Subject: Houston Astros

• Randy Johnson's Astro Days -- Short But Electrifyingly Sweet

  Randy Johnson got his 300th career victory yesterday as the San Francisco Giants defeated the Washington Nationals 5-1. Johnson pitched six innings, giving up only two hits and one unearned run (he had a no-hitter through four innings) as he got the 300th win in his first try.Johnson got the victory by defeating the organization he started his career with, as he was drafted by and originally pitched in the majors for the Montreal Expos, the team that went on to become the Nationals. He's the 24t

  June 5, 2009

• Houston Astros Spring Training: Prognosis Not Good

  Photo by William Holtkamp As the Astros guy around here, I feel obligated to say something about the team. But seriously, just what is there to say about a team that is 1-10-1 so far in spring training play? That the team is bad is actually something to be expected. And the fact that spring training records count for absolutely nothing is also something in which I believe. But... 1-10-1? Certainly that means a little something. Now the team has been without Carlos Lee, Miguel Tejada, Ro

  March 13, 2009

• Astros Sign Ivan Rodriguez

  Photo by Bob Jeter After denying interest for most of this past year, the Houston Astros yesterday inked catcher Ivan Rodriguez to a one-year $1.5 million contract that also includes $1.5 million in incentives. Reportedly, the Astros had not been interested because he didn't mix well with pitchers, but supposedly Astros ace Roy Oswalt had been pushing the team to sign Rodriguez. Rodriguez is known as one of the game's greatest catchers, having won 13 gold gloves for defensive excellence along

  March 17, 2009

• Cecil Cooper, Standup Comic

  Thanks to Jose de Jesus Ortiz of the Chron, I'm able to bring you the comedy stylings of Houston Astros manager Cecil Cooper. Only problem is, according to Ortiz, Cecil Cooper wasn't joking. "We should win 90 games this year," Cooper told the press yesterday. The Astros are going to "go under the radar" and surprise everybody, Cooper said. The Astros would have won 90 games last year, but Hurricane Ike had the nerve to disturb the season. "We've got three of the best offensive players (C

  March 24, 2009

• 10 Ways To Solve the Impending Astros Attendance Crisis

  Photo by Peter Rieke There's a new study out there claiming that there is going to be a big drop in attendance for major league baseball this season. And as we've seen from another such report, our own Houston Astros are expected to have one of the major's biggest attendance drops. So Drayton McLane and his crack marketing department have been studying this issue. But instead of dropping concession prices like the Cincinnati Reds or the New York Mets, we here at Ballz have discovered what Dra

  March 31, 2009

• Bryan Caswell: Houston's Best New Chef

  How do i begin; excited, elated, humbled, floored, it doesnt even scratch the surface! Me? Houston? Really? (my 1st 3 words to Dana Cowin) Photo courtesy of Wholefish Bryan Caswell in his trademark Astros ballcapBryan Caswell, who was just named one of Food & Wine's Best New Chefs of 2009, took to Twitter immediately after the official announcement to share his joy with the world.  Past recipients of the Best New Chef award, which recognizes rising culinary stars acr

  April 3, 2009

• Houston Astros 2009 Season Preview Part 2: Happy Opening Day!

  Photo by Michael (mx5tx) Are you psyched? I'm psyched, so I hope you're psyched. Of course, I'm psyched because I love baseball, not because I think the Astros are any good. And after I take a look at the team, I don't think you'll be psyched about this team, either. But first...here is the winner (and top four runner-ups) of the Astros Marketing Slogan contest for this season. 5. Astros Baseball: Better than the Pirates since 1993 - Ben Burnham. 4. Astros Baseball: Really? - Crush78. 3

  April 6, 2009

• Like It Or Not, The Astros Season Begins

  Later today, at Minute Maid Park -- a facility that is one-third of the way towards obsolete at 30 years old -- the Astros begin their new season.We have not noticed any tidal wave of demand for them to do so, but it seems they are contractually obligated.It's hard to remember a recent pre-season that offered less in the way of excitement. Look at Spring Training -- the team at one point was something like 3-18 (we're too depressed to look it up) and manager Cecil Cooper was furiously thundering

  April 6, 2009

• A Couple of Lucky First Pitches for the Astros' Opening Day

  The Astros' 2009 season should be getting underway any minute now, and while their on-field prospects this year are a little reminiscent of Major League - "Every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last... the local press seems to think we'd save everybody a lot of time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves" -  Rocks Off is hoping Cecil Cooper's club can somehow find a way to give all the naysayers a nice big shitburger to eat. Maybe these two classic baseball

  April 6, 2009

• Houston Astros 2009 Season Preview Part 2: Happy Opening Day!

