Craig Malisow

  • Blogs

    July 10, 2013

    New Caney Amusement Park: Could "Fantasy Land" Become Reality?

    In April 2012, the Houston Press's cover was adorned with a unicorn and the title "Fantasy Land." The story focused on a possible amusement park being built in New Caney and the financial funny business that surrounded the project. According to a report from CultureMap, the crazy project called Eart ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 15, 2013

    UPDATED: Rich's Abruptly Shuts Down Again, Under Another Cloud of Mystery

    UPDATE (Monday, 5:45 p.m.) Cade Michals is a spokesman for Rich's Sacred Ground, not a partner. No doubt this is not the way Rich's wanted to celebrate its 30th anniversary this year. The most recent tenants of the long-running and equally star-crossed Midtown dance club closed their doors Friday w ... More >>

  • News

    January 10, 2013


    To the media outed by the gun owner: You had it coming.

  • News

    September 27, 2012

    RIP, Larry Joe Miggins

    Houston's fabled Irishman dies.

  • News

    August 4, 2011
  • News

    July 21, 2011

    Just Playing

    Readers write us regarding illegal game rooms.

  • Blogs

    July 14, 2011

    Health Department Roundup: Heights Edition

    This car is a chick magnet, if you are also a chick.​Last week there weren't too many reports to work with; this week, for some reason, there are enough health inspections online to focus on individual parts of town and not run out of material. So this week's roundup will spotlight the Heights ... More >>

  • News

    May 5, 2011

    Trade Off

    Readers on the cutting of career-based programs at HISD.

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2010

    Houston's DJ Buddha Disputes DWI Charge

    ​The above mixtape touts Missouri City's DJ Buddha, as a "Hustler to the End," but HPD thinks he may have been hustling a little too much. Buddha was involved in a bizarre chain of events in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. It began as, according to the associate of Trae the Truth, he was ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2010

    This Week in Deliciousness

    So THAT'S what they did with all the oil-coated octopi they fished out of the Gulf.​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where THE SPICE MUST FLOW. We started the week off by getting some terrible tapas in the Arcade Fire's least-favorite Houston suburb, the Woodlands. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 23, 2010

    Melting Food On A Houston Sidewalk: The Movie(s)

    ​How 'bout this heat? Houston has been going through an unprecedented heat wave. Highs have been five degrees above normal for August, with lows only dipping down into the low 80s at night. We've had a heat advisory pretty much every day this month, with heat indexes (the "feels like" part of ... More >>

  • News

    April 29, 2010

    Readers Miss Robb

    And viewers of our chef tats piece weigh in on the ink.

  • News

    December 17, 2009

    Credit, Perry and Shundrekia's Story

    Houston Press readers weigh in

  • News

    February 12, 2009


    Shelter Storm

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2008

    A Man. A Plan. A Small Battery-Operated Device.

    How many times have you wished you had your own drumset, so you could bust out a rim shot every time your buddy says something outrageously funny, like "Get-r-done!"? Well, one Houston man is trying to turn that dream into reality. Glen Jackson, a 48-year-old refinery worker, recently patented the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 12, 2008

    Seven Ways To Tell When That Woman Plans To Drug And Rob You

    It's a crime-wave that is terrorizing single, vulnerable men out for a simple night of fun on Austin's Sixth Street. Men powerless to defend themselves from their attackers. Stupid, stupid men.As the Early Show reported recently, six men have been robbed by a group of three or four women dubbed "The ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 10, 2008

    First They Came For The Trans-Fats...

    El Paso Senator Eliot Shapleigh is worried about the country's obesity epidemic. He has seen the horrid results of unchecked waistlines - diabetes, heart disease, guest spots on Jerry Springer. So he recently authored a bill that would ban trans-fats in Texas restaurants starting in 2010. Shapleigh ... More >>

  • News

    December 4, 2008

    Drug Education

    HISD has the world's busiest sniffer dog

  • Blogs

    November 20, 2008

    The Prison Experience Just Isn't The Same Without Cigarettes, Lawmaker Says

    After sticking another inmate with a shiv in the showers, there’s nothing better than a tepid cup of apple wine and a smoke. Unfortunately, TDCJ banned all tobacco products in 1994, making it that much more difficult for a prisoner to relax after a hard day of rec-yard baseball or gang rape. But ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 10, 2008

