Joel Osteen

  • Calendar

    October 30, 2014
  • Blogs

    October 22, 2014

    BeatKing, Gangsta Boo Renew Houston/Memphis Bond

    Since the inception of the New Houston Rap column, BeatKing has appeared more times than any other rapper. This may partly be due to his girth on the scene, how he fashions himself as a rapper who rarely wastes time when recording, and how nuanced he is in executing certain concepts in his head. Ca ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 17, 2014

    New Houston Rap: Summer Blockbuster Edition

    There's a bit of evil in the world. You know, the kind that sideswipes your car and doesn't even leave a note. Or when somebody refuses to hear you out when you're trying to tell them something. This is one of those evil moments. If you manage to spend a weekend anywhere in Houston, chances are you ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 5, 2014

    Lenten Promises Music Lovers Can Actually Keep

    One of the best friends I've ever had in this life was Ann Ball. At the Catholic high school I graduated from, she was my English teacher during my senior year. Ann was a little older than I, but a large margin wiser. She smoked like a Texas City refinery and let us crash on her sofas when we were ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 30, 2013

    The Polyphonic Spree at Fitzgerald's, 8/29/13

    The Polyphonic Spree Fitzgerald's August 29th, 2013 Some moments in life are just better than others. Having a laugh while your kid, armed with floaties, thinks he's drowning, despite moments ago assuring the instructor he had it. Turning so red from embarrassing laughter moments after realizing ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 22, 2013

    Because the HCSCC Doesn't Have Enough Ideas, Here Are 5 More Things We Can Do with the Astrodome

    Let's see if I've got this: The Confederacy of Dunces charged with making decisions on the Astrodome are once again acting like they want to make decisions on the Astrodome. Decisions that will involve them punting the ultimate decision to a higher authority that has, time and again, punted the deci ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 19, 2013

    Burger King's Twitter Account Hacked: The Best Responses Across Twitter

    Starting around 11 a.m. yesterday morning, a merry prankster "hacked" Burger King's Twitter account and began posting status updates in a style which Gizmodo writer Sam Biddle described as "a combination of McDonald's and amphetamine addict." Read the first fake Tweet from the Burger King account: ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 13, 2013

    A Visiting Celebrities Guide To Houston's Sights, Sounds, And Eats

    This week the city of Houston will be pummeled with celebs, reality-show dander, 30K-wannabe socialites, and pro athletes in town for the NBA All-Star Game at the Toyota Center. Though the game isn't until Sunday evening, the parties and madness will begin on Wednesday and run until next Monday mo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2013

    Joel Osteen's Mega-Watt Grin Can't Keep Houston Within the Bible Belt, Survey Says

    Every week, Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church sermons reach over seven million viewers across the world. The Second Baptist Church Houston, the largest Baptist church in the largest Baptist nation, hosts a weekly attendance pushing 25,000. The Woodlands Church -- pulling those from Humble, Katy, and Tom ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 21, 2012

    Dominique Sachse's Wedding: Filed Under "Things We Need to Not Hear About So Much"

    DID YOU HEAR?!?!?!? KPRC anchorwoman Dominique Sachse got married!!!!!! OMG!!!!! In case you missed the Channel 2 ads, Sachse was one of -- if not the -- hardest-working single moms out there. That's a remark which, if we were churlish, we would find incredibly insulting to all the single moms in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 29, 2012

    PETA Asks Joel Osteen to Hang a "Go Vegan" Banner in His Church

    We guess there's no harm in trying. PETA has written a letter asking Joel Osteen to hang a large "Go Vegan" banner in Lakewood Church, for which in return they will "prepare a delicious Easter Sunday faux-ham meal with all the trimmings for his parishioners." Why Osteen? PETA seems to think he's h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 2, 2012

    Someone at the FBI Is Swooning Over the "Tall, Dark & Handsome Bandit"

    Feast your eyes on the enticing hunk of man-meat to the right, ladies and gay dudes. Why, he's dreamier than a shirtless Joel Osteen!! At least he is to someone at the FBI, who has not only dubbed the dude the "Tall, Dark & Handsome Bandit" but has included this factoid in the description accompan ... More >>

  • News

    November 17, 2011

    Texas Tweakers

    James "Bull" Durham burned down his mother's house while cooking meth. In Angelina County, the jail is full of guys like him..