  Photo by Michael (mx5tx) Are you psyched? I'm psyched, so I hope you're psyched. Of course, I'm psyched because I love baseball, not because I think the Astros are any good. And after I take a look at the team, I don't think you'll be psyched about this team, either. But first...here is the winner (and top four runner-ups) of the Astros Marketing Slogan contest for this season. 5. Astros Baseball: Better than the Pirates since 1993 - Ben Burnham. 4. Astros Baseball: Really? - Crush78. 3

  April 6, 2009

• 10 Ways To Solve the Impending Astros Attendance Crisis

  Photo by Peter Rieke There's a new study out there claiming that there is going to be a big drop in attendance for major league baseball this season. And as we've seen from another such report, our own Houston Astros are expected to have one of the major's biggest attendance drops. So Drayton McLane and his crack marketing department have been studying this issue. But instead of dropping concession prices like the Cincinnati Reds or the New York Mets, we here at Ballz have discovered what Dra

  March 31, 2009

• Cecil Cooper, Standup Comic

  Thanks to Jose de Jesus Ortiz of the Chron, I'm able to bring you the comedy stylings of Houston Astros manager Cecil Cooper. Only problem is, according to Ortiz, Cecil Cooper wasn't joking. "We should win 90 games this year," Cooper told the press yesterday. The Astros are going to "go under the radar" and surprise everybody, Cooper said. The Astros would have won 90 games last year, but Hurricane Ike had the nerve to disturb the season. "We've got three of the best offensive players (C

  March 24, 2009

• 10 Reasons To Be Optimistic For the 2009 Astros

  Photo by William Holtkamp I know what you're thinking. After yesterday's 12-1 spring training loss to the New York Mets, the Astros are now 1-16-3 and haven't won in 19 straight games. You're probably going through some kind of depression - I know I am, but that's got more to do with losing my job than anything else. So you want to know why you should feel good about this upcoming season? Well, I've got 10 reasons for you to feel optimistic about the Astros in 2009. 10. So far, neither Mik

  March 20, 2009

• Astros Sign Ivan Rodriguez

  Photo by Bob Jeter After denying interest for most of this past year, the Houston Astros yesterday inked catcher Ivan Rodriguez to a one-year $1.5 million contract that also includes $1.5 million in incentives. Reportedly, the Astros had not been interested because he didn't mix well with pitchers, but supposedly Astros ace Roy Oswalt had been pushing the team to sign Rodriguez. Rodriguez is known as one of the game's greatest catchers, having won 13 gold gloves for defensive excellence along

  March 17, 2009

• Houston Astros Spring Training: Prognosis Not Good

  Photo by William Holtkamp As the Astros guy around here, I feel obligated to say something about the team. But seriously, just what is there to say about a team that is 1-10-1 so far in spring training play? That the team is bad is actually something to be expected. And the fact that spring training records count for absolutely nothing is also something in which I believe. But... 1-10-1? Certainly that means a little something. Now the team has been without Carlos Lee, Miguel Tejada, Ro

  March 13, 2009

• Don't Make Me Beg

  The rumor mill has it that AOL Sports is about to start hiring beat reporters to cover the various sports in the professional leagues. This is supposed to be like what Yahoo! and CBS Sportsline have done - those of you who have read those sites know how those work. It's just like with the newspapers, there will be a reporter assigned to cover the team, and that person will write every day about that team. Supposedly, they're hunting writers from newspapers, and since a whole bunch of newspap

  March 5, 2009

• The Astros: Even Worse Than We Thought?

