Federal Bureau of Investigation

FBI Flips Script, Asks People for Photos, Videos from Boston Attacks

Over the years since 9/11, photographers have not enjoyed the best relationship with law enforcement officials. While there has never been any legitimate evidence suggesting terrorists used photos of buildings or targets to assist them with their plots, law enforcement casts a wary eye towards anyon ... More >>

Joshua Vela & Jon Lopez: Face 5 Years For Pointing Lasers At Highly Maneuverable Helicopters Who Could Chase Them Down

Two 21-year-old men have been arrested and face up to five years in federal prison for aiming laser pointers at helicopters, the FBI says. Joshua Nathaniel Vela and Jon David Lopez, both of Alice, will be arraigned Thursday in federal court, as the seriousness of the whole "being treated like terro ... More >>

World's Lamest Bank-Robbing Disguise (Moses? Blond Lincoln?) Baffles Cops

The FBI and local law-enforcement are baffled by a disguise used in a nprthwest-side bank robbery this morning. Mostly, they seemed baffled by just how half-assed and piss-poor the disguise was, and why the robber would use an outfit seemingly designed only to inspire derision and laughter. The FB ... More >>

FBI Seeks Help Apprehending a "Bundled Up" Bandit

I've long admired the FBI's wit when it came to criminal activity, particularly when it involved odd looking or strangely dressed bank robbers. They've had fat guys and dudes in wigs and sunglasses. They always manage to twist it into something funny even if the crime is anything but. Fact is, all ... More >>

Amegy Bank Gets Hit by "Wedding Band Bandit" Who May be Divorced Soon if His Wife Sees This

The Amegy Bank at 12130 Hempstead Highway was robbed today and the FBI hopes the public can help them find the bad guy. The local FBI likes attaching special monikers to its suspects -- which we wholeheartedly approve of because otherwise writing up this stuff would be incredibly kind of boring. ... More >>

Ailene Lander: If You See This 15-Year-Old In Houston Today, She's Been Kidnapped

The FBI thinks an Alabama girl who was allegedly kidnapped by her stepfather this week will be moving through the Houston area on the way to Mexico. Ailene Lander was at a doctor's office Septmeber 17 in Dothan, Alabama when she was taken by Charles Partin, investigators say. "There is a concern t ... More >>

A Courtly Hat Tip Says "It's Been My Pleasure To Rob Your Bank This Morning, Miss"

Simple etiquette -- it is so rare these days. Gentlemen donning chapeaux in this modern era seldom can be bothered to make the effort to tip their headgear in the most basic acknowledgement of interaction with a fellow human being. Not the dude who robbed a First Convenience Bank inside a Cypress ... More >>

Walmart Robbery Suspect Photos Released: Camouflage Hat & All

Thanks to the miracle of modern surveillance cameras, we can all now have a look at the fellow who the FBI believes robbed the Woodforest National Bank located inside a Humble Walmart store on Saturday, July 14. The 9:17 a.m. robbery occurred at the bank in the Walmart at 9235 North Sam Houston Par ... More >>

Owen Laukkanen

John "Steven" Stark: The FBI Defends Calling This Dude "Tall, Dark & Handsome" (UPDATED)

De gustibus non est disputandum, as they say in Latin, which basically means some people's taste sucks but there's no sense arguing with them about it. But we had to take issue with the FBI declaring bank robber John "Steven" Stark, pictured above, as being "tall, dark and handsome." Stark, who is ... More >>

New Frontiers for Rice: Bank Robbery

He may not be "tall, dark & handsome," but this Comerica bank branch robber is proudly Rice, through and through. Not only is he wearing a dapper-yet-conservative business suit, he loudly displays his Owl Pride by sporting a Rice baseball cap, which, it must be said, is not the usual chapeau choice ... More >>

Keith Stone Look-Alike Robs Bellaire Bank

I saw The Toxic Avenger at the Alley Theatre over the weekend and learned from the program that one of the actors plays Keith Stone, the mullet-wearing Keystone beer guy in their television ads. We had no idea that he was also into robbing banks. Of course, it's probably not him, but that wig sure d ... More >>

This Dude Caused Some of Two Shell Plaza to be Evacuated

Photo from FBINo bomb, just a threat​A guy who robbed a branch bank in downtown's Two Shell Plaza caused police to evacuate some of the building by leaving behind a bag he said contained a bomb. The incident happened around 11:15 a.m., the FBI says. The man walked up to tellers and asked for ... More >>

Pop Rocks: Can't We Just Leave D.B. Cooper Alone?