  • Blogs

    September 7, 2011

    College Realignment Talk Is The New NFL Lockout Talk

    More a-holery from Ken Starr​During this past summer of sports talk radio, our insatiable appetite for any topic football-related, our perennial need to talk about minutiae at all times, and the usual summer content-related radio doldrums met at a tedious midpoint -- a no man's land that left ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 5, 2011

    Alvaro Guzman: Lakewood Church Volunteer Fondled Autistic Kid, Cops Say

    This never happened at Compaq Center!! (That we know of)​A volunteer at Lakewood Church, Joel Osteen's mega-temple to Christianity Lite, is being sought by police on charges he fondled an eight-year-old autistic boy. Alvaro Daniel Guzman, 25, allegedly committed the acts in February 2010, KHO ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2011

    The Girls Gone Wild Bus: Where It Should Go In Houston

    Photo by Marc BrubakerWe have better suggestions for Houston spots for this bus to visit​When the Girls Gone Wild tour bus is spotted around town, as our own Katharine Shilcutt nodded to on Twitter, people are wont to talk. Speculation begins to pop up, and the town starts abuzz - where is it, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2011

    Slim Thug: Single, Looking For Two... And A Fan?

    ​Rocks Off loves just about everything Slim Thug does. We're big fans of his music, of course, but our admiration has really grown since we started getting to know him via Twitter over the past year or so. Screw that Shit My Dad Says guy; we think Slim should have his own TV show. Keep Shatne ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2010

    Slim Thug: Now Tweeting Church!

    Aren't we all, Slim?​Welcome to another fabulous edition of Magnolia City Mixtape. Rocks Off doesn't want you to miss even a smidgen of news from Houston's music scene, so we mine the Internet, sifting through Twitter feeds and Facebook profiles and harvesting every piece we can find. So witho ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 4, 2010

    Saturday Night: Michael Franti & Spearhead At House Of Blues

    Photos by Jason Wolter​Michael Franti & Spearhead House of Blues October 2, 2010 Check out photos from the show. Hands are in the air immediately with the stupidly fun show opener "Love Don't Wait," as Michael Franti and his Spearhead instrumentalists file out onstage. Franti is a big dude, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 14, 2010

    Pop Rocks: A World Without Oprah

    So long, suckers.​The 25th and final season of The Oprah Winfrey Show kicked off yesterday with a John Travolta dance number, an appearance by Paul Simon (of "and Garfunkel" fame, not the deceased U.S. Senator), and an announcement that Oprah would take the 300 studio audience members in atten ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 9, 2010

    Pop Rocks: What Books Would Jesus Burn?

    ​Talk about your (mostly) lone nuts. Terry Jones, reverend of something called the Dove World Outreach Center (sounds like a rehab facility that uses soap enema therapy), is going ahead with his planned "International Burn-A-Koran Day" on September 11. This in spite of mounting criticism from ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 9, 2010

    LeBron James: Five Reasons Why He Did Not Choose Houston

    Why LeBron said no​Despite what we thought were pretty compelling arguments yesterday, LeBron James did not announce last night that he will become a Houston Rocket.We blame the Children's Museum. And the Astros.Still, we're not bitter; we're analytical. And we have determined the five reason why ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 2, 2010

    Top 10 Pop-Star Bobbleheads We'd Like To See

    ​The good people over at Aggronautix have done it again. The toy company has been releasing bobbleheads of punk-rock luminaries such as GG Allin and the Descendents' Milo Aukerman for the past year. Rocks Off has been lucky enough to snag a few. Sitting a few feet from us right now are the t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 8, 2010

    Musical Theology With John Coltrane, Robert Johnson

    ​Naxos continues to release episodes from the Masters of American Music documentary series from the '90s, and here are two from the latest releases (the two others profiling Sarah Vaughan and Count Basie). Not a straight biographical doc or even a chronological one about his album releases, The Wo ... More >>

  • News

    May 20, 2010

    The Twitterverse

    More than just cyberspace, the tweet life inspires people to make friends and adopt causes in person. It has a few problems, too.

