Jennifer Lopez

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Rocks Off's Rodeo Concert Guide: Pitbull

The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.Date: March 14 Name: Pitbull AKA: "Armando Pérez"

Clockwork Angels

Veteran rockers Rush brought their steampunk-themed concept album to Toyota Center December 2.

Justin, Selena and Music's Top 10 Heartbreaking Split-Ups

By now, we've all had a few days to digest the awful, shocking news that North America's sweethearts, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, have decided to buck destiny and call it quits. We're not entirely sure how this could have happened, but Obama was just reelected. Clearly, our worst fears are alrea ... More >>

Celebrity Tech Endorsements: 5 Cool and 5 Highly Annoying Examples Of Product Pimpage

Celebrity endorsements are nothing new. They have been around as long as there were celebrities and companies willing to pay them to say they smoked Kool's or drove Chevy, or force us to explain to children and the elderly why we would giggle every time we saw the milk-stained upper lip of a famous ... More >>

5 Celebrity Habits You Can Give Up For Lent, Like Drinking Ranch Dressing & Anal Bleaching

Not until Easter for us, alas​Lent hath begun. Therefore you must give up something. Yeah, you could go the old "broccoli!!" route, but that's juvenile. Instead, you should make a true sacrifice. Look to those who are most honored in our society -- celebrities -- and give up for those 40 days ... More >>

Is J Lo the Calmest Driver Ever?: Five Questions About Current TV Ads

We got some questions.​Given the confluence of football season and the World Series, we're watching a lot of TV these days. Unfortunately, there's often not something to switch to during commercial breaks, so we're seeing more ads than usual. They've left us with a few questions we hope the w ... More >>

When Gravity Attacks: 13 Memorable Onstage Stumbles

Lady Gaga kept a poker face after her Montreal fall.​Concert performances and award shows can sometimes really put the pressure on artists, who often get so nervous or excited that they may just faceplant the stage. We've complied you tube clips of some of the best mid-performance stumbles. So ... More >>

Houston Texans Game 2 -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers (And A Jennifer Lopez Appearance)

2-0! (again)​I hope everyone had a good weekend of football. I was two plays away from going 6-0 on my picks, my alma mater finally won a game and the Texans are 2-0! On the flip side, college realignment struck a blow in my home part of the country, as the Big East that I grew up with essen ... More >>

Frances Bean Cobain's Sexy Shoot Reminds Us, Once Again, That We Are Old

Photos from hedislimane.com unless otherwise indicatedLittle Frances Bean, all grown up, tatted-up, and smoking cigarettes.​There's a line from Knocked Up I think of often these days, when the doorman of a swanky nightclub tells big sister Debbie, "I can't let you in 'cause you're old as fuck. ... More >>

Kelly Rowland Gives Jersey Nip-Slip A "Kanye Shrug"

Uh uh... Rocks Off isn't going to go there. See here for the NSFW bits.​From the Very Important News That You Need To Know RIGHT NOW Dept: Former (current?) Houstonian Kelly Rowland, who has gone from Destiny's Child second banana to R&B's leading summer seductress behind smash single "Motivat ... More >>

Ryan Seacrest Begets a Music Festival... And The Apocalypse

Mason Lankford said, "There will come a day when we forget the Rapture ever even happened," but Rocks Off is keeping an eye out for signs of our impending Armageddon. We were wrong last time, but we're totally right this time! Jyle Dupuis​Ryan Seacrest is a towering figure in the entertainmen ... More >>

The 10 Most Horrible Music-Biz Bosses

​The movie Horrible Bosses comes out today, and while the heinous supervisors in question all work in areas unrelated to entertainment, this shouldn't be taken to mean the music industry is free of bad managers and executives. Rocks Off knows if anything, the music biz has had more than its fa ... More >>

Idol Beat: The Beginning Of The End

Billboard.com/Fox"Are these two really the best from this season?"​7:07 p.m.: Okay, so the sir who typically writes this column - Pete Vonder Haar, or, as he's also referred to: the Television Demigod - has a bit of personal business to tend to, so we're stepping in for him. I have seen exactl ... More >>

Idol Beat: My Faith In A Just Universe Is Restored

You're paying for that suit now, kid.​60 million votes. That's how many it took to ensure karmic balance in the universe and send Jacob Lusk to the American Idol equivalent of hell... which is probably an alternate dimension where Simon Cowell never existed. Last night was so chock-full of en ... More >>

Idol Beat: I Do Not Like That will.i.am

​Only nine hopefuls remain in this, the 10th season of American Idol (AKA the Greatest Talent Competition Since the Battle of the Bands at San Dimas High School). It's time to separare the wheat from the chaff, the post-adolescents from the mere adolescents, those who are "in it to win it" fro ... More >>

