Jessica Simpson

How to Make a Drunk Watermelon and Be the Hit of Your Memorial Day Party

Note: This is a reprint from last year. This almost goes without saying, but very few things complement an afternoon of barbecuing or grilling like a slice of ice-cold watermelon and a pleasant buzz. That's where Drunk Watermelons come in. A slice of Drunk Watermelon is the best of both worlds: s ... More >>

10 Awesome '90s Boy Bands You Probably Forgot Existed

The '90's produced the best stuff known to man. I mean, who doesn't wax nostalgic over Girbaud jeans, color-blocked windbreakers, and old episodes of Saved By the Bell? That shit was so awesome. You know who else thinks '90's nostalgia is awesome? The boys -- rather, real live men -- from the lat ... More >>

The 5 Worst Trends Started By the Class of '99

Chris Gray's write-up of the Brian Setzer Orchestra's "Christmas Rocks" show at the Arena Theatre a couple of weeks ago got me thinking. These days, the swing maestro seems to be comfortably settled into his own little niche in the music industry, playing swingin' Christmas carols to grown folks. Bu ... More >>

Christmas Past: The Lost Sinatra Group Christmas Episode

While we celebrate the holidays, Rocks Off is resurrecting a few of our best Christmas-themed blogs from the past few years. (Wait... resurrecting is Easter. Never mind.) This blog originally appeared December 22, 2010. Through the magic of Christmas, Rocks Off has received a copy of the transcript ... More >>

10 Hot Stars-And-Stripes Bikinis, And the Specific Parts Of The U.S. Flag Code They Violate

Flag etiquette, when it comes to the U.S., is pretty strict. As the Fourth of July approaches, it's important to remember that. Especially if you are planning on wearing a stars-and-stripes bikini. We don't want to discourage you, of course, but here are 10 examples of how innocent (or possibly jus ... More >>

Drunk Watermelon: The Memorial Day Classic

Photo by mynameissharshaAll of this watermelon could be vastly improved with the addition of vodka.​This almost goes without saying, but very few things complement an afternoon of barbecuing or grilling like a slice of ice-cold watermelon and a pleasant buzz. That's where Drunk Watermelons com ... More >>

Musical Dads & Daughters: The Good, The Bad & The Awkward

OK Magazine​Blood, they say, is thicker than water. When Matthew Knowles and Beyonce ended their business relationship earlier this week, both stressed the fact that family is still family. "He is my father for life and I love my dad dearly," Beyonce said in her statement. "I love my daughter ... More >>

The 10 Sexiest Texans Of Our Lifetime

Texas is loaded with natural resources, among them beautiful women. The state has provided many, many gorgeous, sexy and smart women. To be sure, not all of them combine all of those qualities -- here are tradeoffs to be made -- but still, there's been no shortage in our lifetimes of fetching Texas ... More >>

The Lost Sinatra Group Christmas Episode

​Through the magic of Christmas, Rocks Off has received a copy of the transcript of the "Sinatra Group" sketch that was filmed in an alternate reality last weekend, one in which Phil Hartman never died, and Saturday Night Live is currently in one of its funniest seasons to date. What else cou ... More >>

Island Of Misfit Christmas Albums: Teen Pop Meltdown

​It happens like this: You are in charge of a major teen-pop act who can sell anything with their face or voice on it, be it training bras, shaving cream, or caskets. You have a week off in the summer from touring. Do you let the talent go home and sleep in their own beds or do you shove the ... More >>

Our Annual Hour In Sunny 99.1's Holiday Hell

​The day before Thanksgiving, Sunny 99.1, "Houston's Official At-Work Station" did its yearly change-over to all holiday music. It's now a Houston tradition to turn over the dial at 5 p.m. on Thanksgiving Eve to snort your first line of Burl Ives or Brenda Lee of the season, before you have ev ... More >>

Chef Chat, Part 1: Adam West of Monarch

​Eating Our Words recently sat down with Adam West, the newly appointed chef of the Monarch at Hotel ZaZa, on a gorgeous afternoon to talk about his culinary background and how it feels to cook for sitcom stars. Eating Our Words: Hi Adam. We hear that you have only been in Houston for a short ... More >>

Jessica Simpson Feels The Pain Of Bullying Victims

Sorry sweetheart, but even Tim Gunn would've made fun of those pants.​There's been a lot of talk about bullies lately. The suicides of Rutgers student Tyler Clementi and Hamilton Middle School's Asher Brown have prompted renewed calls for bullying prevention, leading to things like the It Gets ... More >>

Five Memorable Athlete-Musician Hookups

​In a few hours, Carrie Underwood will be onstage at Toyota Center. Besides being an all-around American girl who will mess you up if you cheat on her, Underwood once dated Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and married Mike Fisher of the Ottawa Senators back in July. That's right, a hockey ... More >>

