George Costanza

Watch Grown Men (Red Sox and Yankees) Scurry Like Children During a Clap of Thunder (w/ VIDEO)

I am putting up this brief post and (in my opinion, hilarious) embedded video a bit cautiously this morning as, believe it or not, I've already been deemed "weather insensitive" by a few people on Twitter today. At about 6:00 a.m., I tweeted some comments about storm chasers and Darwinism, and a fe ... More >>

Owls Baseball Fighting the Expectations

The expectations for the Rice Owls baseball team are a bit different than the expectations for the rest of Rice Owls sports. Whereas the alumni want the football team to win, they expect the baseball team to win. Whereas they just want the basketball teams to make any tournament, the baseball team's ... More >>

Dinner Party Etiquette: Bring Something, Dammit

"The Dinner Party." It's one of Seinfeld's more classic episodes, from a television series in which nearly every show was an instant classic. Maybe because -- at our core -- many of us agonize as George Costanza did about the etiquette of showing up empty-handed to a dinner party. ELAINE: These peo ... More >>

Biggest Loser v 4.0 -- Jeff Toole (a.k.a. "UtayAg")

As someone who both writes a periodic piece in this space and hosts a moderately listened-to radio show in several markets around the country, I get that criticism comes with the job. People will not only disagree with you, but some will grow to dislike you (despite the fact that they don't know you ... More >>

RIP, Bubba Smith: The 10 Best Miller Lite "Tastes Great" Ads

Yesterday was a bad day for Miller Lite. Ad Age reported they're in a serious sales slump, and ex-NFLer Bubba Smith died. The defensive end (who spent some time with the Oilers) was part of Miller Lite's famous "tastes great / less filling" ads, which featured retired athletes and offbeat semi-cele ... More >>

Christian Lopez, Overtaxed Yankee Fan, The Sequel (Where He Becomes A Charity)

Christian Lopez: Now sponsored by the champagne of bottled beers​That's it, you win, Christian Lopez. I give up. You all remember, Christian Lopez, right? (It's only been like 24 hours since I last wrote about him. Please tell me you remember.) Just in case, Lopez was the ample Yankee fan wh ... More >>

Alejandro Gonzalez: Firefighter Canned After Workplace Tryst Wants Job Back

Say what you will about Mission firefighter Alejandro "Alex" Gonzalez: that he thinks with his dick, that he was perhaps overly consumed by the Valentine's Day spirit to the detriment of the community he served, or that he perhaps took George Strait's "The Fireman" too closely to heart. One thin ... More >>

Say Vanderland Industries! IAH Gets New Baggage Handling System

The new baggage handling system at IAH is real, and it's spectacular.​With pat downs and body scans and full cavity searches (we're pretty sure those are all real), it seems like airports are taking our safety pretty damn seriously. Sure, it's an inconvenience and there's a chance naked manneq ... More >>

The Jerk Church Called: They're Running Out Of You

The meek shall inherit the earth, whilst calling people "jerks"​Commuters in Beaumont are, unwittingly or not, taking part in a bold new experiment in church advertising: The "You're a Jerk!" school of theology.

Last Night: The Pixies At Verizon Wireless Theater

Photos by Groovehouse​The Pixies Verizon Wireless Theater September 20, 2010 For more images from Monday's show, see our slideshow here. The Pixies are Costanza. In one episode of Seinfeld, a woman who had recently made George Costanza's acquaintance remarks to Jerry Seinfeld that there mus ... More >>

Game Time: Brian Cushing -- Saga of the Overtrained Athlete

For he today that juices his blood with me shall be my brother...​ "It's not a lie, if you believe it." -- George CostanzaNo one could carry out a lie like George Costanza.If you watched Seinfeld, you remember the episode where George told his would-have-been in-laws, the Rosses, that he had a tim ... More >>

Game Time: Tracy McGrady Has Unfinished Business (And Water Is Wet)

T-Mac is growling​"I have unfinished business...." -- Tracy McGrady, via Twitter on SaturdayYeah, I got that doozy on my Tweetdeck on Saturday and had to laugh. I wondered if maybe the Twitter universe had started up one of its viral bandwagon topics, where people start hurling their contribution ... More >>

George Steinbrenner: One More Eulogy

Raise a calzone and pour out a 40 for The (Other) Boss​I hate the New York Yankees. I hate that they win all of the time. And I hate that everything that happens in baseball seems to revolve around the Yankees. I hate that the team has its own network. And that the Yankees have a seemingly endless ... More >>

Game Time: Watch Me Compare Astros GM Ed Wade To Jennifer Love Hewitt

​The mood in the Astros clubhouse yesterday after the 2-1 loss to the Phillies was about what you'd expect. Michael Bourn tried to stay upbeat, citing that the team is fighting hard and they know they have good players. (Fortunately, unlike many around Minute Maid Park, Bourn sounded like he act ... More >>

Game Time: Realignment's "Seven Year Itch" Sending Longhorns Up North?

​Well, it's about to happen again. Collegiate athletics are getting that "seven year itch," more specifically college football, which let's face it, is the petroleum that makes the whole athletics engine go. For it was in 2003 that the last real salvo of college football realignment was fired when ... More >>

Game Time: I Bet On The Cowboys This Weekend, And Now I Must Go Shower

​I'm not sure why I thought Sunday would be any different for the Dallas Cowboys than every other big spot that they've been in since Tony Romo was handed the keys to the Cowboy Cadillac (complete with big-ass steer horns as a hood ornament). I mean, were two spankings of a reeling Philadelphia Ea ... More >>

Game Time: At That Moment, Jerry....I Tell You, The Texans WERE A Playoff Team!

"So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way past the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine bio ... More >>

For TDCJ: How To Tell If That Child Molester In A Wheelchair Is Faking And About To Escape

The reward has gone up to $15,000 for tips leading to the arrest of the child molester who escaped from TDCJ by hiding a gun and pretending to be wheelchair-bound. (Trenchant analysis by a TDCJ spokeswoman: "[Arcade Joseph] Comeaux was in a wheelchair, which he claimed was necessary for his mobility ... More >>

Game Time: Inside The Mind Of The Houston Texans Fan

​Pretty much every social instinct I employ comes from George Costanza of Seinfeld fame.  (... and yes, the fact that it's been 11-plus years since the Seinfeld finale means I officially have to remind people who George Costanza was.)*"Whatever your instincts tell you to do, do the opposite." ... More >>

ISO A Femme Fatale? Jail Babes Has The Hook-Up

​Can't find a match on Match.com? Can't get it in tune on eHarmony? Desperate for a young hottie, but not exactly a catch yourself and unable to fly to Russia for a mail order bride? We've got a dating sight for you: Jailbabes.Jailbabes is just like any other dating site, except all of the women ... More >>

The Passion of Victoria Osteen

A flight attendant went after the Osteens in court, bringing on trials and tribulation for one and all

Astros-Padres: Two in Row, Plus Robin Sparkles

A Date with George

Seinfeld's Jason Alexander tours behind his Tooth Fairy tale

Yin and Yang

The killing of Dimebag Darrell rains on Michael Haaga's Continental Club Plus and Minus Show parade

Unearthing Kitsch

Media Archeology digs up some quirky film relics

Seven and Seven

Dueling numerically named nightspots forge a truce amid clubbers' confusion

The Larry David Show

The man behind Seinfeld moves to the big screen