Jacoby Jones

  • Blogs

    January 24, 2014

    Wasted Jacoby Jones Is Enjoying His Offseason

    Someday, we will look back at the prominent athletes of the early 2010's Era (otherwise known as the Age of Manziel), and we will all realize what an underrated asset Jacoby Jones has been. I don't know that there's an athlete from whom we've drawn such a disproportionate amount of relatively harml ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2013

    Countdown to 2013 King of Content: 9. Jacoby Jones

    Recent history has not been kind to the Houston Texans when it comes to either former Baltimore Ravens coming to Houston, or the Texans cutting players loose and seeing them wind up in Baltimore. The Ed Reed saga was chronicled in detail in the most recent "King of Content" post -- Hall of Fame car ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 28, 2013

    A Few Houston Sports Things To Be Thankful For This Holiday Season

    Since it's Thanksgiving, here are a few things in the Houston sporting world for which I'm thankful. ANDRE JOHNSON Andre Johnson is without a doubt the greatest player in the history of the Houston Texans. He also has to go on the short list with Earl Campbell and Elvin Bethea as the greatest play ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 26, 2013

    How Much Would A 9-Game Parlay Betting Against The Texans Pay?

    There's no denying it. Any way you slice it, it's been a horrible season of football here in the city of Houston. The Texans have lost nine in a row, falling to 2-9, and they've scored as many touchdowns in the second half of games during these nine games as Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman di ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 27, 2013

    Sweet Pea vs Jacoby Epilogue: Jacoby Jones Apologizes For Doing Nothing Wrong

    Ain't no party like a Bryant McKinnie party. This is known. As debauchery and salaciousness goes, the gold standard for a McKinnie-approved throwdown is still the 2005 Minnesota Vikings boat party scandal, and frankly until another scandalous party gets its own Wikipedia page, it will always be the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 26, 2013

    NFL Crime Update: Pac-Man, Hugh Douglas, Gangsta Viking Owners

    "Do this research, if we don't have a how much evil, which we call the how much crime goes up, if they take away our game..." -- Ray Lewis to ESPN's Sal Paolantonio during the 2011 lockout We all remember this famous Ray Lewis rant, right? Where he implied that the abse ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2013

    Jacoby Jones' Deal With The Devil Ends In A Pool Of His Own Blood

    When sports figures go from a career of anonymity or ineptitude to sudden stardom, a lot of people in my business go looking for reasons. Why has Eli Manning been largely average (and kind of dopey) for his entire career and yet strung together two of the most courageous postseasons in NFL history ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 8, 2013

    Jacoby Jones' Appearance On Jimmy Kimmel Live Was Jacoby-tastic!! (w/ VIDEO)

    Staying up late on Thursday nights in February is nothing new to me, as I'm one of those NBA sickos that will stay up till one in the morning to see what Charles Barkley has to say on TNT's postgame show. However, yesterday was a little different. Yes, I stayed up into the wee hours Thursday night, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 6, 2013

    Jacoby Jones' Revenge Tour 2013 Continues With A Sports Illustrated Cover

    Oftentimes in football when things go inexplicably right, and virtually every time things go horribly wrong for one's football team, we like to credit/blame the "football gods," mythical, karmic beings who can go from savior to grim reaper faster than you can say "Kubiak." Well, if the "football go ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2013

    Super Bowl XLVII: 4 Winners, 4 Losers

    "Ain't about redemption. Ain't about that. It's a business. The Texans gave me my chance out of Lane College, and now I'm a champion." -- Jacoby Jones On a night where the only thing standing between Jacoby Jones and the Super Bowl MVP award being a yeoman's performance from Joe Flacco was the seco ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2013

    No MVP? Jacoby Jones Wuz Robbed!

    The extremely disappointing ending to the Houston Texans' season, which saw them toss away games and play poorly after an impressive start to 2012, triggered some extreme reactions in fans. Some -- pushing for changes in the front office and head-coaching positions -- no doubt would have liked to h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2013

    Surviving The Great Blackout Of Super Bowl XLVII

    Last night's Super Bowl blackout in New Orleans went something like this. At first, the lights dimmed in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome after Jacoby Jones' 100-something yard kick return. Just like they had done in preparation for Beyonce's pyro-laden halftime show. Then, the screaming scoreboards an ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 31, 2013

    A Whole Lotta Harbaugh: Super Bowl XLVII BATTLE-DRINK Is Here!

