Subject:

Houston Astros

  • Blogs

    June 29, 2011

    25 Positive Statements About The Houston Astros

    I'm positive that the Astros would have been better off with these three guys in charge​As it hard as it might be to believe, there are some people, friends even, who think I'm being too negative toward the Astros. They'd like for me to say something positive, something that might, hopefully, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 27, 2011

    Sorry, But These Are Your Astros

    The Astros are so bad...​Richard Justice is shocked, shocked, that the Astros are the worst team in the majors. Shocked because there's just no way anybody could have foreseen the Astros being this bad. Bad, yes, but not on track to lose 100 games for the first time in team history. Bad, bu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 21, 2011

    Astros' Gift to Season-Ticket Holders: A Piece of Dugout Wood

    Monica FuentesLook upon it with envy, mere mortals.​It certainly hasn't been easy being an Astros season-ticket holder recently, unless you're a masochist. The Astros know this. So, as a way of saying, "Thanks for sticking with us as we drive the team into a ditch it will take years to get ou ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 20, 2011

    Celebrating Women in Baseball While Forgetting Anita Martini

    The Hall's Women in Baseball Exhibit ignores a very important woman.​While on the Houston Aeros beat a couple of weeks ago, I had the chance to travel to Binghamton, New York, for the Calder Cup Finals. There's not much to Binghamton, but about an hour and a half away, nestled amongst a beauti ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 15, 2011

    Dear Paul McCartney: Please Come Play Houston

    connect.in.com​Dear Paul McCartney, Hi. This is Craig Hlavaty and I write about the musics for the Houston Press Rocks Off blog here in the Bayou City. Lately I have been seeing on Twitter and the greater Internet that you are slowly piecing together a concert tour of baseball stadiums. Which ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 13, 2011

    Astros To The American League? That's The Latest Rumor

    Wait, what, the Astros to the AL?​If you were at one of the Astros games this weekend against the Braves -- and judging by the attendance figures, many of you weren't -- then you were probably annoyed by the idiot Braves fans doing that stupid tomahawk chop thing they do. But things could be ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 13, 2011

    MLB Realignment -- I Want The Astros In The American League (And I'm Bright!)

    "I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb!"​Your Houston Astros lost 4-1 to the Atlanta Braves on Sunday afternoon to drop their record on the 2011 season to 24-42, the worst record in all of Major League Baseball. The Astros are a bad baseball team that is thoroughly uninteresting. As ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 31, 2011

    Astro Jordan Lyles' Big League Debut Is Tonight, So I'm Actually Making A Point To Watch

    Jordan Lyles: Either clean-shaven, or doesn't need to shave yet.​As Tuesdays in the ho-hum, post-Memorial Day part of the calendar go, this one actually has a few juicy television nuggets tonight -- Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Heat and the Mavericks, the season premiere of America's G ... More >>

  • News

    May 26, 2011

    Five Jobs for Fastow

    Enron honcho needs work.

  • Blogs

    May 26, 2011

    The Astros Suck. Is It Their Music?

    Marco TorresHunter Pence, Buzz listener?​Wandy Rodriguez is Rocks Off's new favorite Astro. ​Not because the Domincan southpaw has actually posted decent numbers for Houston's hometown cellar-dwellers this year (3-3 W-L, 3.41 ERA, 53 strikeouts), but because Rodriguez has one of the few ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 19, 2011

    Pools And Community Centers Come Under Parker's Budget Ax

    Pool's closed today, and all summer​Eight swimming pool pools and seven community centers won't open this summer and about 750 city employees will be laid off under the new budget proposed by Mayor Annise Parker today.The fire and police departments avoided layoffs. "Developing this budget h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 18, 2011

    Astros Collapse Against Braves Sends Stat Geeks Scrambling

    Uh-oh.​If you happen to be on the wrong end of a tough loss in baseball, the last words you want to hear are "Elias Sports Bureau." The mere mention of that group should elicit the same queasiness with a losing baseball team that the Internal Revenue Service does with tax cheats, the Federal ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 17, 2011

