Hulk Hogan

The 10 Most Hilariously Awful Wrestling Entrance Themes

Last Friday was the 46th birthday of one of my absolute favorite wrestlers, William Regal aka Steve Regal before the WWE instituted its rather bizarre No-More-Steves rule. Not that it matters, his real name is Darren Matthews. "Regal" is an amazing man, rising to hold more than 60 titles in various ... More >>

The 10 Shortest Wrestlemania Matches Of All-Time

When I do these wrestling posts, one of the things I hear from readers is that the amount of content and embedded video in the post will typically derail them for an entire day at work. Well, the last thing I want to do, as I pay tribute to Wrestlemania 29 on Sunday, is be yet one more reason the ec ... More >>

R.I.P. Paul Bearer, 1954-2013: The Definitive Video Anthology Of His WWE Career

In news that when transcribed sounds like some sort of weird mix between a scene from Inception and a webcam installed in Vince McMahon's brain, William Moody, an actual trained mortician turned wrestling manager by the name of "Paul Bearer" and longtime WWE manager of the legendary Undertaker, died ... More >>

Week 3 Highlights of FFL (Fan Fighting League): Redskin-On-Redskin Fan Brawl Zapruder Analysis

A couple weeks ago, I launched the maiden week of my new fighting league, the Fan Fighting League, dedicated to bringing you the best in pro sport fan fights from around the globe. Week 1 gave us a quartet of Buffalo Bill fans taking on an entire section of New York Jet fans with very mixed results ... More >>

In Honor Of Tonight's RAW 1000, The Definitive Timeline Of WWE's Victory In The Monday Night Wars (w/ VIDEO)

I don't know that any television product has changed the way we visually consume it more times than professional wrestling. For a majority of its history (which I am counting as the period from "dawn of time" until around 1978 or so), syndicated television was basically a weekly commercial for whate ... More >>

Top 10 Houston Rappers & Their Wrestler Counterparts

Since the days of Hulkamania, I've been a wrestling fan. That's not slandering anybody who gave up on the attraction or entertainment aspect after the second-generation boom in the late '90s, that's just me once again self-deprecating while tossing off a few knife-edged chops in defense. Take that, ... More >>

WWF's Top 7 Classic "Foreign Heel" Theme Songs

The WWF may have been the most patriotic American institution during the '80s and '90s; it turned Hulk Hogan into one of the biggest symbols of patriotism in recent memory. But there's a fine line between patriotism and nationalism, which the WWF straddled for years. By using jingoist superstars ... More >>

Happy Birthday, Mr. T.! A Foolish Playlist For You To Pity

I have a hard time explaining the 1980s to my daughter. Mostly because she's, you know, two years old. Still, I imagine that even when she reaches an age where she's more willing to endure a conversation that doesn't involve strawberries and Dora the Explorer I won't be able to convey the strangene ... More >>

Ex-Astro Screams at Former Teammates, Carlos Lee Screams Back But Doesn't Know Why

I'll be the first to admit that I've been less than kind to Astros first baseman Carlos Lee over the last four years or so. On my radio show, privately joking with friends and at times in this space, most notably my open letter to him a couple of seasons ago which succinctly summed up the Carlos Lee ... More >>

Squared Circle: Top 5 Songs About Pro Wrestling

Although the wrestling boom of the late '90s is a fading memory, the absurd mix of sport and theater continues on in bingo halls and arenas across the country. Every night, under the bright lights, someone is trying to avoid being hit with a steel chair. It should come as no surprise that there are ... More >>

Weekend's Best Bets -- Final Four and Wrestlemania 28

When I was a kid, there were only a small handful of sporting events to which you set your calendar/watch, events that owned certain weekends or weeks of the calendar year. They were the biggies: Super Bowl, World Series, NBA Finals. But with the advent of a million different television channels, a ... More >>

Former NBAer Doug Christie Is Making Porn the Family Business

It's the middle of March Madness, the NBA regular season and the cusp of NFL free agency, so if you had told me a week ago that I'd do two straight posts that involved some variation of sex tapes and athletes, I'd have said, "Well, yeah, possibly, but probably not." But if there's anything that top ... More >>

In Honor of Hulk Hogan, 5 WWE-Storyline Sex Tapes (w/ VIDEO)

