Dallas Cowboys

Comparing Tony Romo's New Deal To Matt Schaub's: The QB Contract Conundrum

Quarterback problems. They're like everyday relationships.They take on different flavors and magnitudes, but pretty much every NFL city has them. Some are theoretically good problems to have: New England's restructuring Tom Brady's contract to open up more salary cap space, Green Bay's commencing ... More >>

NFL Playoff Scenarios: A Guide To This Sunday

Week 17 of the NFL season is upon us this weekend, and while there are still plenty of moving (or potentially moving) parts left to be slotted, the one thing we are sure of is that in the NFC the Atlanta Falcons will have a first round bye and home field throughout the playoffs. The Texans have to ... More >>

A Tale of Two Lances

In November of 1970, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Lance Rentzel had it all. Back in college, at the University of Oklahoma, Rentzel had been a star running back. Under coach Bud Wilkinson, Rentzel never lost a single game in three years of competing for the Sooners teams, and in 1965, his senior y ... More >>

Joe Nick Patoski Slam-Dunks Dallas Cowboys Tome

If there is one reason Joe Nick Patoski's books -- biographies of Selena, Stevie Ray Vaughan, and Willie Nelson -- are so good, it is his ability as a storyteller. Any decent reporter can sift news clippings and videos or interview the participants, but Patoski's style and organization turn what cou ... More >>

John Shango: 14 Quotes From A Certifiably Insane Dallas Cowboys Fanboy Video

Since the advent of the internet, more specifically YouTube and social media, as a means for virtually anyone with a laptop and a nearby wi-fi connection to convey his or her thoughts, it seems as though the best way to get noticed is to perform the following sequence: 1. Scream your thoughts as l ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Dez Bryant 9-1-1 Edition

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning or afternoon from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula i ... More >>

Hofmann Sausage Co: Texas Is About to Get Real ... Hotdogs! If You Live in Dallas Can You Bring Me Some?

So if you are from Upstate New York (like me), and if you love hot dogs (like me), and you live in Texas (like me), then you probably really, really miss Hofmann hot dogs. Like me. Because when I tell you I miss Hofmann hot dogs, I mean that I miss them super-duper terribly, especially when holidays ... More >>

Seven People Nearly Killed by Runaway Cart at Cowboys Stadium (w/ CRAZY Video)

Rise of the machine.​There are certain buildings in sports that are seemingly jinxed. Since the Red Sox finally got off the World Series schneid a few years back, Wrigley Field immediately comes to mind as the current titleholder for "bad luck mecca" as the Cubs haven't made a World Series in ... More >>

Dallas Makes a Damn Fool of Itself on Top Chef: Texas

​Thoughts: Is it really a "Healthy Choice" when so many of your frozen dinners are laden with preservatives and other chemicals? With that, we're hitting the road to Dallas, better known these days as a "dining nowhereville." Great choice, Bravo! Enjoy that! "When I think of Dallas, I think of t ... More >>

From Bad to Worse: Dallas Gives Michael Vick a Key to the City

Dallas honors Michael Vick, for some unfathomable reason​It has not been an easy week for the city of Dallas. It started with a "once in twenty years"-ish, weeklong snow and ice storm during the one week that Dallas could least afford a snow and ice storm. It continued with sheets of said ... More >>

Jerry's Time to Shine

Speaking truth about Super Bowl XXXVIII.

The Dallas Cowboys' Monster.Com Listing For A New Coach

Apply at Valley Ranch​Can you do better than a 1-7 record with a team of high-priced, high-profile players? Then the Dallas Cowboys coaching job may be for you!! The Cowboys offer a beautiful training facility in suburban Dallas where no one has been horribly injured in a wind storm in well o ... More >>

Dallas Cowboys Feel The Jason Garrett Excitement!!

