Michael Brown

The Doctor Is in (Jail)

Michael Brown's wild week.

Michael Brown Gets 180 Days in Jail

Judge Sheri Dean sentenced Michael Brown to 180 days in Harris County Jail this morning for spending millions on luxury items and real estate, in violation of a 2011 court order. She found he had violated the majority of claims his estranged wife Rachel Brown brought against him in their Neverending ... More >>

Dear Houston: You're Idiotic

Parking rules are inane.

Michael Brown's Lawyers: He's Broke, and Jeff Bagwell is Trying to "Take" His Children

While Michael "Sex Advice Columnist for His Own Daughter" Brown testified in a contempt hearing in Houston this week, lawyers in Miami are continually filing a flurry of papers claiming, among other things, that Brown was too broke to fly his private plane, despite the fact that he recently filed pa ... More >>

Michael Brown: "I've Become More Acutely Aware of How I Can Be Fleeced by Women." He Really Said That.

Things got downright weird during Michael Brown's testimony today, with attorney Robert Hoffman alleging that Brown's new hobby is to take pictures of naked "young women" aboard his yacht, and Brown claiming that hundreds of thousands he spent on gifts for an ex-girlfriend could be construed as busi ... More >>

NEW UPDATE with Court Hearing -- Michael Brown: Booked into Harris County Jail, Where Maybe He Can Meet Some Folks Who Treat Him Like Family!

Ex-hand surgeon Michael Brown has been booked into Harris County Jail for allegedly not paying child support. Bond has been set for $500,000. We're not sure yet if this is for an alleged nonpayment for his kids from ex-wife Darlina (in Colorado) or his children in Houston. It's been a tough new yea ... More >>

Michael Brown: Whoops -- I Didn't Really Mean to File for Bankruptcy After Buying That $8 Million Mansion!

As if the clusterfuck of multi-jurisdictional litigation involving wife-beater and alleged flight-attendant-choker Michael "I Did Not Give That Woman Anal Herpes" is not crazy enough, the former TV-ad icon is seeking to dismiss his bankruptcy filing in a Miami federal court. Avid Brown-watchers wi ... More >>

Roll Them Bones

Texans want to vote on gambling.

Michael Brown: Bankruptcy, Shmankruptcy -- Let's Buy a Baseball Player's Mansion!

Wow -- erstwhile hand surgeon and wife-beater Michael Brown oughta sell DVDs on how to do "Bankruptcy the Brown Way" -- a month before he filed for Chapter 11 protection in a Florida federal court, he bought an $8.3 million Miami Beach waterfront mansion from former Florida Marlins shortstop Edgar R ... More >>

Who Will Be 2012's Turkey of the Year? Only the Shadow Knows. (Well, and Us, Too, Because We Wrote the Dang Thing.)

Hair Balls had an amazing dream the other night -- one of the best dreams we had that didn't involve us having to immediately change the sheets. In the dream, we had no reason to do our annual Turkeys of the Year issue, for no officials or other prominent Texans had done or said anything stupid or t ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Good Lord, Michael Brown & the Lawyers in His Case

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit ... More >>

Comment of the Day: What Actor Should Play Hand Doctor Michael Brown

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit ... More >>

Forget Blue-Eyed Butcher: Casting Lifetime Movies About Felicia Moon, Victoria Osteen & 3 Others

Blue-Eyed Butcher was Lifetime's take on the Susan Wright case. It certainly wasn't the first TV movie to be based on a Houston case, and it won't be the last. In fact there are plenty of Houston stories just begging to be made into Lifetime movies. Like these five: 5. Trail Ridin' Dirty: The Feli ... More >>

Best Prayer-in-School Ruling Ever

Yet Another Dr. Brown Lawsuit: Franchisees Say He's Tapping Their Phones, Overbilling Patients

Physician-franchisees of erstwhile hand doctor/wife-beater Michael Brown's medical empire have sued Brown in Harris County District Court, accusing him of siphoning money for personal "perks," tapping office phones, overbilling patients and blocking doctors' computer access. It's a bit confusing, ... More >>

Hand-Doctor Follies

Brown continues to astound

Michael and Rachel Brown Divorce Court: Brown's CFO Takes the Fifth Over Questions About Alleged Embezzlement

The chief financial officer for Dr. Michael Brown's various corporations invoked his Fifth Amendment rights during divorce proceedings Tuesday and Wednesday in response to a barrage of questions about whether Brown has been siphoning corporate funds to pay for a boat and home in Miami. Under questi ... More >>

Attorney to Judge: Please Make Michael Brown Stop Spending Money on Strippers!