  • Blogs

    March 23, 2010

    Lakewood Church May Open a Charter School

    ​Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church is developing a proposal to start a charter school for autistic children that would open in the fall of 2011.Nancy Manley, executive principal in the Houston ISD's charter and alternative schools office, mentioned Lakewood's plans during her address to the Senate Edu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2010

    No Fireworks At Parker's First Council Meeting (But Somehow Jolanda Jones Passes Up A Chance To Speak)

    ​Mayor Annise Parker concluded her first City Council meeting this morning with a bang, warning citizens about icy roads in days ahead as Houston braces for what's expected to be its coldest temperatures in decades. "We're covering our pipes, doing what we can to keep ice away from our entrances," ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 14, 2009

    Aftermath: Nitzer Ebb at Meridian, Joel Osteen With a Trouserful of Funky Cold Medina

    Photos by Groovehouse / Click here for a slideshow​Aftermath was running late on Saturday night after trying to get a teething baby to sleep. We drove our little Toyota as fast as we dared through a fog that on television would have contained dead pirates, eldritch horrors or Michael Jackson ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 17, 2009

    Aftermath: Nickelback at Toyota Center

    Aftermath is of the mind that the best way to tackle something that is reviled or feared is to confront it head on. Like global terrorism, street gangs, or gingivitis, you must take it on at its source, even if doing so makes you feel insecure, vulnerable or wholly foolish. Maybe it's the military i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 18, 2009

    Is She Really The "Heidi Fleiss of Houston"?

    Sometimes one flip remark transforms things.One Houston cop calls a woman "The Heidi Fleiss of Houston," and the media goes nuts (Hey, including us.)But we're really not convinced Debbie Turbiville is up to Heidi Fleiss's standards.Until we see Joel Osteen's name on a credit-card bill, we're withhol ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 2, 2009

    Five Spot: Greeting 2009 Z-Ro Style

    Welcome back to The Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to Just because you probably missed it, we'd like to take a second to bring to your attention that 2008 is over ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 8, 2008

    Aftermath: Fred Eaglesmith at McGonigel's Mucky Duck

    Photos by William Michael Smith Just prior to Fred Eaglesmith’s sold out show at Mucky Duck Tuesday night, his young bassist Luke Stackhouse tapped on the window of the van. “Hey, Joey just called from the Ray Lamontagne show in Toronto and said they’re playing Tinderbox as the pre-show mu ... More >>

  • Music

    September 18, 2008

    Drive-By Truckers, A to Z

    Alabama Ass Whuppin'

  • Blogs

    August 14, 2008
  • Blogs

    August 12, 2008

    The Osteen Trial: Let The Feasting Begin

    The epic lawsuit between Victoria Osteen and Continental Air Lines flight attendant Sharon Brown is on a lunch break, but from all appearances it will be later this afternoon when defense attorney Rusty Hardin does his feasting. Hardin only got to the very beginning of his cross-examination of Brow ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 12, 2008

    The Osteen Trial: Wherefore The Shark?

    Although not explicitly stating he wanted to recreate a scene from the 1975 classic Switchblade Sisters, Rusty Hardin today had Victoria Osteen and Sharon Brown stand beside each other so the jury could compare their height and weight. Hardin claimed this was so jurors could better visualize the ki ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 7, 2008
  • Blogs

    July 29, 2008
  • News

    May 1, 2008
  • News

    January 10, 2008
  • News

    November 1, 2007

    Pearland ISD, the Inspector of Hides and Animals, and Joel Osteen's New Book

    The Pearland school board — entertainment for years to come!

  • News

    September 20, 2007

    Carlton Pearson

    Houston's Unity Church hosts the former megachurch preacher who wrote, "God Is Not a Christian"

  • Culture

    February 22, 2007

    Good Budd

    At Lawndale, it's popcorn, boogie boards and neuro-linguistic programming

  • Blogs

    November 13, 2006

    Scenes from Dynamo Sunday: The Takeoff

    Photos by Steven Devadanam for HouStoned Images Ltd., Unlmtd. A little Sunday morning face paint to get things started... It's 7:05 on a chilly Sunday morning, and even good Christians are in bed. But hundreds of cars are lining up at Gallery Furniture, ready for the Dynamo Convoy that's headed t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 13, 2006
  • Culture

    August 24, 2006

    Imperfect Ten

    This Scriptwriters/Houston showcase comes up short

  • News

    April 20, 2006

    En la Calle

    Houston joins the revolucin

  • News

    May 22, 2003
  • News

    December 26, 2002

    All I Want for Christmas Is...

    A shopping list for your favorite political types

  • News

    April 25, 2002

    Tut TUTS

    Plus: Amazing Grace, Moonbeamed, Time Warp

  • More >>