Houston Astros

Baseballs, Wieners and Ketchup

Spring training is just around the corner. The players are oiling up their gloves, creasing their brims and preparing to chew, spit and rearrange themselves through another 162 games. I love baseball. I don't care that it is the slowest and most idiosyncratic of all professional sports. The on ... More >>

25 Positive Thoughts As The Astros Head off to Spring Training

Jed Lowrie could be the Astros' best all-around shortstop since Dickie Thon, if he stays healthy​Spring training begins for Major League Baseball next week, and that means the Astros will be reporting to camp in Florida and prepping for the upcoming season -- yes, despite whatever happened las ... More >>

Astros Media Day Kicks Off 2012 Season -- 5 Early Storylines

In sandlot football growing up, we always had a saying after touchdowns that "losers walk," meaning the team that scored stays at that end of he field to kick off and the "losers" on defense have to march to the other end of the field to receive. So it's probably appropriate that, due to the NBA c ... More >>

20 Modest Fan Suggestions for Jim Crane

The word from on-high came earlier this week when the Houston Astros announced that Jim Crane had heard the voice of the fans and thus would not be changing the team's name. It's nice that Crane paid some attention to the people who buy tickets (though it does seem strange to see how many people co ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Astros Name Change Edition

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

The Astros Lowering Ticket and Beer Prices, Maybe Changing Unis and the Name?

I've written a lot of snark about Jim Crane in the months since he purchased the Astros. And let's be honest, I'll probably have a lot more snark in the days, months and years ahead. But let's be more honest, there's a lot that Crane has done with this team since assuming full control of the franc ... More >>

The Astros May Be Changing Their Name? My 5 Suggestions

Yesterday afternoon, Astros owner Jim Crane built up more good will with the Houston community in about eight minutes than the team on the field has in the last six years when he announced that the 2012 season will feature cheaper beer ($5 beers!), cheaper tickets and permission to bring your own f ... More >>

The Astros Lead the "Crazy Sounding Job Title" Standings; Six More to Consider

Most of you have probably been paying attention to the Houston Texans, what with them actually making the playoffs for the first time in team history. But there are other professional sports teams in this city, and one of those teams made some front-office moves last week, moves that will hopefully ... More >>

5 Replacements for The Jim Rome Show

Jim Rome = Not Burning in Houston.​Jim Rome is done in the Houston sports-talk radio market after KILT-AM 610 dropped the popular The Jim Rome Show last week. Rome's show had become more than a little tedious in recent years, so replacing it should be easy; here are five replacements that wo ... More >>

The Year In Astros Baseball: Thank God That's Over

​So let's continue our look back at the sporting year that was 2011 by taking a look at the Top 25 events to happen to the Houston Astros. 1. They finished with the worst record in team history, which was quite the accomplishment seeing as how the Astros were pretty damn bad for most of the ... More >>

Houston's Mezzanine Lounge Named Smartest Bar in America

mezzaninelounge.com​Contrary to what you may have heard up north, Texas isn't a congeries of lazy, narrow-minded, horse-riding, Dolly Parton-blasting moon calves. The truth is, we're just some easygoing folks who happen to kick ass at bar trivia. That's right, bar trivia. And it's official no ... More >>

Turkeys of the Year 2011

We combed through an abundance of riches this year to bring you the best of the worst

It's Official, Houston: You Live in an American League City Now

Change is....bad.​Pretty much as Peter Gammons called it last month, Major League Baseball owners have approved the sale of the Astros to businessman Jim Crane, and the move of the team to the American League. The move tosses away more than a half-century of tradition: The Astros have been in ... More >>

The Astros Are Heading To The Promised Land -- The American League!

Say hello to Yankee Fan​As a major league sport, baseball has always done a fairly good job of keeping itself relevant throughout the calendar year. (Football is the king of year-round relevancy. Basketball is the court jester. Baseball lies somewhere in between.) November is normally a fun b ... More >>

So How Much Do You Really Know About the Astros and the DH?

​There has been a strange uproar over the Astros' possible move to the American League. There's been whining over start times, bitching about Bud Selig, and much, much discussion about the designated hitter not being real baseball. And while people are upset, it needs to be noted that the As ... More >>

20 Ways the Astros Are Still Losing Even Though They're Not Playing

Yep, Ed Wade's even a fool in the movies.​This past season was a painful one to watch and endure for Houston Astros fans. But even in the off-season the painful hits just keep on coming. 20. The owner of the Texas Rangers, Nolan Ryan, is getting plenty of airtime from Fox and TBS every nigh ... More >>

Astros To The American League: The Logical Argument To Stop The Move

​Ever since the Peter Gammons tweet on Wednesday about the Astros sale to be approved in November as well as the Astros being moved to the American League, there's been a firestorm of anger and panic emitting from what few Astros fans remain. Yesterday, one group even started an internet peti ... More >>

Carlos Lee May Retire...

