Big Ten Conference

2013 NFL Draft, First Round: 4 Winners, 4 Losers

All right, it's Friday morning, and either you're hungover from getting destroyed by the Battle-Drink BINGO drinking card for the NFL Draft or you're mentally exhausted from sweating out all the NFL Draft prop bets I shared with you earlier this week. Either way, however shitty you feel is likely my ... More >>

Chubby Checker, the Man Who Killed the Boner App

There's no way to say this in a ladylike fashion, so fuck it. Because someone, somewhere wants me to make middle-school boner jokes today, Chubby Checker of "Twist" fame is suing Hewlett-Packard and Palm for releasing the "Chubby Checker," an app used to estimate a dude's potential boner size by me ... More >>

2012 College Football Media Days, From Best to Most All-Out Painful

A few years ago, ESPN anointed the various college football media days as the unofficial start to the season. We get it. Folks are starved for some mutha-effing football so placing an artificial start date on the season and posting previews and interviews is going to get media outlets a hell of a l ... More >>

Please Please Me: Rock's Top 10 Greatest Double Entendres

​Almost half a century ago this month, the Beatles released their first U.S. single, "Please Please Me." Though a fine example of the group's early pop sound, it wasn't an immediate smash in the States. After being issued in England on the EMI-owned Parlophone label on Jan. 12, 1963, Capitol ... More >>

Pedobear Shows Up at Penn State-UH Game

Even if you were watching closely as UH dominated Penn State in the Ticketcity.com Bowl Monday, you might not have noticed one attendee. The notorious Pedobear, an Internet meme embodying child molesters, was not only there, not only carrying a sign with the Penn State symbol saying "Keep Quiet and ... More >>

Comment of the Day: The Pain of Playing Penn State

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets

Odd sare Brian Kelly won't look like this Satruday night​As I get ready to drop some more decidedly mediocre wagering knowledge on all of you this weekend, I have one quick thought to share with you on the opening weekend of the NFL season: This time last season, these were your starting quar ... More >>

For Vancouver: The Top 10 Sports Riots

twitpic/Chris WaltsNot bad, Vancouver, but you got some work to do​Oh, behave, Vancouver. Last night, a number of poor sports, distraught by the Canucks' loss to the Boston Bruins in game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals, went all kung fu on the British Columbia city. By past standards, Van ... More >>

Dear Penis: 20 Songs About The Tube Snake Boogie

prince.orgGuess who turns 53 today?​Good Lord, what would we do if not for Weinergate? It's hot as hell outside, the Astros are terrible and Rick Perry might run for president next year. But as long as there are congressmen tweeting pictures of their junk to women they barely know, Rocks Off h ... More >>

Texas Bowl Gets Baylor! And, Ummm, Illinois

Texas Bowl 2010: The return of Art Briles​The 2010 Texas Bowl will give Houston a look at the surprisingly successful Baylor Bears, headed by former UH coach Art Briles. The good news: Baylor is breaking a 16-year bowl drought. The semi-bad news, in terms of the chances for a compelling footb ... More >>

Rice Faces Northwestern In Battle Of The Brainiacs

The Rice of the north meets the Northwestern of the south​The Rice Owls (1-1) open the Rice Stadium portion of their home schedule on Saturday night when they host the Big 10's Northwestern Wildcats (2-0). But despite last week's 32-31 come from behind win over North Texas, the Owls know that they ... More >>

Game Time: College Football -- Celebrating 90210 and the Big 12

A&M: The Dylan McKay of the Big 12​I hate making tough decisions. Today was one of those days. I mean, you have the start of the college football season, which in my house and on my show is like Christmas morning wrapped up in a 21st birthday party.And yet, it is also September 2, 2010 -- th ... More >>

Longhorn Network: Death Knell Of The Big 12?

There was a rumor about a tumor...​Back in the 1950s, with the Dodgers relocated to Los Angeles and the Giants to San Francisco, New York City found itself with only one baseball team, the Yankees.And despite the so-called popularity of the sport, there were still only 16 major league teams. ... More >>

Game Time: The Longhorn Network -- A Few Programming Ideas

Tonight at 8: Bevo Gone Wild​I often think how cool it must have been to have the first fast-food restaurant in a given town. You plunk down your McDonald's, start flipping about a thousand burgers an hour (quantity over quality when you're that busy), and watch the money roll in.And then Bu ... More >>

Game Time: New Pac-10 ALREADY Making Southwest Conference Look Like The Ivy League (...and revised PRS rankings!)