  Photo by William HoltkampSure it's just one week. Just seven games. But damn. The Astros are bad. Historically bad.  How bad?  The Astros record of 1-6 is the team's worst start to a season in 25 years. But it doesn't stop there. The Astros have failed to score in 27 of their last 28 innings. They are the only major league team that has failed to score a run in the first or second inning this year.  The Astros have played 64 innings of baseball, and they have had the lead for only

  April 14, 2009

• Only Four Cities Are More Miserable For Sports Fans Than Us, Respected Financial Magazine Somehow Reports

  Forbes magazine, which does stellar work examining the value of sports franchises, is branching out to assay the psyche of sports fans across the US.It's put together a list of the 10 Most Miserable Sports Cities, no doubt using highly sophisticated criteria that would please the most exacting scientific journals.Good news: Houston isn't the most miserable!! Seattle is, having lost an NBA team and not having won much in the way of championships.Bad news: We're fifth. Out of 128 seasons for our v

  April 15, 2009

• The Only Hurricane Guide You Will Ever Need

  Only through the benevolent grace of God Almighty has Houston been spared a tropical storm in the alarming gap of three days between the start of the hurricane season and the publication of our hurricane guide today.Yes, we took a chance. But we also pulled a few strings with the Big Man. Give us three days, we said (In exchange, unfortunately? Well, He had been planning on yet another improbable Astros comeback. Sorry, guys.)We're not the only ones taking advantage of getting ready for Ike Redu

  June 3, 2009

• A Chat With Hannah Storm Of ESPN (And Houston)

  Photo courtesy ESPNESPN has been charged for years with having an East Coast bias. ESPN's morning SportsCenter anchor Hannah Storm somewhat agrees with that charge, though she says the charge doesn't apply to her show and says that to her, "it is a non-issue." And if she does have any bias, it's probably to the Houston Rockets."I love my Rockets," she told Hair Balls yesterday. "I'm totally cheering for the Rockets. The Lakers are tough, but I love what the Rockets are doing this season. I love

  April 16, 2009

• 25 Things About The New Yankee Stadium And The Astros

  Now that I'm unemployed, I'm spending way too much time at home watching TV.  Particularly the MLB Network. I've become addicted to that thing. And yesterday, with the Astros having a day game against the Pirates on Fox, and there being an afternoon game on the MLB Network, I was in kind of a weird baseball nirvana.  But I took notes, so I'll share with you some of the things I learned.1. The New York Yankees have a new stadium. I don't know how I missed knowing that, but it's the bigg

  April 17, 2009

• When You're Old Like The Astros, Even Home Runs Can Hurt

  Photo by I'mClaudeHow does somebody get hurt hitting a home run? I'm serious. Carlos Lee hit a home run in the fourth inning on Friday night and strained his right Achilles tendon. And I don't understand how the injury could happen.Sure, I can see him pulling a muscle on a strikeout. And if he were to ever decide to actually run on the bases, then I could understand an injury there. But hitting a home run? Sorry, I just don't see it. That's about the one thing that Carlos Lee can do well, so one

  April 27, 2009

• He Knows The Score When It Comes To The Astros

  Photo by Photo MojoOn the night that Craig Biggio got his 3,000th hit, it can be argued that the most important person inside of Minute Maid Park was not Craig Biggio, or the Colorado Rockies pitcher on the mound. Instead, the most important person was the official scorer. Because it's the official scorer who makes the decision on what is a hit, and what is an error. Luckily for all involved, Biggo's 3,000th hit was rather obvious. But a determination still needed to be made, and it was the offi

  May 7, 2009

• Despite Sweep, All's Not Well With Astros

  Photo by Aaron M. SprecherCongratulations are in store for the Houston Astros who, this weekend, got their first three-game sweep of the season by beating up the moribund San Diego Padres. Of course, the Astros didn't have to face Padres ace Jake Peavy in this series, and they struggled in all three games.But despite a season-best record of 14-17, things aren't all fine and dandy with the Astros. After being bumped from third to fifth in the batting order before Friday's game, slumping slugger L

