Beaumont

COPS Will Soon Be Filming Mulleted Ne'er Do Wells in Beaumont

If you've ever been jealous of the (alleged) perps on "COPS," resplendent in their beer-soaked wife-beaters and mullets, shouting about how that crack rock in their back pocket wasn't really theirs because those really aren't their pants, as they're forced to the ground in front of their trailer whi ... More >>

Great Egret Found Walking Around Front Yards With An Arrow In It

Great Egrets can be distinguished by their yellow bills and black legs and feet. And in Beaumont, they sometimes can be distinguished by the arrow sticking out of them as they wander through neighborhoods. Beaumont police say they received a call last week that a large white bird that "was going f ... More >>

Morrissey Once Again Postpones Jefferson Theatre Gig

On Friday night, Morrissey fans learned that the former Smiths front man and bard of the morose had yet again postponed his gig at Beaumont's Jefferson Theatre. This show had been highly anticipated, for the relatively out of the way venue and the fact that the man hasn't played in this region sin ... More >>

Man Who Bit Off Woman's Ear in Beaumont Probably Not Mike Tyson

Some days just don't go the way you want. There you are, in line at a convenience store, minding your own business, just trying to buy some Skittles and beef jerky, and out of nowhere, some dude sneaks up behind you and bites your damn ear off! You'd be surprised at how often that happens in East Te ... More >>

Introducing the Rappers of Kickback Sunday's New Cypher Video

We've written about Kickback Sundays before, an event hosted by clothing/apparel store SF2 that champions the Houston underground rap scene. The weekly (but seasonal) competition for upstart rappers offers an assortment of prizes, ranging from free CD pressings and beats from a few of the city's pre ... More >>

Crustacean Combat Sends Two Beaumont Women (Ages 70, 23) to Hospital with Gunshot Wounds

Initial reports out of the Golden Triangle said that two women -- one 70, and the other 23, neither identified -- were shot during the course of a heated argument about crawfish. Those reports were incorrect. In actual fact, the women apparently shot each other over shrimp. Now that's Gulf Coas ... More >>

Road Trip? Morrissey Coming To Beaumont, Not Houston, In December

Later this year Texas will once again be graced by the presence of former Smiths frontman and cult icon Morrissey, who is embarking on a shortish U.S. tour. The frequently controversial crooner and vegetarian hero is hitting all the major cities in the Lone Star State, like Pharr...and Wichita Fal ... More >>

Comment of the Day: She Got Her Mother's Day Gift

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit ... More >>

Pay No Attention To The Amazing Car Crash Happening Live On Our Camera, Please

When news breaks....​A reporter needs a nose for news. Sometimes, though, that nose is stuffed. This isn't the highest-quality video, but it does show what was airing at KFDM during the recent bad weather. The station tapped into one of Beaumont's live-action traffic cams, while a reporter t ... More >>

U Can't Sing This: When Office-Party Karaoke Goes Very, Very Wrong

Label this video Exhibit A​Via our pals at the Bayou, we have found slam-dunk evidence that it is always a bad idea to participate in karaoke at your office Christmas party. A clip of a Beaumont party includes what might be the world's worst rendition of "U Can't Touch This," and that is a ve ... More >>

Sex Equality in the Workplace: Not in Texas

All things not being equal....​If you're looking for cities where women are not treated equally in the workplace, welcome to Texas, according to a report by US News & World Report. They've ranked cities all across the country on gender equality, and four of the bottom ten are in the Lone Star ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Tattoo Logic

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

YouTubed Beaumont Catfights Freak Texas the F Out

The Southeast Texas portion of the Internet is a-crackle with a report out of Beaumont about fight videos produced by their local youth, some of them shot at area high schools with teenage bystanders egging on the participants. What seems to shock the writers of these stories the most is that many ... More >>

The Jerk Church Called: They're Running Out Of You

The meek shall inherit the earth, whilst calling people "jerks"​Commuters in Beaumont are, unwittingly or not, taking part in a bold new experiment in church advertising: The "You're a Jerk!" school of theology.