The divorce lawyer for cocaine-ologist and former hand surgeon Michael Brown's estranged wife have filed a Family Court motion accusing him of violating agreed orders by spending nearly half a million dollars on strippers in 2011. Rachel Brown's attorney, David Brown (no relation), alleges that the ... More >>

Lawsuit: Dr. Michael Brown Gave Me Herpes

A woman has sued former hand doc Michael Brown for allegedly knowingly giving her anal and vaginal herpes. Filed in a New York County court under the pseudonym "Chris Stevens," the lawsuit claims that Brown was already taking medication for herpes while he was seeing a businesswoman he met in Aspen ... More >>

Turkeys of the Year 2011

We combed through an abundance of riches this year to bring you the best of the worst

Dr. Brown Found in Contempt for Stalking Estranged Wife

Dr. Brown​Cocaine-and-dildo enthusiast Michael Brown has been cited for violating a protective order prohibiting him from following his estranged wife, Rachel. According to transcripts from a November 11 hearing in the 280th Harris County District Court, Brown's attorney, Mike Debruin, stip ... More >>

Michael Brown's Letters to Sophie, Volume IV: Just a Reminder to Bang Your Husband a Lot, and Draw an Occasional Pampering Bath

More love tips from the master​With it being Michael Brown week here, we thought we'd bring you another installment of the good doctor's archived, hallowed letters to his then-newborn daughter. This week's installment continues on the theme of how important it is for a wife to rock her husba ... More >>

The Price is Right, Dr. Brown Style

An impressively chaotic inventory​In honor of this week's feature story on former hand surgeon and all-around weird dude Michael Brown, and seeing as how it's Friday, we thought we'd have some fun with a Price is Right-style walk through the inventory of belongings in Brown's 2005 bankruptcy f ... More >>

Out of Hand

Michael Glyn Brown was recently acquitted of assaulting his wife. But that's only the latest allegation against the violent, drug-abusing doctor, long a fixture of Houston TV commercials and society.

Dr. Brown: A Look Inside the Weirdness

​It was difficult getting people to talk, even off the record, for this week's feature story on Dr. Michael Brown. His latest defense attorney, Dick DeGuerin, was quoted this week in the Houston Chronicle as saying Brown "is not understood by the public," and he's right -- to a point. Fortuna ... More >>

Michael Brown's Sex Tips

Give it up to your man

Dr. Brown's Letters to Sophie, Volume III: The Key to an Awesome Orgasm

We're guessing many fathers might feel uncomfortable discussing sex with their daughters. And it's a real shame, because, based on what we're reading in Dr. Michael Brown's "Letters to Sophie," telling your daughter that the key to a happy, successful marriage is to fuck your husband a lot, is in fa ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Brown Letter Edition

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Dr. Brown's Letters to Daughter Sophie, Volume I: Sex Should Take Five Minutes

Dear daughter: "Sex doesn't always have to make you see stars. Typically, it's the man doing most of the work"​It's been six years since we actually heard Michael Brown talk in court; back then, he took the stand to vomit forth unsubstantiated allegations that his daughters with third wife Dar ... More >>

Brown Trial: Not Guilty, Not Surprising

Michael Brown is not a guilty man.​In a strictly legal sense, today's not guilty verdict in Dr. Michael Brown's assault trial was probably the right call. Although prosecutors Jane Waters and Nathan Hennigan probably did the best with what they had, they didn't have much. Rachel Brown had no ... More >>

Michael Brown Gets The Taiwanese-Video Treatment

Michael Brown: Animated (Dildos not included)​You might have thought the criminal trial of famed hand doctor/TV-ad star Michael Brown had everything: accusations that the supposedly dotng family man assaulted his wife, cameos by superstar athletes, big-name lawyers. But it needs something els ... More >>

Michael Brown Trial: A Butt-Dial and a Humanitarian Award Used as a Weapon

Michael Brown, throwing humanitarian awards​A butt-dialed voicemail allegedly revealing an extramarital affair spurred the argument leading to Michael Brown's assault charge, prosecutors argued in the first day of testimony in the ex-hand surgeon's trial. After spending August 12, 2010, with ... More >>