  May 11, 2009

• Houston (Kinda) Hitting The Big Screen Again

  Chances have improved that we'll be seeing Open Road, a movie that takes place at least partly in Houston. The film picked up a distributor yesterday.And why shouldn't it? The cast includes noted motherlover Justin Timberlake, Jeff Bridges, Mary Steenbergen, Harry Dean Stanton and Lyle Lovett. Wim Wenders is the executive producer.The story supposedly centers around a road trip taken by Timberlake to see his estranged father, a former baseball star who's dying in Houston.No scenes were shot here

  May 12, 2009

• Sportwswriter Brian McTaggart Leaves The Chron -- Voluntarily

  The sinking ship that is the Houston Chronicle's sports department is now closer to being fully submerged. Brian McTaggart has confirmed today that he is leaving Chron sports as of June 1 and will be moving over to MLB.com to report on the Houston Astros full-time.I'm sure this isn't a move that Chron management was expecting, in that McTaggart survived the bloodletting of a couple of months ago that saw a majority of the sports department -- as well as reporters and editorial and support staff

  May 20, 2009

• Please Come Home, Nolan Ryan: All Is Forgiven, For God's Sake

  There's not much discussion of the Texas Rangers down in these parts -- except for when they're beating the asses of the Houston Astros, which they seem to do quite often. So Tom Hicks announcing now that he's willing to sell a majority interest in the franchise normally wouldn't generate much interest in Houston.Normally, that it is. Except when Houston icon Nolan Ryan might be involved.Ryan is a partner in two successful minor league franchises affiliated with the Houston Astros, the Round Roc

  May 29, 2009

• Hey Drayton: Stop Treating Astros Fans Like Idiots

  Photo by Aaron M. SprecherThe Chron did a story yesterday on the concession policies of the Houston Astros. The important thing to emerge from the story is that the Astros are the only team in major league baseball that does not allow fans to bring in their own food or drinks. That's right, out of 30 teams in the majors, 29 teams, including the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, and Chicago Cubs, allow their fans to bring in their own food and bypass the overpriced stadium concessions.The A

  June 10, 2009

• The Astros May Suck, But At Least You Can Listen To Jim Deshaies

  So I'm watching the Astros/Twins game on Sunday afternoon, and it gets to be that inning for the trivia question. The question this time asks Jim Deshaies and Bill Brown to name the four Minnesota Twins that have been named as American League MVPs. So they start tossing out names of great Minnesota Twin players. Kirby Puckett. Rod Carew. Tony Oliva. Harmon Killebrew. Mary-Kate Olsen. There's a slight pause after Deshaies names Mary-Kate, and you can just mentally picture Brownie looking at J

  June 23, 2009

• How The Hell Can You Be Optimistic About The Astros?

  Photo by Aaron M. SprecherI was listening to sports talk radio yesterday -- the past couple of days actually -- and it appears that there are people out there who think the Astros still have a chance to make the playoffs. As far as I could tell, these people weren't on the Astros payroll. And I just don't understand where this thinking comes from.After last night's 4-3, 11-inning loss to the Kansas City Royals, the Astros record is 32-37. Sure, they're no longer in last place in the NL Central,

  June 25, 2009

• Astros' Solution To A Lousy Rotation: Add More Lousy Pitchers

  Photo by Aaron M. SprecherOver the past two Astros games, Jim Deshaies has been talking about the Astros going to a six-man pitching rotation. And Deshaies has given a lot of reasons for doing this, but as much as I like JD, I'm a little disappointed in that, with all of his discussion about going to the six-man rotation, he's failed to give the one, defining reason why the Astros shouldn't: the pitching sucks.Back before John Smoltz was scheduled come off of the disabled list, there was t

  June 30, 2009

• Despite What ESPN Says, Here Are 25 Things To (Sorta) Like About Minute Maid Park

  Photo by astromark2007ESPN doesn't think much of the fan experience in Houston, especially for the Astros fans, which ESPN ranks at number 68. This ranking is based on things like ownership, coaching, players, bang for the buck, fan relations, stadium experience, affordability, and something called title tracks -- that deals with the number of titles the team has won or can be expected to win. And I can see where ESPN is coming from with this list and with its ranking, but I think there are a fe

