David Arquette

2012: The Year In Zapruder, A Recap Of My Detailed Video Recaps

I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line in 2012, the Zapruder-style analysis of viral videos became my thing. Much like you'd go to Clay Travis on SEC football or to Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback for the weekend that was in the NFL, when you the reader needed hardcore ... More >>

Pop Rocks: Chaz Bono Is Far from the Worst DWTS Contestant

Worse than her? Really?​As someone who doesn't watch Dancing with the Stars (note to self: watch DWTS for upcoming "Sight Unseen" blog), I'm not sure if I'm supposed to care about the announcement that Chaz Bono was added to the cast: Transgender activist Chaz Bono is speaking out for the fir ... More >>

Subterranean Radio Brings Houston Music to Chicagoland

​It started like most things do, when your humble narrator was obsessively Googling himself to see who on the Internet might be talking about us. That's when we came across Subterranean Radio, hosted every Thursday from 10 p.m.-1 a.m. on WRLR 98.3 FM in Round Lake Heights, Ill. Turns out they' ... More >>

The Irrepressibles Stage A Mirror Mirror Spectacle

​Last year, Rocks Off was completely caught off guard by the sheer, unholy awesomness of The Irrepressibles. Director Roy Raz set their then-unreleased song "In This Shirt" to one of the most amazing and innovative music videos ever in a short film he called The Lady is Dead. The video, in add ... More >>

Paris Falls Has A Winner With Reverse Mirror Image

​It's very, very hard to talk about Paris Falls' latest CD, Reverse Mirror Image, without using a plethora of adjectives that have already been painted in bright letters across reviews of their first three albums. They are still the living embodiment of everything that made pop music awesome ... More >>

What To Do When The Crowd Yells "Free Bird!"

​Sooooooo.... Thursday, the U.S. Constitution was read aloud on the floor of the House of Representatives, an act that Rocks Off views as the government equivalent of doing your homework on the morning bus, but whatever. Just as Rep. Frank Pallone, D-N.J. was reading the bit about the eligibi ... More >>

A Musical Field Guide To National Bird Day

yourfashion.com​Today is National Bird Day, and we are all gonna celebrate. Every year bird enthusiasts pick this day to promote bird watching, XTREME bird watching, bird adoption, and just plain ol' loving the unholy hell out of birds. All kidding aside, the holiday is dedicated to raising aw ... More >>

Common Social Media Mistakes Musicians Make

Note spelling in poster is different from band's actual name.​As we speak, Rocks Off is going through the concert listings one by one looking for something of interest for which to write amusing articles laced with the finest penis jokes. "What, ho?" says we. "This band Indiginis has a caprici ... More >>

A New Social Network For Bands To (Literally) Crash

​Touring is expensive, whether you're hauling around a KISS-level spectacle or just your own local indie selves in a van. It can be rough on the road. For those of us among the unsigned, every show is a gamble. What if you don't make enough at the venue for shelter that night, food, and gas t ... More >>

30 Seconds With B L A C K I E

​Rocks Off sat down with one of Houston's foremost rappers, B L A C K I E, to see what we could learn about him in 30 seconds. Rocks Off: What is the worst song in the world? B L A C K I E: "Heart of The Heartland." The last song on Songs In The Key Of Z, Vol. 2. Love Love Love it. RO: Wh ... More >>

Fiskadoro's Christmas Of The Damned

​Peace on Earth and good will towards men? We'll have none of that happy hippie horseshit here, thank you very much. Listening to Fiskadoro is like the cuddle session after a brutal orgy, and we do love every damn minute of music they infect our iPod with. Their latest release is a Christmas E ... More >>

Why I Wrote A Book About The Bottom Of The Music Biz

​Let's drop the royal we for a second, okay? This is Jef, and I'm here to shamelessly plug my book signing at Cactus Music from 12-3 p.m. tomorrow (beverages provided by St. Arnolds; music by Giant Princess). I also want to explain why the book exists at all. I'm prone to hyperbole, I admit, ... More >>

Today's High Schoolers Shrugging Off New Music

​During this part of the year, your humble narrator treks from school to schools selling contest music to bands and orchestras. It's a good gig, and it enables us to get a good gander at what the next generation of musicians look like. However, after several years of doing it, we started noti ... More >>

