Subject: College Football

• What the Hell. Go Texas Tech!

  I hate the BCS. I hate the bowl games. I want there to be playoffs in major college football. I write this because, normally, I would be pulling for Oklahoma to defeat Texas Tech this weekend for the purpose of screwing up the BCS. But I can’t do that this time out. I just can’t. And I can’t because of the Texas Longhorns. I’ve made the mistake of listening to sports talk radio this week, and it’s been ugly. Nothing but Longhorn fans calling and talking about Texas and how

  November 21, 2008

• Nine Things Not to Be Thankful For

  I understand that yesterday was Thanksgiving, and that we're supposed to be all thankful and everything. But seriously, did any of you watch those football games? How can a person be thankful after being subjected to nearly 11 hours of blow-out football? So in that spirit, I've put together a list of nine things for which I'm not thankful, along with one item for which I am thankful. 9. The very special holiday-themed network NFL pregame shows. 8. No 30 Rock, and The Office was a repeat.

  November 28, 2008

• Whine All You Want, Longhorn Fans

  Let the whining commence. You know, that whining about the Texas Longhorns being screwed by The Man. It all started on Friday when Richard Justice talked about how the Horns were forced to run up the score on the Aggies in order to prevent the injustice of Oklahoma being ranked in front of the Horns. And after the BCS rankings came out yesterday, the whining grew ever louder. Especially since those rankings put the Sooners at number two in the country while sticking Texas at number three.

  December 1, 2008

• Bowling for UT, TCU, UH and Rice

  I'm sure the Longhorns and their fans are still pissed they didn't win the Big 12 and aren't playing for the national title. But screw Longhorns fans. I think I can speak for many college football fans who are pissed the Horns are playing in the Fiesta Bowl against Ohio State. Ohio effing State. The Horns went 11-1 on the season and clearly earned a BCS Bowl berth. Sure, Ohio State went 10-2, but the team struggled the entire season, and couldn't even win the Big 11 10. Yet somehow the

  December 8, 2008

• BCS Bill in Congress? About Time Our Politicos Got to the Important Stuff

  The nation is in peril. There's still the threat of terrorism. The military is mired in two wars. The economy is falling apart. Rich banking execs are getting bonuses for their failing businesses -- bonuses being paid by taxpayer money -- and the auto industry is on the verge of collapse. But if you ask some people, the biggest problem facing our great country is the BCS. Which is why Texas congressman Joe Barton (R -- nutjob), and fellow Texas Republican Michael McCaul (R -- nutjob) have i

  December 11, 2008

• Get Your Shrine On

  For the second consecutive year the Shriners are bringing their postseason college football all-star game to the University of Houston's Robertson Stadium. The 84th edition of the East-West Shrine Game will be played on Saturday, January 17, 2009, with the kick-off set for 3:00 and the game to be televised by ESPN 2. This year's game will be coached by Bobby Ross and Gene Stallings. Ross, who will be the coach of the East team, is the former coach of the San Diego Chargers and Detroit Lions (

  December 11, 2008

• College Bowl Season: Previews By A Real Expert

  The college football bowl season is here, and it's become such a confusing mess of odd-sounding games played in smallish towns with mediocre teams that you need an expert to figure it out. And nothing says "expert" more than a teen-aged kid, whether the subject is football, driving, or how inutterably lame Dad's musical tastes are. So here are the first of three sets of bowl-game capsules by noted college football expert Patrick Connelly, who somehow doesn't think Charlie Weis needs to be fired

  December 19, 2008

• Top Ten Houston Sports Moments of 2008

  10. I never really followed the Houston Comets, who folded several weeks ago. By the time they came on the scene I was getting pretty sick of professional basketball. So I never became invested in the team, and I can't feel any real loss behind their demise. Still, unlike the Rockets and Astros and Texans, they did win a world championship within the past decade. 9. The Houston Astros were one of the worst teams in professional baseball for most of the first half of the season. But they

