Paris Hilton

Lights, Camera, Headaches

The quickest way to ruin a music festival? Get actors to show up.

How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Music Festival: Actors

So Ashton Kutcher allegedly got in a fight at the Stagecoach Music Festival. I know, it's a little mind-boggling, that whole idea. Ashton Kutcher was not only at a country-music festival, but reports say he somehow managed to stay true to his douche-roots and get into a fistfight with a security gua ... More >>

Top 10 Soul-Destroying No. 1 Hits

I don't like these songs. I feel it's ridiculous that hundreds of thousands of people actually paid out money and drove them to the top of the Billboard charts. While they might not necessarily be the absolute worst examples of the lowest common denominator's purchasing power, they quickly came to m ... More >>

Set It To Blow: 5 Musical Bombs to Promote Internet-Jukebox Anarchy

Recently my Twitter buddy John Seaborn Gray wrote a blog for Rocks Off in which he gave the world five simple suggestions for how to use Internet jukeboxes more effectively. He makes a lot of good points and if you're good people you'll read it, digest it and put his rules in to practice. I am not ... More >>

Last Night: Rod Stewart & Stevie Nicks at Toyota Center

Rod Stewart, Stevie Nicks Toyota Center August 9, 2012 I really wish that Rod Stewart is recording the past few years of tours he's had under his belt, because he's in essence setting the bar for how to grow old in rock and roll without looking like a granny doofus or a stuttering clown. At 67 year ... More >>

30 Seconds With In This Moment's Maria Brink

Maria Brink what would happen if you forced Paris Hilton to consume the entire cast of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. When fronting In This Moment, she's an unstoppable hellvixen who takes her metal very seriously. Here's what she screamed at us for 30 seconds. Rocks Off: What is worst song in the ... More >>

The Devil’s Carnival

In Honor of Hulk Hogan, 5 WWE-Storyline Sex Tapes (w/ VIDEO)

I'm sure many of you have heard of (and some of you, admit it, have probably participated in) a death pool, where you and, say, four of your friends each get to pick ten people and you accumulate points depending on how many of those people die that year. (For the record, the formula for points scor ... More >>

Lil B's I'm Gay: Marketing Genius Or Just Offensive?

Some rappers happen to be thoughtful, intelligent people. Every Monday (that isn't a national holiday) Rocks Off will have some of them here discussing issues relevant to their culture. Photo illustration by John Seaborn Gray​This Week's Panel: Bun B, A.D.D., Kiotti, Fat Tony, Delo, Brad Gilm ... More >>

Game Time: You Can't Spell "Shitty Boyfriend" Without "BO"

Age of Chivalry, still dead​I've heard all the hype about how much more fun Astros games are to attend since the team decided to go "baseball botox" and at least try to look younger, shipping out Roy Oswalt and Lance Berkman in consecutive days last month. Friends of mine talk about how much more ... More >>

Game Time: 2010 World Cup -- I Am Darth Soccer

"Luke!! I am your bad-luck charm!!"​If ever there were a sporting event that was tailor-made for watching in a sports bar with a room full of diehard fans, it's World Cup soccer.It's the one sporting event that takes a pretty easily graspable concept for the casual fan (put ball in goal -- and in ... More >>

Happy Father's Day! Loser Kids of Rock Star Dads

We all aspire to honor our dads and hope that we've done right by them on Father's Day. Here's a list of offspring whose lives have served no useful purpose on earth other than churning out a never-ending source of disappointment for their rock star dads. ​Sean Lennon Yoko Ono is often credi ... More >>

Pop Rocks: The Sublime Genius Of Heidi Montag

"Are you being ironic, dude?""I don't even know anymore."​So I see Heidi Montag's album dropped a couple of weeks ago.There will be more than a few of you who feel compelled to ask "Who?" when they hear that name. In that case, the first thing I'd like to do is welcome my Chinese readers who ... More >>