Hey, Wade Phillips: There may be an opening in Houston soon​The Wade Phillips Era is over in Dallas. And everywhere else, as a matter of fact. Multiple sources are reporting that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has axed Phillips in the wake of the highly entertaining rout by Green Bay last night. ... More >>

Dallas Cowboys' Latest Distraction Gimmick: Lap Dances

Shoulda put this on the giant hi-def​What is it with Dallas football fans that makes a monstrosity of a football stadium want them to have public sex?First it was the boffing on the bathroom stalls. Now it's the front-row lap dance.This woman, obviously bored with whatever ass-kicking the Cowboys ... More >>

Five Memorable Athlete-Musician Hookups

​In a few hours, Carrie Underwood will be onstage at Toyota Center. Besides being an all-around American girl who will mess you up if you cheat on her, Underwood once dated Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and married Mike Fisher of the Ottawa Senators back in July. That's right, a hockey ... More >>

Texans-Cowboys Debacle 2010 -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

The Texans bombed big-time​In retrospect, we probably should have seen this coming. For all the talk about this being a different Texans team, about the Cowboys coming in as a wounded animal, about Wade Phillips being thrilled about the noon kickoff so he wouldn't miss the early bird special, has ... More >>

Rappers Talk Trash Before And After Cowboys-Texans Debacle

Some rappers happen to be thoughtful, intelligent people. Every Monday that isn't a national holiday Rocks Off will have some of them here discussing issues relevant to their culture. Photo illustration by John Seaborn Gray​This Week's Panel: Fat Tony, Kyle Hubbard, Brad Gilmore, John Dew, Fr ... More >>

Texans-Cowboys: Five Things To Watch (Actual Football Analysis)

And the prediction is.....​The Texans are 60 minutes from reaching their highest point in franchise history.For a team with as short a history as the Texans, it's easy to be overly dramatic and lose perspective. Yet on this particular Sunday, the game truly is that important.A win over the ... More >>

Houston Texans -- F the Cowboys (or #FDACOWBOYS on Twitter)

cutline​Not long ago, I got into a brief discussion on Twitter with another radio personality whom I am forbidden to name whose name I don't exactly recall. I don't remember the crux of the tweet-versation (something having to do with blogs and the inherent evil that blogs possess to anyone over ... More >>

The Five Worst Musical NFL Players

myspace.com/freereignFree Reign, or "God's Revenge"​Professional football players dabbling in music? What could possibly go wrong? Glad you asked. You did ask, right? 5. Ben Utecht, Cincinnati Bengals Ben Utecht suffered a concussion while working out with the Cincinnati Bengals and decide ... More >>

The Ten Worst Songs About Cowboys

​Sunday at noon, the Dallas Cowboys and our own Houston Texans face off at Reliant Stadium. The Texans are 2-0 and the Cowboys have not won one game at all this year. The Texans have won two games, and the Cowboys do not have any wins. At all. Understandably, spirits are high this week on bo ... More >>

Five Best Dallas Cowboys Arrests, Many Of Them Sexually Related

Lance Rentzel, with his pants on​It's Cowboys Week. Just like in Green Bay, where Bears Week is always noted on the calendar, the days leading up to Sunday's game at Reliant Stadium deserve a capital W.Of course, we should be taking pity on the Cowboys. They are, after all, coached by Wade Phillip ... More >>

Game Time: Football -- This Season's First Round of Best Bets

Oregon Ducks: Ignore the uniforms and jump onboard​Okay, it's the first officially great football weekend of the season (loaded college slate plus first weekend of NFL).Last weekend's college slate was sort of like a "soft" opening for a new restaurant, working out the kinks in anticipation of the ... More >>

GAME TIME: Texans-Cowboys -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

Photo by Marco TorresYour face-painting will be in vain!​It's the preseason and we must remember that the Dallas Cowboys are making a return trip to Reliant Stadium in about a month, so let's not get crazy over what the Texans' 23-7 manhandling of the Cowboys on Saturday night means in the big pic ... More >>

License Plate Auction: The Bidding For World's Dumbest Texan Will Open Soon

Vanity plates, thy name is Texas​Ever since the state privatized its vanity license plate business a while back, the company that's taken it over has gotten more and more creative.They greatly expanded the variety of plates you could grossly overpay for, and offered a groovy online app where you c ... More >>

Game Time: I Bet On The Cowboys This Weekend, And Now I Must Go Shower

​I'm not sure why I thought Sunday would be any different for the Dallas Cowboys than every other big spot that they've been in since Tony Romo was handed the keys to the Cowboy Cadillac (complete with big-ass steer horns as a hood ornament). I mean, were two spankings of a reeling Philadelphia Ea ... More >>

Friday Night Lights, Houston Style: Why Does Everyone Hate Katy So Much?

