Joel Osteen

No, Joel Osteen Is Not Resigning; World Reels At Thought That Internet Might Be Wrong Sometimes

Someone with a lot of time on their hands, and a burning desire to -- what? embarrass Joel Osteen? -- has put together several websites advancing the idea that the rich megachurch preacher is quitting. The hoax includes web pages, fake news stories, a YouTube video and a Twitter account. To a twee ... More >>

Beer Nuts: State Alcoholic Beverage Laws Front and Center with Lege This Week

No doubt some of you may want to know the many ways the Texas legislature is going to improve your opportunities this session to drink alcoholic spirits. Toss the kids and forget Medicaid, there's always one or two more ways to tinker with the state's alcoholic beverage code each session. No doubt, ... More >>

Joel Osteen Artwork Removed from Atlanta Library

Art is subjective. As we've seen with Robert Mapplethorpe exhibits and crosses floating in urine, it can also be controversial. But, normally, garden variety portraits don't rise to the level of pissing people off...unless they are of super preacher Joel Osteen, apparently. A Grayson, Georgia libra ... More >>

Forget Blue-Eyed Butcher: Casting Lifetime Movies About Felicia Moon, Victoria Osteen & 3 Others

Blue-Eyed Butcher was Lifetime's take on the Susan Wright case. It certainly wasn't the first TV movie to be based on a Houston case, and it won't be the last. In fact there are plenty of Houston stories just begging to be made into Lifetime movies. Like these five: 5. Trail Ridin' Dirty: The Feli ... More >>

Joel Osteen & Lakewood Mostly Win Copyright Suit Filed by Indie Duo

A federal judge has ruled in favor of Lakewood Church and Joel Osteen, dismissing many of the copyright claims filed against them by an indie-music duo who said the church using their music would alienate their listeners. Richard Cupolo and John Emanuele, who perform as The American Dollar, had sai ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Joel Osteen, Hunk

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit ... More >>

Caption This Shirtless-Joel Osteen Photo

TMZ has blessed us with this photo of Lakewood's just-sued Joel Osteen, who obviously has been able to take time from helping the poor and downtrodden to work out a couple of hours a day. Obviously, it needs a caption. We ask for your help.

Joel Osteen's Reality Show

Some suggestions from us.

Comment of the Day: Joel Osteen's Reality Show

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit ... More >>

Joel Osteen's Reality Show: How It Will Be If Based on Any of Six Current Shows

From the producer of Survivor.​TMZ has reported that Lakewood Church's Joel and Victoria Osteen will be the stars of a new reality show by the producer of Survivor. "The premise of the show is that ordinary people will give up several days or longer to go on a mission with Joel Osteen, one o ... More >>

Bring the Stink

Readers can't wait to try Yummy Stinky

Taking Dogs to Restaurants and Bars: Why Stop There? (Five Other Options to Consider)

Take me to the porno shop, please.​Houston, all of a sudden, has given rise to a movement demanding that people be allowed to take their dogs to restaurants and bars. The Boneyard Drinkery on Washington Avenue, for instance, exists just so people can do that. Why stop there? There are plenty ... More >>

Great Minds

Our MasterMind winners speak up.

Joel Osteen Is Confused About Both Gays and the Death Penalty

Houston's own Joel Osteen and his wife Victoria took to the national airwaves last night on CNN's Piers Morgan Tonight. The net has been buzzing for a while, of course, about the pre-released clip above where Osteen sounds very, very confused about gays. We tuned in last night and -- besides being ... More >>

Slim Thug: Single, Looking For Two... And A Fan?

​Rocks Off loves just about everything Slim Thug does. We're big fans of his music, of course, but our admiration has really grown since we started getting to know him via Twitter over the past year or so. Screw that Shit My Dad Says guy; we think Slim should have his own TV show. Keep Shatne ... More >>

Preacher Joseph Herrin: Gulf Oil Spill The Fault Of All Us Abortion-Loving Houstonians

I'm looking at YOU, Houston​BREAKING -- A new, undeniably correct theory on why there's a huge oil spill has just been announced. There's a spill, it seems, because God hates how we Houstonians just love abortion. Oh, and Joel Osteen's to blame, too.The theory is proposed by a preacher (and, we as ... More >>

Unrated Lesbian Action!!! The Inauguration, In Photos (Safe For Work)

Photo by Dan Kramer​ Annise Parker was officially sworn in as mayor in a private ceremony over the weekend, but today is the public event. This morning featured Joel Osteen; tonight has Archie Bell. You choose which one you'd prefer to be at.Our Dan Kramer was on the scene to record all the the H ... More >>

This Year in Deliciousness

Photo by This Is Freaking RidiculousAn AK-47 made entirely out of bacon? Yup, that's pretty much 2009 summed up.​ So this is the time of year when we normally say things like "Wow, another year gone by already!" and "Can ya believe it's almost 2010?" and "Say there, how come you just broke my ... More >>

