Monica Fuentes

The Turducken Burger & 5 Other Ridiculous Burgers We'd Like To See Become A Reality

Ever find that it's "simply impossible to settle on one protein to craft a burger?" ...Me neither. But if you have faced that problem, have no fear! Top Chef All-Stars winner Richard Blais and the web channel Tasted have teamed up to solve all of your single-meated-burger problems. The solution " ... More >>

Connor Barwin's Goodbye Ad Thanks a Long List That Includes Two Press Staffers

Connor Barwin is no longer a Texan, but he's leaving town with the same panache with which he took it over. Barwin is headed to Philly to play for the Eagles, and he took out a full-page ad in the Houston Press (because he wanted results, dammit) to thank, it seems, just about everyone he'd run int ... More >>

Opulent or Overdone? Nosh Bistro's Ornate Decor Proves Divisive

"It looks like Prince exploded in that place," sneered a male friend of mine about the over-the-top decor inside the new Nosh Bistro on Kirby at Highway 59. It's not over the top in the way that the now-closed Zula on Main or Americas on Post Oak once were, during the height of the ostentatious earl ... More >>

Take on Our Election Night Bingo Drinking Card if You a) Dare, b) Don't Drive Afterward

However this election turns out, for most people it's been a rough, long slog. Besides the usual problem of finding in whom you should place your trust, there's all the social media with its unexpected shrapnel -- like the first time one of your friends endorsed a Presidential candidate who is not ... More >>

5 Chain Food Trucks We Wish Existed

A few weeks ago, I was riding my bike past an otherwise quiet hotel parking lot on the edge of EaDo when I spotted it: a Taco Bell-branded food truck. The truck was dormant, its driver perhaps holed up in the cheap hotel, and I've yet to see the truck since. I wonder if it was just passing through H ... More >>

Guess the Country Star by Only His Cowboy Hat

You'll ride a black tornado cross't the western skies Rope an ole blue norther, milk it till it's dry Bull dawg the Mississippi, pin it's ears down flat Long before you take this cowboy's hat. -- Chris Ledoux, "This Cowboy's Hat" A popular saying in Texas goes that a man who talks a good game but ... More >>

The Billy Corgan/Wilson From Home Improvement Meme

Tuesday Sirius-XM's Alt Nation posted the picture (right) of Smashing Pumpkins mastermind Billy Corgan hanging in their studio on the channel's Facebook page. Slum-dapper in a bucket hat, flannel and army surplus coat, it's obviously a far cry from the tall, lithe guy in silver pants and a ZERO shir ... More >>

[PHOTOS] Remember How the Rain Was Supposed to Stop? Neither Do We

A funny thing happened on the way to drier weather, a funny thing called Mother Nature. After a fairly quiet late afternoon and evening, and with much of the storms we experienced the last couple days moving mostly off to the east of town, there was reason for optimism, reason to think the rain migh ... More >>

Video: Dynamo Tailgaters Warm Up for Armed Forces Day Game

Tailgating isn't just for football anymore. It's also for fútbol. Since the opening of BBVA Compass Stadium (and even when they were still playing at Robertson), fans have swarmed the parking lot before games to eat, drink and generally stir up a ruckus. Taking a cue from the massive tailgate event ... More >>

You Know You're a Texan If...12 Ways to Know for Sure

We Texans are a proud folk. We think of our state as its own little country and love to point out we are the only state in the union not annexed -- we signed a treaty -- and that affords us a certain let's call it swagger. A lot of people don't care for it, but it's all in good fun (mostly). The t ... More >>

Shot In The Dark: Put Down Your Phones And Watch The Show

Take a picture, they say. It'll last longer. But fans weren't always able to do that. Only in the last five years or so, with the rise of digital cameras and smartphones, has photography even been an option. Even now, some artists insist on no photography at their shows, and a few venues still ask ... More >>

Southwest vs. United: The Tale of the Texas Tape

This week brings another chapter in the titanic showdown between Southwest Airlines, who wants to fly international flights out of Hobby, and United Airlines, the company that flies international flights out of Bush. United knows that allowing international flights out of Hobby would be a very, ver ... More >>

Not A List: Your Favorite Musicians As Food

Sometimes an idea comes from the basest regions of your brain. Sometimes you think of something so stupid that you need to share it with your art director. Sometimes the snow comes down in June, and sometimes the Sun goes 'round the Moon, right? Anyone with a Tumblr who isn't addicted to free porn ... More >>

#puffpuffgive, #tryedbutfailed: 5 Hashtag Suggestions for College Football

The Michigan Wolverines may have ushered in the official Twitterized world of college football by painting #goblue in two spots on the Michigan Stadium turf for its spring game. (Yeah, yeah, Mississippi State has done something similar. Thing is, nobody cares about Mississippi State.) Some other ... More >>

Texans Cheerleader Vote: Team Cleavage Vs. Team Modesty

The Houston Texans want your input on their new cheerleader candidates, just part of the highly scientific process used to decide who gets to take the field. You can view cheerleader video and photos and text your vote to the team. Examining the line-up, it seems clear there are two distinct schoo ... More >>