Photos by Paul Knight​Standing in the rain on Saturday afternoon, watching Katy High School play Atascocita in a playoff game, Hair Balls remembered something we read on the Washington Post NFL blog this past week. This question, about the Dallas Cowboys, was asked: "Why are the Cowboys So Hated? ... More >>

Obama, No Way. W And Some Dallas Cowboys? You Bet!

​Houston, whenever you worry the right-wing loons are making you look bad, take solace in this: There's always Dallas.North Texas was perhaps the country's capital of the awe-inspiring movement that kept schoolkids from hearing a president speak about staying in school. And the Dallas area played ... More >>

Aggies Finally Get Around To Caring About Their Athletes' Safety As Much As UT Does

​A dozen people were injured when a freakishly strong spring storm slammed into the Dallas Cowboys practice facility in Irving earlier this year. It turns out Texas A&M 's $35 million new athletic center was built by the same company and has the same basic steel-and-fabric design.Now the Agg ... More >>

The World Salivates At The Thought Of How Bad The New Dallas Cowboys Theme Song Might Be

The Dallas Cowboys will start the NFL season not only with a new stadium worth over a billion dollars, but with a new theme song we're betting will be worth decidedly less. We can only hope it is as offensively shitty as the team itself.Forbes magazine reports that the team has contracted with a spo ... More >>

Life On The Rodeo Road: The Doctor Says Football & Hockey Players Are Wusses

Photo by Paul KnightName: Don AndrewsHometown: DallasEvent: Cowboy doctorAndrews is working with doctors from NASA to use an accelerometer to measure the amount of G-force experienced by bareback and bull riders. I got into rodeo after I came to Texas with the New York Islanders hockey team. I neede ... More >>

Michael Irvin Brings Dallas Cowboys Reality Show to Spike TV

Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan? Are you disappointed with the way the season ended? Do you think that the problem might have a little something to do with head coach Wade Phillips? Or offensive coordinator Jason Garrett? Perhaps you're like Troy Aikman who thinks the problem is that Tony Romo spe ... More >>

Michael Irvin Brings Dallas Cowboys Reality Show to Spike TV

Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan? Are you disappointed with the way the season ended? Do you think that the problem might have a little something to do with head coach Wade Phillips? Or offensive coordinator Jason Garrett? Perhaps you're like Troy Aikman who thinks the problem is that Tony Romo spe ... More >>

Ten Possible Reasons for the Cowboys Missing the Playoffs

John Royal's NFL Power Rankings

John Royal's NFL Power Rankings

NFL Review, Week Four: Cowboys Lose, and Bitch

John Royal's NFL Power Rankings

John Royal’s NFL Season Picks

Texans-Cowboys: Yeah, It’s Only Preseason

Yo. You Live in Houston, Not Tennessee.

Jason Friedman’s NFL Picks, Week Six: Forget Dog Fighting. Parity Is the League’s Biggest Problem.

Jason Friedman’s NFL Picks, Week Four: Salma Hayek, the Green Bay Packers, Anna Kournikova and the Baltimore Ravens

Mean Joe Greene Meets Avril Lavigne: Texans-Cowboys from the Press Box

YuleTube

The Cowboys Still Suck...

Bush-whacked fo' Sho

Tuna Season

Watch our guys take on Bill Parcells and the hated Dallas Cowboys

Scoring the Super Bowl

NFL Films' music may be stirring, but these songs tell the real story of the big games

Vallone (Jr.) Does Dallas