  December 20, 2008

• College Bowl Game Preview: Picks by A Real Expert, Part Two

  The college football bowl season is here, and it's become such a confusing mess of odd-sounding games played in smallish towns with mediocre teams that you need an expert to figure it out. And nothing says "expert" more than a teen-aged kid, whether the subject is football, driving, or how inutterably lame Dad's musical tastes are. So here are the first of three sets of bowl-game capsules by noted college football expert Patrick Connelly, who somehow doesn't think Charlie Weis needs to be fired

  December 29, 2008

• College Bowl Preview: Picks By A Real Expert, The Finale

  The college football bowl season is here, and it's become such a confusing mess of odd-sounding games played in smallish towns with mediocre teams that you need an expert to figure it out. And nothing says "expert" more than a teen-aged kid, whether the subject is football, driving, or how inutterably lame Dad's musical tastes are. So here are the first of three sets of bowl-game capsules by noted college football expert Patrick Connelly, who somehow doesn't think Charlie Weis needs to be fired

  January 1, 2009

• Longhorns Can't Brag About Buckeye Victory

  I want to thank The Ohio State Buckeyes. Sure, they lost to the Texas Longhorns, but because the Longhorns needed a bad spot by the referees to help get the victory, I'm pretty damn sure that the country has been saved from listening to Longhorn fans bitch about not playing for the BCS Title. Because, Longhorn fan, if your team is dependent on bad officiating to beat The Ohio State Buckeyes - a team that had to play without its best player for most of the second half because of an injury - the

  January 6, 2009

• Longhorns Sue For BCS Title; Coach Brown: "We're Texas, Damn It"

  Austin -- Following last night's Florida Gators victory over the Oklahoma Sooners in the BCS Title Game, the Texas Longhorns football team held a press conference outside of the main entrance to Darrell K. Royal - Texas Memorial Stadium. Head Coach Mack Brown, reading from a prepared statement, stated that, unless the Florida Gators relinquish the BCS Title to Texas by midnight, January 10, 2009, the University of Texas Longhorns football team would be filing suit against the University of Flo

  January 9, 2009

• The Mt. Rushmore of Texas Sports

  ESPN is about to start on one of those stupid SportsCenter promotion things that has helped to make SportsCenter virtually impossible to watch. But over here at Ballz, we like stupid things - I'm sure that many of you think anything I write is stupid and virtually impossible to read anyway. So I've decided to rip-off ESPN's idea, which frankly I hear done on sports talk radio all of the time anyway, so... What ESPN is going to do is come up with is a Mt. Rushmore of Sports for each of the 50

  January 21, 2009

• Chron Guts Sports Department

  Photo by Lori Greig On Tuesday, the Houston Chronicle laid off a whole bunch of writers and reporters, including Michael Murphy, MK Bower, and Terrance Harris, the beat writers for the University of Houston, Rice, and TSU. On Wednesday, while they were laying off people over on the advertising and sales side of the paper, they made some changes over at the sports section. And I doubt the Chron is done. For those who haven't checked out the Chron today, you may not know, but while TSU still ap

  March 26, 2009

• Chron Guts Sports Department

  Photo by Lori Greig On Tuesday, the Houston Chronicle laid off a whole bunch of writers and reporters, including Michael Murphy, MK Bower, and Terrance Harris, the beat writers for the University of Houston, Rice, and TSU. On Wednesday, while they were laying off people over on the advertising and sales side of the paper, they made some changes over at the sports section. And I doubt the Chron is done. For those who haven't checked out the Chron today, you may not know, but while TSU still ap

  March 26, 2009

• The Mt. Rushmore of Texas Sports

  ESPN is about to start on one of those stupid SportsCenter promotion things that has helped to make SportsCenter virtually impossible to watch. But over here at Ballz, we like stupid things - I'm sure that many of you think anything I write is stupid and virtually impossible to read anyway. So I've decided to rip-off ESPN's idea, which frankly I hear done on sports talk radio all of the time anyway, so... What ESPN is going to do is come up with is a Mt. Rushmore of Sports for each of the 50

  January 21, 2009

• Longhorns Sue For BCS Title; Coach Brown: "We're Texas, Damn It"