    Ike-Response Hearings Begin; FEMA Doesn't Bother To Show Up

    The first of four House Select Committee on Hurricane Ike hearings kicked off this morning at the University of Houston Hilton Hotel. Chaired by Rep. Sylvester Turner (we like to call these the “Ike-Turner” hearings), the Committee’s goal, as explained by Turner, “is to come out of these hea ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 28, 2008

    Rental-Car Tip: Ask "By Any Chance, Is This Car Listed As Stolen?"

    When the police pulled over Malcolm Riles earlier this week and told him he was driving a stolen car, the 29-year-old TSU grad student didn’t know what to think. Initially, he said, one HPD car was behind him, but by the time he pulled into his apartment complex’s parking lot, he and his passen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 7, 2008

    Many Houstonians Aren't Reporting Suspected Child Abuse

    Here’s some cheerful news for you: Only eight percent of Houstonians who suspect someone of abusing a child actually contact authorities, according to a survey released today. The awkwardly titled “Hope Shining Houston Bystanders and Child Abuse Survey,” commissioned by domestic violence serv ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 6, 2008

    Little Something For The Ladies

    Skimming through Cosmopolitan’s 2008 Hottest Bachelors List, there’s an undeniable air off douchiness. A good deal of the dudes’ photos show them posing without shirts but with pseudo-Abercrombie smiles, like they just came in from the beach, or maybe a frathouse date-rape-athon. There are pl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 29, 2008

    That Crap On Your Sidewalk Will Likely Remain There For A Long Time

    Houston’s Solid Waste Management Department has modified its clean-up schedule to target different parts of the city each day this week. Information, including a map of the areas, can be found here. The department expects to complete what it calls the first “pass” – hitting every street ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 17, 2008

    Some Of That Gas Being Refined Near Here Is Going Far, Far Away

    ExxonMobil and Valero are still in the process of reopening some refineries, meaning things at the wholesale end of the gas pipeline won’t approach normal for at least several more days. (We don't even want to think about the retail end.) Although gas lines have shortened since Monday, and more r ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 15, 2008

    Some Dogs Enjoy An Ike Break

    In the midst of the craziness, some have found the time to make sure Houstonians of the four-legged variety get a sense of normalcy. At the dog park off Westpark and Highway 59, uprooted trees didn’t keep Rebecca Lee from getting in some exercise for Roxy, her 15-month-old, three-legged pit bull. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 12, 2008

    The Battle To Meet Ukrainian Women Is Coming To Houston

    So you’re a marriage-minded dude in Houston looking for a suitable mate online. But you don’t want to limit your search to just your neighborhood, or just the metro area, or just the state…or, uh, just the country. No, you want your search to include sites that can connect you to promising yo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 25, 2008

    Conspiracy's Days Are Numbered: Aggies Are On The JFK Case

    The world is full of conspiracy crackpots who believe JFK was not killed by Lee Harvey Oswald alone (or at all). The thing is, they usually aren’t college researchers. But three faculty members of Texas A&M have been honored with the American Statistical Association’s 2008 Statistics in Chemist ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2008

    Absolut Apologizes for Ad Depicting the Americas Before America Invaded Mexico

    Embarrassed by an aborted ad campaign that offended medium-shelf potato-derived alcohol drinkers in the U.S., Absolut has apologized via a recorded statement on its “consumer inquiry phone line.” The ads, which only ran in Mexico, showed a map of the U.S. prior to the Mexican-American war, whe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 5, 2008

    Parish Predators: Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston Agrees to Settlement in Abuse Case

    The Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston has settled with four men who accused the archdiocese of negligently handling a seminarian who abused the men, when they were boys, in 1995. The amount of the settlement was not disclosed. A trial had been scheduled in Houston for February 25. In a press release ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 18, 2007

    Cyberonics Sells Patent Rights for Pacemaker-like Device, HouStoned Headline Writer Inexplicably Not in Mood to Make "Heart" Pun