    The Astros' Jim Crane Era Begins: Get Caught Up On The Team With This Quiz

    Do you recognize this man?​For the first time in a long time, the Houston Astros will not be led by a hyper, motto-spouting grocery magnate. Drayton McLane has sold the team to Houston businessman Jim Crane. It may be the first piece of Astro news you've bothered with this year. The team was ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 17, 2011

    Comment of the Day: Cruel and Unusual Astros Punishment

    ​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 16, 2011

    Drayton McLane: Where He Ranks Among Astro Owners

    You won't have Uncle Drayton to kick around anymore.​Today's the day: The official announcement that Drayton McLane has found a buyer for the Houston Astros. McLane has been owner of the Astros for 18 years. In that time they've moved to a downtown ballpark (thanks, taxpayers!!), gone to a Wo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 16, 2011

    The Drayton McLane Era -- Asking That One Question

    Plus: this. Minus: Tim Purpura​The end of the Drayton McLane Era as owner of the Astros is imminent. With today's announcement that local businessman Jim Crane's purchase of our hometown ball club, we can begin to evaluate the "Houston Astros, version McLane" in full. There are a handful o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 13, 2011

    The Mets' Strange And Usually Awful History In Houston

    Mr. Met doesn't like Houston, except for a few big games​The New York Mets came into the majors the same year as the Astros, but ESPN is somehow choosing to commemorate the New York team's 50th anniversary with a running blog on the team's history. Which does seem to be jumping the gun a bit, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 13, 2011

    For Friday the 13th: Five of the Unluckiest Texans Ever

    Investors held on too long.​Beginning with LaSalle, the French explorer who survived shipwrecks and cannibal Karankawa Indian attacks only to perish at the hands of his own men near Navasota, some people in Texas have had some pretty damned hard luck. You might lay some or all of the blame at ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 28, 2011

    Comment of the Day: Thou Shalt Not Criticize St. Biggio

    ​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 26, 2011

    The Truth About Lance Berkman's Work Ethic

    Lance Berkman: Milo weighs in​Lance Berkman returns to Minute Maid Park tonight for the first time since the Astros traded him before the 2010 trade deadline. He will be wearing a St. Louis Cardinals uniform, which for an Astro fan is the equivalent of Luke Skywalker showing up at the Jedi Te ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 25, 2011

    The Houston Astros: As Bad As We Thought They Were

    John RoyalUpset with the Astros, well the Aeros give you a reason to cheer​Okay Houston sports fans. There's good news, and there's bad news. The bad news is that the Astros are 8-14 for the season and are, as expected, battling for the worst record in major league baseball. The good news i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 19, 2011

    Three Sliders, You're Out at Minute Maid Park

    Photos by Katharine ShilcuttThe bowl also makes a cute and handy cat helmet when cleaned. Your cat may feel otherwise, however.​I don't personally understand the appeal of going to the ballpark and getting anything other than a hot dog or a plate of nachos piled high with "cheese" and pickled ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 14, 2011

    Comment of the Day: Taking the Good With the Bad

    ​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 13, 2011

    Colt .45s Video: "Without a Doubt, Houston's Usherettes Are the Living End"

    Since the Astros are looking utterly dismal, let's glance back when things could be worse -- at least you're not sweltering in direct sunlight on metal bleachers watching bad baseball. And, as this newsreel footage tells us, "Houston's usherettes are the living end." God, it must have been terribl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2011

    For the Astros' Home Opener: An Epic Collection of Astrodome Scoreboard Cartoons

    Each team gets one.​The Astros finally have their home opener today, coming in with a 1-5 record BUT with a one-game winning streak. The fans who come out to the game, assuming there are some, will be introduced to the gargantuan new HD screen that owner Drayton McLane has installed to furthe ... More >>

  • News

    April 7, 2011

    Play Ball, Baby

    A new season for the Astros, and hopefully a new team.

