Homer Simpson

Happy National Donut Day, America!

Today is national Donut Day and the inner Homer Simpsons in all of us get to indulge in their love for donuts and celebrate their existence. The holiday, started in 1938 as a fund-raiser in Chicago for The Salvation Army, was established to honor the women who served donuts to soldiers during WWI. ... More >>

The Burger Guys and the Zen of the Burger

Customized beefcakes from the complex to the purist's dream.

Amorfa: The Best SNL Parody Commerical In a Long Time Lampoons Starbucks

Starbucks satire has grown increasingly stale as Americans slip into quiet acquiescence to the fact that the omnipresent Starbucks stores are now as much a part of our landscape as stop signs. Even though the coffee giant closed 600 stores in 2008 and then another 300 stores in 2009, it's roared bac ... More >>

Forrest Kenneth Randall Smashes Car Windows at an Auto Dealership, Leaves Wallet Behind

When you are involved in any kind of crime, it's generally a good idea to leave your ID at home or at least make sure it is stashed away where it can't be found. Any good covert operative will tell you that, or you could just watch Burn Notice. But, in east Texas, they do things a little different e ... More >>

To Booze or Not to Booze near the Alamo?

San Antonio is in a tizzy. When officials from the Texas General Land Office okayed a plan to allow caterers to serve hooch at after-hours events at Alamo Hall, a repurposed 1922 fire station near but not on the grounds of the Alamo complex, the Daughters of the Republic of Texas roared into action. ... More >>

Mahogany Mason-Kelly, Famous Last Tweets Part XXVI: Don't Taunt Cops About Your Warrants

Twitter giveth and Twitter taketh away. Especially when you're colossally stupid about it. Lamar University student Mahogany Mason-Kelly, 20, learned that lesson when she tweeted the message to the right. "I still gotta warrant in pearland..those pigs will NEVER catch me!!!...Never!!!" she tweeted ... More >>

Electric Touch: Their Sinister Plot Exposed

It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're trying hard to find meaning in the oddest monikers. Posters extolling the virtues of Austin's Electric Touch were freakin' everywhere at SXSW, so when the band decided to bring their dog-and-pony s ... More >>

Small Dog Syndrome: Is There A Doggy Hell? Probably.

It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're trying hard to find meaning in the oddest monikers. ​It's been a while since your nomenclature specialist had a good name to tackle a juicy band name. We've been up in the Himalayans learning ... More >>

Crazy Times: 5 Festivals That Need DVD/Blu-Ray Box Sets

Music festivals have played an indefinite part of pop culture history. From the various Woodstock festivals, Us Festivals, and even Lollapalooza - they have played a part in defining their generations. Unfortunately some of these amazing festivals have only seen the light of day in the form of eit ... More >>

Of Ghost Peppers and Cristal: The Dudebro as Self-Parody

The video above was making the rounds on the Internet earlier this week under such headlines as "Dudebro chugs entire bottle of Cristal." I was recovering from a bout of food poisoning on Monday and couldn't bring myself to watch something so intentionally nauseating, so I didn't view the video in ... More >>

Christy's: A Mom-'n-Pop Donut Shop

Photo by John SuhHomer Simpson's heaven​Nestled at the edge of the River Oaks and Montrose neighborhoods for as long as I can remember, Christy's Donuts is a small, independently owned shop selling typical breakfast goods: donuts, croissants, and kolaches. I've stopped by on occasion to grab ... More >>

Happy National Donut Day: Sexy Pictures Of Donuts (NSFW?)

​There are bear claws, crullers, holes, cream-filled, jelly-filled, donut-fillled, fritters, maple bars, chocolate twists, and long johns in the universe of donuts, with countless other varieties remaining to be created by bakers bent on sending us all to early graves. Today is National Donu ... More >>

James Taylor

Last Night: John Mellencamp At Jones Hall

Photos by Marc Brubaker​John Mellencamp Jones Hall April 3, 2011 See pics of a dapper-looking John Mellencamp on stage in our slideshow. Don't call him Cougar. John Mellencamp has been trying to live down that record label-foisted moniker for over 30 years, ditching it entirely in 1990 and ... More >>

Colin Firth for Best Actor? Not So Fast.

​I realize the actual Academy Awards aren't set to be broadcast until Sunday night, when millions of people will watch -- for the first hour, at least -- as co-hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway lob Nerfball zingers at their fellow actors, make passively tasteless jokes about speech impedime ... More >>

Super Bowl Cuisine: The "Roethlisburger"

www.thepittsburgtastebuds.com​For the Steelers fan looking to serve themed fare this Superbowl Sunday, I suggest skipping the wings and pizza. Instead, take a cue from sandwich shop Peppi's and construct your own "Roethlisburger" in honor of Pittsburgh's famed (okay, notorious) quarterback. W ... More >>

Gourdough's in Austin

​Homer Simpson and I have two things in common. First, we have both been exposed to above-average levels of nuclear radiation (he from working at the Springfield Power Plant, and me from having grown up very close to Three-Mile Island). Second, we both really, really like donuts. I've often ... More >>