I'm sure many of you have heard of (and some of you, admit it, have probably participated in) a death pool, where you and, say, four of your friends each get to pick ten people and you accumulate points depending on how many of those people die that year. (For the record, the formula for points scor ... More >>

One Man's NBA All-Star Reserve Selections

Go ahead and chalk up the NBA All-Star Game taking place in a few weeks (Sunday, February 26, to be exact) in Orlando's Amway Center as the next "feels weird" moment of the NBA season. It feels like the season just tipped off a few weeks ago and yet here we are, about 20 games in, deciding who the b ... More >>

Decoding Newt Gingrich Based on His Known Musical Tastes

The digital revolution is slowly killing our favorite form of amateur psychoanalysis. We've all gone through someone's CD collection at some point when they weren't in the room, and from the albums we found we were able to deduce something about their personality. Now, we don't even have a CD shelf, ... More >>

Last Night: GWAR At House Of Blues

Check out our slideshow of GWAR's messy concert. GWAR has to be the most quintessentially American band that has ever existed. They play disgustingly loud hardcore-inflected thrash while covered in blood and gore, hating celebrities as much as your average citizen -- even to the point of wanting to ... More >>

The Fake Referee Streaker (and 3 Other Famous Fake Sports Officials -- w/ VIDEO)

Ray Stevens approves.​Perhaps you were among the millions of people that didn't have a family member playing in or a wager placed upon the UCLA-Arizona game last night in Tucson, which means that you were among the fortunate ones watching something else on television. Well, you were fortunat ... More >>

Friday Night: Hippiefest At Arena Theatre

Photos by Barry SigmanFelix Cavaliere, Forever Young (Rascal)​Hippiefest feat. Dave Mason, Mark Farner, Gary Wright, Rick Derringer & Felix Cavaliere's Rascals Arena Theatre september 2, 2011 The title of this annual touring package show was something of a misnomer, as most of the acts made t ... More >>

6 Wrestling Finishing Moves That Would Suck at Stopping Riots (w/ Video)

Your riot-control specialist​I am admittedly not always the most up to speed on current events. I'm a generally selfish person. If it has nothing to do with my a) job, b) family, c) friends, d) bank account or e) need to satisfy hunger pangs, then whatever "it" may be gets thrown on the back b ... More >>

Six People Who Should Have Never Tried To Rap

The hip-hop world is a less than sensible place -lots of times, you're even required to clarify when bad means bad and when bad means good- so once a week we're going to get with a rapper and ask them to explain things. Have something you always wanted to ask a rapper? Email sheaserrano@gmail.com. ... More >>

Former Texan Ahman Green Cut By A CFL Team

Ahman Green: Not a gentile Alouette​We all make mistakes. I do, you do, general managers of our local sports teams do. If each of the general managers of our major sports teams in Houston could get a mulligan on a free agent signing, turn back time and pretend it never happened, coming up wi ... More >>

RIP Macho Man: Randy Savage, Illest Rapping Wrestler Ever

None more awesome: "Macho Man" Randy Savage, 1952-2011​Rocks Off was heartbroken to hear that former WWF/WWE and WCW wrestling champion Randy "Macho Man" Savage died this morning after losing control of his car and striking a tree near his home in Tampa, Florida. According to our sister paper ... More >>

Randy "Macho Man" Savage (1952-2011) -- A Video Anthology

R.I.P., Macho Man​In 1999, I was invited by my buddy Ken Hoffman of the Houston Chronicle to go to lunch with Randy "The Macho Man" Savage. Having grown up a child of the '80's, I was absolutely giddy. (Giddiness factor for me was a fraction of Hoffy's, although admittedly that had more to do ... More >>

Jason and Misty Beasley: Alleged Meth Bender Lands Baby's Parents in Jail

Longview PDJason Beasley, on meth​According to reports, wild-eyed Jason Wayne Beasley was frantic Monday night, and told a neighbor on his Longview street that someone had killed his wife, Misty Beasley. Police arrived and found a heartbreaking scene. No, Mrs. Beasley was not dead. The 27-yea ... More >>

The 7 Basic WWE Metaphors For Real Life Situations (w/ video)

Let's get ready to....examine life!!!​I'm working on my 2009-2010 NBA Preview which should be done by tomorrow. I hope that some of you will cut me slack given that a whopping three games will be in the books by the time it gets posted here on Hair Balls, including the Rockets opener against the L ... More >>

