Rick Smith

Rick Smith, RIP

Introducing Troggie: The Burninator Riffs on Texans and Rockets

If Only the Texans Were Bad in a Fun Way…

Houston Texans Pancakes & Pigskins Rookie Breakfast

Football fans enjoy a little elbow-rubbing with the team’s newest players

Future Shock: the iTaser

Listen to tunes while you tase

Go, Shorties

Twenty-one plays, 16 playwrights, scores of actors

Oh, the Insanity

dos chicas theatre commune's latest show tackles Quentin Tarantino, Christian puppets and necrophelia porn

Game Time: Inside The Mind Of The Houston Texans Fan

​Pretty much every social instinct I employ comes from George Costanza of Seinfeld fame.  (... and yes, the fact that it's been 11-plus years since the Seinfeld finale means I officially have to remind people who George Costanza was.)*"Whatever your instincts tell you to do, do the opposite." ... More >>

Game Time: Defend Gary Kubiak? I'll Take A Stab At It

​Much has been made about Gary Kubiak's alleged hell, fire and brimstone speech he gave to the Texans in Saturday's team meeting before Sunday's workmanlike 34-7 win against the Seattle Seahawks. Actually, I didn't see the speech, so to portray it as "win one for the Gipper 2009" may not be entire ... More >>

What's It Gonna Take To Get Gary Kubiak Fired?

Photo by Mark C. Austin​Before the football season, Houston Texans owner Bob McNair supposedly said that anything short of the playoffs for the team would be unacceptable. I say supposedly because here we are, in January, at the end of another non-playoff season, and not only is Gary Kubiak still ... More >>

Game Time: Texans Sign DeMeco Ryans, Their Dwight Shrute

​When a big sports news story breaks, my tendency is to spend about eight seconds internalizing it and wondering what it means to the subject of said news and what it means to me as a fan. From second number nine forward it's time to figure out other angles the news puts into play, what other pe ... More >>

Game Time: Sure I'll Grade The Texans' Draft, Just As Soon As I'm Done Tweeting With Peter King

Tweet this: The Texans are stone junkies for tight ends.​I admit I'm a total mark for Twitter. I'm not one of those people who has to tweet every little thing that happens throughout the day (unless there is some semblance of comedic value, and then I become to Twitter what Travis Henry becomes to ... More >>

Game Time: Andre Johnson -- Houston Texan For Life

Andre Johnson, demonstrating why he's not a baseball player​Andre Johnson held out for the first three days of organized team activities this past spring, ostensibly to send a message to the Texans that he wanted to be paid in accordance with what he has become -- the best wide receiver in the Nat ... More >>

GAME TIME: Texans-Cowboys -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

Photo by Marco TorresYour face-painting will be in vain!​It's the preseason and we must remember that the Dallas Cowboys are making a return trip to Reliant Stadium in about a month, so let's not get crazy over what the Texans' 23-7 manhandling of the Cowboys on Saturday night means in the big pic ... More >>

Duane Brown -- I'm The One Guy Saying Something Nice About You

Duane Brown: We're not jumping on the blame train​"I vow to learn from this mistake and be a better player and teammate because of it." -- Duane Brown In May, when the news came down that Brian Cushing had been suspended for violating the league's substance-abuse policy, the reaction among many ... More >>

Jaguars 31, Texans 24: Were You Even Surprised?

Hail Mary, full of grace....​Until eight days ago, it still felt different. Sure, the Texans were 4-3 and coming off a rough loss to the Colts. But until then, when the Texans had been beaten, they were clearly the lesser team -- losing by at least 13 points to physically superior opponents o ... More >>

Houston Texans - Jobber To The Stars

Just call him Gary "Special Delivery" Kubiak​"You just keep playin', you work hard in this business...keep workin', believe in what you're doin', keep your chin up, and keep pluggin', somethin' good will go our way." -- Gary Kubiak, 11/21/10 (but truth be told, he's said some variation of thi ... More >>

The Year In Battlefight: 25 Thoughts On This Year's Houston Texans

At least the Texans cheerleaders are worth watching​For some reason, there were many people out there who thought the Houston Texans were going to be a good team this year. Playoff good.I didn't read anything about Gary Kubiak getting a brain implant during the off-season, so I could never u ... More >>

Houston Texans -- My Question to Bob McNair

Bob McNair: Say it ain't so, Bob, say it ain't so​"I just wanted the team to know how close, not only we think they are, but how close our competitors think they are to being an outstanding team...I think what it does it's sort of an affirmation that we're on the right track. Clearly we have ... More >>

Houston Texans -- Home For Wayward NFL Coaches?

Note: Google Images auto-fills a Wade Phillips search to "Wade Phillips confused"​When the final gun sounds on Sunday after the Texans game with the Jacksonville Jaguars, and the home team is either 5-11 or 6-10, change is coming for the Texans. At the very least, you'd have to think that Fra ... More >>

Texans 34, Jaguars 17: Will Strong Finish Outweigh Weeks of Futility?

Texans fans hold their breath​For the first nine seasons of the Houston Texans franchise, the biggest problem for owner Bob McNair has been his inability to properly handle or frame success. The beast could be about to rear its ugly head yet again. A week ago, the thought was that eight lo ... More >>

If More Gary Kubiak Is Inevitable, Why Not Just Sit Back And Enjoy It?