  • Blogs

    April 7, 2011

    Astros WON'T Lose Every Game This Season

    The thrill of Astros victory: Don't get used to it.​Some were saying it couldn't be done, but the Astros have finally gotten a win in the 2011 season. A double with two outs in the ninth gave them a 3-2 victory over the Reds this afternoon. Not only that, the win means that the 'Stros are onl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 6, 2011

    The 15 Worst Astro Baseball Cards

    Baaaaaaby Ruth!!!​It's Astros season again, which more than likely means copious losses, manly tears, beer bottles broken over televisions, and the testicular fortitude of a snake-charmer to get through nine innings of a game without the aid of alcohol, narcotics, or a distracting game of Angr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 6, 2011

    Why We Read Previews (A Prelude to My Astros 2011 Preview)

    ​Thanks to the Internet -- specifically blogs, YouTube, chat rooms and porn -- the competition for the few spare minutes that you have in your day to consume items not related to work, family, or sleep has never been fiercer. So why would you spend the next several minutes reading my previe ... More >>

  • News

    March 31, 2011

    Metro Etiquette

    Five rules that should be added to light rail.

  • Blogs

    March 30, 2011

    One Man's Predictions for This Baseball Season

    ​Believe it or not, it's time, yet again, for the Major League Baseball season to get underway. That's good news for those of us who enjoy watching the best players in baseball play the best sport ever created. That's bad news, however, for us Astros fans because, well, the Astros suck. But ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 25, 2011

    Victoria's Secret? She Hates The Astros

    Heidi Won't Touch The Astros​The Houston Astros are getting absolutely zero respect as the season prepares to open. The organization has been called one of the worst in baseball. The farm system is ranked 26th. The major league club is picked to be one of the worst in the game. The Forbes va ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 11, 2011

    The New Minute Maid Park, Same As The Old, Just Now With A Big-Ass Video Screen

    John RoyalThe Astros have a new big-ass video board​So during the Houston College Classic I got a chance to get a bit of a preview of the new, improved Minute Maid Park as the new baseball season approaches. So I've got some observations. 1. That's one huge, big-ass video screen/scoreboard. ... More >>

  • News

    March 10, 2011

    He's Only a Perv

    Court rules video voyeur not a child pornographer

  • Blogs

    March 7, 2011

    Looking Back at This Weekend's Houston College Classic

    John RoyalRice's Michael Ratterree slides across the plate to score a run yesterday against Baylor​The 11th Houston College Classic was played at Minute Maid Park this weekend, and though it's only March, it's probably safe to say that the best baseball to be played in Minute Maid Park this se ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 4, 2011

    Astros Spring Training: Is the Season Over Yet?

    Is the season over yet?​We're approaching the end of the first week of spring training and the news for the Astros has been rather mixed. The team's not really hitting. The pitching is half-assed. And frankly, there's just not much going on to be optimistic about. So I thought I would take ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 22, 2011

    We Are Your Astros: The 25 Rejected Slogans

    For Sale! Cheap!​The Astros' slogan for this year is "We Are Your Astros." Seeing this slogan is enough to make one think that Drayton McLane's wasting way too much money on advertising agencies. My second thought was that the guys at the Astros County blog had a much better slogan, "Infect ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 9, 2011

    New Astros Scoreboard: It's Installed, and Hideous

    Houston AstrosWe can't wait to see the ads!!​ See that tiny little box to the left in the picture above? That was the TV screen at Minute Maid Park, the one that seemed so big and so annoying as it broadcast endless ads, lame before-game intros, hot-sauce races, Kiss-Cam and hilarious baseba ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 9, 2011

