Mario Williams

Help For Hacks: A Comprehensive List Of Athletes Getting Paid More Than The Astros Entire Payroll

Comedy is a combination of hard work, creativity, timing, and -- depending on which comedians you talk to -- an ample amount of drugs may or may not be involved as well. I don't claim to be a professional comedian. Not even close. But I do think I have a decent ear for humor, an ability to discern ... More >>

NFL Free Agency 2013: Your Texans Cheat Sheet (Cap Numbers, Restructure Candidates, and More!)

Back in the day, when I used to have oodles and oodles of idle time on my hands during prime game-show watching hours (that's code for "back in college"), Wheel of Fortune was a staple of my game-show dance card. (For the record, Tic Tac Dough, Joker's Wild and Price is Right -- the Sopranos of game ... More >>

2012: My Fave Fifteen, 15 Posts I Enjoyed Writing and (I Think) You Enjoyed Reading

A few years ago during the dog days of summer, in an attempt to fill air time with not much else going on, ESPN came up with this gimmick segment called "Who's Now?" Basically, they matched up various sports figures in a bracket style tournament and then had random celebrities (sports and Hollywood) ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets (Including Bears-Texans Prediction)

Election season is over, and in my home state of Connecticut, Linda McMahon is left to pick up the pieces of her second failed campaign for Senator. 100 million pieces to be exact. According to the Associated Press, the wife of WWE patriarch Vince McMahon spent nearly $100 million on her two faile ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets, "Satan Hates Auburn" Edition

I was saddened on Thursday to hear of the passing of legendary college football historian and journalist Beano Cook, who passed away in his sleep at the age of 81. Back in the `80's and early `90's, before the television landscape was cluttered with literally dozens of studio shows all blending toge ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Good Old NFL Schadenfreude Over Mario Williams

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning or afternoon from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula i ... More >>

2012: Year of the Texans

Assessing all their strengths and weaknesses, we could be looking at a repeat or better.

Houston Texans: Preseason Week Two, 4 Winners and 4 Losers

When we last saw the Texans play football in our fair city, they were putting the finishing touches on a 31-10 beatdown of the Cincinnati Bengals in the NFL playoffs. A week later, the magical ride would come to an end in Baltimore. Since then, some things have gotten better (Arian Foster's income, ... More >>

Texans Draft Recap: Six Things We Learned

Few things are sillier in sports analysis than "draft grades" given before players have taken their first steps onto a professional field. Texan fans know this quite well, considering the abundance of Fs given to them by analysts in 2006 for having the gall to choose Mario Williams over the anointe ... More >>

The 2012 NFL Schedule Is Here! The 2012 NFL Schedule Is Here!

In the timeless Steve Martin comedy The Jerk, there's a famous scene where Martin's character Navin R. Johnson sprints across the parking lot to snag a copy of the new phone book to confirm that, indeed, his name and phone number are included. When he is able to find his name he screams that inclus ... More >>

Texans Trade DeMeco Ryans -- The Players Speak Out

Okay, this one I didn't totally see coming. After a somewhat tumultuous one-week period that saw the Texans lose outside linebacker Mario Williams and guard Mike Brisiel to free agency, and cut offensive tackle Eric Winston as a cap casualty, the Texans decided to shed more salary yesterday afterno ... More >>

Crisis Averted, Texans Fan -- Peyton Manning Spurns Titans for Broncos

In a Texans offseason that has seen some good (Arian Foster's and Chris Myers' multiyear contract extensions), some bad (Mario Williams' leaving, although the Texans have proven they can survive that), and some ugly (the dismantling of the right side of the offensive line), strangely enough, the Tex ... More >>

What Would You Do to Keep Mario Williams? Check #houstonwhatugot

Already dazed by several unexpected farewells, two Houston Texans have started a Twitter campaign to get Mario Williams to stay here. Texans Shaun Cody and Connor Barwin are urging fans to use the hashtag #houstonwhatugot to convince Super Mario to stay. Some highlights:

Houston Texans Spring Cleaning Hits Winston, Leinart, Vickers

If you're looking for more signs of the Texans continuing shift from also-ran to legitimate Super Bowl contender, you needn't look any further than the "Transactions" portion of any NFL related website the last two days. Whereas in past seasons (hell, as recently as last summer), the Texans were d ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Mario vs. Arian Edition

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula invol ... More >>

Texans/Falcons -- 5 Things to Watch

The NFL playoffs, hopefully brought to you by T.J. Yates.​Over the last two seasons, Texan fans have been conditioned to spend the first half of the season basking in a decent start (5-3 and 4-2 the last two years, respectively) and then spend the remainder of the season waiting for a safe to ... More >>

Texans/Jaguars -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers

Photo by Marco TorresTexans battlefought their way to a win in Battle Red​"I still don't like them, and I have no respect for them at all. It was just the dirty stuff they were doing. I don't want to get into specifics; I just don't like them. . . . I'm not going to get into names or anything ... More >>

Texans-Ravens: Four Winners, Four Losers

It just feels like home to the Texans' ox.​Sometimes it's good to shake things up a little bit. We sit here every Sunday night for the last three football seasons and it feels like invariably we wind up saying the same thing -- "same ol' Texans." So this week, I took a trip to Chicago, and wa ... More >>

Texans 17, Steelers 10: No Longer Bullied, These Texans Are The Bullies

See more pics from the Texans' third win in our slideshow. Led by a dynamic running game and relentless pass rush, the Texans beat and bullied defending AFC champion Pittsburgh to the point that Ben Roethlisberger compared the Texans to the Ravens. Wait, what? "That defense is physical," Roethlis ... More >>

Houston Texans Game 4: 4 Winners, 4 Losers

It feels like virtually every fall Monday the last two years have been spent listening to callers to my show, co-workers around the office, people around town all saying "same ol' Texans." And to be sure, it's much harder to argue that it hasn't been "same ol' Texans" than argue that the team has be ... More >>

Houston Texans Game 1 -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers

Photo by Marco Torres​Yesterday was a great day. The NFL season kicked off, the Texans were at home, and the weather was an unseasonably cool 96 degrees in Houston, perfect tailgating weather if you can deal with pit stains and butt sweat. Oh, and the Texans beat the Colts in the opener for t ... More >>

Five Reasons To Watch The Texans Tonight

It's another big night for you, Matt Leinart​I don't know that there was ever any point during the NFL lockout where I was fearful that we wouldn't have football this season. Still, the specter of the work stoppage that loomed over us throughout thus summer made us at least ponder life without ... More >>

Houston Texans: My Way Too Early Guess At The 53-Man Roster

Everyone's favorite kind of guy​We all have that friend who not only loves to be right, but also loves to point out that they're right and then continuously remind you that he (or she -- yeah, ladies, you're guilty, too!) is right. They'll text, they'll tweet, they'll take screen shots of Spo ... More >>

Cowboys 27, Texans 13: Defensive Help Wanted, Preferably With A Pulse

Docking at Reliant Stadium​Attention, Houston owner Bob McNair. Your defense needs help, and the key may be opening your pocketbook. Ideally, do it in a hurry.Tony Romo and the Cowboys (1-2) exposed the previously unbeaten Texans' dirty little secret on Sunday, throwing for 284 yards, two touchdow ... More >>

Giving Pledge: How Three Houston Billionaires Should Help

Houston billionaires haven't joined Bill Gates' and Warren Buffett's Giving Pledge. Yet. ​One of the big stories this week is Bill Gates' and Warren Buffett's Giving Pledge, where the super-billionaires have promised to donate half their money to charity. Even better, they've convinced 38 other ri ... More >>

Houston Texans: Crank Up The Chronicle's Propaganda Machine

Will that "H" be replaced with an "N"?​Training camp opens for the Houston Texans on Friday. And as hard as it is to believe, the Houston Chronicle is high on the team's chances to make the playoffs.NFL "expert" John McClain says the Texans will be a contender for a wild card spot. As McClain ... More >>

Game Time: Vince Young -- All He Does Is Win, Strip-Club Fistfight Edition

VY in happier times​Okay, I give up. The topic of college football conference realignment has dominated the airwaves/Twitter/blog chatter the past two weeks, all the while the NBA Finals and now the 2010 World Cup whirring judiciously in the background.College football has taken a couple run ... More >>

With Playoff Possibilities Mostly Gone, The Good Texans Return. Sound Familiar?