Idol Beat: Mona Lisas And Mad Haleys

​Hans Gruber: You are most troublesome, for a security guard. John McClane: Eeeh! Sorry Hans, wrong guess. Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change? It's double jeopardy of a sort for the remaining 11 Idol hopefuls, because thanks to the judges' save of Cas ... More >>

Idol Beat: The First Of The Fallen

Fox​American Idol, the show that dares answer the question: "Who or what the hell is 'Diddy Dirty-Money?'" Ryan Seacrest kicks the show off by introducing our "beloved finalists," and I couldn't help but think of Rick's line from Casablanca ("They're not particularly my beloved finalists"). T ... More >>

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Jolanda Jones says never talk to HPD

Idol Beat: I'm About To Have A Nervous Breakdown

​My head really hurts...sorry, after last night's shenanigans, I couldn't help breaking out the Black Flag. Have you ever had one of those really bad nightmares, the kind that is so horrifying it wakes you up multiple times during the night? And even though your subconscious is trying to offe ... More >>

Idol Beat: Viva Nash Vegas

​I was randomly scrolling back through past Idol Beats last night, doing my best to ignore mentally unbalanced dental hygienist Christine McCaffrey's butchering of "I Hope You Dance," when I realized something. The American Idol beat for Rocks Off is basically the Defense Against the Dark Arts ... More >>

10 Music Stories We Wish We'd Ignored This Year

​We in the alternative media - not necessarily the Houston Press and/or Rocks Off, not all the time - enjoy calling out our mainstream brethren. Whether it's ten books that didn't make The New York Times' "Best of 2010" list, or "10 Stories Our Print Version Accidentally Overlooked," us "under ... More >>

Why Your Customers Hate You, Baristas

She's thinking about punching you in the chest, straight through your stupid apron.​Last week, I interviewed three of my barista friends -- two of whom remained anonymous -- about behaviors that make them want to throttle the next person in line at their java joint. Of course, as many commente ... More >>

15 Years Later, Selena's Death Still Leaves A Hole In Corpus Christi's Heart

www.panoramio.com​ Rocks Off pretty much spent half our life down south in Corpus Christi, so it was a big deal in our family when Tejano pop star Selena Quintanilla-Perez was gunned down 15 years ago today. We grew up hearing her music on the radio down there, and you couldn't walk into a taqueri ... More >>

Artist Of The Week: Partying Beaumont-Style With Hellbilly Hellions The U-Joints

Each Wednesday, Rocks Off arbitrarily appoints one lucky local performer or group "Artist of the Week," bestowing upon them all the fame and grandeur such a lofty title implies. Know a band or artist that isn't awful? Email their particulars to sheaserrano@gmail.com. ​ Here are some things that ar ... More >>

Take Har Mar Superstar Seriously or Not? Your Call.

This guy has nothing on Har Mar Superstar. The R&B singer and Ron Jeremy lookalike has worked the pink-manties look for the better part of this decade. He is, after all, a self-styled lover. Fresh off his cameo as a rival roller derby coach in Whip It (and his excellent cover of "Never My Love" ... More >>

Where the Boys Are

Guava Lamp is a good-natured gay bar in disguise.

Megafest 2008

Marc Anthony, Enrique Iglesias and Alejandro Fernandez lead an all-star blow-out

Seven Deadly Sins: Celebrity Edition

Floating over to Monarch Lounge

New Money douches and Amazing Race winners at Monarch Lounge

Go Find Something to Do, Dammit

Donde El Cantante?

John Legend, with De La Soul and Rahzel

Saturday, August 13, at HUSH, 15625 Katy Freeway, 713-330-HUSH.

Going for the Gold

See how your luck pans out at the Houston Museum of Natural Science

Fat Joe

All or Nothing

Explosive Action

Get a bang for your buck this Fourth of July

Bhangin' Party

For fresh fusion, Turntablas on the Bayou can't be beat

Jersey Hurl

For Kevin Smith, growing up means selling out

A Ball, Screwed

The Coens make a '40s comedy with a Cary named Clooney

Mark Ronson

Here Comes the Fuzz (Elektra)

Fight Night

Bones crunch this weekend at the Verizon

Think Different

Could it be that this year's crop of summer movies requires a brain cell or two?

Doggy Style

A poodle and a rottweiler tie the knot

Olmos Famous

Latin American films of all colors come to Houston

Norma Rosa

L.A.'s working class looks to serve itself in the pro-union Bread and Roses

A Wasted Mind

The Cell delves into a dark, psychotic unconscious and discovers -- a wounded child!

Pulp Without Politics

Can Oliver Stone leave his obsessions behind?

Star Bright

Nava paints a safe, pretty and awfully pleasant portrait in Selena

Jack Squat

Nicholson's latest falls far short of Five Easy Pieces

America, America