Matt Schaub

Consolation Prize: The Onion Spoofs the Texans to Add Insult to Injury

It's hard not to like the Onion. Any organization that spends its entire existence lampooning news, politics, sports and anything else that makes headlines is pretty damn awesome. Unfortunately, this week, the Texans were in their crosshairs. It's understandable considering the rough way yet another ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets, NFL Playoff Edition

Best bets time and after going 5-1 last week, just in time for the holidays I might add, we are all even now heading into 2013! 50-50-2! People who are into hobbies like to talk about conducting those activities under optimal conditions. Skiers enjoy skiing with four feet of powder on a sunny day. ... More >>

Texans-Colts: 4 Winners, 4 Losers, A "Back Home Again (For Press Box Cake)" Edition

The Texans returned home Sunday for their first game in Reliant Stadium in what felt like about a year. Seriously, the last time the Texans played a game at Reliant, we were less than 24 hours removed from Kansas State and Oregon coughing up chances to play in the BCS title game. I mean, that was a ... More >>

Patriots-Texans: Five Reasons a Rematch Could Be Different in January

The Texans won't tell you it wasn't a disaster. It was. It was not, however, something that's automatically repeatable. Even in a 28-point game, the beatdown on Monday Night Football essentially came down to five plays on which the Patriots were spotted 28 points. With one exception, the Texans we ... More >>

Fired for Not Taking Clients to "Titty Bars."

The Houston Texans 2012 All Character(s) Team

Having a good team requires a mix of straight arrows -- guys like Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson, who appear nearly asleep when they aren't slicing and dicing opponents like cold cuts -- and goofballs who keep things light in what can often be a very intense work environment. Throughout the years, Ho ... More >>

Texans 21, Bills 9: What Stood Out From A Sluggish Seventh Win

See pics of the Texans' win on Military Appreciation Day at Reliant Stadium. If the Texans had a trap game on their 2012 schedule, this appeared to be it. One week after a bye. Two weeks removed from an emotional matchup with long-time nemesis Baltimore. Seven days before an NBC primetime showdown ... More >>

Texans 43, Ravens 13: Adjustments Spark Beatdown of Long-Time Nemesis; Five Reasons Why

Check out our slideshow of the Texans beating the Ravens for the first time in franchise history. The final score doesn't come close to showing it, but there were tense moments Sunday. Three early possessions resulted in three Houston punts, with only a single first down to show for it. Receivers ... More >>

Texans-Packers: ALL NEW BATTLE-DRINK Bingo Drinking Card

The Texans come back this Sunday night to play the Green Bay Packers on the dreaded "short work week," having just played the New York Jets on Monday night. Much like the players having to summon all of their recuperative powers to be near the top of their game on Sunday, so too must you, the weeken ... More >>

Houston Texans: Some Pre-Final Preseason Game 53-Man Roster-tology!

Thursday night, the Texans' 2012 preseason wraps up with a game against the Minnesota Vikings. The game is meaningful to a couple dozen guys still battling for roster and practice squad spots (and REALLY degenerate gamblers -- seriously, final preseason game gambling is the bestiality porn of the ga ... More >>

Football Is Back! Texans Preseason Week One: 4 Winners, 4 Losers

At this point in the season, it's more about effort than execution. We're all rusty, even the media. Hell, Saturday night alone one local sports anchor mistook Keshawn Martin being the rookie wide receiver who was suspended last year instead of DeVier Posey (tweets deleted), the Houston Chronicle ... More >>

A Look Ahead To Texan Free Agency, And Why It Won't Involve Peyton Manning

It was less than a month ago when I believed the Texans would consider making a play for quarterback Peyton Manning. But on the verge of the NFL's free-agent signing bonanza on Tuesday, it looks as though any Texans' changes will be on a smaller scale -- and rightfully so. It seems clear the Texan ... More >>

Rape, Scandal, Greed and Cockfighting -- The 2011 Sports Year In Review

2011: Penn State's horrible year​You know how, in the series 24, the way a season unfolds? How just when you think there has been some sort of resolution to the bad guys being bottled up, right then and there a new (often worse) layer is introduced, and ultimately in like Hour 22 Jack Bauer wi ... More >>

