Michael Jordan

This Here's Lil E, Wanted for a Fifth Ward Murder

The man on the right looks like someone who's contemplating his future and realizing it just might not involve the best of all possible worlds, as Dr. Pangloss would say. He's Lil E, a much more street-friendly name than the one he was originally given, which is Emanuel Babineaux. His first initial ... More >>

All-Star Weekend: Five Things That Made Houston Look Bad

Sometimes, when you want things to go just right, you make mistakes. You try so hard to get it right, you end up screwing it up. Fortunately, Houston did not make an utter disaster of All-Star weekend in Houston, but we had our share of hiccups. And some of them were pretty damn embarrassing. The g ... More >>

NBA All Star Weekend: 5 Observations And A Plea For More Barkley

In the spirit of full disclosure, I feel like I should tell you that I chose not to stick around Houston for the NBA All Star Game and it's peripheral festivities (up to and including the transformation of the Galleria into some kind of three-story clown car on Saturday) this past weekend. As a br ... More >>

Seven ZERO Time NBA All-Stars Who Made More in Career Earnings Than Michael Jordan

I once had a boss who told me "The only thing worse than being underpaid is being overpaid." Looking back, perhaps he was trying to send a message to me personally, but the general message was this -- making too much money makes one utterly expendable. That's a fine notion, and in most walks of li ... More >>

NBA All-Star Game: Your Prop Bets For This Weekend

Michael Jordan turns 50 this weekend, I'm not sure if you've heard. In case you missed the incessant career retrospective pieces that ran on Sportscenter or the story of MJ's renting the Museum of Fine Arts here in Houston for his birthday shindig this weekend, the most iconic team sport athlete o ... More >>

Open Letter to the Jerks Who Killed Someone Over a Pair of Air Jordans

Dear A-Holes, Well done. You have reached the absolute lowest point on the criminal totem pole. You are now ranked down there with people who steal Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve and worthless lowlifes who literally take candy from babies. You killed a guy over a pair of shoes. I must confess I ... More >>

Bo Knows Bo: Bo Jackson Turns 50 Years Old, Smashes Old Age Over His Knee

Today Bo Jackson turns 50 years old. The former baseball and football star was one of the most exciting players to watch in the late '80s and early '90s. He was able to incite excite in not sports fans young and old. Dem legs, you guys. And he knew how to sell shoes. He did double-duty with t ... More >>

Mugshot Etiquette 101: Don't Smile Unless You Did Something Cool

Every day here at Hair Balls we get to see great, sad, and dumbfounding mugshots from around the state of Texas. We sure do have a lot of criminals in the Lone Star State. Makes me fearful of seceding in 2025. REWIND: Sean Payne: Humble Man Too Drunk To Pose for His Mugshot REWIND: Michael Jordan ... More >>

Michael Jordan's Son Smiles Pretty For His Mugshot

Michael Jordan was having a pretty good week. The owner of the Charlotte Bobcats stayed out of the way of his team's draft just long enough for them to actually make the correct pick with the number two overall selection (Michael Kidd-Gilchrist), the first step on the long road to mediocrity (a HUGE ... More >>

NBA Draft Cautionary Retro YouTube Video -- Kwame Brown's Draft Night!

The NBA Draft is tonight, and you know what that means -- yes, bad suits, incoherent interviews, lots of Stuart Scott, and tons of upside potential. So basically, one big engrossing train wreck. It used to be a virtual guarantee a few years ago that every pick in the first round would be deemed a " ... More >>

NBA Draft Preview Via Prop Bets

I know some people are not all that fond of mock drafts. Me, I like mock drafts. In the same vein of enjoying takeout because I hate to cook, I like reading mock drafts, I just don't like constructing them myself. But somehow, some way I need to share some of my thoughts with you on this Thursday's ... More >>

Ask A Rapper: D-Risha Discusses Sports' Worst "Decisions"

The hip-hop world is a less than sensible place -- lots of times, you're even required to clarify when bad means bad and when bad means good -- so once a week we're going to get with a rapper and ask them to explain things. Something you always wanted to ask a rapper? E-mail sheaserrano@gmail.com. ... More >>

Houston Rockets 2012: Tales from the Stinkhole, Volume 2 ("At Least We're Not Charlotte")