...after his contract is up next year! There, now you know how I felt yesterday when I read that headline. In this day and age where there are so many different places to swallow up news, we see tweets or vague headlines and the human tendency is to fill in the blanks. So when I saw one of the t ... More >>

Houston Gets Another Minor-League Franchise Not Named the Astros

​The Rockets' immediate future may be up in the air, but the same doesn't apply to the East Houston Heat, a professional basketball franchise that will debut in spring 2012. First-time general manager Hellion Knight, who played professionally in Europe for three seasons, is heading the minor- ... More >>

Full Swag For Das Racist, No Swag For Astros & Paul Wall

​Das Racist is Rocks Off's favorite joke-rap group, ever. It annoys most people we know -including our boss, who is like, "All right, no more Das Racist for everyone's sake, please." That's being nice - Ed. Earlier this year, we traveled to SXSW strictly to catch every show, and we're planning ... More >>

How Irrelevant Have the Astros Become? You WILL NOT Be Able to Name Last Night's Lineup

Not these guys​The Astros long ago became an afterthought this year, about the first time someone touched a football in Texans training camp. But how irrelevant have they become? We are positive that no one in town outside of the most steadfast fan will be able to come up with the first name ... More >>

Is Drayton McLane Really the Best Astros Owner Ever?

John McMullen, former Astros owner​Sometime this month the 29 MLB owners will approve the purchase of the Houston Astros by Jim Crane. Drayton McLane, the man selling the Astros, will be referred to as the greatest owner in Astros history. The man who turned the team into a winner. Who took ... More >>

Heights' Wire Road Studios Celebrates Grand Opening

Photos courtesy of HDJames Kelley (far right) entertains at Wire Road's grand opening Sunday.​James Kelley is a musician and an engineer. He's also a madman. And ambitious to the point of delirium. And a fanatic. How else to explain his new music studio, Wire Road Studios, a 5,000-square-foot, ... More >>

Houston Astros: Click Here to See the Worst Lineup in Major League History

Read it and weep.​Around the trade deadline, there are typically three types of teams making moves: There are teams trading moderately to low-priced young players for solid veteran players. We call these teams "contenders." There are teams that are trading veteran players for moderately to l ... More >>

Come on Down, Casey

Why Casey Anthony Should Come to Houston

The Astros Curse: They Are The Damned

The Astros have been damned​The following is based on true facts, but names have been redacted to protect the innocent, and not so innocent... The Houston Astros are a bad baseball team this season. They're beyond bad. They're beyond awful. They're closing in on worst team in MLB history b ... More >>

15 Reasons To Keep Watching The Astros

Watch Ed Wade try to line up another job with the Phillies​I know most of you have probably tuned out on the Astros by the now. Hell, most of you probably tuned out on the Astros back in March. But it's still over a month until the Texans start disappointing everybody again. The NBA may not ... More >>

Is It Time to Fire Brad Mills? His Treatment of Jose Altuve Might Give the Answer

Is it time to break out the #firebradmills hashtag?​The Houston Astros made some exciting news yesterday. The good kind of exciting news. Not their normal kind of exciting news, and not the kind of exciting news that comes from a war-profiteer-who-has-problems-with-women-and-minorities-purch ... More >>

Women's World Cup: Five Other Seeming "Game-Winning" Scores That Weren't

The USA's run in the Women's World Cup seemed to be finishing in grand style when Abby Wambach put in an extra-time header to give the team a 2-1 lead. It didn't last, and Japan won in overtime. Wambach's late goal joins a storied list of scores that seemingly iced a game or a series, only to be o ... More >>

Red Sox Fan Gets to Second Base (The Good Kind -- w/ VIDEO!)

Fun at the old ballpark.​Last weekend, the Boston Red Sox came into Minute Maid Park and pretty much did everything to the Astros they possibly could short of making sweet love to all of their wives and girlfriends. If you're an Astros fan, it was just another lost weekend in a litany of lost ... More >>

Since When Is It Okay For Minute Maid Park To Be Fenway Park South?

Back in the day, even celebrities like Janine Turner couldn't be shown at Astros games if they were pulling for the opposing team​I started working with the Astrodome DiamondVision crew on opening day of the 1988 season. And I worked on that video crew, either at the Dome or at Enron Field, t ... More >>

Just Stop with the Astros to AL Talk Already

Just say no to douchebag Red Sox fans.​My twitter feed over the weekend was full up of tweets from people talking about how electric Minute Maid Park was, and about how packed it was with people just dying to see the Boston Red Sox play the Astros. And most of these people were using their tw ... More >>

Why Tow Truck Drivers Can Break Into Your Car

25 Positive Statements About The Houston Astros

I'm positive that the Astros would have been better off with these three guys in charge​As it hard as it might be to believe, there are some people, friends even, who think I'm being too negative toward the Astros. They'd like for me to say something positive, something that might, hopefully, ... More >>