    Dear Drayton, Just Say No to Michael Young

    Michael Young wants to be on the Astros?​I understand that the Texas Rangers' third baseman, Michael Young, has requested a trade. I also understand that one of the teams for whom Young has approved a trade is the Houston Astros. In years past I would most strongly approve of a trade for M ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 24, 2011

    Caswell at the Bat: Chef Partners with the Astros and Aramark

    Caswell with his mother and father.​I don't know if Chef Bryan Caswell can produce tears on demand -- in which case, he's a damn fine actor -- but the burly man standing in front of me Friday afternoon had suspicious signs of moisture in his eyes as he discussed helping the Astros revamp their ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 11, 2011

    Carlos Lee, Team Leader? Well, the Astros Have Had 25 Worse Ideas

    Believe it or not, this guy's not actually running the Houston Astros​Astros Manager Brad Mills traveled to Panama last week to meet with his left fielder/first baseman/slacker Carlos Lee.  The trip was billed as a bonding mission.  And while there's nothing wrong with a manager an ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 28, 2010

    One Guy's Remaining Thoughts On 2010

    Thanks to Tron: Legacy for Olivia Wilde in 3D​As we head into the New Year, I thought I would look back at some of the things in 2010 for which I'm thankful, sports, and non-sports. 1. ESPN's 30 For 30.  ESPN does a lot of things wrong, i.e. the Brett Favre lovefest, The Decision, Col ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 23, 2010

    The Year In Astros Baseball: 25 Things, Including Thank God For Jennie Finch

    Mrs. Casey Daigle actually made some Astros games watchable​Let's face it. The Houston Astros suck. They sucked last season. They're going to suck this season. As long as Drayton McLane and Ed Wade are involved with this team, they're going to suck. But it's the end of the year, so let's tak ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 24, 2010

    Is Bob McNair Houston's Worst Sports Franchise Owner

    Sad McNair is sad​No matter how beloved the owner of a sports franchise may be, there will always be plenty of reasons for fans to hate him. In a city like Houston, with three major sports franchises, there are bound to be times when owners take a beating, particularly when the teams are losin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 19, 2010

    Drayton McLane Officially Puts Astros On The Block (World Series Championship Not Included)

    Photos by Paul KnightDrayton McLane and Astros: Looking for buyer from Texas? Eh, maybe. Buyer with lots of money? Yes, definitely. ​Astros owner Drayton McLane officially announced this afternoon, in very Texas-y fashion, that he's ready to sell the team. He held up his hand like a pistol and sai ... More >>

  • Music

    November 11, 2010

    Homecoming

    Gang Starr's DJ Premier still mourns partner Guru.

  • Blogs

    November 2, 2010

    World Series: Comparing The Rangers/Astros Experience

    That didn't take long, did it?I won the World Series and all I got was this penis hat​If you didn't switch channels to get away from the Texans' ineptitude against the Colts, then you missed the Texas Rangers getting mercifully put out of their hitless misery in the World Series.The Rangers' showi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 15, 2010

    Texas Rangers: Five Things To Know About Them As They Begin The ALCS

    Thanks for the Iraq War, Rangers​If you're an Astros fan, you might be surprised to learn that the baseball season did not end back in July -- that was just when the Astros season was deemed over. Baseball has continued to be played and, for the first time ever, the Texas Rangers are within a step ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 13, 2010

    What's My Crime 2: Bad Girls Edition

    1. Gemma Lambino​Welcome to the second installment of What's My Crime?, a contest wherein you, dear Hair Balls reader, get to try to match a mugshot to a crime.We're changing things up a little this time around. First, we've shortened the list from ten mugs to five.We're also including a sixth que ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 13, 2010

    A Long Night Of The Harmonicas At Minute Maid Park

    Photos by Groovehouse​ For more photos from Friday's Harmonica Night, see our slideshow here. Rocks Off spent a lot of time last week wondering what Minute Maid Park was going to sound like this past Friday. In cooperation with the Astros, the people behind last year's harmonica documentary ... More >>

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