Subject:

Craig Malisow

  • Blogs

    September 11, 2013

    Declawing Cats, Banned in Many Countries, Is Thriving in the United States

    So your cat just slashed your prized Australian aborigine drum set. Or maybe that cute as a button kitten you got just a few weeks ago took out the wall paper in your den. No problem: just have your cat declawed and all that goes away. You'll never have to worry about home destruction or battling wi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 21, 2012

    Occupy Houston: "Who Killed Democracy?"

    Before marching to Discovery Green Saturday, the Occupy Houston folks occupying a sliver of Tranquility Park performed a brief play about how corporate greed blows, but it's all good 'cause capital-D-Democracy will come back to kick ass. Written and directed by Caleb Travis, "Who Killed Democracy? ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 3, 2011

    Comment of the Day: Lord of the Rings

    ​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

  • News

    September 8, 2011

    Bring the Stink

    Readers can't wait to try Yummy Stinky

  • Blogs

    July 21, 2011

    Health Department Roundup

    See end of article for instructions from outdated meme sloth.​The Guardian is getting a lot of praise for having the guts to expose News of the World for illegal and unethical wiretapping. But guess who doesn't get the notoriety or the praise they deserve -- the employees in the city Health De ... More >>

  • News

    July 14, 2011

    Montrose Muffled

    Residents take sides on bar noise issue.

  • Blogs

    July 13, 2011

    Cover Story: Houston's Illegal Game Rooms, All But Immune to the Law

    ​"There are few places as depressing as an illegal game room on a sunny Tuesday afternoon," writes our Craig Malisow in this week's feature story, "Game On." But these grim places have popped up all over town, skirting laws that can be violated with only a slap on the wrist in return. Maliso ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 9, 2011

    Veals on Wheels: Rejected Food Truck Names

    Photo illustrations by Monica FuentesScream louder; the clown says your parents will never hear you.​Last week, assistant music editor Craig Hlavaty amused the entire office by forwarding a link to Filmdrunk's recent post, "Ideas for Movie-Themed Food Trucks." On the front page was the Photosh ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 8, 2011

    First Look at La Casa de Frida

    Now taking bets on how long the Frida Kahlo theme will last.​As my two friends and I scanned the long menu at La Casa de Frida (4002 N. Main, 713-880-1564) last Wednesday evening, we found ourselves bewildered. "Why is there a random Italian section on here?" my friend Hala asked. "Yeah, I d ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 23, 2010

    Choking Game Claims Another Victim; Our Report On The Scary Phenomenon

    Some kids put themselves on YouTube​Media outlets are reporting that a California teen who died entangled in a Bowfflex exercise machine had been playing "the choking game."In the two years since we reported in-depth on the crazy, dangerous, potentially heartbreaking phenomenon the is the choking ... More >>

  • News

    March 18, 2010

    Incoming: A River Oaks Tale

    Plus: Band of (Jonas) Brothers

  • News

    June 4, 2009
  • News

    May 28, 2009

    Kill Bill

    Readers respond to ill-defined proposed legislation.

  • News

    November 20, 2008
  • Blogs

    November 4, 2008

    Getting Kinda Crowded In Here

    There is only so much celebration a Democrat can take tonight, apparently. The official Dem party is at the Crowne Plaza hotel near Reliant Stadium tonight, and it is packed. The ballroom, the hallways, God knows the lines for the cash bar -- it's gotten so crowded that people are leaving to celeb ... More >>

  • News

    October 30, 2008
  • Blogs

    September 22, 2008

    Over the Weekend: Avant Garden, Silver Jews, High Island, Oak Island and Galveston

    After several days of coolness, the weather gods brought the heat yesterday. Great timing, considering half the city still doesn't have a/c. Here's what we were doing when we weren't sitting around and sweating. 9:30 p.m. at Avant Garden One way to tell things are slowly getting back to normal: ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 11, 2008

    Ryan Gosling's New Role -- That Guy Who Chopped Up A Body In Galveston

    As far as good ideas for a movie go, one about a batshit-crazy scion of a New York City real-estate magnate whose first wife goes missing, followed by the unsolved murder of a close friend, followed by the “self-defense” killing and dismembering of a loudmouth neighbor, while at times disguising ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 5, 2008