  Austin -- Following last night's Florida Gators victory over the Oklahoma Sooners in the BCS Title Game, the Texas Longhorns football team held a press conference outside of the main entrance to Darrell K. Royal - Texas Memorial Stadium. Head Coach Mack Brown, reading from a prepared statement, stated that, unless the Florida Gators relinquish the BCS Title to Texas by midnight, January 10, 2009, the University of Texas Longhorns football team would be filing suit against the University of Flo

  January 9, 2009

• Longhorns Can't Brag About Buckeye Victory

  I want to thank The Ohio State Buckeyes. Sure, they lost to the Texas Longhorns, but because the Longhorns needed a bad spot by the referees to help get the victory, I'm pretty damn sure that the country has been saved from listening to Longhorn fans bitch about not playing for the BCS Title. Because, Longhorn fan, if your team is dependent on bad officiating to beat The Ohio State Buckeyes - a team that had to play without its best player for most of the second half because of an injury - the

  January 6, 2009

• College Bowl Preview: Picks By A Real Expert, The Finale

  The college football bowl season is here, and it's become such a confusing mess of odd-sounding games played in smallish towns with mediocre teams that you need an expert to figure it out. And nothing says "expert" more than a teen-aged kid, whether the subject is football, driving, or how inutterably lame Dad's musical tastes are. So here are the first of three sets of bowl-game capsules by noted college football expert Patrick Connelly, who somehow doesn't think Charlie Weis needs to be fired

  January 1, 2009

• College Bowl Game Preview: Picks by A Real Expert, Part Two

  The college football bowl season is here, and it's become such a confusing mess of odd-sounding games played in smallish towns with mediocre teams that you need an expert to figure it out. And nothing says "expert" more than a teen-aged kid, whether the subject is football, driving, or how inutterably lame Dad's musical tastes are. So here are the first of three sets of bowl-game capsules by noted college football expert Patrick Connelly, who somehow doesn't think Charlie Weis needs to be fired

  December 29, 2008

• Top Ten Houston Sports Moments of 2008

  10. I never really followed the Houston Comets, who folded several weeks ago. By the time they came on the scene I was getting pretty sick of professional basketball. So I never became invested in the team, and I can't feel any real loss behind their demise. Still, unlike the Rockets and Astros and Texans, they did win a world championship within the past decade. 9. The Houston Astros were one of the worst teams in professional baseball for most of the first half of the season. But they

  December 20, 2008

• College Bowl Season: Previews By A Real Expert

  The college football bowl season is here, and it's become such a confusing mess of odd-sounding games played in smallish towns with mediocre teams that you need an expert to figure it out. And nothing says "expert" more than a teen-aged kid, whether the subject is football, driving, or how inutterably lame Dad's musical tastes are. So here are the first of three sets of bowl-game capsules by noted college football expert Patrick Connelly, who somehow doesn't think Charlie Weis needs to be fired

  December 19, 2008

• The 84th Annual East-West Shrine Game

  Web exclusive!

  January 15, 2009

• What We Lose, And What We Gain, If Texas Secedes

  Rick Perry, our governor, has taken a steep dive off the sanity cliff with his preachin'-to-the-Rush-choir talk of seceding from the United States.This may be hard to imagine, but we think Perry might not have thought the whole thing through so well. And not just because he's presented the image of a white, Southern-accented governor foaming on about "state's rights," but because there are certain things Texas would have to give up -- and put up with -- if we became an independent country.What w

  April 17, 2009

• The Real Reason Perry Wants To Secede: Football

  Governor Rick Perry has been pressing for Texas to secede from the nation. He might bitch about high taxes, but I think we all know the real reason he's pushing this idiotic movement.  How else can the Texas Longhorns win a national championship?Sure, the Longhorns helped to devise the Big 12 ground rules that kept the Horns from playing for the Conference championship, which in turn kept them from playing for the national title. And sure, maybe if the Horns could have actually won a game w

  May 5, 2009

• The Texas Bowl Grows Up, Bit By Bit

  Well, Houstonians, our bowl game has grown up. That's right, the Texas Bowl is going big time and this year will be joining ESPN's Capital One Bowl Week lineup. The game will be played on New Year's Eve this year, and kick-off will be at 2:30 pm.Did I mention the game is on ESPN this year?That means that most of the nation might actually be able to see the game, seeing as for the past three years the game has been shown on the NFL Network. Of course, I'm not sure what a television audience wil

