Homer Simpson

  • Blogs

    December 18, 2013

    Zapruder Analysis Of Two Chicks Brawling At Intersection Of Harwin And South Gessner

    The holidays can be awfully stressful. The parties, the presents, the expenses, they can all make normally sane people do insane things. To say, though, that the video you're about to see has anything to do with holiday stress is probably giving too much benefit of the doubt. Completely judging two ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 3, 2013

    The Five Weirdest TV Show Tie-In Albums

    It's no secret that we're being sold a product constantly. Even the TV shows we enjoy are nothing more than someone else's attempt to make some money at their heart. They live and die by how much revenue they generate, not typically their artistic value. Like it or not, they're a product and, oftent ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 7, 2013

    Happy National Donut Day, America!

    Today is national Donut Day and the inner Homer Simpsons in all of us get to indulge in their love for donuts and celebrate their existence. The holiday, started in 1938 as a fund-raiser in Chicago for The Salvation Army, was established to honor the women who served donuts to soldiers during WWI. ... More >>

  • Dining

    June 6, 2013

    The Burger Guys and the Zen of the Burger

    Customized beefcakes from the complex to the purist's dream.

  • Blogs

    January 23, 2013

    Amorfa: The Best SNL Parody Commerical In a Long Time Lampoons Starbucks

    Starbucks satire has grown increasingly stale as Americans slip into quiet acquiescence to the fact that the omnipresent Starbucks stores are now as much a part of our landscape as stop signs. Even though the coffee giant closed 600 stores in 2008 and then another 300 stores in 2009, it's roared bac ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 16, 2013

    Forrest Kenneth Randall Smashes Car Windows at an Auto Dealership, Leaves Wallet Behind

    When you are involved in any kind of crime, it's generally a good idea to leave your ID at home or at least make sure it is stashed away where it can't be found. Any good covert operative will tell you that, or you could just watch Burn Notice. But, in east Texas, they do things a little different e ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 16, 2012

    To Booze or Not to Booze near the Alamo?

    San Antonio is in a tizzy. When officials from the Texas General Land Office okayed a plan to allow caterers to serve hooch at after-hours events at Alamo Hall, a repurposed 1922 fire station near but not on the grounds of the Alamo complex, the Daughters of the Republic of Texas roared into action. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 24, 2012

    Mahogany Mason-Kelly, Famous Last Tweets Part XXVI: Don't Taunt Cops About Your Warrants

    Twitter giveth and Twitter taketh away. Especially when you're colossally stupid about it. Lamar University student Mahogany Mason-Kelly, 20, learned that lesson when she tweeted the message to the right. "I still gotta warrant in pearland..those pigs will NEVER catch me!!!...Never!!!" she tweeted ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 30, 2012

    Electric Touch: Their Sinister Plot Exposed

    It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're trying hard to find meaning in the oddest monikers. Posters extolling the virtues of Austin's Electric Touch were freakin' everywhere at SXSW, so when the band decided to bring their dog-and-pony s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 16, 2012

    Small Dog Syndrome: Is There A Doggy Hell? Probably.

    It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're trying hard to find meaning in the oddest monikers. ​It's been a while since your nomenclature specialist had a good name to tackle a juicy band name. We've been up in the Himalayans learning ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 6, 2012

    Crazy Times: 5 Festivals That Need DVD/Blu-Ray Box Sets

    Music festivals have played an indefinite part of pop culture history. From the various Woodstock festivals, Us Festivals, and even Lollapalooza - they have played a part in defining their generations. Unfortunately some of these amazing festivals have only seen the light of day in the form of eit ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 19, 2011

    Of Ghost Peppers and Cristal: The Dudebro as Self-Parody

    The video above was making the rounds on the Internet earlier this week under such headlines as "Dudebro chugs entire bottle of Cristal." I was recovering from a bout of food poisoning on Monday and couldn't bring myself to watch something so intentionally nauseating, so I didn't view the video in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 10, 2011

    Christy's: A Mom-'n-Pop Donut Shop

    Photo by John SuhHomer Simpson's heaven​Nestled at the edge of the River Oaks and Montrose neighborhoods for as long as I can remember, Christy's Donuts is a small, independently owned shop selling typical breakfast goods: donuts, croissants, and kolaches. I've stopped by on occasion to grab ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 3, 2011

    Happy National Donut Day: Sexy Pictures Of Donuts (NSFW?)

