Michael Brown

This Just In: The Hand Center's Michael Brown Is Awesome

Paging Doctor Brown. No, Not the Back to the Future Guy. The Wife-Beating, Coke-Snorting Hand Center Guy. Michael Brown. Yeah, That One.

Mail Call

A Different Breed

Harris County librarians and UT Longhorn football players' arrests

Send in the librarians!!

Taking His Medicine

Troubled hand surgeon Michael Brown pursues custody of his two children

Step Right On Up

It's better to receive than to give

Art of the Deal

Plus: Grim Reality, Hale to the Chief, Get Some Class

The Good Doctor

Michael Brown made it big in the hand clinic business. But as his wife discovered, there was a much darker side to this dynamic surgeon.

More Ugly Trouble For That Doctor From The Wholesome TV Ads

​Houston's wackiest, silliest married couple is at it again: Last Sunday night, Rachel Brown, wife of cocaine-enthusiast and medical-license-losing former surgeon Michael Brown (star of local television ads featuring his kids) called 911 because, per the offense report, "her husband is trying to k ... More >>

Dr. Michael Brown, TV Star, Arrestee, And Chron Society Page Fave

A photo the Chron doesn't use on its society pages​The Houston Chronicle had the story yesterday about the latest arrest of Dr. Michael Brown, this time accused of assaulting his wife.Everytime the Chron mentions Brown, we think of the 2002 Houston Press story on his druggy, wife-abusing ways (if ... More >>

Dr. Michael Brown & The Astros: What Gives?

You must be watching an Astros game...​If you're like me, you've always been bugged by those ads for The Brown Hand Center that are shown way too much during Houston Astros games. Maybe it's that whole Stepford family thing, or the way the wife looks terrified, or the girl talking about being dadd ... More >>

Game Time: 10 Commercials Almost As Creepy As The Brown Hand Center Ads

You think THIS is creepy?​So Michael Brown and his self-named hand center (which, given his propensity to slap women around, may or may not be the front for some kind of sick wife-beater's dojo) are back in the news.The disturbing back story for this guy has been well chronicled over the last few ... More >>

Bowling and Cosplay

Gaians come to Houston

Runner-Up Turkey of the Year: Michael Brown

Michael Brown escapes this punishment​It's a week or so away from the 2010 Turkeys of the Year issue, where we honor what is best in Turkeydom for the past year. This will be our eighth edition of the awards, and as always competition is stiff. Building up to the grand announcement of the winn ... More >>

2010 Turkeys of the Year

Metro chief Frank Wilson is our biggest gobbler.

Michael Brown: Sex Toys And Porn Bring Dubai Trouble For TV's Hand Doctor

Golfer Cristie Kerr knows how Michael Brown feels​We don't know how we missed this, but cocaine-using, wife-beating, medical-license-losing ex-hand surgeon Michael Brown was detained in Dubai earlier this year when authorities there confiscated "sexual paraphernalia, sex videos, and other objects" ... More >>

Dr. Brown's Dubai Detention

Sex toys get hand doc in trouble

Seven Best Texas Sex Stories Of 2010

Feel free to mess with Texans, apparently​'Twas the night before Chritmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...except for an ex-surgeon with a suitcase full of dildos.That's just one of the Christmas tales parents can tell their young'ns as the year winds down. We now present ... More >>

Michael Brown, TV-Ad Doctor, Indicted for Felony Assault

Michael Brown the hand doctor, in trouble again​Our favorite dildo-lovin', coke-sniffin', license-losin', creepy-home-video-makin' ex-doctor, Michael Brown, has been indicted for felony assault by a Harris County grand jury.The January 25 indictment follows Brown's August 2010 arrest for ... More >>

Michael Brown: A Twist in the Hand Doctor's Dildo Case

MGM Grand gets involved​There's a new twist in what we like to call The Suitcase Full of Dildos Suit between lobbyist Stephen Payne and wife-beating former hand surgeon Michael Brown: the MGM Grand Hotel has filed as an intervenor in an attempt to collect a $120,000-plus judgment it won agains ... More >>

Michael Brown: Wife's Divorce Attorney Claims the Hand Doctor Tried to Hire a Hit Man to Kill Her

Michael Brown facing more allegations​Former hand surgeon Michael Brown tried to hire a hit man to kill his wife, his wife's lawyer told a Harris County Family Court judge Thursday. In a heated meeting in front of Judge Jim York, David Brown (no relation) said he had received a tip from the H ... More >>