  July 23, 2009

• At Least One Football Team In Town Is Supposed To Be Good This Year (Hint: They Don't Get Paid)

  ​Most of Houston's football focus is going to the Houston Texans, who are once again striving to produce an actual winning season. But there are several other football teams in Houston, and today, one of those teams officially reports for preseason camp.The team in question is the Houston Cougars, and unlike the Texans and their quest for a mythical winning season, the Cougars over the past several years have been producing winning records. And last season, the Cougars actually won a bowl game

  August 6, 2009

• Aggies Finally Get Around To Caring About Their Athletes' Safety As Much As UT Does

  ​A dozen people were injured when a freakishly strong spring storm slammed into the Dallas Cowboys practice facility in Irving earlier this year. It turns out Texas A&M 's $35 million new athletic center was built by the same company and has the same basic steel-and-fabric design.Now the Aggies are asking for an independent inspection of the McFerrin Athletic Center to make sure it doesn't, you know, collapse like the Cowboys' facility did.The Associated Press looked into the new facilit

  August 11, 2009

• Media Day For The Coogs: They're Quietly Confident This Year

  ​Case Keenum is the name most people think of when the University of Houston football team is mentioned. That's probably because Keenum, a junior, plays the glamor position of quarterback.He was the 2008 Conference USA Offensive Player of the Year. He threw for 5,020 yards last season while tossing 44 touchdowns. Keenum's the one who has to make the proper reads and find the right receivers, but as much as Keenum deserves the accolades (he's on the media watch list for the 2009 Davey O'Brien A

  August 12, 2009

• If There's A Watch List For QB Awards, UH's Case Keenum's On It

  Photo courtesy UH​If the honor is in being nominated, then UH quarterback Case Keenum can just go ahead and shut it down before the season gets started. The junior QB, last season's Conference USA offensive player of the year, has had his name added to two more postseason watch lists, putting him on four with the season still weeks away and preseason practice being just a little over a week old.Then again, after having talked to Keenum, his coach, and several of his teammates, I have the feeli

  August 18, 2009

• Five Reasons The Longhorns Won't Win The BCS Title This Year

  ​Finally -- after what seems a wait of approximately five years -- college football is back.The New York Times, of all people, has picked the UT Longhorns as the Number One team in the nation. A lot of other experts, not to mention Red Bull-swilling, Cheeto-chomping, Mom-avoiding bloggers, pick UT to finish second, behind Florida, which would mean the two would meet up in the BCS title game.But we're here to tell you that there is absolutely no way the Longhorns make the title game, much less

  September 3, 2009

• Yeah, That Was Quite The Upset On UH's Part

  Photo courtesy UH​"If we play as good as we can play," Houston Cougars head coach Kevin Sumlin said last week, "I think everybody will be happy."Saturday, the Houston Cougars played as good as they could play, and they pulled off the upset of the college football weekend, defeating the then fifth-ranked Oklahoma State Cowboys by the score of 45-35.Junior quarterback Case Keenum seemed to treat the Oklahoma State defense like a cat treats a mouse, playing with his various toys and just do

  September 14, 2009

• Five Reasons Notre Dame Will Win The BCS This Year And Texas Won't: Part 2

  ​I admit, there will be Tuesday mornings when it will be difficult to write this item each week. Luckily, today isn't one of them.In Week Two of the college-football season, Notre Dame continued effortlessly along its well-planned path to the BCS title, while UT stumbled badly.It remains to be seen if the Longhorns can recover from this week's debacle. Once again, we offer five reasons why ND will be a champion and UT won't.1. UT struggled mightily against Wyoming. Wyoming! Or it might have be

  September 15, 2009

• Coogs Try To Forget About Their Biggest Win In Years

  Photo courtesy UH​"Everything just slowed down. It was in slow motion," Houston Cougar running back Bryce Beall told Hair Balls yesterday. "I just told myself, whatever you do, do not drop this ball. When it got in there I just made sure I grabbed it and held on tight and took it to the ground."The ball was a pass from the hand of teammate Case Keenum that was deflected in the air by a defender from Oklahoma State. It was fourth-and-goal for the Cougars, there was a little over six minutes