UH Getting New Logo: Our Five Suggestions

Later this morning the University of Houston will be announcing what it's calling its "new logo and marks." The old "logo and marks" weren't exactly worn out from use, but we guess an update was needed. UH, of course, is trying to pump life into its football program as they begin construction on a ... More >>

Happy New Year to You

It's Happy New Year time. A wide range of hope (Will this headache ever quit? Can we have world peace?) abounds. You've partied, you've spent, you're full of good ideas for a better 2012. We've been busy, you've been busy. Now, with our best wishes, before you charge forward -- take a moment to rel ... More >>

More Drought Victims: The Trees of T.C. Jester (w/Photos)

Photos by Monica Fuentes​It smelled like Pine-Sol near the intersection of 43rd and T.C. Jester this morning, but for a depressing reason: A major culling of the beloved trees in the area. The drought is to blame, most likely; the city has been taking down trees that have died of thirst and h ... More >>

Giant Duck Threatens To Bring ExxonMobil To Its Knees (w/Video)

Photos and video by Monica FuentesDon't get this duck angry​If ExxonMobil collapses by the end of the day into bankruptcy, with company executives begging for forgiveness for their polluting ways, all the credit should go to a giant inflatable duck. The duck is being displayed across the stre ... More >>

Houston Press Music Awards Nomination Balloting Closed

Graphic by Monica Fuentes​As of 5 p.m. today, the nominations ballot for the 2011 Houston Press Awards has closed. We greatly appreciate everyone who voted. Our minons are gathered behind the scenes, tied to their desks with Slayer blasting over loudspeakers counting every ballot and punching ... More >>

MetroRail Suspending Service This Weekend: BestFest Plan Bs

Monica FuentesThe Superblock: No (train) cars go.​As a frequent and mostly satisfied mass-transit commuter ourselves, Rocks Off has been recommending those of you headed to our Best of Houston® BestFest this weekend take the MetroRail to the McGowen stop. It would have been nice, but we just ... More >>

Houston Press Best of Houston® BestFest: Now With Less Wristband Tampering!!

Monica FuentesThe stage is taking shape​A dilemma has been solved. You wanted to go to the Houston Press Best of Houston® BestFest on Saturday but not Sunday? Maybe a schedule conflict or irrational Toadies hatred? Problem solved. Now you can buy single-day tickets to the event.

Pics From The BestFest Buildout: Looking Good

Photos by Monica Fuentes​Houston Press Art Director Monica Fuentes took these photos of the Best of Houston® BestFest construction going on down at the Midtown superblock earlier this morning. Rocks Off is impressed. Here's some more. A lot more.

Five Staples of the Soccer Mom Cabinet

Photo illustration by Monica Fuentes​Believe it or not, I can remember a time when "soccer mom" wasn't necessarily a pejorative term. My theory: certain real/desperate housewives' reality dramas and sitcoms have significantly reinforced the negative associations surrounding this figure. But f& ... More >>

Houston's Sports Teams: 21st Century Suckage, In Interactive Chart Form

Monica Fuentes​Click here for a larger, interactive version of the chart. Everyone's very, very excited about the Houston Texans. Beating a Peyton-less Colts team has the town assured of a division title and the playoffs. But this is Houston, people. For us, in the 21st Century, sports has b ... More >>

Magazine Covers Beyonce Hasn't Been On... Yet

Beyonce: She's got issues.​If a butterfly flutters its wings in a Sony Music executive's stomach, does it cause an earthquake at the cash register? Beyonce's label certainly hopes so, because advance word about the singer's new album 4, due Tuesday, has been lackluster enough that according to ... More >>

Seven Creepy (Or Beautiful) Pictures of the Downtown YMCA's Demolition

Photos by Monica FuentesComing down piece by piece.​Demolition is continuing on the charming old Downtown YMCA building, which is nestled among modern skyscrapers. The insides are being exposed now -- empty rooms, wall signs, even the scoreboard for the basketball court. It can all get prett ... More >>

Happy Father's Day: Country Songs For Country Daddies

Monica Fuentes​In country music, fathers are either saints with strong hands capable of spinning wonder and magic, or grim drunks who want nothing more than to beat their wives and children and induce general misery. After spending a lifetime listening to some of these songs, some bringing tea ... More >>

Aggies More Financially Successful Than Longhorns, Cougars, According to Study

​Looks like the tea sippers need to work a little harder and/or become a bit more driven to best the Aggies. PayScale recently published a study that breaks down earned income for college graduates. The 2010-11 survey, which is supported by 2010 United States Census data, is broken into two ... More >>

Street Art: An Interactive Map of Houston's Best

​Local documentarian Alex "Pr!mo" Luster is the subject of this week's cover story. We covered his outstanding new film Stick 'Em Up!, his bicultural upbringing, a near-death experience on the mean streets of Southwest Houston, and his early career as a 14-year-old TV news pro in detail here ... More >>

The United States Of Women In Music

​Rocks Off is no He-Man Woman Hater's Club. We like women quite a bit, actually, especially those women brave enough to wade through the rivers of bullshit in the male-dominated music business. If you'll page back a few weeks, you'll remember the discussion of our favorite female artists from ... More >>