The plight of the Rocket fan has been well documented in this space. One playoff series win in the last 15 years. Both of the other Texas franchises winning NBA titles within the last five years. Three straight finishes in the highest spot outside of the playoffs (the proverbial "stinkhole"). No luc ... More >>

Michael Jordan's $29,000,000 Mansion Is for Sale -- 6 Fun Facts

With his divorce over five years old and his kids now all grown up and college age, I guess it's time for Michael Jordan to officially pull up stakes in Chicago and sell the old homestead. And it appears he's doing just that, as Jordan placed his Highland Park, Illinois, mansion on the market today ... More >>

All Retro Everything: This Week In Houston Rap Videos

Ah, rappers and music videos. Some are vehicles for self-promotion, others are tools used to promote a message, a gaggle of asses or some good ol' wholesome debauchery. In the case of the Houston rap class, music videos are always eye opening glimpses into the future, either telling what a talent co ... More >>

Saturday Night: Kendrick Lamar at Warehouse Live

There's nothing in Kendrick Lamar's catalog that suggests he's a capacity crowd artist. He doesn't chase radio glory. He doesn't make what you call, um, hits. He's just starting to log big name cosigns. Yet, on Saturday, Warehouse Live was packed from end to end with hip-hop fans eager to catch a gl ... More >>

Houston Rockets 1993 vs. Houston Rockets 2012, the Hard Truth

It's been a tough start for the hapless Rockets. With early injury problems, a trade that didn't happen in the lockout-shortened offseason and a new, unproven coach, it's no wonder the first few weeks of the season have been somewhere between "OH GOD NO!" and "Just shoot me." This, of course, makes ... More >>

Recasting The Geto Boys From Houston's Under-25 Ranks

​So here's how this happened: Thursday night, while prepping the next installment Houston Press Underground Rap Awards, which we were planning on featuring in this space at this exact moment, a side note for an award spiderwebbed into a way-too-long e-conversation with several people that wa ... More >>

NBA Draft Rewind -- 1986, The Worst Draft Ever

Plus the shorts sucked​As much as those who construct teams in sports would like to think that they have a formula and a blueprint that they can go execute with any team in any market and be successful, the fact of the matter is that even for the best personnel men in the best-run organization ... More >>

Remember Mr. Wired Up (Oh Boy)'s Inside My Mind?

Houston's history is dotted with albums that, fairly or not, have been swept aside. We'll examine them here. Have an album that you think nobody knows about but should? Email sheaserrano@gmail.com. ​Mr. Wired Up (Oh Boy) Inside My Mind (Self-released, 2011) Despite having gained some tractio ... More >>

Top 5 Celebrities Who Tried to Go All NASCAR...and Failed

Kyle Busch: Qualified to break traffic speeding laws.​If you're going to travel at more than 80 miles an hour over the limit, you should probably be a professional speedster and not a celebrity with run-of-the-mill driving know-how. On Tuesday, Kyle Busch, a championship-winning NASCAR driver ... More >>

Kim Kardashian's "Jam" A Hurdle Too Big To Clear

Photos via kimkardashian.celebuzz.com​Stick to what you're good at: A simple, yet, invaluable lesson that can save you lots of embarrassment. Kim Kardashian hasn't learned that lesson, but she will soon when she breaks into the music industry with her pop debut, "Jam (Turn It Up)," a nightmare ... More >>

Grandfather Child Finish Album, Resume Crushing Crowds

Mark C. Austin​There are two things you need to know about Grandfather Child: They're a super group made up of the best pieces of other bands. The lineup is Lucas Gorham, Ryan Chavez, Robert Ellis and Geoffrey Muller. In case you're not terribly familiar with the Houston independent music s ... More >>

Remember Eskabel's Pep Talk?