A Memorial Video For Dead Santa

​Hey kids! Bet you totally forgot that today is the anniversary of the death of Santa Claus! Well, technically it's the anniversary of the death of Saint Nicholas, who kicked the bucket this day in 346. Nick is the best-known basis for the modern figure of Santa. The son of wealthy parents, h ... More >>

What Does Batman Have To Do With "Jingle Bells"?

somethingawful.com​Jingle Bells! Batman smells Robin laid an egg. Batmobile lost a wheel And the Joker got away. Everyone has heard this parody of "Jingle Bells." In fact, for a couple of years Rocks off had recited this version so many times that when called upon to sing the original ve ... More >>

Five Musicians Who Would Make Kick-Ass Parade Balloons

howstuffworks.tlc.com​Rocks Off does not go to actual parades because we'll be damned if we'll waste clean pants on something that doesn't involve booze or Harry Potter, but we always make sure to catch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the teletube. We are, however, getting a little sick ... More >>

Nitzer Ebb, Part 2: "Faith Healers"

​Wednesday, Rocks Off spoke with Nitzer Ebb about their return to Houston, once a city internationally known for its growing electronica scene and rabid EBM fans. Since the band's reunion earlier this decade, they have consistently dropped in here to find that they are not only not forgotten, ... More >>

"Straight Outta Hogwarts": The Birth Of Wizard Rap

​The beginning of the end is here, as Rocks Off and approximately 1.21 gazillion fans flock to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 to see the end of the saga. Many things have sprung up in the wake of the awesome cultural phenomenon. Great things like Potter Puppet Pals! Terrible thin ... More >>

The Alphabet Song: Not Enough Swearing

​Fatawesome is a band of incredible bastards who know how to make you laugh and bang your head at the same time. Last time we checked in with them, they had laid down a rap tribute to the Oregon Trail that had us telling people "My Titties is sick," for the rest of the week. Now they've gone a ... More >>

Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame: Puppet Wing

Photos via WikipediaTMBG​Ladies and gentlemen, Rocks Off is pleased as rum punch to announce that The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has (not) added an official puppet wing to that fine institution. What's even better, they have (not) given us the opportunity to nominate some of the finest felt fe ... More >>

$5 Awesome: The Toys Soundtrack

Rocks Off has picked up some CDs over the years at prices so low we think that it would've been less insulting to the artists if we had stolen them. Some of these have become our favorite albums, and in this column we'll tell you what they are and why! ​For Rocks Off's money, there is no more ... More >>

Mission Accomplished: Your Buzzword Is My Band Name, Part 2

​We're getting closer to a midterm election that, more and more, is coming to resemble two dachshunds we had as a kid who would lose their little doggy minds over a chew toy and attack each other in a weiner-dog whirlwind of until separated by a garden hose. The attack ads are a-flying, and e ... More >>

Five Four Musicians Who Practice Witchcraft

​Gerald Gardner founded Wicca in the 1960s, though many claim the idea was originally thought up with assistance by Aleister Crowley. Regardless, the faith has become one of the most prominent neopagan belief systems in the world, and the pentacle symbol used by adherents is even approved for ... More >>

Glee Does Rocky Horror Proud

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, God said, "Let there be lips. And there were lips. And they began to sing!" - The Audience Glee on Facebook​Rocks Off will never forget the night we first heard a bunch of reprobates screaming at a movie screen while half-clad cult members panto ... More >>

Five Ways Rock Stardom Is Like Your Boring Office Job

All photos from work.failblog.org​The Beach Boys are mired in a controversy resulting from accusations that they lip-synced at an Australian concert last Saturday. That just goes to prove something we've known all along. Namely, that being a rock star isn't all that different from being one of ... More >>

$5 Awesome: Murry Attaway's In Thrall

Rocks Off has picked up some CDs over the years at prices so low we think that it would've been less insulting to the artists if we had stolen them. Some of these have become our favorite albums, and in this column we'll tell you what they are and why! ​Back in the days when Rocks Off's main ... More >>

Top Five Most Irritating Types Of Music Fans

hypeful.comAvoid "hipsteritis": See No. 2.​Rocks Off will assume that we're all music fans here, m'kay? We just like the way the more melodic molecules feel when they gutter-ball into our eardrums. That's peachy, but there are those among us who take being a fan into the realm of douchebaggery ... More >>

ICP's "Echo Side": The Only Truly Spooky Rap Song Ever?