  July 3, 2009

• Hey, Astros: Please Don't Make Terrible Trades

  I think Clear Channel has John Lopez working way too many hours. I made the mistake of listening to him for a bit yesterday, and not only did he make the mistake of wishing that the Astros would trade for Toronto's Roy Halladay, he appeared to be upset that the team isn't putting forth the necessary effort to make the trade happen because, according to Lopez, this Astros team is in contention and with Halladay, the Astros become the team to beat.There are, of course, a few fallacies with Lopez'

  July 15, 2009

• Astros Second-Half Preview: Now Comes The Hard Part

  So the second half of the season gets underway for the Astros tonight, and the team has 74 games left to secure a playoff spot. Of course, the Astros are a surprising 44-44, and they're only three-and-a-half games behind the NL Central leading St. Louis Cardinals, and they're only five games behind the wild-card leading San Francisco Giants.But just how good are the Astros? The team's feasted on a weak schedule the past several weeks, taking three of five from the anemic Washington Nationals, tw

  July 16, 2009

• The Astros, Hanging On Despite Themselves

  The Houston Astros beat the Los Angeles Dodgers and Thursday and Friday to get their record to 46-44. For a short time, the Astros were in a three-way tie for second place in the NL Central. And with the first-place St. Louis Cardinals coming in for three games starting tonight, there was a chance the Astros were going to be playing for a shot at first place.Then Mike Hampton couldn't keep the Dodgers close on Saturday night, and the Astros bullpen blew the game on Sunday, and just like that

  July 20, 2009

• Why Rename Hillcroft Only Once? A Modest Proposal

  View Larger MapThe proposal to rename the stretch of Hillcroft  that courses through the heart of Little Bombay is ginning up a surprising amount of aggro in the blogosphere. (Or is it a surprising amount of blogs in the aggrosphere -- sometimes it's hard to tell.)Under the headline "We'll give up Hillcroft When You Pry It From Our Cold Dead Fingers," Slampo first touts the famous Indo-American work ethic before he thunders on thusly: Yet the great, great majority of the "members" of these

  July 20, 2009

• Five Ways to Improve 107.5 the Eagle

  Paging the Purple One... the Eagle Needs You!For Houston music commentators, picking on the sorry state of the city's commercial airwaves is even more fun than sportswriters must have making fun of the Astros. But on the rare occasion a new format does come along - even if it's hardly "new" - it still inspires a glimmer of hope in even the most jaded among us. That's why Rocks Off still can't quite bring ourselves to give up on the Eagle (107.5 FM), "Houston's Classic Hits." For one thing, morni

  July 21, 2009

• Astros Are Red-Hot...For Now

   Is it actually possible? Is it actually possible that the Houston Astros could climb into first place of the NL Central this weekend? Can it really be that we'll wake up on Monday morning and discover that the Astros will be in a position to actually start pulling away with the division lead?They just swept the St. Louis Cardinals, after all, and there's no way this team should have been able to sweep the Cardinals, especially with Chris Coste starting at first base the last two games.

  July 24, 2009

• $timulating Show

  July 30, 2009

• The Gloom Starts To Gather For The Astros

  With the MLB non-waiver trade deadline fast approaching, the Houston Astros are a listing ship quickly going under. The Astros just lost three of four games to the Chicago Cubs and have gone from surging toward first place to trying to hold off the Milwaukee Brewers for third place.The latest disaster in Chicago saw the Astros starters pitch just 15 of 38 innings in four games -- Wandy Rodriguez pitched seven of those innings on Monday night. Roy Oswalt had to leave his Tuesday start after 1.2 i

  July 31, 2009

• And Lo, A Rookie Shall Lead Them

  ​Just when the Astros were looking their most desperate, just as they were teetering on the verge of collapse after losing four straight games and six of the last nine, just as the team's two best pitchers had been beset by injuries that caused them to leave games early, one Astro came through and delivered when it really mattered.Thus allowing the Astros to defeat the St. Louis Cardinals 2-0 yesterday and allowing the team to salvage one game of the three played against the Cards over the