SexBeerandMoney.com -- The Ten Most Expensive Domain Names

You'd be CRAZY not to want in on one of these domain names!​There was a time when a million bucks was a lot of money for a domain name. That's exactly what Cool.com went for back in 2000. Today, that's chump change when you are talking about the most expensive domain names on the Web. Keep in ... More >>

Cover Story: K2 Ban Comes As Our Story Goes To Press, And We Are Kinda Happy

K2: We test-drove before the ban​I have to say, I kind of wondered when the Drug Enforcement Agency was going to crack down on K-2 and other THC-simulating substances. What's more, although I am pretty Libertarian when it comes to drugs, I was relieved. It was easy to predict the DEA ban for ... More >>

The Ballad Of Randy Quaid

Hopefully he learned a few tricks in Midnight Express.​Americans, as a people, are fascinated by stories of outlaws. English bandit Robin Hood has been dead for 500 years (give or take) and they're still making crappy movies about him. And the Old West remains a fertile ground for tales of rom ... More >>

5 Lame Food-Themed Halloween Costumes to Avoid

Look, if you don't have the balls to just go topless and rock actual nipple pasties, then don't even bother.​Halloween is a time for creativity. It's the one time of year when you get to be someone else for a night, so you should make your alternate identity a good one. Put some thought into i ... More >>

Les Miles for President (Also, 5 Winners and 5 Losers From This Weekend)

Everyone's talking about Les Miles, and not in a good way​"In the game of life nobody -- repeat, NOBODY -- is playing with more house money than Les Miles." -- Me on Twitter just after LSU's 16-14 win over Tennessee As Homer Simpson would say, it's funny because it's true. The truly funny th ... More >>

Upcoming Events

The patron saint of food nerds come to Houston.​Do you have your tickets ready to see Anthony Bourdain this Monday night at Jones Hall? I certainly hope so, because the event is sold out. But don't fret; more celebrity chefs are on their way to Houston in coming months. Alton Brown, the origi ... More >>

Geeks Who Drink: Yellow Fever - The All-Simpsons Quiz

Bart Battalion, Get Ready, Go!

Cathy Comic Ending, Creating Crisis In Refrigerator-Magnet Industry

Oh no, bikini season is around the corner!!​Cathy Guisewite has announced she will no longer be doing the comic strip Cathy. Yes, the comic strip Cathy was still around. There are several horrifying ramifications from this announcement: 1. Refrigerator doors of certain types of single women acro ... More >>

Food Fight: Battle Éclair

Photos by Ruthie JohnsonThierry André Tellier Café's version on the left, French Riviera Bakery's on the right. ​Someone once said that an éclair is "a cake long in shape, but short in duration," and with him I have to agree. I have always loved this treat, with its pillowy pastry and smoot ... More >>

Homer No Function Beer Well Without: Geeks Who Drink Present an All-Simpsons Pub Trivia Night

​Homer Simpson and beer are virtually inseparable. Just take a look at some of his finer quotes on the malty beverage: There are endless pages of them. It's fitting therefore that the Geeks Who Drink host an annual Yellow Fever night, an all-Simpsons pub trivia challenge. On August 18 at Taps ... More >>

For The National Day Of Prayer: Five Invocations For (Almost) Any Occasion

If nothing else, pray for poor shrinking Alaska.​The good news is, President Obama didn't cancel the National Day of Prayer, as was alleged by e-mails sent by a few of my dimmer relations over the last few years. The bad news is, it's still pretty goddamned hard to find an appropriate bit of Scrip ... More >>

Six Canisters Of Radioactive Material Vanish From Truck's Toolbox In Valley Wal-Mart Heist

​A car burglar at the Wal-Mart in Alice swiped a little more than they bargained for last Friday. An unknown person broke into a pick-up truck belonging to ProTechnics, a Houston-based oil and gas exploration company. In the truck's toolbox the alleged thief found a clear plastic bag containi ... More >>

More Tats = More Deviance?

Texas Tech studies body ink and social deviance.

He Said She Said: Our 10 Favorite Fictional Bands

​ It's a sad state of affairs when a parody band ends up being funnier/better/more entertaining that the original (we're lookin' at you, The Beatles). She Said started thinking of this list last week after making one in a million lifetime references to the fake band Blues Hammer from the movie Gho ... More >>

ACL Fest Preview: Five Outdoor Music Festivals That Could Have Gone a Lot Better

The 2009 Austin City Limits Festival kicks off Friday, and many of you are no doubt devising parking strategies and grappling with various permutations of 'How will I make it from the [a] set at [b] stage in time to catch [x]'s set at the [y] stage?' It's a serious dilemma, as ACL always puts toget ... More >>

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Mint Condition

Hairspray

Movie musical of the musical of the movie is nowhere near divine

Blame St. Louis and Trade Brad Lidge

Glazed Tracks

This sweet party is Dee place to be

Roll Aid

It's an all-day skate-apalooza at the Texas Skate Jam

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