Two Stoners, One Race: Lessons from Last Weekend's Warrior Dash

Photo by Monica FuentesMmmm...muddy.​Two stoners, two very different results at this weekend's Warrior Dash near Conroe. (View the Warrior Dash slideshow) The event, a three-mile obstacle course/run that Red Frog stages across the country, encourages participants to unleash a kind of inner ... More >>

The Eating Our Words Burger Bracket: The Sweet 16

Illustration by Doug Mac​Now that our four teams of judges have been chosen and the space has been reserved for the Final Four party at Lucky's Pub on April 4, only one thing remains to be revealed: the 16 burger finalists themselves. The competing burgers you'll see on our bracket below were ... More >>

The United States Of Music

Monica FuentesFull-size image below​Rocks Off's sister blog Hair Balls did it with murderers and serial killers. Food blog Eating Our Words, riled the beer snobs with one about the best beers from each state in the union, and a teetotaling follow-up chronicling the best soda pops. For the pas ... More >>

Charlie Sheen's New Drug Ad

It's all been a crazy marketing scheme!! Expect to see this ad in upcoming issues of Newsweek, AARP Magazine, Reader's Digest and High Times.

The United States of Murder: A Map

Illustration by Monica FuentesClick here for larger version and more info​Serial killers and famous murderers have existed almost as long as mankind, we're sure. But as in so many things, the United States may just have perfected the thing. Each state has its own infamous episode, some very w ... More >>

Graphic: Top Five Rejected Girl Talk Mash-Ups

​Tonight is the big, wildly anticipated Girl Talk show at Verizon Wireless Theater. The show was originally slated for the House of Blues, but ticket sales and space dictated the gig move a few blocks away to capture the magic. Girl Talk, aka Gregg Gillis, is notorious for his inventive mash ... More >>

15 Things You Should Know About Thanksgiving

Think you know everything there is to know about that most American of holidays, Thanksgiving? There's more to Turkey Day than just school plays with buckle-shoed and buckle-hatted kids, pilgrim. Check out our list of 15 things that everyone should know about Thanksgiving (but don't try to serve you ... More >>

Frickin' Lasers: Six Artists Who Could Really Use Them

Photo illustration by Monica FuentesNow that's more like it.​If you don't have tickets for tonight's Ghostland Observatory show at Warehouse Live, you are shit out of luck. Sorry to say, but the show is sold out, and when things sell out at that venue, they mean it. Seriously, you may have to ... More >>

Michael Buble: Why Are We Going Tonight?

Text by Craig Hlavaty; Graphic by Monica FuentesClick here to enlarge​Canadian neo-jazz crooner Michael Buble plays Toyota Center tonight, touring behind his latest album, last October's Crazy Love. For the most part Buble is beloved among women. The dude has a massive voice, and ladies love t ... More >>

Music Awards Voting Now Open; Trae Added To Showcase

Monica Fuentes​So get to it right here, y'all. Also, late Wednesday, recent cover star Trae the Truth confirmed as the "Special Guest" on the Bud Light Outdoor Stage at the HPMA showcase on Washington Avenue Saturday, August 7. Trae and whoever else he wants to bring with him are scheduled to ... More >>

Who Are We Taking To Jimmy Buffett Tonight?

Graphic by Monica Fuentes; Text by Craig Hlavaty​ Today is the day the Chronicle's Ken Hoffman and the rest of Parrothead Nation's Southeast Texas chapter have been waiting for - Jimmy Buffett sails into the Houston area for the first time since April 2007. If you've never seen the son of a son of ... More >>

Metro-Related Havoc Wreaked At Bagby And Elgin

Photos by Monica Fuentes​Just in time for the early-afternoon rush, an accident is mucking up the intersection of Bagby & Elgin, near the on-ramp for the Southwest Freeway. No major injuries are reported in the collision between a Metro bus and a car, although at least one person was treated ... More >>

ACL Aftermath, Part 1: Spearhead's "Electric Mudslide" and the Whole "Dillo Dirt" Situation

Mark C. Austin​ Night fell on the Austin City Limits Music Festival at Zilker Park this past Sunday under a full moon and over a sea of mud. (It wasn't strictly mud, but more on that in a bit.) Many in the crowd, especially those in the proximity of the Dell stage, responded the only logical way p ... More >>

Rubber Chickens and Ping Pong Balls: The Best of the Art Car Parade

Yesterday's 22nd annual Art Car Parade was crowded and sweltering, but at least there were giant roaches on wheels. Check out our video from the parade to see our choices for Best Animal Art Cars, Best Musical Arts Cars and Best WTF? Cars. Which art car was your favorite this year? Leave your c ... More >>

Ike's Wake -- The Video

This week's feature story by John Nova Lomax looks at the struggles on Galveston Island and Bolivar Peninsula in the wake of Ike. Photographer Dan Kramer filmed a video to accompany it, and art director Monica Fuentes edited it. We were going to hire Varnaline to write a new song to go with it, bu ... More >>

Change We Can't Believe In

The Triumphant Return of the High School Photo Contest

Keep the Chain

Make the Cut: We Have a Winner!