Subject: Chuck Norris

• Chuck and Huck, Sittin’ in a Tree…

  January 7, 2008

• Mike Huckabee Will Rock You

  January 18, 2008

• Astros-Padres: It's Going to Be a Long Season

  April 1, 2008

• Paul Wall, Jamie Kennedy and "Mattress Mack" Pimp Some Furniture

  July 21, 2008

• Chuck Norris Reaches Out And Touches: The Top Five

  August 11, 2008

• Texas Horror Movies: The Top Five

  August 18, 2008

• Overblown and Underrated

  So you know Houston's goats, heroes and high points? Think again.

  February 1, 2001

• For Whom the Belt Tolls

  The curse of the area rocket men continues with California convictions

  January 2, 2003

• Can LBJ Kick Chuck Norris' Ass?

  We all know the facts about Chuck Norris:Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.We know all that. What we didn't know -- until now, until a respected polling company from The Woodlands decided to do a poll on it -- is whether Texans rate Chuck Norris better than they do LBJ.

  December 3, 2008

• Five Christmas Movies Guaranteed To Get Rid Of Unwanted Guests

  Holiday season is in full swing, and soon our homes will be filled with family members we've been successfully avoiding for the last 11 months, many of whom will wear out their welcomes before their Members Only jacket hits the pile on the bed. We in the media may be secular humanists with no regard for traditional family values, but we can still sympathize with your plight. Use this list of room-clearing Christmas movies sparingly.5. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) Take my word for it, it's

  December 16, 2008

• The Insider

  August 22, 1996

• Dependable. Reliable. Ken Hoffman.

  May 6, 1999

• Congratulations, Houston: We Were Smart Enough To Understand Those Dos Equis Ads

  Photo courtesy Dos EquisHere's something we didn't know -- those Dos Equis' ads, the ones featuring the "Most Interesting Man in the World" urging us to "Stay thirsty, friends"? We here in Houston have been among the select few seeing them.As ads, they're unusual enough to catch attention -- the grizzled face of the guy, his voice, the fact he gives off (in terms of being interesting) a vibe more like a Hemingway than a Hollywood star.Some of the campaign is really a play on the old Chuck Norris

  March 19, 2009

• Three Of A Strange Kind At The Bush Library

  Good Lord, what a trio in this lede from a press release: "George Bush, 41st President of the United States, will present the [Drayton] McLane Leadership in Business Award to Chuck Norris in recognition of Mr. Norris's achievements as a martial arts legend, entrepreneur, and humanitarian."It goes on from there (Norris' book Black Belt Patriotism will be available for purchase at the event!!!), but the opening really says it all.If the event next Tuesday doesn't sound like the Ninth Circle of Hel

  March 24, 2009

• Hot Fuzz

  You liked Shaun of the Dead? Then Hot Fuzz will bust a cap in your arse

  April 19, 2007

• Super Cardio Bros. with Wii Fit

  May 29, 2008

• ASK A MEXICAN: Great Illegals and Mexican Movies

  February 14, 2008

• Houston's Ten Worst Songs

  …and we're still not as bad as Dallas

  September 27, 2007

• Big Mac

  TV huckster McIngvale moves hearts as well as mattresses

  May 5, 2005

• Toss It Outback

  Kangaroo Jack is a real punch in the pouch

  January 16, 2003

• You Don't Know Mac

  Get your recliner and No. 2 pencil

  May 2, 2002

• Blasted

  When you can't trust your partners, you're likely to get burned

  April 22, 1999

• Mind Games

  May 14, 2009

• Summer Sounds

  May 21, 2009

• Sweet Carradine: Five Great Moments From His Career

  It must be hell out there for a Hollywood actor. Not only is every role dissected by fans and eviscerated by critics, but no aspect of your personal life or fashion sense is left unexamined. And you'd better hope you die in as unexciting a manner as possible, lest your demise generate greater notoriety than your actual career.Don't believe me? When I say "Vic Morrow," do you think Cimarron or "helicopter?" Does the name "River Phoenix" bring to mind A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon or the V

  June 5, 2009

• What You'll Be Missing Tomorrow If You Don't Get Your Digital-Converter TV Box

  The Great Digital TV Revolution occurs tomorrow, and Hair Balls is worried for those of you still clinging to your rabbit ears and MacGyvered-aluminum-foil towers. While we applaud those who have drawn a line in the sand and refused to feed the cable and satellite beasts, we urge you to get a government coupon for a digital converter box.Why is that, Hair Balls, you ask. Well, how else will you continue to enjoy the exquisite mainstream network and syndicated fare your non-cable-owning ass has b

  June 11, 2009

• Paul Wall, Jamie Kennedy and Chuck Norris Help Mattress Mack Find His Inner Gangsta

  It's been a rough summer over at Gallery Furniture, what with a former employee being arrested for torching the local home-furnishing superstore's warehouse. But we all know plucky owner Jim "Mattress Mack" McIngvale isn't going to let losing the lion's share of Gallery's inventory get him down any more than the Astros' and Texans' lackluster performances have (plus, Mack and Rocks Off both have the impending UT football season to look forward to). Today, Houston blogger and "dunderpate" Mike M

  August 20, 2009

• Spy Story

  September 17, 2009

• Found Footage Festival

  October 22, 2009

• Dynamo Advance, Thanks To A Brian Ching Goal

  Photo courtesy Houston Dynamo​The Houston Dynamo found themselves in familiar territory Sunday evening, one step closer to the MLS Cup. After their 1-0 overtime victory against the Seattle Sounders FC, the Dynamo advanced to the Western Conference Finals.Sunday's game was the second leg of a two-game, aggregate goal series. The first game was a 0-0 draw in Seattle last week. Because neither team scored at the end of regulation yesterday, they went to overtime to determine the winner.Five minut

  November 9, 2009

• Artist of the Week: Country Store Buffalo on Breast Implants, Beer-Drinking Bison and That Old Devil Cocaine

  Each Wednesday, Rocks Off arbitrarily appoints one lucky local performer or group "Artist of the Week," bestowing upon them all the fame and grandeur such a lofty title implies. Know a band or artist that isn't awful? Email their particulars to introducingliston@gmail.com.​ You are in the enviable position of someone about to witness history. Get ready for it. To help with the mood, why don't you go ahead and pretend like there are horns blaring in the background and somebody just released a f

  November 11, 2009