​It's remarkable to watch a Texans season supposed to be so different follow a nearly identical script. Sunday's 34-7 win over the Seattle Seahawks snapped a four-game losing streak and, at least in theory, keeps the Texans (6-7) alive in playoff discussion. But with most reasonable postseas ... More >>

The 10 Biggest Houston Bummers Of The Decade

As we noted earlier this week, the fast-approaching end of the first decade of the 21st century brings with it a lot of lists.Some will be national; this will be strictly local. A lot of great things happened in Houston in the ten years of The Oughts, but a lot of bad things happened too. It's calle ... More >>

The Draft Day Debate of 2006 Rages On, With The VY Guys Smiling Now

​Like a great many former Oilers fans with a concurrent Longhorn allegiance, I am no Houston Texans fan. I tried for a few years, right up until the 2006 draft. The selection of Mario Williams was it for me. I took a solemn vow then to never support the Texans until the McNair family relinquished ... More >>

The VY Guys Are Smiling Now

​Like a great many former Oilers fans with a concurrent Longhorn allegiance, I am no Houston Texans fan. I tried for a few years, right up until the 2006 draft. The selection of Mario Williams was it for me. I took a solemn vow then to never support the Texans until the McNair family relinquis ... More >>

15 Things To Watch For This Texans Season, And A Prediction

​I can't put it off any longer. The Texans season starts on Sunday. So I guess I better get my act together and get my thoughts about the upcoming season on the record before kickoff. So here goes.1. Some good news: The offense returns many of the key players that made the offense the third best i ... More >>

Which Houston Team Has The Dumbest Front Office?

​Richard Justice actually had a decent blog post the other day. In it, he attempted to evaluate which of Houston's big three sports franchises was the smartest -- sorry Dynamo fans, he didn't include them because he says the team hasn't been here long enough, and I won't include them because I con ... More >>

Some Praise For the Houston Texans (No, Really!)

Photo by William Holtkamp Many of you out there probably think that I hate the Texans. But I don't. I just hold them to a high standard. A standard that I think everybody should apply to them. That said, I'm not here to criticize the Houston Texans today. No, I'm actually about to say some nice ... More >>

Some Praise For the Houston Texans (No, Really!)

Photo by William Holtkamp Many of you out there probably think that I hate the Texans. But I don't. I just hold them to a high standard. A standard that I think everybody should apply to them. That said, I'm not here to criticize the Houston Texans today. No, I'm actually about to say some nice ... More >>

Texans Fire Three Defensive Coaches

And so it begins. Looking to deflect the blame from his incompetence, Gary Kubiak lowered the boom on three of his defensive coaches today, firing defensive coordinator Richard Smith, defensive backs coach Jon Hoke, and defensive line coach Jethro Franklin.

Texans-Steelers: At Least Mario Williams Looked Good

Texans-Saints: Where’s the Andre Johnson Jersey?

New Code of Conduct for NFL Fans

Dear Diary: Somebody Save the Houston Texans from Themselves

We Need Ricky Williams. We Don't Need Richard Justice.

Down and Dirty with Dunta: Texans/Chiefs from the Pressbox

NFL Predictions

How About Those Texans?

And Now, a Word or Three on the Texans

The Curse of the Certified Letter

Gays, censorship, alligators, mobsters, Houston Texans

Hyatt says "Get a room!" to gay romance

Nice Johnson, Texans!

Here We Go Again

It's football time (cringe)

School's Out

Dallas outshines Houston when one magazine rates education