Texans/Falcons -- 5 Things to Watch

The NFL playoffs, hopefully brought to you by T.J. Yates.​Over the last two seasons, Texan fans have been conditioned to spend the first half of the season basking in a decent start (5-3 and 4-2 the last two years, respectively) and then spend the remainder of the season waiting for a safe to ... More >>

Matt Schaub Out, and It Could Be Serious

Yes, Texans fans, you are cursed. Celebrating too soon.....​Quarterback Matt Schaub has suffered what might be a serious foot injury, which he got in the game against the Buccaneers Sunday. "How bad could it be if he still played with it?" you ask. Well, adrenaline -- and not being asked to ... More >>

Texans/Bucs -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers (The "Goddammit, NOT Schaub!" Edition)

Born under a bad sign.​So, I was thisclose to hitting "SEND" on a post that would have openly discussed the Texans going 13-3 and getting home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. And then this: Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub has a significant foot injury that will force him to mi ... More >>

Texans 17, Steelers 10: No Longer Bullied, These Texans Are The Bullies

See more pics from the Texans' third win in our slideshow. Led by a dynamic running game and relentless pass rush, the Texans beat and bullied defending AFC champion Pittsburgh to the point that Ben Roethlisberger compared the Texans to the Ravens. Wait, what? "That defense is physical," Roethlis ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets

Odd sare Brian Kelly won't look like this Satruday night​As I get ready to drop some more decidedly mediocre wagering knowledge on all of you this weekend, I have one quick thought to share with you on the opening weekend of the NFL season: This time last season, these were your starting quar ... More >>

NFL Lockout's Next Victim -- The Texans Charity Golf Classic

Play golf with a Texan!! (Ummm, John Schriever, V-P of event management)​If there is one immutable law about the Houston sports fans, it's that we love our football. Football intrigues us unconditionally. Like pizza and sex, even bad football will get consumed (or consummated, as it were). ... More >>

Houston Texans 2010 -- ....And Boom Goes The Dynamite

Texans fans are like Pavlov's dog​"I told them that we're playing for our pride these next three weeks, and there's a hell of a lot of pride in that room. We will play well. We will work hard and we will play well." -- Gary Kubiak after Monday night's 34-28 loss to the Baltimore Ravens And ... More >>

2010 Houston Texans Mad Libs

I'm busy, you're busy, we're all busy. The Texans'34-24 loss to the Eagles is the game that has pushed me over the edge. On a night when the Texans won literally every statistical category (save the turnover battle, which was a 2-1 Eagle win on the strength of Matt Schaub's fate-sealing fumble in ... More >>

Where's the Rock?

106.9 The Zone misses The Point.

Giants 34, Texans 10: Another Tough Defense, Another Breakdown For The Houston Offense

Texans: Let's not get physical​We knew the Texans' young defense could have games like this. A second disastrous performance in five outings for the supposedly-elite Houston offense, however, is incredibly concerning.The numbers are baffling. 195 total yards. 1.6 yards per rush with what had been ... More >>

Texans-Giants, Debacle: The Sequel -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

Big Blue leaves a bruise in Houston​Driving down Murworth to the media lot on Sunday morning at around 10 a.m., if it weren't for signs directing us to various colored lots and a few orange cones, you'd have barely known there was anything going on at Reliant that day, let alone an NFL football ga ... More >>

Houston Texans Turn The Corner -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

Neil Rackers -- He's no Kris Brown​I shouldn't enjoy carnage as much as I do, but I have to admit that a few hours after Neil Rackers' 35-yard field goal sailed through the uprights, sending the Houston Texans to an improbable 30-27 overtime win over the Washington Redskins yesterday afternoon, My ... More >>

Game Time: Houston Texans -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

Dan Orlovsky faces the press​The Reliant Stadium sprawl of empty seats, the equally sparsely populated press box, the rare ease with which one could navigate pregame traffic -- all those things would seemingly indicate that the Texans final preseason game in 2010 against the Tampa Buccaneers was m ... More >>

Game Time: Houston Texans -- Business Is Good (plus my stab at a 53-man roster)