    Houston-baed Cyberonics has sold patent rights on the Pulse Generator, a controversial device implanted into a patient’s chest. The $9.5 million deal grants Cincinnati-based Ethicon Endo-Surgery exclusive rights to use the pacemaker-like device in certain obese patients for the treatment of hypert ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 28, 2007

    Joel Osteen Is a Power Top

    Not-gay-in-any-way-whatsoever magazine Details has just released its “Power 50” list, which ranks H-town’s own man of God Joel Osteen at number 16. At first glance, this may sound respectable, but when you see that number one is occupied not by an individual, but a gruesome Hollywood cabal d ... More >>

  • News

    November 1, 2007
  • Blogs

    October 25, 2007

    Pop Quiz

    A New York Times reporter interviewed a Houston Press reporter for a story that appeared in the NYT yesterday. Which Press reporter was it? a) Craig Malisow, foreskin expert b) Chris Vogel, dancing-naked-men expert c) Rich Connelly, ferret expert d) Robb Walsh, Tex-Mex-cuisine expert If you g ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 27, 2007

    A Paean to Texas Blues in Arlington?

    Some cities are famous for their unique cultural contributions: Philly and cheesesteak. New Orleans and jazz. Arlington and…the blues. Yup, developers in Arlington want to turn some vacant land by the Rangers ballpark into a $300 million paean to Texas blues. The complex, which right now is just ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2007

    Dreaming of Electric Sheep: Richardson Businessman David Hanson Vows His Robots Won't Kill You

    If there’s one thing the world doesn’t need, it’s one more killer robot. Everyone knows that evil robots have been wreaking havoc for decades, using their wheels, boxy torsos and metallic pincers to get one over on humanity. So that’s why Richardson businessman David Hanson wants to make nic ... More >>

  • News

    July 26, 2007

    Mail Call

    Under His Skin

  • Blogs

    June 20, 2007

    We'd Been Looking for an Excuse to Quote Wesley Snipes...

    "Good question. I have no idea why they ran this photo either. So would you like some more peanuts?" The world would be a much more peaceful place if, instead of killing our enemies, we simply tapped them on the shoulder and said, “King me, beyatch!” Anyone interested in observing such a Utop ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 24, 2007

    KA Paul Charged with Being a Really Sketchy Dude

    Courtesy of Global Peace Initiative Maybe he's got a future with the Catholic Church. It’s been a while since we heard from our favorite leper-stealing, orphan-hording fake minister Anand “KA Paul” Kilari. And I don’t know how else to say this, so let’s just report that Lieutenant Mitc ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 24, 2007

    Re: KA Paul Charged with Being a Really Sketchy Dude

    In other Kilari news, His Sketchiness’ former right-hand-man has been missing since September, according to the man’s family. Douglas Fred Dodson disappeared shortly after giving a deposition in which he allegedly discussed the inner workings of Kilari’s organizations. He was last seen in hi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 13, 2007

    Sperm Warfare

    And now for today's bizarre story: UPI reports that Army 2nd Lieutenant Brian Smith, killed in Iraq in 2004, is the proud father of a seven-month-old boy. Smith was from McKinney and opened a law practice in Austin before he joined the Army in 2003. His son, Benton Drew Smith, is one of the first ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 2, 2007

    Up Close and Personal

    The horror! The Chron has a story today about the problems that arise for on-air personalities when broadcasting in high-definition television, a condition commonly known as Now People Are Going to Realize I'm Old. There's a choice quote in there from KHOU anchor-narcissist Greg Hurst: "I have jo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 3, 2006

    That's Hotze

    Ray Hafner We can't quite put our finger on it, but something seems shady... So I was just strolling through the Galleria last weekend to pick up some shoes and a Chinese herbal tea infusion set when I spotted this three-story banner ad for the Hotze Health and Wellness Center. "Health and welln ... More >>

  • News

    December 1, 2005
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    August 4, 2005
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    April 21, 2005
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    November 25, 2004
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    September 2, 2004
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    February 13, 2003

    Protesting Peace

    Plus: Been There, Din That; No Smut Glut; Cursory Check

  • News

    December 5, 2002

    No Free Meals?

    Plus: Movie Props, Blame the Magnets, Crossed Out

  • More >>