    ​There are bear claws, crullers, holes, cream-filled, jelly-filled, donut-fillled, fritters, maple bars, chocolate twists, and long johns in the universe of donuts, with countless other varieties remaining to be created by bakers bent on sending us all to early graves. Today is National Donu ... More >>

  • Music

    April 21, 2011
  • Blogs

    April 4, 2011

    Last Night: John Mellencamp At Jones Hall

    Photos by Marc Brubaker​John Mellencamp Jones Hall April 3, 2011 See pics of a dapper-looking John Mellencamp on stage in our slideshow. Don't call him Cougar. John Mellencamp has been trying to live down that record label-foisted moniker for over 30 years, ditching it entirely in 1990 and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 24, 2011

    Colin Firth for Best Actor? Not So Fast.

    ​I realize the actual Academy Awards aren't set to be broadcast until Sunday night, when millions of people will watch -- for the first hour, at least -- as co-hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway lob Nerfball zingers at their fellow actors, make passively tasteless jokes about speech impedime ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 1, 2011

    Super Bowl Cuisine: The "Roethlisburger"​For the Steelers fan looking to serve themed fare this Superbowl Sunday, I suggest skipping the wings and pizza. Instead, take a cue from sandwich shop Peppi's and construct your own "Roethlisburger" in honor of Pittsburgh's famed (okay, notorious) quarterback. W ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2011

    Gourdough's in Austin

    ​Homer Simpson and I have two things in common. First, we have both been exposed to above-average levels of nuclear radiation (he from working at the Springfield Power Plant, and me from having grown up very close to Three-Mile Island). Second, we both really, really like donuts. I've often ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2011 -- The Ten Most Expensive Domain Names

    You'd be CRAZY not to want in on one of these domain names!​There was a time when a million bucks was a lot of money for a domain name. That's exactly what went for back in 2000. Today, that's chump change when you are talking about the most expensive domain names on the Web. Keep in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 1, 2010

    Cover Story: K2 Ban Comes As Our Story Goes To Press, And We Are Kinda Happy

    K2: We test-drove before the ban​I have to say, I kind of wondered when the Drug Enforcement Agency was going to crack down on K-2 and other THC-simulating substances. What's more, although I am pretty Libertarian when it comes to drugs, I was relieved. It was easy to predict the DEA ban for ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 19, 2010

    5 Lame Food-Themed Halloween Costumes to Avoid

    Look, if you don't have the balls to just go topless and rock actual nipple pasties, then don't even bother.​Halloween is a time for creativity. It's the one time of year when you get to be someone else for a night, so you should make your alternate identity a good one. Put some thought into i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 4, 2010

    Les Miles for President (Also, 5 Winners and 5 Losers From This Weekend)

    Everyone's talking about Les Miles, and not in a good way​"In the game of life nobody -- repeat, NOBODY -- is playing with more house money than Les Miles." -- Me on Twitter just after LSU's 16-14 win over Tennessee As Homer Simpson would say, it's funny because it's true. The truly funny th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 17, 2010

    Upcoming Events

    The patron saint of food nerds come to Houston.​Do you have your tickets ready to see Anthony Bourdain this Monday night at Jones Hall? I certainly hope so, because the event is sold out. But don't fret; more celebrity chefs are on their way to Houston in coming months. Alton Brown, the origi ... More >>

  • Calendar

    August 12, 2010
  • Blogs

    August 12, 2010

    Cathy Comic Ending, Creating Crisis In Refrigerator-Magnet Industry

    Oh no, bikini season is around the corner!!​Cathy Guisewite has announced she will no longer be doing the comic strip Cathy. Yes, the comic strip Cathy was still around. There are several horrifying ramifications from this announcement: 1. Refrigerator doors of certain types of single women acro ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 5, 2010

    Food Fight: Battle Éclair

    Photos by Ruthie JohnsonThierry André Tellier Café's version on the left, French Riviera Bakery's on the right. ​Someone once said that an éclair is "a cake long in shape, but short in duration," and with him I have to agree. I have always loved this treat, with its pillowy pastry and smoot ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 21, 2010