Houston's history is dotted with albums that, fairly or un, have been swept aside. We'll examine them here. Have an album that you think nobody knows about but should? Email sheaserrano@gmail.com. ​Eskabel Pep Talk (Black Shark, 2010) Eskabel, the Missouri City spitfire MC who's just as like ... More >>

Air Jordan Frenzy: Say What Now? Five Possible Explanations

Air Jordans and the madness of crowds​Huge crowds jammed Houston stores today looking to buy the latest version of the Air Jordan sneaker. Cops were called out to handle some unruliness connected with having a chance to purchase the $175 Air Jordan 11 Retro sneaker. Hundreds of people lined ... More >>

Eskabel: Ready To Get All Trae Tha Truth Tonight

The hip-hop world is a less than sensible place - lots of times, you're even required to clarify when bad means bad and when bad means good - so once a week we're going to get with a rapper and ask them to explain things. Have something you always wanted to ask a rapper? Email sheaserrano@gmail.com. ... More >>

Game Time: NBA DRAFT -- Worst Lottery Picks Of The Last 15 Years

cutline​As "must see" events on the sporting calendar go, the annual NBA Draft is highly underrated. If you ask the average sports fan his or her five most watchable sports nights of the year you'll probably get canned answers like the Super Bowl, a Game 7 in the MLB or NBA playoffs, and any inte ... More >>

Commiserating The Lakers Win With Five Predictions About Bun's Forthcoming LP, Trill OG

​Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and, albeit sometimes awkwardly, tie it to a bit of Houston rap. We'll incorporate the number five in there somewhere. Send tips to introducingliston@gmail.com. Ack. The Lakers won the NBA Championship las ... More >>

Game Time: Kobe Bryant: One Down, One To Go (And Neither of Them Are You, LeBron)

You, Senator, are no Michael Jordan​ "I've got one more than Shaq." -- Kobe BryantThe accolades would seem to indicate that respect has not been an issue for Kobe Bryant -- the respect of fans, the respect of his peers, the respect of the media.In his career, Kobe Bryant has been selected to the A ... More >>

6 Songs You Never Want To Hear At Graduation

​It must be that time of year again. Seniors are suffering from GTFO Syndrome, and their loved ones are bracing themselves for several hours of obligatory, coma-inducing celebrations of learning known as "commencement." Yes, it's graduation season. Yet it could be worse. Surprisingly enough, there ... More >>

Game Time: Ten Historically Significant March Madness Buzzer Beaters

In my effort to help everyone prepare for March Madness, I bring you the second installment of the March Madness Preview. (Click here for yesterday's first installment -- you know the part with my picks and what not.) Today, we look at some of the most historical buzzer beaters in tournament histo ... More >>

A Horse With No Name: Livestock Songs Fit For The Glue Factory

​ At Rocks Off, there is no yin without yang, no Yahweh without Satan, and no Charles Barkley without Godzilla. And since we already presented you with an assortment of rockin' livestock songs (to get you in the mood for the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo), it's only fair that we offer a count ... More >>

The H-Town Countdown: We Interrupt This Countdown to Bring You Some Basketball/Rap Metaphors

Roughly 84,000 rap albums have been released in Houston since 1989. We're counting down the 25 best of all time every Thursday. Got a problem with the list? Shove it. Just kidding. Friendship. Email it to sheaserrano@gmail.com.​You know how at the end of each American Idol season they drag the fin ... More >>

The Top Five Christmas Day Sports Moments

As you've probably figured our by now, Christmas Day is not just for opening presents and spreading the love. It's also about parking yourself in front of a television and watching sports. It's part of what it makes the day so unique, especially for men -- they get to do something they rarely experi ... More >>

For The Final Four: Five Most Inspirational Pre-Game Speeches

As the NCAA Tournament builds to a climax, one can only speculate about the kinds of speeches offered by the likes of Texas' Rick Barnes and OU's Jeff Capel before their respective matches against Duke and North Carolina. One thing seems certain, it probably wouldn't have hurt to have one of these ... More >>

Why Do Mexicans Take So Long To Warm Up Their Cars

The Five Worst Basketball Movies of All Time

Lakers-Celtics: Not with a Bang, Barely with a Whimper

Steroids, Roger Clemens and Mindy McCready: It’s Getting Shakespearian Up in Here

The Texans and Suns Still Have Hope (But Not Much)

When Saul Williams Preaches, We Listen

Baller's Ball

Where to party this All-Star Weekend

Anarchy in da USA

Looking for the true spirit of the Ramones? Try going to an underground hip-hop show.

Ladies with Balls

Team USA's scrappy soccer starlets kick it at Reliant Stadium

Best Local TV Commercial

Hilton Furniture

Velocity = Size + Sound

Velocity Games has changed the face of arcades

News Hostage

Dead Man Walking

Sound Check

Press Picks