    Super Bowl Sunday will be upon us soon. I have the good fortune of being able to cover the game in New Orleans this year, and from the bottom of my heart let me say that I wish I could bring each and every one of you with me. I really do. But I can't, so in lieu of cramming all of you into my renta ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 18, 2013

    Football! NFC and AFC Title Game Best Bets

    Last weekend, when we were down to eight teams left standing in the NFL playoffs, on my radio show I placed the remaining starting quarterbacks into three distinct "buckets": ELITE (3): Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning These three all were secure in their legacies regardless of the outcome ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 22, 2012

    Texans -- Ravens: 4 Winners, 4 Losers (Including J.J. Watt, Arian Foster & Connor Barwin)

    "It's just one game." "Nobody would have beaten Aaron Rodgers tonight." "Hey, if someone had told you before the season they'd be 5-1 going into the Ravens game, you'd have taken it, right?" Those are just a few of the dozens of different ways Texans fans and media rationalized last weekend's 42- ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 28, 2012

    Your Texans Gamewatching Prep: Lord, How Times Have Changed With The Team's Success

    Man, NFL Sundays used to be so much easier when the Texans sucked. You knew they were going to lose, they knew they were going to lose, all your friends knew they were going to lose -- what was the sense in putting a lot of effort into watching? Unless you're putting together an Irish wake, you don ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 20, 2012

    Houston Texans: Preseason Week Two, 4 Winners and 4 Losers

    When we last saw the Texans play football in our fair city, they were putting the finishing touches on a 31-10 beatdown of the Cincinnati Bengals in the NFL playoffs. A week later, the magical ride would come to an end in Baltimore. Since then, some things have gotten better (Arian Foster's income, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 11, 2012

    Baltimore Ravens Just Now Finding Out Jacoby Jones Can't Catch

    As fans and media, many of us fancy ourselves to be experts in our sports of choice. When a questionable move is made by the brass for our favorite team (or any team, for that matter), we openly mock the general manager who made the "ludicrous" decision in question, and then go on Twitter and talk a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 6, 2012

    Celtics-Heat Postgame Fun-Fest: Crazy KG, D-Wade's Hipster-ish Fake Glasses, and "Good Job, Good Effort!" Kid (w/ VIDEO)

    I love NBA basketball, but I'll be the first to admit that I am oftentimes more compelled by what goes on after the games -- in the press conferences, in the locker room, on the set of TNT -- than I am in the games themselves. I'm the guy who is rooting against LeBron not because I hate him, but be ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 14, 2012

    NBA Formalwear: Chase Budinger's NBA Socks Worn Under His Suit At Tilman Fertitta's Charity Event

    On the evening of May 2, John Granato and I had the opportunity to broadcast a "very special edition" of our show on 1560 The Game live from local restaurant and casino mogul Tilman Fertitta's palatial (Understatement Adjective of the Year, by the way) estate in River Oaks. It was the annual "Gath ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 10, 2012

    Jacoby Jones Finds A New Home (A Lot Like His Old Home)

    After being waived by the Texans last week and subsequently visiting the Carolina Panthers and Baltimore Ravens within the last few days, the Jacoby Jones Era is officially underway in Baltimore (although some Texan fans would argue it started back in January) as the sixth-year wide receiver inked a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 2, 2012

    Jacoby Jones Released by the Texans

    "I don't watch the draft. When they draft someone it means somebody I played with for an entire year and sometimes longer, must go." -- Arian Foster on Twitter, 5/1/12 Arian Foster posted this tweet to his Twitter account late Tuesday afternoon, and despite the lack of any specific names mentioned ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 30, 2012

    Texans Draft Recap: Six Things We Learned

    Few things are sillier in sports analysis than "draft grades" given before players have taken their first steps onto a professional field. Texan fans know this quite well, considering the abundance of Fs given to them by analysts in 2006 for having the gall to choose Mario Williams over the anointe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 26, 2012

