Houston Texans

License Plate Auction for Something Similar to But Not TEXANS

The Great Plate Auction of 2013 has released yet another custom plate option to be auctioned off in a couple weeks. We already wrote about HOUSTON, DYNAMO and ROCKETS. Now, you can have...TEXAN5? They even got a quote from Jamey Roots of the Houston TexanS about how great having this plate would be ... More >>

NFL Playoff Scenarios: A Guide To This Sunday

Week 17 of the NFL season is upon us this weekend, and while there are still plenty of moving (or potentially moving) parts left to be slotted, the one thing we are sure of is that in the NFC the Atlanta Falcons will have a first round bye and home field throughout the playoffs. The Texans have to ... More >>

Texans-Vikings: 4 Winners, 71,688 Losers

There were 71,688 (mostly) Texan fans in Reliant Stadium on Sunday. It's been a while since they've trudged back out to the Blue Lot feeling like they did on Sunday after the Minnesota Vikings' methodical 23-6 dismantling of the home team. The Packers game earlier this year while unacceptable was un ... More >>

Gary Kubiak Won't Be Coaching for His Job Next Week, But He Should Be

The narratives for the first two Texan losses wrote themselves, even if they weren't completely accurate. Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady are Hall of Fame quarterbacks and played extremely well. The Texans (12-3) had a few unlucky bounces on offense. The team didn't desperately need either game. None a ... More >>

Texans-Vikings: New BATTLE-DRINK Bingo Drinking Game Card, Egg Nog Edition

Well, this week's game card should be the final Battle-Drink Bingo card of the 2012 season. Assuming the Texans win this Sunday against the Vikings, that means the final game against the Colts would hold no meaning (possibly for either team), so cobbling together a Battle-Drink centered around the e ... More >>

Texans-Colts: 4 Winners, 4 Losers, A "Back Home Again (For Press Box Cake)" Edition

The Texans returned home Sunday for their first game in Reliant Stadium in what felt like about a year. Seriously, the last time the Texans played a game at Reliant, we were less than 24 hours removed from Kansas State and Oregon coughing up chances to play in the BCS title game. I mean, that was a ... More >>

Texans 29, Colts 17: Back-to-Basics Approach Nets AFC South Title, Renews Playoff Hopes

It seems evident that Matt Schaub isn't going to win a shootout with the likes of Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers. Perhaps not with Andrew Luck. But if the team's other components execute the way they're designed to, he shouldn't have to. On Sunday, the Texans (12-2) finally returned to their core princ ... More >>

Texans-Colts: The 10 Best AFC South-Clinching Rapper Tweets

Houston has a professional football team. That teams is called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them. Some of those people are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media. One of those forms of social media is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are rappers. Ju ... More >>

Texans-Colts: NEW BATTLE-DRINK Bingo Drinking Card, "Andrew Luck Comes Home" Edition

Heading into this past Monday night, there was about as wide a chasm as there could possibly be riding on the outcome of the Texans' game with the New England Patriots. With the Colts having knocked off the Titans 27-23 the day before, the possible consequences of Monday's outcome were as follows: ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets

Before we get to this week's picks, a quick stock check on the "Houston Texans win the Super Bowl" prop bet. What exactly did the Patriots' 42-14 beatdown of our hometown team do to their wagering street cred? Well, prior to the game, the Texans and the Patriots were tied as the odds-on favorites t ... More >>

The 12 Days Of Christmas, Houston Texans Style on 12/12/12

Well, Monday night wasn't very much fun. Patriots 42, Texans 14. As bad as it must have been for all of you who had to watch the Texans lay an egg on the big stage from the comfort of your living rooms, I had to go through the pain of the live Chowd audience, complete with all of their Marty's and ... More >>

Patriots-Texans: Five Reasons a Rematch Could Be Different in January

The Texans won't tell you it wasn't a disaster. It was. It was not, however, something that's automatically repeatable. Even in a 28-point game, the beatdown on Monday Night Football essentially came down to five plays on which the Patriots were spotted 28 points. With one exception, the Texans we ... More >>