On the plus side, maybe this guy can get a new gig.​This November marks the 40th anniversary of the hijacking of Northwest Flight #305 by a man calling himself "Dan Cooper." The hijacker, later erroneously referred to in the media as "D.B.," jumped out of the plane at an altitude of 10,000 fee ... More >>

The Casual Bank Robber, Caught in Action

FBI​Politeness still counts for something, right? Above is a man who robbed a Bank of America branch inside a Food Town grocery store in the 9500 block of S. Kirkwood this morning. "At approximately 11:05 a.m., the man entered the bank and casually waited in line with other customers before ... More >>

Trickle-Down Economics: Bank Robber So Successful He's Hired Help

Help wanted: Bank robbery is a growing field​Who says it's a tough job market? All it takes is a little success and employers will start hiring. Ask the dude who's wanted in at least seven local bank robberies since November. Let's put it this way: He's hiring. His latest escapade, at a Bank ... More >>

Relax: FBI Looking for Impatient Bank Robber

Impatient robber is impatient​In October, we wondered what other manners infractions the FBI might levy against future bank robbers having already accused them of sloppy dress, chubbiness and simply being rude. We have our answer: impatience. According to the FBI, the suspect (seen in the pho ... More >>

FBI Now Criticizing Bank Robbers For Rudeness

Rudy can't fail​We've had the local FBI criticize bank robbers for a lack of fashion sense; they've ripped robbers for being somewhat portly and sloppy, but now they're really appalled.Now the bank robbers are being rude."At approximately 10:15 a.m. [Wednesday], the man entered the Fiesta store an ... More >>

Ernest Withers: 5 Other FBI Informants Of Note

Also an FBI informant, but not on our list​Pretty shocking news via the Memphis Commercial Appeal this morning that Ernest Withers, the well-known photographer of the Civil Rights movement who was seen as a trusted friend byt its leaders, was an FBI informant.Because, you know, Martin Luther King ... More >>

Guy Robs Bank, Gets Away In Taxi -- In Houston(!)

Photo courtesy FBITaxi!!​We've had bicycling bank robbers, banks robbers who waddled away, and now we've got a cool customer who takes a taxi.In Houston, where taxis are way down the list of transportation options, that's a nice twist.The perpetrator, described as "white male, 35-40, approximately ... More >>

XXXL Bandit Strikes Again, Earns FBI Respek

Photo courtesy FBISo caught up in his work, he's even ignoring the candy bowl​Earlier we brought you a tale of the biking brigands, two unrelated Huffy-rolling heisters breaking banks in far-flung suburbs around Greater Houston.Today we bring you the further adventures of their portly polar opposi ... More >>

FBI Makes Arrests in Sex Trafficking Operation

Not the kind of traffic the FBI is talking about.​In Houston, when we think of traffic, we think of road construction and car accidents and general gridlock. It's annoying, but generally not life threatening.The FBI, on the other hand, deals with trafficking...of the human variety and Friday they ... More >>

FBI Offers $20k Reward for "Bayou Bandit"

Take this guy down and earn some cash money!The Houston FBI wants to get the word out about a $20,000 reward for information leading to the identification, arrest and conviction of the "Bayou Bandit," who they believe could have robbed eleven banks in Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas, ... More >>

You Think I'm A Bank Robber Just Because Of The Way I'm Dressed?

Photo courtesy FBIOkay, yeah, I'm a bank robber​Some bank robbers act all natural, looking like everyone else as they wait their turn with the teller. Others just flaunt it.The guy who robbed a Prosperity Bank branch in the 8800 block of Westheimer yesterday was one of the latter. Or maybe he just ... More >>

XXXL Bandit Lives To Waddle Away Again

Photo courtesy FBIBig man needs big things​The man the FBI has dubbed The XXXL Bandit was walked away from another bank robbery. Once again no getaway car was seen.We don't think this speaks highly of the effort on some people to catch this guy.Last month he struck on Clear Lake City Boulevard; th ... More >>

XXXL Bandit -- How Did This Guy Get Away?