    Country Paws Rescue Closes Down

    Hey you – yeah, you. You know what you need? A dog. Or a cat. Or a few of each. Pets kick ass, and they make you live longer, too. And right now, there are a bunch of loveable critters who need your help. Country Paws Rescue, a Hempstead animal shelter, has closed due to a lack of funds. All ado ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 5, 2008

    More Houston Strippers Busted

    Bruce Springsteen said it’s hard to be a saint in the city, but dude didn’t know the half of it: It’s even harder being a stripper in Houston. The Harris County Sheriff’s Office arrested 18 boob-oriented entertainers during a May 29 raid at the St. James Cabaret, which is one of approxim ... More >>

  • News

    May 8, 2008
  • News

    May 1, 2008
  • Blogs

    April 29, 2008

    Ron Paul, the Jason Voorhees of Presidential Candidates

    Like a disgustingly rich, misanthropic cancer-ridden nonagenarian clinging on his hospital bed to what few remaining brain cells haven’t atrophied, just to spite all his would-be heirs, Ron Paul’s presidential campaign just won’t freaking die already. Apparently unfamiliar with the terms “g ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 25, 2008

    Texas Girl Amanda Brooks Teaches Internet Prostitution 101

    Women: Have you ever dreamed about being a prostitute, but not the yucky street-walking kind? Maybe you were afraid of being called “whore” or “criminal defendant.” Well, a retired, Texas-born hooker has now written a pair of how-to books for you to get off your foot and on your back for yo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 21, 2008

    Web Extra: Amtgard Action

    Okay, it might not be 300, but this Amtgard "ditch fight" will hopefully whet your appetite for good ol'-fashioned boffing fun. Amtgarders are always looking for a few good men / women / monsters, so if you think you've got what it takes, check out this video and then hop online to the offical Amtga ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 20, 2008

    Feral Hog Contraceptive: Less Pigs in the Poke?

    Apparently tired of injuries sustained while trying to apply the Aggie Hog-Rubber (ribbed for her pleasure, of course), researchers at Texas A&M are testing an oral contraceptive to deal with the state’s feral hog problem. This should really come in handy for young feral hog couples who want to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 16, 2008

    Pot Hole: Live Oaks Lofts Snubs Stoners

    An irate (and probably hungry) resident of Live Oaks Lofts sent us a copy of a flyer (included after the jump), which he said was given to the more than 40 residents of the complex, located in the warehouse district. It seems some residents are engaging in a particularly pungent illegal activity, c ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 11, 2008

    This Just In: The Hand Center's Michael Brown Is Awesome

    The Hand Center has sent out a press release saying medical license-loser Michael Brown is going to get a taste of his own medicine. No – no one’s going to beat him with a broken bedpost and kick him down the stairs. He’s going to undergo an operation on his own hand! Helluva story, really, bu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 16, 2007

    Why Stop at Suspension When You Can Throw in a Porn Star?

    So you’re in a metal band no one’s heard of . You claim Hollywood as your hometown, but your ties to the porn industry mean you probably play most gigs at abandoned bowling alleys around Van Nuys. Your dark, brooding, vaguely Satanic band believes in “opposing the norm and existing beyond th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 11, 2007

    Five More Strippers Arrested in HPD Bust. And Yes, We Just Said "Bust"

    Houston police recently arrested five more strippers as part of Operation Those Dudes Get to Hang Out at Strip Clubs All Night. So more props to HPD for keeping us safe – safe from breasts exposed indoors. Consensually. Among adults. In a city with an increasing murder rate. -- Craig Malisow

  • Blogs

    August 3, 2007

    Litton Loan Litigants Granted Class Status (say that five times fast)

    Speaking of updates, there’s good news for the folks suing Litton Loan, the Houston-based mortgage servicer: They can proceed with a class-action suit. After two years of legal wrangling, a U.S. District Court judge in California has granted class status to a nationwide group of disgruntled mortga ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 2, 2007

    DeLorean, SchmeLorean. Where's My Hoverboard?