NFL, College Football and Brett Favre's Wiener -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

Brett Favre can't get out of the headlines​I hope everybody had a lovely Texans bye weekend (insert lame joke about "Texans giving up fewer than 300 yards passing to BYE" here), and that you're refreshed, rejuvenated and ready for the back half of the football season. I'm on vacation this week vis ... More >>

Game Time: LeBron-athon -- Five Backstabbings That Will Get You Ready For Tonight

Anakin Skywalker: Thanks for nothing, kid​In anticipation of LeBron James' decision as to where he will ply his trade for the next few years, shares of MSG stock rose 6 percent yesterday for a period of time before settling back to where they were earlier in the day. The reason for the brief bump ... More >>

Game Time: Cinco De Mayo...Frenchies, Bye Bye-Oh!!

Mexico joins the not-so-exclusive "We kicked French ass" club​Go to any Cinco de Mayo celebration today and ask ten of the patrons what exactly they are celebrating and you're likely to get a range of answers that looks like this: -- Six drunks slurring that it's Mexico's Independence day -- Two ... More >>

Game Time: Shawn Michaels' Most Memorable Moments (With Video)

​Professional wrestling is one of those things that, if you're a sports fan as a kid, you probably dabble in at some point. I think at one time or another all of my childhood friends went to the matches at the Hartford Civic Center; somewhere along the way, usually as a teenager or young adult ... More >>

Game Time: My Plea To In-N-Out Burger...Let Me Speak For You

​I host a sports talk show for a living, four hours a day, five days a week. That's a lot of air time to fill, so you can imagine the number of hotly debated topics that arise during a regular twenty hour broadcast week. Just over the last few weeks on our show, we've seen John Harris and Rich ... More >>

Trying To Connect With Houston's Burmese Community, Via John Glenn

Photo by Mike Giglio​I threw a football at a refugee and demanded to know where she lived.Her voice wavered, and her answer was hard to hear. So I leaned over and cupped my hand to my ear, waving the hand in a circle first, like Hulk Hogan trying to rile a crowd. Apartment 1212, I finally made ou ... More >>

He Said She Said: Hot, Sweaty, Angry Workout Songs

​When it comes to exercise, men and women don't have many different reasons for doing it. Mainly, both genders want to look better naked if perchance they find themselves without clothes on around a stranger they want to sleep with. Life expectancy, general health, and mental well-being are all se ... More >>

The Big Show

WrestleMania XXV brings out 72,000 fans and Mickey Rourke.

For WrestleMania: The Five Best Acting Jobs By Wrestlers

You can act like Houston hosting one of the biggest sporting events of the year isn't that big a deal, but 70,000 screaming whack-jobs with rage issues descending upon our fair city from the four corners of the earth would probably disagree. And if you think wrestling contributes nothing of value t ... More >>

The Best Wrestler Theme Songs of All Time

With Wrestlemania in town for its 25th anniversary, Rocks Off thought we could take a little stroll down memory lane and relive some of the WWE's best wrestling theme songs. Nowadays, the WWE can afford to purchase the rights to slick, well-produced songs by popular music acts such as Saliva, O ... More >>

Aftermath: Z-Ro Listening Party For Crack

WWE’s Smack Down!

Double Down with twice the action at this uproarious show

Get Lit: Fame Us: Celebrity Impersonators and the Cult(ure) of Fame, by Brian Howell

Hit Maker

The A-Team creator unleashes a Cold-hearted killer

We Want the Funk

An '80s wrestling star relives his days of chain saws and headlocks in More than Just Hardcore

Lt. Nanny

Vin Diesel moves in, and the laughs move out

Triple H-town

Toyota Center gets "Raw" when WWE rumbles into town

Cyndi Lauper

Sunday, April 25

Purple Performer

"Barney's Colorful World" brings the whole world to Houston

Lowbrow, Meet Eyebrow

Between The Rock and a hard place, The Rundown isn't so bad

After Schlock

If only Ice Cube's freaky Friday films could switch places with better movies

Rock in Role

As The Scorpion King, the People's Champ doth layeth the smacketh down

Wham, Bam, Thank You, McMahon

Wrestlemania X-Seven enters the ring

Are You Ready to Rumble?

Dependable. Reliable. Ken Hoffman.