Welcome to the Big Ten!​The winds of change yesterday went from cool breeze to Hurricane Tom (as in Osborne, as in "adios", as in "How's that taste, Kansas?"), with Nebraska apparently accepting an invitation from the Big Ten to become its twelfth member.It remains to be seen if Nebraska is ... More >>

Game Time: College Football: The New Pendergast Realignment Strength-O-Meter!

Yo, Nebraska​In the third season of The Sopranos, just after Tony's nephew Christopher becomes a "made guy," there's a scene where shortly after getting his stripes officially, Chrissy is in the pizza parlor wearing a brand new $1,000 suit with one of a handful of Soprano family lackeys in tow. A ... More >>

Game Time: Yeah, My Bracket Blows, But At Least I'm Not This Guy

​Sometimes I forget that the cushy little sports world I live in is not the end-all and be-all. For the better part of the last two weeks, it has felt like everything was crashing down around me as housewives and receptionists everywhere had outpicked me on their March Madness brackets using such ... More >>

Taylor Swift Madness at the South Regional Semis in Houston

​Yesterday was media day at the South Regional, and while the players and coaches got used to the Reliant Stadium court set-up, and while fans got a sneak-peek of just how bad the seating and sight lines actually are, we media got busy coming up with the story lines that will guide you fans th ... More >>

NCAA Finals: Technically, That Was a Basketball Game

Photo by Beau B I've got a bit of a tradition. Every NCAA Men's Basketball title game, I get together with one of my best friends, Jodie. College basketball to her is like baseball is to me. So every year, more or less, since 1990, we've gotten together to watch basketball. Including last night. ... More >>

NCAA Finals: Technically, That Was a Basketball Game

Photo by Beau B I've got a bit of a tradition. Every NCAA Men's Basketball title game, I get together with one of my best friends, Jodie. College basketball to her is like baseball is to me. So every year, more or less, since 1990, we've gotten together to watch basketball. Including last night. ... More >>

Longhorns Can't Brag About Buckeye Victory

I want to thank The Ohio State Buckeyes. Sure, they lost to the Texas Longhorns, but because the Longhorns needed a bad spot by the referees to help get the victory, I'm pretty damn sure that the country has been saved from listening to Longhorn fans bitch about not playing for the BCS Title. Beca ... More >>

Longhorns Can't Brag About Buckeye Victory

I want to thank The Ohio State Buckeyes. Sure, they lost to the Texas Longhorns, but because the Longhorns needed a bad spot by the referees to help get the victory, I'm pretty damn sure that the country has been saved from listening to Longhorn fans bitch about not playing for the BCS Title. Beca ... More >>

Texas Tech, Say Hello to Number Two

Texas College Football Report, Whining Aggie Edition

The John Royal College Football Top 25, Week Six

College Football Review: Tulsa Beats Rice in Douchebag Bowl

College Football Preview, Zooey Deschanel Edition

The John Royal College Football Top 25, Week Five

The John Royal College Football Top 25, Week Four

The John Royal College Football Top 25, Week Three

The College Football Review, With a Little More Ashley Judd

The Top Five Texas Cheerleader Scandals

John Royal’s NCAA Basketball Picks, Take Two

John Royal’s NCAA Picks

What to Watch: Football, Hockey, Football and Football

John Royal’s Top Twenty Sports Moments of 2007, Part One

Pro Athlete Musicians

Athletes step off the field and into the studio

The College Football Preview, Week Nine: What Do Pushing Daisies, The Office and Chuck Have to Do with Football? Good Question.

The College Football Review, Week Seven: Plenty of Reasons to Get Upset

The College Football Review, Week Four: Coogs Win Despite Mascot Shame

College Football Roundup

Finally! Mock Draft Version 5.0

Miss Cleo Answers the Bell

Football U: The Battle of the Top 2

Football U: The Battle of the Top 2

Football U., Week 2

Football U., Week 2

Welcome to Football U

Welcome to Football U

Fire in the Belly

Rice's new basketball director reveals the secret of his fall from NBA stardom