  September 16, 2009

• Scientists Unsure Whether Huge Reading Indicates Giant Tsunami, Or Coogs Falling To Earth

  Photo courtesy UH​In retrospect, what happened to the Houston Cougars on Saturday night in El Paso shouldn't have been that much of a surprise.Yes, the team was coming off of a last-minute win against Texas Tech. And yes, UTEP was 1-3 and coming off a humiliating defeat to the Texas Longhorns.But the precedent between UTEP and UH was there, in that just last season UTEP jumped out to the 28-9 halftime lead before the Cougars stormed back for the winThis year's Cougars, however, were supp

  October 5, 2009

• Coogs Try To Shake Off UTEP As They Take On The SEC

  Photo courtesy UH​Many words were said by Houston Cougar head coach Kevin Sumlin and his players at yesterday's media luncheon. But of those many words, none captured the spirit of Saturday's loss to UTEP better than those of cornerback Brandon Brinkley: "I felt embarrassed."Quarterback Case Keenum talked of a bad taste left in his mouth. Linebacker Marcus McGraw spoke of the team not stepping up its game and doing the job. But none said it better than Brinkley, who continued that "as a

  October 7, 2009

• Coogs Find Their Way Back To Their Winning Ways

  Photo by Fred Trask​"It's hard to win every Saturday," Houston Cougars head coach Kevin Sumlin said Saturday afternoon. "But to go on the road and win, particularly in a place like this with so much tradition, it's a big boost for us."The Cougars defeated Mississippi State 31-24 on Saturday. And the win might have provided a boost for the Cougars players, but it also provided a big boost for the football program as the win vaulted the team back into both the AP and the Coaches polls while

  October 12, 2009

• Five Reasons Why Notre Dame Will Win The BCS And UT Won't: Part 6

  ​Catch up on previous posts through the links last week.It was a difficult week to gauge the relative strength of the Longhorns and Irish, since both teams had a bye week. The Irish had what is known as a "real" bye week; the Longhorns played Colorado, which is the same thing. (For you non-Buffs followers, CU has lost to Toledo this year, a feat previously thought to have been not possible for a major-conference team.)So we mostly limited our football watching Saturday night to the LSU-Florida

  October 13, 2009

• Texas Bowl Takes A Step Up

  ​Houston's taste for college-football bowl games was soured pretty ferociously by the inanity of Mattress Mac's galleryfurniture.com Bowl. But its successor, the Texas Bowl, has proven to be a well-run, entertaining event that has drawn decent, energetic crowds without frantically papering the house.The game has made the move from the low-visibility NFL Network to ESPN, where it will be part of the heavily promoted slate of bowls in December. And next year, it will take an even bigger step, an

  October 13, 2009

• Coogs Try To Actually Win One In Conference USA

  ​Way back in August, way back when the Houston Cougars were just starting to practice, way back when the temperature was in the 100s instead of the 90s, way back then, at Media Day, head coach Kevin Sumlin and the players met with the media.They didn't care about the rankings, they said. They didn't care about the BCS. They cared about only those things they had control over: playing each game to the best of their ability; handling everything one week at a time; and winning Conference USA.

  October 14, 2009

• Coogs Doing Their Part; The Fans Better Do Theirs

  Photo courtesy UH​The Houston Cougars came out in front of a nearly non-existent Superdome crowd on Saturday and got business done, defeating Tulane 44-16.Of course, it wasn't easy. At least for a half, as the Cougars battled a slow start and poor kicking to lead at only 9-6 after the first half. But the Case Keenum-led offense came out in the second half and put up 20 points in the third quarter and 15 points in the fourth quarter to get the victory and to improve their season record to

  October 19, 2009

• Why Notre Dame Will Win The BCS And Texas Won't: Part 7

  ​We're a little late getting up this week's analysis of why Notre Dame is destined to win the BCS, but that's only because we have such a cornucopia of reasons to choose from we found it difficult to limit it to our standard five.But five it shall be. We are, after all, traditionalists.So why should Longhorn fans be despondent while Irish fans rejoice? Let's count the ways.1. Notre Dame is adopting the LSU two-loss system of winning the BCS. Louisiana, of course, is one of the most Catholic st