    Texans Draft Preview: Understanding Needs In A Gary Kubiak Offense

    For the first time in years, the first round of the NFL Draft may not be about defense for the Texans. After spending exhaustive resources to rebuild the depleted unit, the consensus among pundits is that Gary Kubiak will use the 2012 draft to add youth to his offensive core -- namely, in the passi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 13, 2012

    A Look Ahead To Texan Free Agency, And Why It Won't Involve Peyton Manning

    It was less than a month ago when I believed the Texans would consider making a play for quarterback Peyton Manning. But on the verge of the NFL's free-agent signing bonanza on Tuesday, it looks as though any Texans' changes will be on a smaller scale -- and rightfully so. It seems clear the Texan ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 24, 2012

    Which Words Are Rappers Tired Of Rappers Using?

    Some rappers happen to be thoughtful, intelligent people. Each week Rocks Off will have some of them here discussing issues relevant to their culture. This Week's Panel: OG Ron C, Mac, Preemo, O.N.E., Kiotti, Brad Gilmore, YS, Medicine Girl, Kyle Hubbard, Eskabel, Zavey, D-Risha, RoderickVonn Not ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 23, 2012

    Texans Offseason Blueprint: Five Moves Needed to Become AFC Favorites

    ​If Sunday's AFC championship proved anything, it's that the Texans with T.J. Yates were a legitimate threat to reach the Super Bowl. The same Ravens that the Texans so thoroughly dominated in Baltimore one week earlier (save mostly-unforced turnovers) had the title in Lee Evans's grasp and o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 20, 2012

    Houston Texans "Super Bowl Tattoo Guy" Speaks in the Aftermath of the 2011 Season

    In the aftermath of the Texans' 20-13 loss to the Ravens last Sunday, the question I was asked most frequently by my Twitter followers (other than the terms and conditions of Jacoby Jones's contract) was, "What do you think 'Texans Super Bowl Tattoo Guy' is thinking?" Truth be told, after any poten ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 18, 2012

    Comment of the Day: Jacoby Jones & Kareem Jackson -- The Terrorists Win Every Week

    We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 17, 2012

    Move Over Stagger Lee, Jacoby Jones Has Something Dumber!

    A bigger "oops" than Rick Perry​Last Friday, John Granato and I were breaking down the keys to the Texans' playoff game in Baltimore on our radio show on 1560 The Game. For the Texans to win the game, I thought it would be crucial for them to get a big play in the return game from either Danie ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 16, 2012

    Ravens 20, Texans 13: Historic Season Ends From Self-Inflicted Wounds

    Looking ahead to the fall, finally​In the big picture, the Texans were playing with house money. With little playoff experience and on a third-string rookie quarterback, this shouldn't rank high on the list of Houston football collapses. This wasn't the Oilers in Denver and Buffalo, circa 199 ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 16, 2012

    Sunday Night: Starfucker at Fitzgerald's

    "We're sorry about your football team," said Starfucker* guitarist Ryan Biornstad to the packed crowd of college-age Houstonians at Fitz, just eight hours after the Houston Texans gracefully bowed out of its first ever playoff trip. Starfucker/STRFKR/Pyramid/Pyramidd may be from Portland but the f ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 14, 2011

    Texans 37, Buccaneers 9: Five Things We Learned

    Photo by Marco TorresIn the immortal words of Ian Dury: Reasons to be cheerful, part three​Were it not for the heartbreak of the past 10 years, week after week of uncompetitive football might get boring. As it is, the Texans and their legion of fans will take the wins however they come. The T ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 31, 2011

    Texans/Jaguars -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers

    Photo by Marco TorresTexans battlefought their way to a win in Battle Red​"I still don't like them, and I have no respect for them at all. It was just the dirty stuff they were doing. I don't want to get into specifics; I just don't like them. . . . I'm not going to get into names or anything ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 14, 2011

    Texans-Ravens: Five Things to Watch

    Photo by Marco TorresThe Texans face a tougher test this week.​"If the Texans are 3-3 after the first six games, then we'll be happy." -- Pretty much every same Texans fan The statement is a classic example of how the ebb and flow of a season can recalibrate expectations. The Texans are set u ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 10, 2011