Texans-Patriots: The 10 Most Disgusted, Disappointed Rapper Tweets

Houston has a professional football team. That professional football team is called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them. Some of those people are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media. One of those forms of media is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are ... More >>

10 Texas Christmas Ornaments from Etsy You May or May Not Want on Your Tree

We Texans like stuff made by other Texans. We like to believe we are our own little country down here. In fact, some of us wish we were. In short, Texas pride runs deep, which is why we take every opportunity we can to demonstrate it. This Christmas, all over the state, there are houses decorated wi ... More >>

Texans-Patriots: Brand New BATTLE-DRINK Bingo Drinking Card

The time is almost here. This week's game of the century is upon us. Texans versus Patriots in New England. The storyline is simple for the Texans -- win, and you are one win away from hosting playoff games all the way up to the Super Bowl in New Orlens. Lose, and you're one bad week against the Co ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets, And A Story Of The Worst Gambling Beat Ever

File this one under "Worst Beats Ever": According to a story on businessinsider.com, there was a bettor last week (and the story has a picture of the ticket, so I tend to believe it's true) who fired on an eight-team parlay of NFL games on Sunday, risking $50 to win $18,441. The first seven games ... More >>

[PHOTOS] Houston Texans Fans Decorate an Entire Block

Yesterday, we posted about a rabid Texans fan who painted his house with the logo and marks for wins and losses throughout the season. Today, we've got an entire street. After being alerted to the existence of another house decorated for the Texans, our own Abrahán Garza went for a drive and found ... More >>

[PHOTO] Houston Texans Fan Paints House After Every Game

There are fans and then there are FANS. I happened to spot this house driving over on Houston's near northeast side last week -- before the Texans beat the Titans, obviously -- and had to grab a picture. Some people paint their faces, but this family paints its freaking house! Note the one blue X d ... More >>

Texans 24, Titans 10: Defense Returns To Form In Playoff-Clinching Win

After back-to-back games of exhilarating drama, the Texans seem back to their usual selves. That's just fine for soon-to-be Defensive Player of the Year J.J. Watt. Led by Watt and a defense that suffocated Tennessee and second-year QB Jake Locker, the Texans cruised to 11-1 and clinched the second ... More >>

Texans-Titans: The 10 Best Playoff-Clinching Rapper Tweets

Houston has a professional football team. That professional football team is called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them; some are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media; one is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are rappers. Like last week and every oth ... More >>

Fired for Not Taking Clients to "Titty Bars."

The Houston Texans 2012 All Character(s) Team

Having a good team requires a mix of straight arrows -- guys like Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson, who appear nearly asleep when they aren't slicing and dicing opponents like cold cuts -- and goofballs who keep things light in what can often be a very intense work environment. Throughout the years, Ho ... More >>

Texans-Bears: The 10 Best Rapper Tweets

Houston has a professional football team, called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them; some are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media; one is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are rappers. Like last week and every other week prior, we perused Twitter d ... More >>

Texans 13, Bears 6: Slugfest Win Just What Houston Needed

See pics: Texans fans celebrate win in chilly Chicago. It seems an eternity ago, but it's been less than two years since many considered the Texans soft. Led by second-year defensive coordinator Wade Phillips, the evolution is finally complete. The "Bulls on Parade" are now bullying long-establish ... More >>

Texans-Bills: 4 Winners, 4 Losers, "Judgment Day" Edition

So that was "Judgment Day" huh? All righty then. What was billed (by Mario Williams) as Mario Williams' authoritative homecoming, basically turned into a fairly ho-hum day of work for the Texans, a 21-9 victory over the Buffalo Bills. Consider the following numbers: - The Texans won by 12 points. ... More >>

Texans 21, Bills 9: What Stood Out From A Sluggish Seventh Win

See pics of the Texans' win on Military Appreciation Day at Reliant Stadium. If the Texans had a trap game on their 2012 schedule, this appeared to be it. One week after a bye. Two weeks removed from an emotional matchup with long-time nemesis Baltimore. Seven days before an NBC primetime showdown ... More >>