Believe It Or Not, There Are Bigger Crybabies Than Cristiano Ronaldo

​We've reached the quarterfinal stage of the World Cup, and some big names have already been unceremoniously booted after early round losses. Not many people were surprised at France's exit, and The USA and England were lucky to make the Round of 16 in the first place. But Italy, the reigning ... More >>

Mediterraneo's Market & Café: Mediterranean Food Tapas Style

​We'd been hearing how good Mediterraneo's Market and Café (18033 Upper Bay Road) was for quite some time. But it wasn't until two things happened that we finally got the impetus to drive all the way down to Nassau Bay to try it out. First, there was a big sample menu in the Menu of Menus ins ... More >>

Sexual Napalm: Ill-Advised Rock-Star Hookups, Starring Our Boy John Mayer

Photo illustration by John Seaborn GrayLike this, John?​John Mayer: He is just fantastic. In a disastrous Playboy interview, Mayer opened up about many things. For example, we discovered that, although some white comedians have successfully worked the "N" word into their jokes, Mayer is not one of ... More >>

Paternity Suit Aside, At Least Matthew Knowles Isn't as Bad as These Manager Dads

​In news that was greeted with yawns outside of Houston - and not exactly shouted from the rooftops here - Matthew Knowles, father of Beyonce and Solange, has been slapped with a paternity suit by an actress in Los Angeles. This obviously wouldn't be much of a story if not for his famous offspring ... More >>

Bring Me The Head Of This Bastardized Version Of Melrose Place

​Did the creators of this Melrose Place remake not take a note from the obvious failure of the "new" 90210? Did they not realize that you can only catch lightning in a bottle once?Yes, friends, apparently the CW is bringing back the `90s soap in September, and I, for one, am disgusted by this turn ... More >>

Beyonce: Not Just Dangerously In Love, Dangerous To Your Computer

Daniel Kramer​Via the Houston site of examiner.com, anti-viral software company McAfee ranks Beyonce near the top of celebrities for whom Internet searches are likely to lead to pages containing spyware, viruses or other technology-borne maladies. Searching Beyonce and other boldfaced names like J ... More >>

Big Willie Style: The Red Headed Stranger at the Movies

Honeysuckle Rose This weekend at the Woodlands comes one of the most prolific trios of artists to ever appear on the same bill. Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp converge on the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion for what looks to be one of those landmark shows people brag about catching, k ... More >>

Who Wants To Be A Contestant On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

The producers of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire are coming to town Friday today to audition contestants for the show. Our Craig Hlavaty has already gone down this road before; here's his tale and some tips on how to get picked.Back in the summer of 2005, when I was slinging dough for Domino's and stu ... More >>

Eminem's Comeback: Yay or Nay?

So Eminem is back. Eminem. A man who is a paradox wrapped inside an enigma and served with two joints and a beer. The man has totally homophobic and misogynistic lyrics, yet he has performed with Elton John and is, by all accounts, a loving single dad to his little girl. He seems dumb as dirt in som ... More >>

Michael Irvin Brings Dallas Cowboys Reality Show to Spike TV

Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan? Are you disappointed with the way the season ended? Do you think that the problem might have a little something to do with head coach Wade Phillips? Or offensive coordinator Jason Garrett? Perhaps you're like Troy Aikman who thinks the problem is that Tony Romo spe ... More >>

Michael Irvin Brings Dallas Cowboys Reality Show to Spike TV

Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan? Are you disappointed with the way the season ended? Do you think that the problem might have a little something to do with head coach Wade Phillips? Or offensive coordinator Jason Garrett? Perhaps you're like Troy Aikman who thinks the problem is that Tony Romo spe ... More >>

Ten Performers Besides Bruce Springsteen Who Were Considered for the Super Bowl

The improbable redemption of Ashlee Simpson

"La La" Love You

ASK A MEXICAN

Random Thoughts for a World Where Eli Manning Is Better Than Brett Favre

Giselle Bundchen, Carrie Underwood, Bridget Moynihan and Jessica Simpson -- Yep, We're Talking Football

Over the Weekend: Football, Golden Globes and Bar Hopping

Miss Pop Rocks: Things I Think Are Probably Worse Than Jessica Simpson’s Upcoming Movie

Tonk Blokes And the Mean Streets Of Da R.O.

Ten things I read about Houston on Urbandictionary.com, the Wikipedia of the hood

The Music Critics Dictionary

Translating critic-speak

Honor Bound

A fictional look at the future of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Gestating Gumshoe

Avril Lavigne, with Gavin DeGraw and Butch Walker

Tuesday, August 16, at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, 2025 Lake Robbins Drive, The Woodlands, 281-363-3300.

White Trash

There's nothing good about this remake of an awful ol' show

This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

Defending the Dirty Thirty

And coping with Yankee slander

H-Town Goes Cowtown

It's rodeo time in the city

Chasing Mandy

A pop-star-turned-actress tries to move into her "mature phase"

A Fan's Notes

Ideas that were forgotten but not gone in 2003

Mandy Moore

Maximizing her 15 minutes