Michael Brown and Wife Divide Up the Luxury

A Maserati, a Lamborghini...​Further talk of an alleged hit man in ex-hand doc Michael Brown's divorce case was averted today when lawyers for Brown and his wife signed "agreed temporary orders" divvying up the couple's bounty. And boy, is it a bounty -- especially for a dude who filed bankrup ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Hand Doctor Michael Brown and Tax Cuts

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Ex-Hand Doctor Michael Brown's Assault Trial Begins Monday

Michael Brown: TV ad star is in the dock​Ex-hand surgeon and international dildo transporter Michael Brown is set to stand trial in Harris County District Court September 12 on a felony assault charge involving his wife, Rachel. Brown was indicted in January for an August 2010 incident in whi ... More >>

Michael Brown Trial: A Butt-Dial and a Humanitarian Award Used as a Weapon

Michael Brown, throwing humanitarian awards​A butt-dialed voicemail allegedly revealing an extramarital affair spurred the argument leading to Michael Brown's assault charge, prosecutors argued in the first day of testimony in the ex-hand surgeon's trial. After spending August 12, 2010, with ... More >>

Brown Trial: Rachel And Bagwell, Sittin' in a Tree

Jeff Bagwell lends a hand​Judge Jim Wallace did not allow Michael Brown's lawyers to introduce evidence that the ex-hand surgeon's wife is banging former Astro Jeff Bagwell in Brown's assault trial today. Arguing admissibility after the jury was excused, attorney Dick DeGuerin got Rachel Brow ... More >>

Brown Trial: Please, For the Love of God, Make the Lameness Go Away

Trial resumes Monday​"I saw him chasing my mom," Michael Brown's 13-year-old stepdaughter told the jury in today's excruciatingly dull and pointless edition of the ex-hand surgeon's assault trial. Brown showed no emotion (just as he's done throughout this ordeal) as the girl testified in a v ... More >>

Michael Brown Gets The Taiwanese-Video Treatment

Michael Brown: Animated (Dildos not included)​You might have thought the criminal trial of famed hand doctor/TV-ad star Michael Brown had everything: accusations that the supposedly dotng family man assaulted his wife, cameos by superstar athletes, big-name lawyers. But it needs something els ... More >>

Brown Trial: Jury Still Out

Michael Brown awaits a jury decision.​The jury in Michael Brown's assault trial will resume deliberations tomorrow, unable to reach a decision after three hours today. The deliberation followed fiery closing arguments by prosecutors Jane Waters and Nathan Hennigan, acting more alive than they ... More >>

Brown Trial: Not Guilty, Not Surprising

Michael Brown is not a guilty man.​In a strictly legal sense, today's not guilty verdict in Dr. Michael Brown's assault trial was probably the right call. Although prosecutors Jane Waters and Nathan Hennigan probably did the best with what they had, they didn't have much. Rachel Brown had no ... More >>

9/11 Idiocy, To Go

Michael Brown is not a guilty man.​In a strictly legal sense, today's not guilty verdict in Dr. Michael Brown's assault trial was probably the right call. Although prosecutors Jane Waters and Nathan Hennigan probably did the best with what they had, they didn't have much. Rachel Brown had no ... More >>

Dr. Brown's Letters to Daughter Sophie, Volume I: Sex Should Take Five Minutes

Dear daughter: "Sex doesn't always have to make you see stars. Typically, it's the man doing most of the work"​It's been six years since we actually heard Michael Brown talk in court; back then, he took the stand to vomit forth unsubstantiated allegations that his daughters with third wife Dar ... More >>

Dr. Brown's Letters to Sophie, Volume II: Your Mom's a Bitch

Creepy, creepy letters.​We're still chomping at the bit to get out hands on any of the seven self-published tomes Michael Brown has written about his greatness, including how awesome he is at hunting dangerous game like giraffes. In the meantime, we have the unpublished Letters to Sophie, whic ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Brown Letter Edition

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Eight Businesses We Expect Will Be Getting Custom Texas License Plates Soon

​We recently wrote about a new crop of Texas license plates with a variety of themes, most of them sports related. One of the designs, however, was for the Texas Roadhouse restaurant chain that isn't even based in the Lone Star State. We certainly understand the passion of a sports fan, but ... More >>