Photo courtesy FBILarge and in charge​First it was the "Fashionable Felon." Now the FBI's making fat jokes.Is this a crime-fighting agency or Project Runway? What Not to Wear (When Robbing a Bank)?Meet the "XXXL Bandit," who eats because he's sad and is sad because he eats, if Austin Powers can be ... More >>

"Fashionable Felon"? You Call This Fashionable, FBI?

Photo courtesy FBITerrible lighting, awful pose -- this is a fashion shoot?​The FBI has put out an alert for someone it's calling "The Fashionable Felon," a woman who robbed a Wachovia Bank branch on the northwest side yesterday afternoon.We realize the FBI was not created to be an arbiter of fash ... More >>

Reckless Robber: He's Reckless No More (Probably)

That man was so reckless​The FBI thinks they've got the man they dubbed the "Reckless Robber." Well, they didn't get him -- Fort Bend Sheriff's deputies did when they killed him in a shootout May 22.Mouafak Kazza, 26, was killed during a bank robbery where he was apparently even more reckless than ... More >>

Jacqueline LeBaron, Daughter Of Infamous Murdering Cult Leader, Is Back In Houston

Photo courtesy FBICaptured after two decades on the run​The FBI has announced that they have captured Jacqueline LeBaron, who has been on the run for 22 years after a notorious series of killings ordered by her father, a bigamist cult leader.The FBI received a tip LeBaron, daughter of Ervil LeBaro ... More >>

Police Need Help Finding Bank Robber, Identifying Sports Team Logos

Photo courtesy of the FBI​The Houston FBI and Richmond Police Department are looking for a man who robbed a Capitol One Bank in Richmond this morning. Like most criminal masterminds, he apparently felt it was OK to basically stare at the security camera because his sunglasses and baseball cap ... More >>

Criminal-Background Checks Delayed In Texas Due To Census

​As if that damn census wasn't so bad already, what with their nonsensical questions and such, now comes word that the Texas Department of Public Safety is going to have to put on hold criminal-background checks because of it.The FBI is going to be so busy doing fingerprint checks on 484,000 prosp ... More >>

If You're Going To Rob A Bank, At Least Be Polite About It

Photos courtesy FBI​The FBI sounds highly annoyed at the latest Houston bank robber. Not because he robbed a bank -- anyone here is pretty much used to that sort of thing these days -- but because he was unspeakably rude while doing so.The "Big Bully," they're calling him.The headline on the relea ... More >>

A Genius Of Disguise, A Maid Of A Thousand Faces, Haunts Houston Banks

​See that woman on the left? Seems to be middle-aged?Now look at the woman on the right, obviously a fairly decrepit great-grandmother.PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN: It is the same person.The FBI has dubbed her the "Bad Granny" bank-robber because -- we can only assume -- she's "bad" because she ... More >>

Who's A Dude Gotta Blow To Rob A Bank Around Here?

Photo courtesy FBI​ If there's one thing that sucks about society these days, it's how you have to wait in line forever before getting any service. Especially if you're trying to rob a bank.The gentleman pictured above no doubt thinks so. He walked into a Bank of America on the West Sam Houston Pa ... More >>

Please, Houston Bank Robbers: Put Some Effort Into Your Disguise

Photos courtesy FBI​ Oh, Houston bank robbers, you continue to disappoint. But few disappoint more than this guy, who hit a westside Randall's yesterday.The FBI has dubbed him the "Rasta Robber," but we feel that's giving the dude too much credit. The feds say he was a black male who "sported a dr ... More >>

Transvestites Are Robbing Banks In Wharton. Wharton?

Photos courtesy FBI​ The FBI usually tries hard to come up with a catchy nickname or description for the bank robbers they seek, but this time the robber did all the work himself.We're guessing -- and we freely admit we could be wrong -- that the population of black transvestites in the sleepy rur ... More >>

The Couple That Robs Banks Together Stays Together

Photo courtesy FBI​ Fun with Dick & Jane was pretty much a bomb for Jim Carrey, but it looks like one couple really liked it.They walked into a Wirt Road Krogers this afternoon and robbed it.As the FBI puts it: At approximately 12:55p.m., the couple entered the Kroger and proceeded to the bank ... More >>