Nick Kosir: The Rapping Weatherman's San Francisco Gig Is Over

All of Houston has been following semi-breathlessly the sage of rapping weatherman Nick Kosir who has either appalled or entertained viewers (in Beaumont and on YouTube) with his white-man-raps schtick.He seemingly rode his talent to the big time -- San Francisco, which is a hell of a lot better TV ... More >>

BREAKING & URGENT: Rapping Weatherman Will Not Rap At New SF Gig

Nick Kosir's rapping career is KIA​The day Kurt Cobain ended it all. The afternoon Paul McCartney sued his fellow Beatles. The first time NKOTB broke up.All of those could be called The Days The Music Died, but they pale in comparison to the news that comes from our sister paper SF Weekly: Beaumon ... More >>

Prisoners Still Can't Get No Relief from Courts, Rita

​In the end, it wasn't about how awful the conditions were for inmates trapped inside a Beaumont federal prison during Hurricane Rita. To the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, it was all about jurisdiction. Two years ago, more than 400 former and current inmates sued the U.S. government, claimin ... More >>

A Side Lover's Lament

ilovememphis​Stop right there before you head down to comment land at the bottom of the page and write, "You don't go to barbecue restaurants for the sides." Don't even think of writing that -- it's just a dumb thing to say. If barbecue restaurants don't want to be judged on their sides, then ... More >>

What Rhymes With Anahuac? We Ask The Rapping Weatherman

Nick Kosir, Beaumont's Rapping Weatherman, has a posse​We wrote about Beaumont's rapping weatherman Nick Kosir last week, and as we mentioned then, we weren't the first to do so. ESPN2's Sports Nation, The Huffington Post and the ever-illustrious Ryan Seacrest have all recognized Kosir for his ... More >>

Spineshank: Nu-Metal Group Saved By Texas' Judicial System

​You're big fans of Spineshank, the California nu-metal group, right? Who isn't?Well, us. But it's only because we haven't heard the albums Self-Destructive Pattern or Strictly Diesel, or the songs "Smothered" and "New Disease." We're sure we'd jump on the Spineshank bandwagon if we did.But Spines ... More >>

Apparently The Noid Was Unavailable for Questioning

No one can tell when a hot wing jones will overcome them. You might be sitting on the couch, watching a Saved by the Bell marathon, when bam, you get the fierce craving for spicy Buffalo goodness. When we've been broke and this happened, we've done some crazy things, like pour ranch sauce on our fin ... More >>

A Street Tale: The $15,000 Condom

​Around noon on February 11, an unidentified Beaumont man -- a horny one, by the sound of this report -- was patrolling the city's southside streets in his SUV, looking for action.He found it in the form of 26-year-old Renee Denise Stoker, who likely didn't advertise the fact that she had been arr ... More >>

Sarah Vowell Comes To Beaumont (Of All Places)

​Something about the idea of Sarah Vowell, that This American Life star, regular NPR contributor, droll historian, frequent Jon Stewart foil, voice of Violet of The Incredibles and all around Person Who White People Like coming to Beaumont was utterly irresistible.It seemed like the exact inverse ... More >>

A Playoff Victory For The Ages, Or For The Want Of A Good Travel Agent A Championship Was Lost

​As fans travel to Houston for the NCAA regionals, they can only hope their favorite team shows as much spunk, as much desire, as much can-do spirit as Beaumont's Southeast Texas Mavericks.The Mavericks are part of the American Basketball Association (suggested slogan: "Not the ABA You're Thinking ... More >>

In Ongoing Bat Invasion Of Texas, Terrifying New Theaters Of War Opened

​Two weeks ago today, in an nearly all-but-exclusive report, Hair Balls broke the story of the ongoing bat invasion of Texas schools and courthouses.At the time, the winged mammals had seized control of two schools in Clear Lake and one each in Chambers and Matagorda counties. They had also staked ... More >>

In Other News, There's A Job Opening

​ Once again, the Bayou blog -- a must-read for all your Golden Triangle weirdness -- comes through.This is a screen capture of Beaumont's Fox 4 web page, which features news headlines and a "Job of the Day."We can only say that they move quickly in Beaumont.