​Frequent visitors here will note that Rocks Off is not much of a rap guy... and Halloween is one of the reasons why. See, we grew up as rap and hip-hop grew did, and consequently we got to watch the genre go through an adolescent phase just as awkward and embarrassing as anybody else's. One o ... More >>

Urban Dictionary's 11 Best Musical Definitions

Photo illustrations by Monica FuentesWhy is this girl crying? See No. 2.​Rocks Off's editor loves Urban Dictionary so much that he keeps hoping that a human/computer marriage amendment will somehow allow him to marry the Web site. He also uses it to argue with your humble narrator about the pr ... More >>

Five Ways We Have Screwed Over Other Bands

​In order to not implicate Rocks Off's more moral brethren and sistren here, I'm gonna drop the royal we, m'kay? The evil machinations mentioned hereafter are the work of one man with one F, and are not endorsed by the Houston Press. Ed. Note: We are real paragons of virtue over here, but we' ... More >>

The Soft Pack: 30 Seconds With Matty McLoughlin

​We sat down with Matty McLoughlin from The Soft Pack to see what we could learn about him in 30 seconds. Rocks Off: What is the worst song in the world? Matty McLoughlin: An Eagles song. It's divorce rock and is always a buzzkill. RO: What is the best lyric in the world? MM: "Nigga plea ... More >>

Chilean Miners: The Important News You Have Missed, Some Of Which Involves Lindsay Lohan

Also, Texas is suing for trademark infringement​Hey there, Chilean miners -- you are climbing from the depths into the world's heart (copyright pending). As you surface, you are busy signing book and movie deals, getting some off your wife, tasting real food and beer, hoping your colleagues keep u ... More >>

Radio Is Dead, MySpace Too. How Do We Find New Music?

​As both a music journalist and an actual musician, one of the things Rocks Off is always interested in is finding out how you people are finding out about the music worth finding out about. When you work for a major music blog, new music is hurled at your head at an astounding rate by both t ... More >>

Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band: Better With Franco-Prussian War?

It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off, we're trying hard to decode Houston's oddest monikers in order to find a little meaning. Alli Curtis​When Rocks Off was a small child we built a volcano as a History Fair project, and we promise i ... More >>

Ten Rejected Glee Episodes

Fox​It seems like Glee can make any song, no matter how trite, terrible, or just inappropriate for singing by high-school-age children into a runaway smash pop hit. However, Rocks Off would like to hypothesize that there are artists that are beyond even Fox's ability to mold into mainstream. ... More >>

Who Knew There Are So Many Songs About Rabies?

Centers for Disease Control Library​Monday night, as the crickets sang sweet songs into the early fall air, Rocks Off hung a wreath made of rubber bats on our door, and wrapped up copies of Old Yeller and Cujo to surprise our young daughter with when she awoke the next morning. Ahhh, is there ... More >>

A Lover And A Fighter: It's Sapp Time!

Bob Sapp, sticky and sweet?​Everyone needs a hobby, an outlet, something to take the stress off. Meg White has taxidermy, David Arquette collects oversized left-shoes, and mixed martial arts big man Bob Sapp sings and dances. Sapp's been a mainstay in MMA for about eight years, and is known f ... More >>

Fishbone

HPMA Showcase Preview: Videos from Black Math Experiment, Mighty Orq, eyeagainst, John Evans, Skyblue72 and Wayside Drive

Black Math Experiment to Go On Hiatus

MP3: Black Math Experiment's "Wicked Game"

Black Math Experiment, La Sed, MK Ultra

Last Night: The Houston Press Music Awards Showcase, Part Two

2007 Houston Press Music Awards Showcase

Back Door to History

Thank J.R. Quinn for the gay celebrations

Moral Minority

Tim Blake Nelson's uneven holocaust drama exposes an ethical Grey Zone

Living in a Scream

Scary Movie aims for all the obvious horror targets - and actually nails some

True Drew's Delight and an Edgy Go

Barrymore's light Never Been Kissed surpasses Liman

Appealing Alarmist

Dark comedy may be entering a bright new era with this offbeat film

Second Time as Farce

Scream 2 is as good a follow-up as one can imagine, given the difficulties of sequels