    One of automotive history’s coolest extinct cars may be brought back to life soon by a Houston company, according to the L.A. Times. DeLorean Motor Company has refurbished the eponymous gull-winged beauties for years, but there are plans afoot to build them from scratch. But with a projected manuf ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 11, 2007

    The Franco-Texas Connection

    If you didn’t think the French were douchey enough, they held a charity auction Tuesday of memorabilia from the TV show Dallas. The money goes to a charity that hires clowns to entertain sick kids! So that’s a bunch of real douches bidding on stuff worn by fake TV douches set in a real douche ... More >>

  • News

    June 21, 2007

    Mail Call

    The Baby Business

  • Blogs

    June 15, 2007

    Explain Your Most Played

    Normally we'd try to write a funny caption here, but this cover pretty much speaks for itself. This week’s Explain Your Most Played, in which we examine the top ten songs of a Press staffer, is particularly cruel. Since Craig Malisow and I share the same iTunes network, I can go in and check his ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 7, 2007

    Yoko Not Included

    Local artist David Adickes, a.k.a. that dude who makes those gigantic presidential heads, will christen a new sculpture of the Beatles at his studio (2500 Summer Street) tonight at 7:30 p.m. The Fab Four will eventually be placed on I-10 for all cross-country travelers to see. Take that, Phoenix! T ... More >>

  • News

    May 17, 2007

    Mail Call

    Snake Snark

  • Blogs

    February 22, 2007

    There Are Some Real Creeps on That Site

    So I was verifying the license status of a private investigator on the Texas Department of Public Safety's website, when lo and behold, I discover that someone over there is a big ol' Radiohead fan. Check out the name they use as a search example: Thom Yorke — you know, the carrot-haired, perp ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 15, 2007

    The Scandal Just Got a Little Prettier

    ET Online (where we get most of our news) reports that Leonardo DiCaprio is looking to produce and star in a movie version of Conspiracy of Fools, about the Enron saga. According to the brief story, the star of Critters 3 and The Beach would play a "newcomer to the Houston-based energy company," w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 15, 2007

    That's Quite a Bust

    The Smoking Gun Any of you strip club patrons ever wonder what Amber looks like when she's not wrapping her legs around that pole and gyrating to Brahms's Symphony Number Four? (Hey, I've never been to a strip club; I don't know what kind of music they have there.) Anyway, the poor lasses of Tr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 3, 2006

    Caged Heat

    Malisow's on tha mike, y'all... As you're driving around tonight engaging in various acts of debauchery, we suggest you tune into KPFT 'round 9 p.m. We're not stumping for the venerable Pacifica station, we're in fact plugging a guest appearance by our own Craig Malisow on KPFT's "Prison Show." ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 11, 2006

    Hey, Over Here!

    Global Peace Initiative "If I were you, I'd drop the Foley scandal faster than a bunch of imprisoned followers." Along with a growing number of sources, Wonkette has picked up on the bizarre story of Rep. Dennis Hastert's moral pep-talk with K.A. Paul. We're all for spreading the gospel, but, y ... More >>

  • News

    August 31, 2006
  • Blogs

    August 16, 2006

    A Few Words from Ugly Naked Guy

    Craig Malisow Who needs a warm blanket when you have a potentially explosive laptop? I've been fielding myriad questions about my recent experience at a nudist camp, ranging from "Did you get really sunburned?" to "Could you please get away from me?" (That one has been coming mostly from my cowo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 18, 2006

    These Guys Are on Fire

    Nuthin' says "Welcome to Houston" like this. And this week's winner of Worst Place for a Press Conference goes to: the sinisterly titled Grassfire.org. This "grass roots" organization (get it? Uncontrolled burning? Casualties and property damage? Get it?) rents billboards across the country to p ... More >>

  • News

    November 24, 2005
  • News

    November 17, 2005

    Awards Time

    Press staffer wins first place in regional contest

  • News

    October 20, 2005

    Awards Time

    The Houston Press and two of its writers are named finalists in a regional journalism contest

  • News

    January 6, 2005
  • News

    October 28, 2004
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