fans travel to Houston for the NCAA regionals, they can only hope their favorite team shows as much spunk, as much desire, as much can-do spirit as Beaumont's Southeast Texas Mavericks.The Mavericks are part of the American Basketball Association (suggested slogan: "Not the ABA You're Thinking ... More >>

Sarah Vowell Comes To Beaumont (Of All Places)

​Something about the idea of Sarah Vowell, that This American Life star, regular NPR contributor, droll historian, frequent Jon Stewart foil, voice of Violet of The Incredibles and all around Person Who White People Like coming to Beaumont was utterly irresistible.It seemed like the exact inverse ... More >>

A Street Tale: The $15,000 Condom

​Around noon on February 11, an unidentified Beaumont man -- a horny one, by the sound of this report -- was patrolling the city's southside streets in his SUV, looking for action.He found it in the form of 26-year-old Renee Denise Stoker, who likely didn't advertise the fact that she had been arr ... More >>

Apparently The Noid Was Unavailable for Questioning

No one can tell when a hot wing jones will overcome them. You might be sitting on the couch, watching a Saved by the Bell marathon, when bam, you get the fierce craving for spicy Buffalo goodness. When we've been broke and this happened, we've done some crazy things, like pour ranch sauce on our fin ... More >>

Houston Is Under Attack

Bedbugs threaten our slumber.

Army Helmets Made By Beaumont Prisoners Are Recalled For Safety Hazards

Vic Morrow, dealing with the scum who made him a crappy helmet​It looks like it's getting harder to find good help these days -- especially when the help are federal prisoners: earlier this month, the U.S. Army recalled 44,000 helmets manufactured by Beaumont inmates working for Federal Pris ... More >>

Spineshank: Nu-Metal Group Saved By Texas' Judicial System

​You're big fans of Spineshank, the California nu-metal group, right? Who isn't?Well, us. But it's only because we haven't heard the albums Self-Destructive Pattern or Strictly Diesel, or the songs "Smothered" and "New Disease." We're sure we'd jump on the Spineshank bandwagon if we did.But Spines ... More >>

What Rhymes With Anahuac? We Ask The Rapping Weatherman

Nick Kosir, Beaumont's Rapping Weatherman, has a posse​We wrote about Beaumont's rapping weatherman Nick Kosir last week, and as we mentioned then, we weren't the first to do so. ESPN2's Sports Nation, The Huffington Post and the ever-illustrious Ryan Seacrest have all recognized Kosir for his ... More >>

Continuing the Crab Kick at Zydeco

​Okay, so maybe I'm on a bit of a crab kick lately. But there's something about summer and crab that go together like summer and peaches, summer and tomatoes, summer and field peas. It's just one of those things you helplessly gobble down in the heat of the year, knowing they won't be as good ... More >>

Prisoners Still Can't Get No Relief from Courts, Rita

​In the end, it wasn't about how awful the conditions were for inmates trapped inside a Beaumont federal prison during Hurricane Rita. To the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, it was all about jurisdiction. Two years ago, more than 400 former and current inmates sued the U.S. government, claimin ... More >>

A Side Lover's Lament

ilovememphis​Stop right there before you head down to comment land at the bottom of the page and write, "You don't go to barbecue restaurants for the sides." Don't even think of writing that -- it's just a dumb thing to say. If barbecue restaurants don't want to be judged on their sides, then ... More >>

BREAKING & URGENT: Rapping Weatherman Will Not Rap At New SF Gig

Nick Kosir's rapping career is KIA​The day Kurt Cobain ended it all. The afternoon Paul McCartney sued his fellow Beatles. The first time NKOTB broke up.All of those could be called The Days The Music Died, but they pale in comparison to the news that comes from our sister paper SF Weekly: Beaumon ... More >>

Nick Kosir: The Rapping Weatherman's San Francisco Gig Is Over

All of Houston has been following semi-breathlessly the sage of rapping weatherman Nick Kosir who has either appalled or entertained viewers (in Beaumont and on YouTube) with his white-man-raps schtick.He seemingly rode his talent to the big time -- San Francisco, which is a hell of a lot better TV ... More >>

The Jerk Church Called: They're Running Out Of You

The meek shall inherit the earth, whilst calling people "jerks"​Commuters in Beaumont are, unwittingly or not, taking part in a bold new experiment in church advertising: The "You're a Jerk!" school of theology.

YouTubed Beaumont Catfights Freak Texas the F Out

The Southeast Texas portion of the Internet is a-crackle with a report out of Beaumont about fight videos produced by their local youth, some of them shot at area high schools with teenage bystanders egging on the participants. What seems to shock the writers of these stories the most is that many ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Tattoo Logic

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Tangerine: Yacht Rock, Golden Triangle-Style

​Ahh, Yacht Rock... Yacht Rock...Back in 2006, when we were still the music editor here, this unlikeliest of pop revivals filled our tattered sails with it's magical zephyr: The raw power of really smooth music. While those days now seem as long ago as Jim Messina's relevance on the nationa ... More >>

Ghosts and the Paranormal in Beaumont This Weekend

Just pray the streams don't cross in Beaumont this weekend​If you ever wanted to hear from the country's top paranormal investigators, get your Bigfoot on with expert cryptozoologists, or talk to other people who regularly see saucer-shaped aircraft whizzing through the night sky, then you nee ... More >>

Sex Equality in the Workplace: Not in Texas

All things not being equal....​If you're looking for cities where women are not treated equally in the workplace, welcome to Texas, according to a report by US News & World Report. They've ranked cities all across the country on gender equality, and four of the bottom ten are in the Lone Star ... More >>

U Can't Sing This: When Office-Party Karaoke Goes Very, Very Wrong

Label this video Exhibit A​Via our pals at the Bayou, we have found slam-dunk evidence that it is always a bad idea to participate in karaoke at your office Christmas party. A clip of a Beaumont party includes what might be the world's worst rendition of "U Can't Touch This," and that is a ve ... More >>

Pay No Attention To The Amazing Car Crash Happening Live On Our Camera, Please

When news breaks....​A reporter needs a nose for news. Sometimes, though, that nose is stuffed. This isn't the highest-quality video, but it does show what was airing at KFDM during the recent bad weather. The station tapped into one of Beaumont's live-action traffic cams, while a reporter t ... More >>