    Houston Texans Game 5 -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers (This Doesn't Go Well For Jacoby Jones)

    Be sure to check out the rest of our pics from Sunday's game. As we were driving slowly down Murworth to park in the Teal Lot before the Texans game on Sunday, my girlfriend Amy and I noticed a father with two boys (presumably his sons) around the ages of nine or ten stopped on the sidewalk having ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 23, 2011

    In Honor Of Jacoby Jones, 7 Celebration FAIL Videos

    Celebrate responsibly, people​Next man in. That's the old football saying that every coach spits out any time a player at the top of the depth chart gets hurt, basically saying there are no excuses. It's up to the next guy at that position to step in and go to work. Two weeks into the season ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 15, 2011

    Five Reasons To Watch The Texans Tonight

    It's another big night for you, Matt Leinart​I don't know that there was ever any point during the NFL lockout where I was fearful that we wouldn't have football this season. Still, the specter of the work stoppage that loomed over us throughout thus summer made us at least ponder life without ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 3, 2011

    Houston Texans: My Way Too Early Guess At The 53-Man Roster

    Everyone's favorite kind of guy​We all have that friend who not only loves to be right, but also loves to point out that they're right and then continuously remind you that he (or she -- yeah, ladies, you're guilty, too!) is right. They'll text, they'll tweet, they'll take screen shots of Spo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 28, 2011

    Thursday NFL Free Agent Update: Is Wade Phillips Still Missing?

    What's more glamorous, dude: New York or Houston?​As I type this, it's 4:36 p.m. on Thursday and the Texans' free agency activity still can be summed up as follows: 1. Backup offensive tackle Rashad Butler 2. Backup wide receiver Jacoby Jones 3. Backup Matt Leinart No cornerbacks, no safeti ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 28, 2010

    Gary Kubiak: Three Questions To Be Answered Without The Same Tired Script

    Gary Kubiak: Three simple questions​The only thing that has become more predictable than the Houston Texans' collective performance each Sunday (or random Monday or Thursday) is Gary Kubiak's weekly "day after game" press conference, not surprising since the content for the latter is a direct ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 1, 2010

    Game Time: Houston Texans -- Business Is Good (plus my stab at a 53-man roster)

    Playoffs? Are you kidding me? Playoffs!?​At their core, the Houston Texans are a business, just like any other business, and they have customers -- you, the season ticket holders. The Texans have been above .500 for a total of eleven weeks in their history. I mean, let's face it, for the better p ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 18, 2010

    Game Time: Houston Texans: Seven Things To Watch In OTA's

    Photo by Mark C. AustinYou can't spell OTAs without Houston!! (And an 'A' from somewhere​My first Cushing-free football blog post in a couple weeks -- now I know how Pedro Gomez felt after Barry Bonds retired. "What the hell am I going to talk about???"Thankfully, the Texans start voluntary organ ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2010

    Texans 34, Patriots 27: Progress But No Playoffs

    Photo by Mark C. Austin​The Texans legitimately won nine games. The New York Jets legitimately won seven. The Texans displayed tremendous heart on Sunday in rallying past a Patriots team playing its starters and remaining aggressive almost throughout, while the Jets were given a handout for ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2010

    Game Time: At That Moment, Jerry....I Tell You, The Texans WERE A Playoff Team!

    "So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way past the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine bio ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 2, 2009

    Why The Texans Losing Owen Daniels Isn't As Bad As You Think

    Photo courtesy of Brit_2​For most teams, a season-ending injury to arguably the NFL's best receiving tight end would be considered a devastating loss. But to the Texans, the absence of Owen Daniels may not be all that significant. Sure, Sunday's come-from-behind, 31-10 romp over Buffalo was ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 27, 2008

    The Top Five Ballsiest Actors From Texas

    Jacoby Jones likes clutching his balls: Texans receiver Jacoby Jones is carrying a football with him everywhere he goes. "I'm trying to get better and not fumble, so I'm going to walk around with this all day," said Jones, who lost fumbles on punt returns in the first two preseason games. "If you ... More >>

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    August 27, 2007
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