Sorry, But These Are Your Astros

The Astros are so bad...​Richard Justice is shocked, shocked, that the Astros are the worst team in the majors. Shocked because there's just no way anybody could have foreseen the Astros being this bad. Bad, yes, but not on track to lose 100 games for the first time in team history. Bad, bu ... More >>

Astros' Gift to Season-Ticket Holders: A Piece of Dugout Wood

Monica FuentesLook upon it with envy, mere mortals.​It certainly hasn't been easy being an Astros season-ticket holder recently, unless you're a masochist. The Astros know this. So, as a way of saying, "Thanks for sticking with us as we drive the team into a ditch it will take years to get ou ... More >>

Celebrating Women in Baseball While Forgetting Anita Martini

The Hall's Women in Baseball Exhibit ignores a very important woman.​While on the Houston Aeros beat a couple of weeks ago, I had the chance to travel to Binghamton, New York, for the Calder Cup Finals. There's not much to Binghamton, but about an hour and a half away, nestled amongst a beauti ... More >>

Dear Paul McCartney: Please Come Play Houston

connect.in.com​Dear Paul McCartney, Hi. This is Craig Hlavaty and I write about the musics for the Houston Press Rocks Off blog here in the Bayou City. Lately I have been seeing on Twitter and the greater Internet that you are slowly piecing together a concert tour of baseball stadiums. Which ... More >>

Astros To The American League? That's The Latest Rumor

Wait, what, the Astros to the AL?​If you were at one of the Astros games this weekend against the Braves -- and judging by the attendance figures, many of you weren't -- then you were probably annoyed by the idiot Braves fans doing that stupid tomahawk chop thing they do. But things could be ... More >>

MLB Realignment -- I Want The Astros In The American League (And I'm Bright!)

"I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb!"​Your Houston Astros lost 4-1 to the Atlanta Braves on Sunday afternoon to drop their record on the 2011 season to 24-42, the worst record in all of Major League Baseball. The Astros are a bad baseball team that is thoroughly uninteresting. As ... More >>

Astro Jordan Lyles' Big League Debut Is Tonight, So I'm Actually Making A Point To Watch

Jordan Lyles: Either clean-shaven, or doesn't need to shave yet.​As Tuesdays in the ho-hum, post-Memorial Day part of the calendar go, this one actually has a few juicy television nuggets tonight -- Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Heat and the Mavericks, the season premiere of America's G ... More >>

Five Jobs for Fastow

Enron honcho needs work.

The Astros Suck. Is It Their Music?

Marco TorresHunter Pence, Buzz listener?​Wandy Rodriguez is Rocks Off's new favorite Astro. ​Not because the Domincan southpaw has actually posted decent numbers for Houston's hometown cellar-dwellers this year (3-3 W-L, 3.41 ERA, 53 strikeouts), but because Rodriguez has one of the few ... More >>

Pools And Community Centers Come Under Parker's Budget Ax

Pool's closed today, and all summer​Eight swimming pool pools and seven community centers won't open this summer and about 750 city employees will be laid off under the new budget proposed by Mayor Annise Parker today.The fire and police departments avoided layoffs. "Developing this budget h ... More >>

Astros Collapse Against Braves Sends Stat Geeks Scrambling

Uh-oh.​If you happen to be on the wrong end of a tough loss in baseball, the last words you want to hear are "Elias Sports Bureau." The mere mention of that group should elicit the same queasiness with a losing baseball team that the Internal Revenue Service does with tax cheats, the Federal ... More >>

The Astros' Jim Crane Era Begins: Get Caught Up On The Team With This Quiz

Do you recognize this man?​For the first time in a long time, the Houston Astros will not be led by a hyper, motto-spouting grocery magnate. Drayton McLane has sold the team to Houston businessman Jim Crane. It may be the first piece of Astro news you've bothered with this year. The team was ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Cruel and Unusual Astros Punishment

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Drayton McLane: Where He Ranks Among Astro Owners

You won't have Uncle Drayton to kick around anymore.​Today's the day: The official announcement that Drayton McLane has found a buyer for the Houston Astros. McLane has been owner of the Astros for 18 years. In that time they've moved to a downtown ballpark (thanks, taxpayers!!), gone to a Wo ... More >>

The Drayton McLane Era -- Asking That One Question

Plus: this. Minus: Tim Purpura​The end of the Drayton McLane Era as owner of the Astros is imminent. With today's announcement that local businessman Jim Crane's purchase of our hometown ball club, we can begin to evaluate the "Houston Astros, version McLane" in full. There are a handful o ... More >>

For Friday the 13th: Five of the Unluckiest Texans Ever

Investors held on too long.​Beginning with LaSalle, the French explorer who survived shipwrecks and cannibal Karankawa Indian attacks only to perish at the hands of his own men near Navasota, some people in Texas have had some pretty damned hard luck. You might lay some or all of the blame at ... More >>