    Homer No Function Beer Well Without: Geeks Who Drink Present an All-Simpsons Pub Trivia Night

    ​Homer Simpson and beer are virtually inseparable. Just take a look at some of his finer quotes on the malty beverage: There are endless pages of them. It's fitting therefore that the Geeks Who Drink host an annual Yellow Fever night, an all-Simpsons pub trivia challenge. On August 18 at Taps ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 6, 2010

    For The National Day Of Prayer: Five Invocations For (Almost) Any Occasion

    If nothing else, pray for poor shrinking Alaska.​The good news is, President Obama didn't cancel the National Day of Prayer, as was alleged by e-mails sent by a few of my dimmer relations over the last few years. The bad news is, it's still pretty goddamned hard to find an appropriate bit of Scrip ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 26, 2010

    Six Canisters Of Radioactive Material Vanish From Truck's Toolbox In Valley Wal-Mart Heist

    ​A car burglar at the Wal-Mart in Alice swiped a little more than they bargained for last Friday. An unknown person broke into a pick-up truck belonging to ProTechnics, a Houston-based oil and gas exploration company. In the truck's toolbox the alleged thief found a clear plastic bag containi ... More >>

  • News

    January 28, 2010

    More Tats = More Deviance?

    Texas Tech studies body ink and social deviance.

  • Blogs

    December 3, 2009

    He Said She Said: Our 10 Favorite Fictional Bands

    ​ It's a sad state of affairs when a parody band ends up being funnier/better/more entertaining that the original (we're lookin' at you, The Beatles). She Said started thinking of this list last week after making one in a million lifetime references to the fake band Blues Hammer from the movie Gho ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 1, 2009

    ACL Fest Preview: Five Outdoor Music Festivals That Could Have Gone a Lot Better

    The 2009 Austin City Limits Festival kicks off Friday, and many of you are no doubt devising parking strategies and grappling with various permutations of 'How will I make it from the [a] set at [b] stage in time to catch [x]'s set at the [y] stage?' It's a serious dilemma, as ACL always puts toget ... More >>

  • Calendar

    December 4, 2008

    Gabriel Iglesias

    This big man gets some big laughs

  • Blogs

    September 30, 2008

    The Pizza and Ranch Dressing Rebellion

    Romano’s on West Gray has outlawed dipping pizza in ranch dressing. The pizzeria’s owners, two cousins named Frank and Vinny, were born in Calabria, Italy. They spent 15 years working in New York pizzerias before coming to Texas. The cousins pride themselves on making one of the best New York-st ... More >>

  • Film

    August 2, 2007

    The Simpsons Movie

    Breathe easy, Simpsons fans

  • Blogs

    August 1, 2007

    Mint Condition

    Yesterday, the U.S. Congress passed a bill that would authorize the U.S. Mint to begin making gold and silver coins commemorating NASA's 50th anniversary. The Mint would make 50,000 gold coins worth $50 each and another 300,000 silver coins worth a $1 each.

  • Film

    July 19, 2007


    Movie musical of the musical of the movie is nowhere near divine

  • Blogs

    May 31, 2007
  • Calendar

    February 2, 2006

    Glazed Tracks

    This sweet party is Dee place to be

  • Calendar

    November 3, 2005

    Roll Aid

    It's an all-day skate-apalooza at the Texas Skate Jam

  • Calendar

    December 30, 2004
  • Music

    November 4, 2004
  • Film

    May 13, 2004

    Big Fat Greek Bloodletting

    Brad's ripped and The Iliad's shredded in the scintillating spectacle Troy

  • Music

    April 22, 2004

    Cyndi Lauper

    Sunday, April 25

  • Calendar

    April 22, 2004

    We Want the Funk

    Cecil's Tavern rises from the ashes with a new look

  • Dining

    March 20, 2003

    Dinner and Darts

    The Rivendell Bar & Grille

  • Culture

    April 26, 2001

    Shearer Delight

    The voice of Flanders is the voice of reason, absatively posilutely

  • Culture

    December 11, 1997

    Christmas Treats

    The holiday brings forth some old chestnuts, a few of them tasty

  • Calendar

    December 12, 1996
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