  August 3, 2009

• Ten Reasons to Attend an Astros Game

  Photo by Groovehouse​The slumping Astros are facing the slumping Milwaukee Brewers this weekend in a series that is key only to those of you deluded enough to think the Astros have a shot in hell at making the NL playoffs. The good thing is that both teams have been losing, and losing badly. The pitching staffs are beaten up. And there promises to be lots of fireworks. But if you're looking for a reason to attend one of the games, then just read up, as we've got ten good ones. 10. If yo

  August 7, 2009

• Oh, The Changes I'd Make To The Astros

  Photo by Aaron M. SprecherIf Ed Wade were gone...​The Astros Fan Blogger at Chron.com had an interesting post  late last week.The gist of the post was that Drayton McLane had just fired Ed Wade and that he'd made the reader the general manager, then he wanted to know the first five things one would do as the general manager.The blogger himself had some decent ideas, but I thought I would give my five suggestions. So as the new general manager of the Houston Astros, my first five actions w

  August 17, 2009

• Pudge Ends His Career As An Astro, Chron Readers Learn Eventually

  Photo by Aaron M. Sprecher​At noon yesterday, the long rumored and speculated-on demise of the Houston Astros baseball season was officially confirmed. Not so surprisingly, approximately five hours later, the long rumored and speculated on demise of the Houston Chronicle as a news-gathering organization was also confirmed.  It was at noon yesterday that the Dallas Morning News reported that Astros catcher Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez was waiving his no-trade clause and had agreed to be t

  August 19, 2009

• Which Houston Team Has The Dumbest Front Office?

  ​Richard Justice actually had a decent blog post the other day. In it, he attempted to evaluate which of Houston's big three sports franchises was the smartest -- sorry Dynamo fans, he didn't include them because he says the team hasn't been here long enough, and I won't include them because I consider MLS to be a minor league when it comes to soccer. And for the most part, I think he got it right, but I would switch the Astros and Texans around.Without a doubt, the best run and smartest franc

  August 26, 2009

• The Open Road

  August 27, 2009

• There's An Opening In Quality Control At The Astros, We Have To Assume

  ​I've read that there are companies out there that employ people who do nothing but Quality Control. These people are supposed to make sure that the best product comes out while catching the errors. I'm not sure if Drayton McLane has such a person working for the Astros, but if he does, that person must be somehow related to Creed Bratton because there's just no other way to explain some of the things to have happened to the Astros over the past several years.After all, would a real person

  September 10, 2009

• Watching The Dynamo On The Road: Rating The Viewing Parties

  Photo by Danny Lopez​Soccer fans in Houston have three main choices for watching the Dynamo play on the road -- the official watch party or one of the viewing parties held by the two fan clubs: the Texian Army or El Battallon.What's a fan to do? We're here to help. We're going to rate and review each of the parties, using the best evidence available, or whatever else we come up with. Today: The official viewing party. Some of the fondest memories I have of my dad are the times we spent t

  September 16, 2009

• Our Condolences To New Astro Manager Brad Mills

  ​Let me be the first to offer my condolences to Brad Mills. Now I'm sure Mills doesn't think he needs my condolences. After all, he just achieved his dream, which is becoming the manager of a major league baseball team.But that team is the Houston Astros.Mills, who accepted the job today, was actually the second choice of Astros management. But as in all things except Carlos Lee, Drayton McLane was too cheap to pay, and Manny Acta, the team's first choice, turned them down to take the manag

  October 27, 2009

• Turkeys Of The Past: 2003 Edition

  ​We're about a week away from the always highly anticipated Turkey of the Year award issue. There's absolutely no telling who will walk away with the coveted honor this year, because for the love of Christ there have been a ton of worthy nominees.It's our seventh annual list; in the days leading up to it we'll go on a bit of a nostalgic trip to days of yore.Today: 2003!! The first list of all!!We could put in a link to it, but we want to see if you can remember that glorious year's picks witho

  November 18, 2009