Graveside Songs for Edgar Allan Poe's Long-Overdue Funeral

​Kicking the bucket at the age of 40 is bad enough, especially when, to this day, nobody's really sure how you died (everything from syphillis to rabies to political "cooping" has been thrown out there as a possible cause). But getting buried in an unmarked grave after a three minute "service" is ... More >>

Ten Cover Songs So Bad They'll Shrivel Your Soul

Two nights ago, while carelessly patrolling the back alleys of the internet, Rocks Off stumbled across Hilary Duff's execrable cover of The Who's "My Generation". Well, what did you think, YouTube commenters? ​ You sure you're not being too harsh? ​ Yeah... ours too. Someday, when we ... More >>

Allen Stanford Deserves A Better Jail Cell, Dammit

​Allen Stanford, the alleged Ponzi-schemer who led a billionaire's life allegedly on the alleged backs of allegedly bilked investors, doesn't like his jail cell.It's got no air-conditioning, it's dark, it's crowded. In other words, it's a lot like Houston in the weeks after Ike. But we're guessing ... More >>

The World of Flomax...It's About Getting on Boats and All Kinds of Manly Shit Like That

(Editor's Note: No, the Miss Pop Rocks crown was not recently passed to our ex-web editor, Keith. It was an unfortunate byline error; Jennifer is still in charge.) Flomax. First of all, the name is ridiculous. I get that the ads are targeted at dudes with enlarged prostates who can't whiz, but yo ... More >>

The Red Carpet Calls For Two Rice Students

Asking questions on the Oscars' red carpet is not quite as glamorous as getting asked questions on the Oscars' red carpet, but two students from Rice are hoping fervently they get the chance.The team of Faheem Ahmed and Anish Patel (hopeful correspondent and cameraman, respectively) is among the top ... More >>

Analyzing Bocephus's "McCain-Palin Tradition"

Elephant Walk

Happy Birthday, America!

What I’d Like To Do to Dina Lohan and Denise Richards

Pity: Fool's Gold

There is no gold at the end of this terrible Matthew McConaughey-Kate Hudson mash-up

Lousy Movie: 'Meet the Spartans'

Few laughs to be had in this lackluster parody

Miss Pop Rocks: A Brief Love Note to Amy Winehouse

Miss Pop Rocks: Tartlet Alert (a.k.a. The Last Britney Spears Blog Ever)

Val D. Adams, Oscar Wyatt, Paris Hilton, Garbage and Religious Transfers

A preacher makes the news again

Miss Pop Rocks: When Good Girls Go Bad, Vanessa Hudgens Edition!

Miss Pop Rocks: Memo to Larry King: Retire

Monarch Restaurant

Fit for a King (Almost)

Mail Call

Just for Sports

Sports talk radio stations fight for listeners in Houston

Jock Talk

News Flash: Berkman Suspended

Where Do We Go from Here?

Rogue Waves

A new report cuts through the static on the radio industry

Join the Corps

The Edge of the Spotlight

Trouble for "Texas Troubadour" Chris Knudson

2006 Houston Press Music Awards Supplement

Are They the New Beatles?

Nope. But the Arctic Monkeys might be the next Who

Clan Ferdinand

It takes a true Scotsman to get to the bottom of this whole Franz Ferdinand thing

The Hype of March

Who will be the band of 2006, and why you shouldn’t care

Party in the AM

Leaving His Mark

Weighting...

Ryan Reynolds recalls his fat years in Just Friends

Problems at Home

Brad and Angelina are out to kill each other. You may want a piece of them, too.

System Overload

Justin Moyer, Edie Sedgwick and Supersystem's Justin Destroyer are all the same person -- sort of

How Would Jesus Groove?

A Broadway Superstar returns to save your soul

Tail Wagon

Help E! live up to its exclamation point

One Hundred Million Reasons to Go See Great White

"Once Bitten Twice Shy" ain't one of 'em

Midtown Honky-tonkin'

Trains and the vintage sounds of the Swank Countrypolitans bring a time warp to the Continental Club