Bob McNair: It's on him, now​"If there's a way to solve the problem without it being so traumatic -- and if you do it in a traumatic fashion, I believe it sets you back two years. So is your situation so bad that you think there's no other recourse and the only way you can solve it is to tear ... More >>

Gary Kubiak Deathwatch: He Is Risen

​Bob McNair's decision to retain Gary Kubiak -- yes, there's a Hitler video about it -- shakes at the very foundations of belief in a sane, logical universe. What kind of owner brings back Kubiak? The kind of owner who hires Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator, that's who. Just think -- b ... More >>

The Texans Promise To Address The Defense In The Draft. Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

Who will be the next Texans draft bust?​Guess what kids, according to the Houston Chronicle, the Houston Texans are going to use this upcoming draft to address problems with the defense. Yeah, that's rather shocking news because, God knows, they've been ignoring the defensive end of the team ... More >>

Kareem Jackson, Cockfighting and Perception

That's entertainment​"Look at all these people that be at these chicken fights, you would think its a college football game." -- Reemboi25 (Kareem Jackson's Twitter handle) Early March is the meaty part of the NFL's offseason relaxation calendar for players. The season has been over for a co ... More >>

My Trump Card To The Texans' NFL Draft Propaganda

With first pick of draft, Texans choose...David Carr!!! Da!!!​Let me first say that I really like the Houston Texans' public relations staff. The group that we, the media, interact with on a frequent basis (and during the season, on practically a daily basis) are some of the best at what they ... More >>

Texans Draft 2011 -- Defensive End Is The New Tight End

Every rose has its thorn, such as Rick Smith​Last night, John Granato, Lance Zierlein and I were doing our annual NFL Draft show from Wild Wing Cafe in Katy. Like most seasons, we didn't have to wait very long for the Texans to make their pick. (Actually to be fair, the last few seasons, we've ... More >>

Houston Texans 2011 Draft Summary, Including Best Porn Name

Brandon Harris is no Cam Newtown​The Texans 2011 draft is over, and it had a decided Wade Phillips-ian flavor to it. Not that I'm complaining. With poor to mediocre drafts every year since the 2006 haul that produced five contributors (including three Pro Bowlers) for the current roster, some ... More >>

Former Texan Ahman Green Cut By A CFL Team

Ahman Green: Not a gentile Alouette​We all make mistakes. I do, you do, general managers of our local sports teams do. If each of the general managers of our major sports teams in Houston could get a mulligan on a free agent signing, turn back time and pretend it never happened, coming up wi ... More >>

Ahman Green -- Setting The Record Straight

Ahman Green in happier days​Admittedly, when I write in this space, there are very few specific people that I think to myself "Is so-and-so going to read this?" By and large, I just want my posts to be insightful or entertaining (or both). "Who is going to read this?" is something I rarely str ... More >>

2011 NBA Draft -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers

Tough night for Dick Vitale​My fingers are still recovering from the lengthy (eight printed pages!) live blog I did last night here on Hair Balls, but the day after the draft necessitates some post-draft analysis. I've now had a day to sleep on it, and without further ado, a few post-draft tho ... More >>

Hey Texans, Has Anybody Checked On Wade Phillips?

Anyone see Wade?​"I have so much more confidence. Generally, when you make any kind of change, you sort of hold your breath. You say, 'Boy, I hope this works out.' I'm not saying that here. It will work out. [Wade's] done it. He's been there. He's come in, he's looked at our film, we've talked ... More >>

Houston Texans -- Five Things to Watch Tonight Against the Vikings

At least this shouldn't happen tonight.​It's the final game of the 2011 preseason tonight with the Texans' backups taking on the Minnesota Vikings' backups in the newly inflatable-roofed Metrodome. If you're the Texans, I suppose the good news is that you're traveling to Minnesota in September ... More >>

Houston Texans 2011 Preview: The Jinx Is Back, Baby

​Stop me if you've heard this before -- I am very optimistic about the Houston Texans' upcoming season. I know, I know. Crazy, huh? Last year, in this very space, I called for a 10-6 season in 2010 (a logical if not glacially moving projection considering the three previous seasons went 8-8, ... More >>

Comment of the Day: A Madden Cure for the Texans?

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

5 Quick Thoughts On The Great Carson Palmer Heist

Carson Palmer: Now rehabbing his rep​It's weird, as great as the National Football League has been, the one thing that the NBA and, to an even greater extent, Major League Baseball have had over the NFL for as long as I can remember is a compelling trade in-season trade deadline. In-season fo ... More >>

Move Over Stagger Lee, Jacoby Jones Has Something Dumber!

A bigger "oops" than Rick Perry​Last Friday, John Granato and I were breaking down the keys to the Texans' playoff game in Baltimore on our radio show on 1560 The Game. For the Texans to win the game, I thought it would be crucial for them to get a big play in the return game from either Danie ... More >>

Value Added: Arian Foster vs. Mario Williams

​The Texans are facing an offseason unlike any other they have ever seen in their ten years of existence. For the first time ever, General Manager Rick Smith, Coach Gary Kubiak and owner Bob McNair have to figure out how to keep together a very good lineup of players and, gasp, even make it be ... More >>