Dr. Brown's Letters to Sophie, Volume III: The Key to an Awesome Orgasm

Michael Brown with more great bedroom advice​We're guessing many fathers might feel uncomfortable discussing sex with their daughters. And it's a real shame, because, based on what we're reading in Dr. Michael Brown's "Letters to Sophie," telling your daughter that the key to a happy, successf ... More >>

Michael Brown's Sex Tips

Give it up to your man

Out of Hand

Michael Glyn Brown was recently acquitted of assaulting his wife. But that's only the latest allegation against the violent, drug-abusing doctor, long a fixture of Houston TV commercials and society.

Dr. Brown: A Look Inside the Weirdness

​It was difficult getting people to talk, even off the record, for this week's feature story on Dr. Michael Brown. His latest defense attorney, Dick DeGuerin, was quoted this week in the Houston Chronicle as saying Brown "is not understood by the public," and he's right -- to a point. Fortuna ... More >>

The Price is Right, Dr. Brown Style

An impressively chaotic inventory​In honor of this week's feature story on former hand surgeon and all-around weird dude Michael Brown, and seeing as how it's Friday, we thought we'd have some fun with a Price is Right-style walk through the inventory of belongings in Brown's 2005 bankruptcy f ... More >>

Michael Brown's Letters to Sophie, Volume IV: Just a Reminder to Bang Your Husband a Lot, and Draw an Occasional Pampering Bath

More love tips from the master​With it being Michael Brown week here, we thought we'd bring you another installment of the good doctor's archived, hallowed letters to his then-newborn daughter. This week's installment continues on the theme of how important it is for a wife to rock her husba ... More >>

Dr. Brown Found in Contempt for Stalking Estranged Wife

Dr. Brown​Cocaine-and-dildo enthusiast Michael Brown has been cited for violating a protective order prohibiting him from following his estranged wife, Rachel. According to transcripts from a November 11 hearing in the 280th Harris County District Court, Brown's attorney, Mike Debruin, stip ... More >>

Turkeys of the Year 2011

We combed through an abundance of riches this year to bring you the best of the worst

The Year In Astros Baseball: Thank God That's Over

​So let's continue our look back at the sporting year that was 2011 by taking a look at the Top 25 events to happen to the Houston Astros. 1. They finished with the worst record in team history, which was quite the accomplishment seeing as how the Astros were pretty damn bad for most of the ... More >>

Stacy Shey: Dr. Brown's Alleged Stripper Ex Says He Spent $60K/Month on Gal Pals

Photo courtesy thedirty.com."Say 'Daddy's baby girl!'"​Attention hot twenty-year-old strippers: Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to date a famous Houston doctor? Namely, one who pledges to treat you "like family"? Well, according to one gal we spoke with, it's quite the gig. Our peek ... More >>

Lawsuit: Dr. Michael Brown Gave Me Herpes

Business idea: Brown Herpes Center? Ka-Ching! ​A woman has sued former hand doc Michael Brown for allegedly knowingly giving her anal and vaginal herpes. Filed in a New York County court under the pseudonym "Chris Stevens," the lawsuit claims that Brown was already taking medication for herpe ... More >>

Hand Doc and Strippers

Business idea: Brown Herpes Center? Ka-Ching! ​A woman has sued former hand doc Michael Brown for allegedly knowingly giving her anal and vaginal herpes. Filed in a New York County court under the pseudonym "Chris Stevens," the lawsuit claims that Brown was already taking medication for herpe ... More >>

Attorney to Judge: Please Make Michael Brown Stop Spending Money on Strippers!

A screencap from the now-defunct Stacy Shey Web site.​The divorce lawyer for cocaine-ologist and former hand surgeon Michael Brown's estranged wife have filed a Family Court motion accusing him of violating agreed orders by spending nearly half a million dollars on strippers in 2011. Rachel B ... More >>

Michael and Rachel Brown Divorce Court: Brown's CFO Takes the Fifth Over Questions About Alleged Embezzlement

Brown accused of using community money to make it rain with tha hos.​The chief financial officer for Dr. Michael Brown's various corporations invoked his Fifth Amendment rights during divorce proceedings Tuesday and Wednesday in response to a barrage of questions about whether Brown has been s ... More >>

Hand-Doctor Follies

Brown continues to astound