Texans-Bills: The 10 Best Rapper(ish) Tweets From Sunday's Game

Houston has a professional football team, called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them; some are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media; one is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are rappers. Like we've done in the past, we perused Twitter during Sunday's ... More >>

Texans-Bills: NEW BATTLE-DRINK Bingo Drinking Card, "Judgment Day" Version

According to Wikipedia, "Judgment Day" is defined as the following: In Christian theology, it is the final and eternal judgment by God of every nation. The concept is found in all the Canonical gospels, particularly the Gospel of Matthew. It will purportedly take place after the Resurrection of the ... More >>

Mario Williams' Wednesday Therapy Session With Mark Berman Of FOX 26

"I didn't want to enter free agency in the first place, but it was a one-way door given to me by the GM to leave Houston. I want the fans there to know entering free agency was not my decision." -- Mario Williams in a Wednesday interview with Mark Berman of Fox 26 You know the old saying "It's not ... More >>

Last Night: Ghostland Observatory at Warehouse Live

Ghostland Observatory Warehouse Live October 25, 2012 Lasers. Costumes. Queen-like flights of fancy. Ominous, incredibly sassy beats. Lasers. A steadfast, almost militant, devotion to shaking your ass. And more lasers. No one will ever accuse Austin's Ghostland Observatory of ever putting on anyt ... More >>

How Should You Spend Your Houston Texans Bye Week?

Folks, we have reached the first bye week of the Houston Texans 2012 season. Our band of heroes will not be seeing action. Not on Thursday, Sunday or even Monday. No, they will be taking a well-deserved few days away from their usual schedules to relax and store up energy for the next few weeks of g ... More >>

Texans -- Ravens: 4 Winners, 4 Losers (Including J.J. Watt, Arian Foster & Connor Barwin)

"It's just one game." "Nobody would have beaten Aaron Rodgers tonight." "Hey, if someone had told you before the season they'd be 5-1 going into the Ravens game, you'd have taken it, right?" Those are just a few of the dozens of different ways Texans fans and media rationalized last weekend's 42- ... More >>

Texans 43, Ravens 13: Adjustments Spark Beatdown of Long-Time Nemesis; Five Reasons Why

Check out our slideshow of the Texans beating the Ravens for the first time in franchise history. The final score doesn't come close to showing it, but there were tense moments Sunday. Three early possessions resulted in three Houston punts, with only a single first down to show for it. Receivers ... More >>

Texans Romp Over Undermanned Ravens 43-13 As Records Fall

They weren't the boldfaced, awe-inspiring ever-dreaded Baltimore Ravens of old - too many injuries, and old age, have ravaged that line-up - but they are still wearing the purple and black that has intimidated NFL offenses for years. Not today in Reliant Stadium, though. The Houston Texans didn't ... More >>

The Rest of the Best: Houston's Top 5 Hip-Hop Venues

5. Grooves of Houston Grooves is an apropos name for this Third Ward hot spot: It's groovy. Besides hip-hop and R&B, the club also also plays jazz, which probably accounts for the mixed bag of ages found here. One word of caution, though: Get there early, and dress to impress. Grooves' popularity me ... More >>

Aggies, Texans, LSU: Football! This Weekend's Best Bets, Helping Impoverished Greek Soccer Teams

Ironically, I lead into this weekend's football bets with a story of a poor Greek soccer team trying to stay afloat financially. Courtesy of the Soccernet area on ESPN.com: Players on a cash-strapped Greek soccer team now wear pink practice jerseys with the logos "Villa Erotica" and "Soula's House ... More >>

Texans Tailgate Thursdays: The Blue Crew on Charity Work, Pinatas and BullPen Crack Weenies

It's well known that the Houston Texans have one of the greatest tailgating traditions in the country, a fact made more impressive by the team's relative youth. On Thursdays during football season, we're spotlighting groups that make Texans tailgating the pride of Houston. The Blue Crew Tailgate is ... More >>

AFC Playoff Projections, Week 7: First One Onto The Colts Bandwagon!