Today's Forecast: Cloudy With A Chance Of God-Awful Rap

We have seen some white rappers in our time. But they don't come much whiter than Nick Kosir, morning weatherman on Beaumont's Fox station. This apparently is Kosir's third rap weathercast (Follow his tweets where he pimps himself heavily here.) It's about on the level of some slightly tipsy Junior ... More >>

It's A Joyful Gun-Shop Christmas In Beaumont

The ultimate Texas Christmas song comes to us from JJ's Pawn in Beaumont (hat tip to the Bayou blog).It's not the sterling production values that make this a winner, it's the True Spirit of Christmas that shines through as the sales staff, standing in front of what seems like a militia armory, offer ... More >>

Aftermath: We Were Wolves and Satin Hooks, Born to Be Wild at the Mink

Photos by Chris Gray​ It's been false-starting for a couple of years, but that grunge revival may be right around the corner - if it ever went anywhere in the first place. Beaumont's We Were Wolves plugged into the Mudhoney machine at the Mink Tuesday night, crafting sludgy sheets of guitar noise ... More >>

This Just In: A Wiffle-Ball Bat Is Not A Deadly Weapon

Partying in Beaumont -- does it get any better? The smoky industrial fumes, the Golden Triangle aura, the knowledge that at any moment you could up and visit the Babe Didrikson Zaharias Museum if you wanted to: It's what makes life in Beaumont so good.As long as you keep the Wiffle-Ball Bats safely ... More >>

They Don't Make Cop Concerts Like They Used To In Beaumont

Via Bayou, the Beaumont Enterprise's lively blog, we got directed to an old posting on the Octane Radio Network.And let's just say -- they don't make police concerts like they used to. In 1957 -- when Rock and Roll was still the Devil's Music -- the Beaumont cops bring in Johnny Cash and Jerry Lee ... More >>

Lonesome Onry and Mean: The Gourds, Part 2

Andy Goodwin [Note: Part 1 of this interview is here.] Lonesome Onry and Mean: You guys have been on several labels, have probably heard all the too-good-to-be-true come-ons, been to the meetings with label radio gurus and all. How do you look at the label system and the way things are done in th ... More >>

Prisoners In Beaumont Federal Pen Sue Over Work Conditions

Earlier this year, we brought you the story of the hundreds of inmates at the maximum-security federal penitentiary in Beaumont who sued the U.S. government claiming officials did not evacuate them during Hurricane Rita and thereby forced them to endure inhumane, medieval conditions. While that lega ... More >>

Flooded-Prison Lawsuit Moved Back to Texas

Art of Beer

The Art Museum of Southeast Texas hosts its own Oktoberfest

Calvin Owens Orchestra, Barbara Lynn, Evelyn Rubio, Pete Mayes, Rue Davis, Tweed Smith

The Calvin Owens Orchestra and special guests perform 9 p.m. Saturday, August 4, at the Howling Coyote, 6536 FM 1960 West, 281-444-3401.

People Are Talking About Coins. And Beaumont. And Us.

Heads You Lose, Tails You Lose: Lie, Puke and Say No

Coin brokers are taught that customers aren't trustworthy

Texas coin companies target elderly investors

Heads you lose, tails you lose

Cover Story: Heads You Lose, Tails You Lose

Keep the Chain

SARTIN'S

Despite natural disasters and failed marriages, this seafood joint lives on

$50K Between Friends

A donation stirs things up at LULAC

The Grim Sweepers

Crab Man

Meet Doug Sartin, onetime heir apparent to a Texas barbecued crab dynasty

Crab Invasion

Sartin's

A Spirited Defense

Dragon boat races breathe fire into Buffalo Bayou

Monster Trucks on Ice

What would Brian Boitano think?

Best Bathroom for Bowser

Fire Museum of Texas

Vainglorious