Playoffs? Are you kidding me? Playoffs!?​At their core, the Houston Texans are a business, just like any other business, and they have customers -- you, the season ticket holders. The Texans have been above .500 for a total of eleven weeks in their history. I mean, let's face it, for the better p ... More >>

Texans 23, Cowboys 7: Does Houston Finally Have An Offensive Line

Arian Foster may actually have holes to run through​Over the course of their brief existence, the Texans and offensive line woes have been synonymous. Could it now be that the long-standing source of franchise ridicule has become a foundation of strength?In recent years, savvy draft picks like ta ... More >>

Game Time: FREE BEER!...Now That I Have Your Attention, Behold My TEXANS HOME RUN DERBY Dream Team

The thrill of Celebrity Home Run Derby​Save the date!Free beer will be served at Nick's Place on Friday, May 28. Well, to be clear, since there are probably legalities involved in a bar literally giving away beer, someone will be paying for the beer -- and that someone is my co-host John Harris. ... More >>

Game Time: I, For One, Am Excited About the Texans Schedule

​As far as an industry goes, there is a lot for the National Football League to be proud of. Massive global appeal, groundbreaking television offerings surrounding both the games themselves as well as the happenings behind the scenes, competitive balance -- all reasons it's the most successful ... More >>

Texans 16, Rams 13: Staying Alive

​It's often noted how the difference between the 7-7 Texans and an 11-3 powerhouse is two Kris Brown kicks and two conversions of a single yard. Turns out, the difference between 7-7 and 1-13 isn't all that great, either. As the Texans seem to do in late-season road games where they're hea ... More >>

ERNIE'S ON BANKS'S KRAPPY KICKER

Stirred and Shaken: Ernie's on Banks's Krappy Kicker

Photo by Troy Fields​With apologies to those who had legitimately rough childhoods, the Houston Oilers damn near scarred me for life as a kid. I've actually blocked out some of the more traumatic episodes from my memory. Grim hospital visits, dead pets, divorce — all that stuff is clear, ... More >>

Colts 35, Texans 27: At Least You Saw This One Coming

​The most alarming aspect in the latest installment of Texans collapses wasn't the game itself. Rather, what's most frightening is just how customary this has become under the leadership of head coach Gary Kubiak.In this week's edition, the lion's share of blame goes to quarterback Matt Schaub and ... More >>

Game Time: Texans Battle Titans Tonight In The Most Important Athletic Event In Our's Nation's History

​Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together." -- Kent Brockman, Channel 6, Springfield (The Simpsons)If you are wondering what "this" was in that quote, it was the Bart Simpso ... More >>

Hey Texans -- You Can't Disappoint Us If We Don't Have High Hopes

​In our cover story this week, we take a look at the Houston Texans' brief-but-tangled history of breaking our hearts. A franchise that seems to begin each year riding on seemingly reasonable hopes of improvement consistently ends it with waves of disappointment.We also rounded up some predictions ... More >>

Some Praise For the Houston Texans (No, Really!)

Photo by William Holtkamp Many of you out there probably think that I hate the Texans. But I don't. I just hold them to a high standard. A standard that I think everybody should apply to them. That said, I'm not here to criticize the Houston Texans today. No, I'm actually about to say some nice ... More >>

Some Praise For the Houston Texans (No, Really!)

Photo by William Holtkamp Many of you out there probably think that I hate the Texans. But I don't. I just hold them to a high standard. A standard that I think everybody should apply to them. That said, I'm not here to criticize the Houston Texans today. No, I'm actually about to say some nice ... More >>

Texans-Colts: Houston Needs to Go to Finishing School

Texans-Titans: Houston Looking a Little Better, But Not Good Enough

Texans-Saints: Where’s the Andre Johnson Jersey?

Texans-Broncos: Houston Wins (Although It Doesn’t Really Count), Ahman Green Injured (Although That Was Expected)

Texans vs. Titans: All I Want for Christmas Is an Offensive Line

Over the Weekend: Texans, Titans and Chicken-Fried Steak

NFL Wrap: Losing Teaches Lessons, Except When It Doesn’t

Sports Columnist Smackdown: John Royal Writes Back

Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll in the NFL: Long Snaps with Bryan Pittman

Rockets Win While Fans Yawn