Annise Parker To Tighten Up & Treat Her Right At Inaugural

​Mayor-elect Annise Parker's swearing-in ceremony Monday over the weekend will be private, but after that on Monday it's an eclectic mix of events and personalities for the public to share in.It includes a Discovery Green concert featuring two Houston performers who had hits a long while ago: Arch ... More >>

Beignets at The Big Mamou

​On a basic level, beignets are French doughnuts, pastries of deep-fried dough sprinkled with powdered sugar and served piping hot with a side of coffee. Much like free drinks and lottery tickets, they are impossible to turn down -- warm, sweet and crisp-golden. Yet despite their splendor, few ... More >>

What You'll Be Missing Tomorrow If You Don't Get Your Digital-Converter TV Box

The Great Digital TV Revolution occurs tomorrow, and Hair Balls is worried for those of you still clinging to your rabbit ears and MacGyvered-aluminum-foil towers. While we applaud those who have drawn a line in the sand and refused to feed the cable and satellite beasts, we urge you to get a govern ... More >>

Is She Really The "Heidi Fleiss of Houston"?

Photo courtesy HCSOSometimes one flip remark transforms things.One Houston cop calls a woman "The Heidi Fleiss of Houston," and the media goes nuts (Hey, including us.)But we're really not convinced Debbie Turbiville is up to Heidi Fleiss's standards.Until we see Joel Osteen's name on a credit-card ... More >>

More Sex! Less Food! The Eggheads Proclaimeth

Katharine Shilcutt's excellent post from last week, Depart From Me! I Never Knew You, Eaters of Bacon, in both its content and the commentary it generated, raised a very interesting question: Why would mega-pastor Joel Osteen decide to preach (dictate?) to his flock about what they should a ... More >>

What's Twitter Giving Up For Lent In Houston?

Photo by hydroxi This is a Lent Lilly. It is pretty.If you were awake this morning, you saw the Houston Press ask its Twitter followers what they're giving up for Lent.What, you're not following us on Twitter? Too bad, you could have wound up in this article, although knowing you, you just wo ... More >>

Depart From Me! I Never Knew You, Eaters of Bacon

...by eliminating bacon from your diet. Wait...what?Did you know that Joel Osteen is kicking it old school now?  And by old school, I mean Old Testament.  Straight outta Hebron! The new-agey motivational speaker preacher at Lakewood Church took a bizarrely old-fashioned ap ... More >>

Depart From Me! I Never Knew You, Eaters of Bacon

...by eliminating bacon from your diet. Wait...what?Did you know that Joel Osteen is kicking it old school now?  And by old school, I mean Old Testament.  Straight outta Hebron! The new-agey motivational speaker preacher at Lakewood Church took a bizarrely old-fashioned ap ... More >>

Lonesome Onry and Mean: Gurf Morlix and Last Exit To Happyland

Photo by Lynne Hawrelko What a beautiful world we'd be living in if Joel Osteen or Pat Robertson or Rush Limbaugh used Gurf Morlix as musical director. His new Last Exit to Happyland is full of aching songs full of deep humanity and decency as well as head-shaking social accusations and knife-to-the ... More >>

Five Spot: Greeting 2009 Z-Ro Style

Welcome back to The Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to introducingliston@gmail.com. Just because you probably missed it, we'd like to take a second to bring to your attention that 2008 is over ... More >>

Joel Osteen Teams Up With Guns N Roses To Rock Your Face Off

Lakewood Still The Biggest Church, If You Believe Porno Magazine

The Passion of Victoria Osteen

A flight attendant went after the Osteens in court, bringing on trials and tribulation for one and all

The Osteen Trial: Joel Takes The Stand

Matt Taibbi Doesn’t Heart Joel Osteen

Wayne Dolcefino and Other "Celebs" I Have Spotted

Family Matters: Joel Osteen Meets with Activist Jay Bakker

Victoria Osteen, Continental Airlines and Unmanned Drones

Verdict on the Victoria Osteen trial: Fun!

Joel Osteen Is a Power Top

Drenched In Blog: Sealed with Kiss

Well, They Both Have Great Hair

Barbara Walters Discovers a Champion in Joel

Show God the Money

Time magazine's star speaks out

Let There Be Gifts

If you want to honor this preacher's wife, don't be cheap

New Year's Resolutions for Houston

We have a lot to forgive – and forget – about 2005; here's hoping local celebs do better next year

Meet the Beatle

John Lennon's other art takes center stage in "When I'm Sixty Four"

A Compaq with the Lord

Credit boyish heir Osteen for Lakewood's higher power

Best Reincarnation

Compaq Center becomes the Lakewood International Center

The Naked Truth

Plus: Osteen's Off, Extra Innings at Rogers, All That Jazz

Best Religious Leader

Joel Osteen

Preaching to the Choir

Plus: Feudal Follies, Life in the Slow Lane, Facts and Fantasy

Power House

What do Lakewood Church and its pastor Joel Osteen have that most mainline Protestant denominations don't? People. Lots of them. And in an assortment of colors.