Ex-Hand Doctor Michael Brown's Assault Trial Begins Monday

Michael Brown: TV ad star is in the dock​Ex-hand surgeon and international dildo transporter Michael Brown is set to stand trial in Harris County District Court September 12 on a felony assault charge involving his wife, Rachel. Brown was indicted in January for an August 2010 incident in whi ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Hand Doctor Michael Brown and Tax Cuts

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Michael Brown and Wife Divide Up the Luxury

A Maserati, a Lamborghini...​Further talk of an alleged hit man in ex-hand doc Michael Brown's divorce case was averted today when lawyers for Brown and his wife signed "agreed temporary orders" divvying up the couple's bounty. And boy, is it a bounty -- especially for a dude who filed bankrup ... More >>

Michael Brown: Wife's Divorce Attorney Claims the Hand Doctor Tried to Hire a Hit Man to Kill Her

Michael Brown facing more allegations​Former hand surgeon Michael Brown tried to hire a hit man to kill his wife, his wife's lawyer told a Harris County Family Court judge Thursday. In a heated meeting in front of Judge Jim York, David Brown (no relation) said he had received a tip from the H ... More >>

Michael Brown: A Twist in the Hand Doctor's Dildo Case

MGM Grand gets involved​There's a new twist in what we like to call The Suitcase Full of Dildos Suit between lobbyist Stephen Payne and wife-beating former hand surgeon Michael Brown: the MGM Grand Hotel has filed as an intervenor in an attempt to collect a $120,000-plus judgment it won agains ... More >>

Michael Brown, TV-Ad Doctor, Indicted for Felony Assault

Michael Brown the hand doctor, in trouble again​Our favorite dildo-lovin', coke-sniffin', license-losin', creepy-home-video-makin' ex-doctor, Michael Brown, has been indicted for felony assault by a Harris County grand jury.The January 25 indictment follows Brown's August 2010 arrest for ... More >>

Seven Best Texas Sex Stories Of 2010

Feel free to mess with Texans, apparently​'Twas the night before Chritmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...except for an ex-surgeon with a suitcase full of dildos.That's just one of the Christmas tales parents can tell their young'ns as the year winds down. We now present ... More >>

Michael Brown: Sex Toys And Porn Bring Dubai Trouble For TV's Hand Doctor

Golfer Cristie Kerr knows how Michael Brown feels​We don't know how we missed this, but cocaine-using, wife-beating, medical-license-losing ex-hand surgeon Michael Brown was detained in Dubai earlier this year when authorities there confiscated "sexual paraphernalia, sex videos, and other objects" ... More >>

Runner-Up Turkey of the Year: Michael Brown

Michael Brown escapes this punishment​It's a week or so away from the 2010 Turkeys of the Year issue, where we honor what is best in Turkeydom for the past year. This will be our eighth edition of the awards, and as always competition is stiff. Building up to the grand announcement of the winn ... More >>

Game Time: 10 Commercials Almost As Creepy As The Brown Hand Center Ads

You think THIS is creepy?​So Michael Brown and his self-named hand center (which, given his propensity to slap women around, may or may not be the front for some kind of sick wife-beater's dojo) are back in the news.The disturbing back story for this guy has been well chronicled over the last few ... More >>

Dr. Michael Brown, TV Star, Arrestee, And Chron Society Page Fave

A photo the Chron doesn't use on its society pages​The Houston Chronicle had the story yesterday about the latest arrest of Dr. Michael Brown, this time accused of assaulting his wife.Everytime the Chron mentions Brown, we think of the 2002 Houston Press story on his druggy, wife-abusing ways (if ... More >>

More Ugly Trouble For That Doctor From The Wholesome TV Ads

​Houston's wackiest, silliest married couple is at it again: Last Sunday night, Rachel Brown, wife of cocaine-enthusiast and medical-license-losing former surgeon Michael Brown (star of local television ads featuring his kids) called 911 because, per the offense report, "her husband is trying to k ... More >>

Paging Doctor Brown. No, Not the Back to the Future Guy. The Wife-Beating, Coke-Snorting Hand Center Guy. Michael Brown. Yeah, That One.

This Just In: The Hand Center's Michael Brown Is Awesome

Mail Call

A Different Breed

Harris County librarians and UT Longhorn football players' arrests

Send in the librarians!!

Taking His Medicine

Troubled hand surgeon Michael Brown pursues custody of his two children

The Good Doctor

Michael Brown made it big in the hand clinic business. But as his wife discovered, there was a much darker side to this dynamic surgeon.