When Peyton Manning and the Broncos stormed back with 35 unanswered points in the second half of their 35-24 Monday night win against the Chargers this week, they accomplished a few things: 1. They tied an NFL record for the largest comeback win by a road team in NFL history. 2. They evened their ... More >>

Four Ways To Get Over The Texans Loss (Without Bloodshed)

You've had a terrible beginning to the week. It's okay. We all did. Sunday night, things went badly for Houston. The Green Bay Packers made the vaunted Texan defense look like a bunch of chumps, ending the team's undefeated streak, eliciting all sorts of troubling questions, and the city does mourn. ... More >>

Packers 42, Texans 24: Troubling Trends Continue in First Loss; The 5 Biggest Holes to Fill

It may be only one loss, but the trend lines are concerning. For a second straight week, the Texans (5-1) were outplayed in a handful of key areas, most notably within the once-vaunted line play as well as individual battles of receivers vs. cornerbacks. But unlike this past Monday, when the Texans ... More >>

Texans-Packers: The 10 Unhappiest Rapper Tweets From Sunday's Loss

Houston has a professional football team. They are called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them. Some of those people are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media. One is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of those people are rappers. Rocks Off perused Twitter duri ... More >>

Reality Lands At Reliant As Aaron Rodgers & Packers Roll Over Texans 42-24

It was, to put it lightly, an inauspicious to the often-talked-about Tough Stretch of the Texans' 2012 schedule. While the team was sparking Super Bowl champion talk as they beat up on the likes of the Jets, Jags and Titans, looming ahead was this stretch -- which includes Green Bay, Baltimore and ... More >>

Texans-Packers: ALL NEW BATTLE-DRINK Bingo Drinking Card

The Texans come back this Sunday night to play the Green Bay Packers on the dreaded "short work week," having just played the New York Jets on Monday night. Much like the players having to summon all of their recuperative powers to be near the top of their game on Sunday, so too must you, the weeken ... More >>

Texans-Jets: 4 Winners, 4 Losers, The World Learns About J.J. Watt Edition

Well, it wasn't sexy, it wasn't pretty, and it was actually a whole lot closer than most people thought it would be, but the Texans escaped northern New Jersey with a 23-17 win over the New York Jets. After the game, most Texan fans on Twitter were more interested in breaking down what went wrong ( ... More >>

Texans-Jets: The 10 Best Rapper Tweets From Monday Night Football

Houston has a professional football team, called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them; some are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media; one is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are rappers. Like last week, we perused Twitter during Monday night's game a ... More >>

No Respect For Texans: $14 For A Monday Night Football Ticket?

If you think some of your fellow Houstonians are taking a "wait and see" attitude when it comes to the Texans, you should see the rest of the country. There's always just the slightest hint of disbelief in the voice of whatever NFL expert is picking them as a Super Bowl favorite -- they seem to kno ... More >>

J.J. Watt Saves Texans From Prime-Time Embarrassment

Things didn't turn out quite as planned -- for Texan fans, tonight was supposed to be a dominating effort introducing the team to the national stage -- but a win's a win, right? And this win was due in large part to the hands and skill of J.J. Watt, who got drooled over by the ESPN announcers as he ... More >>

Get Your Tebow-Texans Week Started With...Memes!

This week brings the Houston Texans -- suddenly the hot talk as Super Bowl contenders, undefeated, looking to roll -- into the Big Apple for a big-stage Monday Night Football game against the reeling New York Jets. Adding to the drama is the fact that Mark Sanchez, the Jets' starting QB, has sucked ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Good Old NFL Schadenfreude Over Mario Williams

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning or afternoon from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula i ... More >>

Texans-Titans: The 10 Best Rapper Tweets From Sunday's Game

Houston has a professional football team. They are called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them. Some of those people are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media. One of them is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of those people are rappers. We perused Twitter d ... More >>