  October 20, 2009

• Coogs Grind Out A Relatively Unimpressive Win

  Photo courtesy UH​"I still don't think we've played our best football yet," Houston Cougars head coach Kevin Sumlin said Saturday night. "To be 6-1,and as a coach, to think that you haven't played your best football yet is pretty encouraging."Sumlin's statements came not long after Houston's 38-15 defeat of SMU at Robertson Stadium. And looking at the score, one could be forgiven for thinking that the Cougars completely dominated the football game all night. But were it not for some bad off

  October 26, 2009

• Why Notre Dame Will Win The BCS And Texas Won't, Part 8

  ​We didn't watch the Longhorns this weekend, we have to admit. Subjecting the country to a prime-time match-up of UT and Missouri seemed unnecessarily cruel, but such is the heartless world we live in these days.But we're assuming two things: First, UT won, because come on, it's Missouri. And second, Colt McPick threw another interception even though come on, it's Missouri.Let's check the box score aaaaannnnddd........there ya go. The man is consistent, you have to give him that.Notre Dame, of

  October 27, 2009

• Coogs Hope To Keep Grabbing Those Turnovers

  Photo courtesy UH​"As a team, I still don't think we've played our best game," Houston Cougars head coach Kevin Sumlin stated at yesterday's media luncheon. "It's still out there for us. I think we can be better."The Cougars are 6-1 on the season, and if the team's best game is still out there waiting to be played, then the rest of Conference USA better be on notice, starting with this week's opponent, the 5-3 Southern Miss Golden Eagles.  The Cougars definitely didn't play their best gam

  October 28, 2009

• Game Time: Weekend Review

  ​I hope everyone had a great weekend, and that you were all able to enjoy the nice weather by moving your television and recliner into your driveway to watch football on TV.  I'd like to start off by welcoming the Texans to this new thing for them called "November".  Boys, I know in the past this has typically been the month where you start making hotel reservations for your first post season golf trip (or if you're a wide receiver, this is the month you hope and pray that Andre

  November 2, 2009

• Why Notre Dame Will Win The BCS Title And Texas Won't: Part Nine

  ​We have documented weekly just how Notre Dame is moving inexorably towards a BCS championship while UT is deluding itself that it is doing so.Today, though, we discuss why ND's road may be harder.We have discovered, shockingly, that the pernicious influence of the KKK and other such anti-Catholic institutions have, sadly, not been relegated to the dustbin of history, as the kind of people who say "the dustbin of history" say. Frankly, we thought this sort of discrimination had been dealt with

  November 3, 2009

• Coogs Take On Tulsa, Where The Hurricanes Are Golden

  Photo courtesy UH​Before this football season began, it was thought that the Tulsa Golden Hurricane would be the toughest competition to the Houston Cougars for the C-USA West championship. But as both teams head into game number nine this weekend, it's beginning to look like those fears might have been a bit overblown.Tulsa is 4-4 on the season. More importantly, Tulsa is 2-2 in C-USA play having lost to UTEP and SMU the last two weeks. In fact, coming into Saturday night's game against th

  November 4, 2009

• UH Hoops, Battling The Second-Rate Reputation Of Conference USA

  ​Tom Penders has been tasked with returning the Houston Cougar basketball program to relevance. And that's a task at which he feels he's been successful. But he's yet to succeed with the ultimate goal of basketball relevance, and that's getting into the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.Now, the Cougars have won basketball games in Penders' five seasons coaching the team. But they haven't won enough. And for the most part, they haven't won the right games because they've been defeating team

  November 6, 2009

• Game Time: The Cable Guy

  ​For most of his tenure in Oakland, Tom Cable has been your run-of-the-mill, overmatched, "dead man walking" NFL head coach. When he was hired last season in the wake of Lane Kiffin's firing, the things that jumped out at me about Cable were:-- His only head coaching experience consisted of four seasons at the University of Idaho where he compiled a sporty 11-35 record-- He was the first Idaho head coach in 22 years to be fired; his most recent predecessors had all been successful and moved o

  November 6, 2009