A Man Who Just Does Not Have The Patience To Rob A Bank

Photo courtesy FBI​ See this dude here? Rocking the sunglasses and the shaggy locks?NOTE TO CRIMINAL OVERLORDS: Do not hire this guy to rob any banks for you. If you do, give him some Ritalin or something.Here's what the FBI has to say about this guy's attempt to rob the Chase Bank near 9300 Westh ... More >>

The World's Most Unfortunately Dressed Bank Robber

The FBI has put out the alert for a new bank robber, one who knocked off a Memorial Drive Wachovia and a west-side Bank of America last week.This is not just any bank robber, though. This dude has style. A very outdated, ridiculous style.Photo courtesy FBI​The FBI is calling him the "Sweatin' to t ... More >>

World's Worst Get-Away Vehicle Succeeds, At Least For Now

If you're going to rob a bank and hope to get away with it, a couple of basic tips would seem to be a) Drive a vehicle that looks like every other vehicle on the road, and b) Don't do everything but pose for your security-camera shot.Tossing caution to the wind, two robbers were captured in video wh ... More >>

Texas Tries, But Can't Lead The Nation In Bank Robberies

As faithful Hair Balls readers know, Houston loves it some bank robbin'. The FBI office here eagerly hands out nicknames to robbers (Best one yet: the fiend called "Read My Lips" because he has some ailment that discolors his lips).We've had polite robbers, reckless robbers, guys dressed as construc ... More >>

Proud Of Your Tattoos -- Even During A Bank Robbery

Here's today's tip for Houston bank robbers: If the FBI's press release about you is able to note a detail like "he even had a skull tattooed on the back of his head," you're probably not taking that extra step to disguise your identity.Now, if you hang out in a colony of a couple thousand people wh ... More >>

The FBI Makes Things Go "Boom," And We Have The Video

(Note: The explosions get bigger the longer you stick with the video.) For the better part of this week, FBI bomb experts have been teaching area cops the Xs and Os of improvised explosives, like the ones made by shoe-bomber Richard Reid or the one that killed college student Matthew Rugo in his Tex ... More >>

One Day, Four Bank Robberies

Photo courtesy FBIBad day to be working in, or visiting, a bank.Four Houston banks were robbed today, the FBI says.One woman hit up two in the same strip center, which is certainly a time-saving strategy that should be applauded, if it wasn't for the whole robbing-a-bank part. Or the fact that the 6 ... More >>

Scammed By Stanford? The FBI Wants To Hear From You

Were you screwed by Houston's Stanford Financial Group? The FBI would like to talk to you.Today they've started a major outreach to investors of the Houston company, asking them to contact the agency by phone or e-mail to detail their investment and experience with this year's Enron."In an effort to ... More >>

Read My Lips. My Freakishly Colored Lips.

The FBI always comes up with cool names for bank robbers, and the G-Men (and G-Women) didn't let Hair Balls down today: following a robbery at the midtown Wachovia Bank this mornings, authorities nabbed a suspect with freakishly colored lips. And now the FBI thinks he might be "Read My Lips" - a uni ... More >>

The Reckless Robber Goes For The Bald Look

Now the Reckless Robber is just toying with us.He pulled off his sixth bank robbery Wednesday, but -- much more importantly -- he abandoned the silver-hair trademark that had sent the FBI's PR department into paroxysms of outrage.The dude is now bald. In the latest security-camera video, he looks li ... More >>

He's Not Only Silver-Haired, He's Reckless

The "Reckless Robber" has struck again.Although if he's so "reckless," as the FBI has dubbed him, why's he so successful?Maybe it's the silver hair. ("This unique fellow spray paints his hair silver prior to his robberies, perhaps thinking it makes him harder to recognize!" says FBI spokeswoman Patr ... More >>

The First Two Local Bank Robberies of the New Year in Houston

Members of the Federal Bureau of Investigation Houston Bank Robbery Task Force were probably still nursing their hangovers when they were called to not one but two bank robberies on the first business day of the new year.

The Bank Robbery Record Has Been Broken!

Last year was a banner year for bank robberies in Houston, more than doubling the number from the year before.But last year's record has already tumbled, and we've still got a month to go.Doing their best to help in that effort are the robbers who keep hitting the IBC branch bank at 3939 Montrose, n ... More >>